Oh Brother
by RobzBeanie
Summary: Shy, orphaned Edward comes to live with his older brother and his wife to finish out his last year of high school, bringing with him a seven-year crush on his sister-in-law. AU, AH ** TASTE OF THE FORBIDDEN CONTEST - Honorable Mention Judges Vote, Judges Favorite from SoapyMayhem ** #6 in Top Ten Completed Fics for Nov 2012 on TwiFanfictionRecs **
1. Prologue

**Taste of the Forbidden Contest**

**Title: **Oh Brother

**Pen Name: **RobzBeanie

**Rating: **M

**Genre:** Drama/Romance

**Word Count:** 7,907

**Pairing: **Bella and Edward

**Summary: **Shy, orphaned Edward comes to live with his older brother and his wife to finish out his last year of high school, bringing with him a seven-year crush on his sister-in-law. AH

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Rated M for language & lemons.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I recruited moosals, one of my best reviewers from Walk Away, to pre-read this. Much thanks go to her for the help with streamlining. What? I got wordy?

Winners in the "Taste of the Forbidden" anonymous contest were announced earlier today!

Just found out I won "Honorable Mention" in the Judges Vote, as well as "Judges Favorite" from SoapyMayhem! Check out the contest twitter: TasteForbidden for a link to all of the winners.

* * *

My eyes are closed as I ride him. If I don't look, then maybe this isn't really happening, maybe I'm not really cheating on my husband.

His long, thick cock is hitting just the right spot inside me as our hips meet roughly, time and time again. My hands are around his neck, playing with his too-long hair, while his hands grip my hips tightly. My breaths are coming in quick pants as the pleasure nearly takes me under.

"Touch me," I pant. I need to come. As his skilled finger circles my clit, I feel the beginnings of my fourth orgasm in less than 48 hours. The rhythmic pulses move throughout my body as I wonder how I got here, and how I'll continue on, never again feeling the bliss his body can bring me.

* * *

My story began exactly one month ago, when my husband got the phone call that would change our lives forever.

It was nearly midnight, and Jasper and I were in bed asleep when the phone began to ring. Nothing good ever came from a late night phone call, and this one was no different. The caller explained to my husband that his mother and step-father, Esme and Carlisle Cullen, had been killed in a car accident a couple of hours earlier.

Bright and early the next morning, Jasper and I called our respective offices to ask for a few days off, before taking the next available flight from Chicago to Seattle.

As we boarded the plane, Jasper seemed to be holding up pretty well, but then he and his mother hadn't been close in years. After his parents' divorce, Esme had married a doctor and the couple moved to the tiny town of Forks, Washington, after Dr. Cullen accepted a job offer to become head of the Oncology department at the hospital there. Jasper had elected to stay in Chicago with his father and never quite forgave his mother for leaving.

"Bella, I've been thinking, and I want Edward to come back to Chicago with us," Jasper began as we made the long drive to Forks, referring to his half-brother. "He's too young to take care of that huge house all by himself. It won't be for that long — he'll be leaving for Dartmouth in the fall anyway."

"Don't you think maybe he'd rather finish high school in Forks?" I asked. "Maybe he could stay with one of his friends."

I'd only met Edward twice before. He'd been a short, scrawny 11-year-old at Jasper's and my wedding, shortly after our college graduation. And while he'd grown a few inches by the next time I saw him, when we attended Esme's 50th birthday party in Forks nearly four years ago, he was still scrawny, with a mouth full of metal, and painfully shy.

"Hmmm… Maybe you're right — we'll ask him when we get there, ok?"

I nodded in response, but I wasn't exactly enthusiastic about potentially having a teenager living with us for the next several months.

Three hours later, Jasper parked the rental car in front of the Cullens' massive contemporary home. We got our bags out of the trunk and made our way to the front porch, ringing the doorbell.

Answering the door was the most beautiful young man I'd ever seen. He was tall — nearly as tall as my 6'3" husband — and lean, yet muscular. His face reminded me of some sort of Greek or Roman statue, with a strong jaw, ridiculously high cheekbones and full pouty lips. Only the messy reddish-brown hair on his head let me know that this magnificent creature was the same little boy I'd met twice before.

Edward stood in the doorway staring at me with incredibly bright green eyes. I didn't remember him having green eyes, but then I didn't remember Edward ever making eye contact with me before.

Slowly, he stepped aside so that Jasper and I could enter the home. Jasper set his bag down and then grabbed his brother in one of those man-hugs.

"Good to see you, man. I hardly recognized you. How're you holding up?"

"Ok," Edward answered quietly, though he looked kind of shell-shocked.

"Hey, come and sit down — Bella and I wanted to talk to you for a minute."

After shedding our coats, I followed Jasper and Edward into the living room and we all sat down on the couch.

"Listen, bro," Jasper began, "I want you to know that you're not alone. Bella and I want you to come live with us in Chicago to finish out your senior year. I know it's your last year, and you probably don't want to leave your friends, but I just don't feel right leaving you out here all by yourself in this big house. What do you think?"

Edward, who'd been staring at his shoes for the duration of Jasper's speech, finally looked up at him and then over to me. Those eyes seemed to see right through to my soul.

"Ok," he answered at last. "I'll go to Chicago."

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. Jasper took care of all of the arrangements for the joint funeral and burial, while I contacted a real estate agent about selling the house. Edward barely spoke as he packed up all of his things, along with anything of his parents that he wanted to keep.

Edward stood stoically in the light rain at the cemetery as his parents' caskets were lowered into the ground. I kept an eye on him, while I stood with my arm around my husband, relieved to see Jasper finally crying over the loss of his mother.

When I realized that Edward had no one to comfort him, I walked over to him and carefully took him in my arms. The dam broke and Edward began sobbing as he clutched me tightly.

* * *

As the three of us flew back to Chicago on Sunday, I couldn't help but wonder how Edward would react to our trendy urban neighborhood, after having lived his entire life in a town of fewer than 4,000 people.

Once Jasper parked his car along the curb in front of our home, he helped carry Edward's bags upstairs and show him to one of our two guest rooms to get settled in. There was no turning back now — Edward would be living with us until he left for college in August.

I sighed to myself, knowing I'd just have to endure it. It just wasn't a good time — Jasper's and my relationship had been under a lot of stress since we decided to have a baby two years ago.

After a year off birth control and no sign of pregnancy, Jasper and I had talked with my OB/GYN last March about our fertility problems. Between her advice and the advice of every friend or relative we'd told about our issues, sex had become something… clinical. I'd take my temperature religiously to see when I was ovulating, and then we'd get right to it. We'd tried every old wives' tale about what you should eat, what position was best… Sex just wasn't any fun anymore; it was like a job, something we had to do.

What we needed was some alone time to rekindle the fire — and I doubted having someone else underfoot was going to help with that.

We decided that since Jasper couldn't afford any more time off work, I would take a few hours off Monday morning to get Edward registered at his new high school. The school was just down the street from our home, so we'd made the joint decision to leave Edward's car in Forks and let him just walk to school.

After kissing Jasper goodbye as he left early for his office, I took a quick shower and washed my hair in the en suite bathroom. Wandering naked back into the bedroom, I began rummaging through the drawer for a bra and a pair of panties.

As I stepped into a lacy black thong, I looked up and nearly jumped a mile in the air when I saw Edward standing in my bedroom doorway, staring at me. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth was hanging open and his tight jeans couldn't conceal his obvious excitement.

"Oh my God, you scared me half to death!" I exclaimed, self-consciously crossing my arms to cover my bare breasts.

Edward just continued to stare, not making a sound. Mortally embarrassed, I quickly darted into our small walk-in closet to put on the rest of my clothes. As I dressed, I called out to Edward, "I am so sorry I didn't close the bedroom door after Jasper left. We're just not used to someone else being in the house. I'll be more careful next time."

When I came out of the closet, Edward was gone. I finished the rest of my morning routine before going downstairs to take Edward to school. The short trip to the school was silent, as I was still too embarrassed over what had happened earlier to initiate conversation.

Things went well at the high school, and once Edward had his new class schedule, I wished him good luck and drove to the publishing house where I had worked as an editor for the last five years.

"Hey, Bella," my friend Angela called over the cubicle wall as I arrived at my desk. "So I heard you had to go to your mother-in-law's funeral last week?"

"Yeah, for both her and her husband of 20 years," I answered, walking around the wall and sitting on Angela's guest chair so we could speak more privately.

"Oh my God, that's horrible!"

"Worse is that they left a young son. He turned 18 last month, but he's still in high school. Jasper and I brought him back to live with us."

"Wow, how do you think that's gonna go?"

I blushed thinking about earlier that morning. Not only was I embarrassed that my brother-in-law had seen me naked, but my mind couldn't stop picturing the obvious bulge I'd seen in Edward's jeans. Was that for _me_?

"I don't know," I finally answered. "I'm sure Edward will inherit his parents' estate eventually, but having another mouth to feed right now is really the last thing we need. We almost have enough saved up to start fertility treatments."

"Oh, Bella…"

"Don't get me wrong — I like Edward. He's a sweet, shy boy. It's just not a good time to have a houseguest."

* * *

The rest of the week passed in a blur as I got caught up on the work I'd missed, and by the time I went to bed Friday night, I was exhausted. I woke up just an hour later due to a splitting headache. Finding no cups or glasses in the master bathroom, I tiptoed downstairs, Tylenol PM in hand, to fetch a glass of water.

I was on my way back upstairs when I heard a noise. I wasn't normally the jumpy type but as I listened closely, I got more and more frightened as I thought I heard the unmistakable sound of someone else in the house.

I peeked into the family room and breathed a huge sigh of relief. There was no intruder — Edward was sitting on the couch, bathed in the moonlight coming through the window. His shoulders shook slightly, and I realized that he was crying.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, stepping into the room. I walked slowly toward the couch and sat next to him. Startling me, Edward threw his arms around me, hugging me tightly and burying his face in my neck as he sobbed. It was then that I realized he was shirtless.

"It's ok," I soothed, slowly stroking down his warm, muscular back. He whimpered and just clung tightly to me.

"I know it's terrible what happened to your parents," I said quietly. "But it's going to be ok, Edward. You'll always have a home here with Jasper and me."

I could feel my eyes getting heavy from the medication as I continued to soothe the crying boy. Eventually, I lay back against the end of the couch, bringing him with me.

I woke up hours later as the sun began to stream through the windows, now stretched out on the couch, with Edward lying mostly on top of me — arms squeezing me tightly around my waist like a python, head cradled between my breasts. Fuck, I couldn't believe I'd slept in such an intimate position with a teenage boy.

"Edward," I whispered, shaking his shoulders. "Edward — wake up!"

He slowly lifted his head, blinking several times as his eyes tried to focus. And then he smiled, a huge bright smile that lit up his entire face. What the hell was _that_ about?

"Good morning, Bella," he said quietly.

"We need to go back to bed," I said urgently, getting more and more freaked out from the way he was looking at me — and the hardness I felt against my thigh. What had he been _doing_ while I was asleep?

He nodded and sat up slowly. I followed, giving him a final one-armed hug before going upstairs to get in bed with my husband.

* * *

Two weeks later, Jasper arrived home from work on Monday evening with some news — he had to go out of town on business, potentially for the rest of the week. The advertising agency for which Jasper worked was planning to make a pitch to a prospective client in St. Louis.

Once Jasper and I retired to our bedroom, I let him know my true thoughts on his last-minute business trip. "Do you really have to leave _tomorrow_?" I asked.

"Yeah, I really do. Why?"

"It's Valentine's Day," I answered quietly. "We had reservations downtown, remember?"

"Oh shit… I totally forgot. I'm sorry, Bella," Jasper said, shaking his head. "I really can't get out of the trip, but we can go out for dinner this weekend when I get home."

I sighed, knowing I couldn't change his mind. Sure, February 14 was just a random date, but I had been looking forward to a night out with my husband — alone. We'd barely had a moment to ourselves since Edward moved in.

After work the next day, I came home and cooked dinner for Edward and myself. Edward was never particularly talkative on evenings the three of us had dinner together, but maybe he would open up more without Jasper?

"How are you doing in school, Edward?"

He just shrugged in response.

"Have you made any friends?" I persisted.

"A guy named Tyler has been nice to me."

"That's great," I smiled. "Any girls catch your eye?"

"One," he whispered, staring up at me. Oh my God, he didn't mean _me_, did he? _Abort conversation now, Bella._

I cleared my throat. "So listen, I made lasagna tonight so you'll have some leftovers to heat up tomorrow. An author that I'm working with is in town and we'll be going out to dinner tomorrow night. I won't be home until late. Ok?"

"Ok," he replied quietly.

I sighed to myself as I rinsed off our dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. I wasn't sure what to do to bring Edward out of his shell. Not to mention, I was really starting to suspect that he had a bit of a crush on me. He truly was a beautiful young man, and if I were single — and ten years younger — I'd probably be all over him.

Once I turned on the dishwasher, I headed upstairs, changed into my pajamas and curled up in bed with a book — not the way I'd planned to spend my Valentine's Day. Later that evening, Jasper called to tell me how well their presentation had gone in St. Louis. They'd been selected to do the advertising campaign, which meant he wouldn't be home until around 9pm on Friday.

* * *

It was late when I finally arrived home Wednesday night. Dinner had gone very well; the food was delicious, as were the bottles of wine we split. But then, as we were taking care of the check, a man at the table behind me stood up just as a young waitress was walking by carrying a tray full of desserts. He bumped into the tray, sending it flying out of her hands. Virtually everything on the tray ended up on me — ice cream, crème brulée and chocolate sauce in my hair and running down the entire front of my dress.

"What happened?" Edward gasped from his place on the couch as I walked into the house and hung up my coat.

"I had a run-in with a tray of sweets," I replied. "I'm gonna go take a shower — I'm all sticky."

I headed upstairs and closed the bedroom door behind me before stripping off my ice cream and chocolate-covered dress in the bathroom and hanging it up to dry on one of the hooks on the back of the door. The restaurant had graciously promised to take care of the dry cleaning bill, but still, I'd been so embarrassed in front of everyone.

I took a lengthy hot shower, washing my long brown hair twice to make sure I got all of the chocolate out. The hot water along with the glasses of wine I'd drunk earlier made me start to feel a bit lightheaded. Finishing my shower, I stepped out onto the cool tile floor and began toweling off, when all of a sudden I had the feeling that I was being watched. I looked up and there stood Edward in my bedroom, staring intently at my naked body. I _knew_ I had closed the door this time.

"Jesus, Edward!" I cried, as I tried valiantly to cover myself with the towel. "Turn around, for God's sake!"

After making sure that he obeyed my order, I hurriedly finished toweling off and threw on the robe hanging on the hook next to my soiled dress.

"Did you need something, Edward?" I asked when I exited the bathroom. It was only as I came up behind him that I realized the mirror over the dresser would've given him a perfect view of what was happening in the bathroom, even after he had turned around. I was pretty sure my entire body blushed at that realization.

Slowly, Edward turned to face me, making direct eye contact for once. I saw him swallow before he nodded. "I need you, Bella," he croaked.

"What?" I asked, my voice at least one octave higher than normal.

"I want you. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you."

"Edward, you were 11 years old the first time you saw me," I responded.

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and I wanted you even then."

"Edward, I'm married to your brother. Nothing can happen between us."

Edward stared at his feet for several long moments before looking back up at me, tears forming in his beautiful green eyes. "You don't want me?" he asked quietly.

"You're just a kid, Edward. You should be dating one of the girls in your new school — I'd imagine they're falling all over themselves to date a handsome young man like you."

"I don't want any of those _girls_. I want you, Bella."

"Well, you can't have me. I'm sorry, Edward. I don't want to hurt you, but…"

Before I could finish my thought, Edward had taken two steps so that he was directly in front of me.

"Please, Bella," he whispered, before placing his hands on my face tenderly. "Please, I need you…"

And then his lips touched mine.

His lips were soft — softer than I had expected for a man. And they were tentative, as if he didn't really know what he was doing. I wondered if Edward had ever kissed a girl before.

I knew I should try to push him away, stop this insanity. But my tipsy brain thought his lips felt so, so good — I was enjoying the kiss a little too much. As Edward continued kissing me, his kisses grew more confident, more urgent by the second.

Finally he pulled away from my lips and began kissing down my throat. "God," he whispered, "You taste so good. Your lips taste like fruit."

"Edward, we need to stop this," I protested weakly, my mind only barely stronger than my body at that point. The wine had most definitely gone to my head.

But he didn't stop; instead he pushed the neck of my robe open just a little bit and began placing tiny kisses along my collarbone.

"Edward — stop!"

He pulled away, blinking.

"We can't do this; I'm married."

"I don't care."

"But I do care. Edward, your brother and I have been married for almost seven years. I love him. I don't mean to upset you, but I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Oh God, the look on his face, like someone just ran over his puppy. I instinctively moved toward him and put my arms around him, trying to comfort him. _Wrong move, Bella._ Edward clearly got the wrong idea, as he gently tipped my chin up and placed his lips on mine again.

I tried in vain to tell him again to stop, but as I opened my mouth, Edward's tongue found a home inside. He curled his arms around me then, holding me close to his hard, warm body. In all of my 29 years, I had never before been kissed like that. Like he needed me the way he needed air.

Surrendering, I gave in to what was happening, tangling my tongue with Edward's in a passionate kiss. Finally pulling back to breathe, Edward laid his forehead against mine. "Let me touch you, Bella. Please let me touch you. I need to touch you." He seemed almost desperate and my crumbling resolve crumbled just that little bit more.

As long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.

I nodded slowly, and Edward began to undo the tie on my robe with shaking fingers. Once it was open, he pushed the robe off my shoulders until it fell to the floor in a heap.

"Oh my God," he gasped, "You're so beautiful, Bella."

At the awe in his voice and the look on his face, I felt the wetness begin to pool between my thighs. There was nothing like the feeling of being worshipped.

Edward took my hand as he began walking backwards, sitting heavily on the bed once it hit the back of his legs. He stared at my bare chest before finally reaching out his index finger and drawing it down from my collarbone between my breasts. It was like a trail of fire running across my skin and I immediately broke out in goosebumps.

Edward lifted his finger again, starting in the same place, but this time veering off to the right, trailing over my breast. On the next pass, he used two fingers, then three, until his entire hand was covering my left breast, squeezing, examining, learning.

His arms went around me then, pulling me closer until I stood fully between his thighs.

"Oh God," I cried out when his tongue darted out, tasting my nipple. He stared up at me for a moment, gauging my reaction, before taking my entire nipple in his mouth and suckling gently.

"Am I doing it right?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, unable to speak. His answering smile was magnificent before he stood up, encouraging me to sit on the bed and then lie back. Slowly, Edward climbed on top of me, now giving my right breast the same attention.

When both nipples had become hard little buds, Edward lifted his head and came back to my needy, neglected mouth. This time I returned the kiss with little hesitation. He brought both hands up to my breasts then, kneading them gently, before dragging his fingers down my bare stomach.

Scooting down toward the end of the bed a bit, Edward ran one finger down my hip, ending up on my pussy. God, the look on his face when he realized that I was wet for him — it was like he'd won the lottery.

He stroked me gently a few times before finding my entrance and pushing in carefully. As my eyes closed in ecstasy, he quickly added another finger and began pumping them in and out. God, his fingers were so long, they hit places I didn't think it was possible to hit with just a finger.

By the time his thumb found my clit, I was writhing beneath him. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Edward was finding his own friction, thrusting his denim-covered erection gently into the mattress as he played my body like an instrument.

The sight of that brought me closer to the peak, and I screamed out my orgasm moments before Edward grunted his own release. He collapsed on top of me, pulling his fingers out and staring at the wetness there before erotically sucking them into his mouth.

My head fell back on the pillow and I closed my eyes, ashamed. What in the hell had I just done?

When I woke up, I was underneath the covers with a naked Edward spooning behind me, his arm slung over my stomach. I could feel his morning wood poking me in the ass. Glancing at the clock, I saw that the alarm was just moments from going off.

Turning over, I began stroking lightly down Edward's arm. "Edward, it's almost time to get up." He tightened his arm, pulling me into his body and burying his face in my neck. "Edward—"

"Mmmm… just wanna stay here."

"You need to get up, Edward. You have school."

He pouted but finally released me, rolling onto his back.

"I need a shower — I expect to find you gone when I get back, young man."

Edward laughed before sitting up, his eyes following me as I crawled out of bed, turned off the alarm and walked naked to the bathroom.

While I showered, I berated myself for what I had done the night before. I had cheated on my husband with my 18-year-old brother-in-law. There wasn't even a word for how low I had sunk. But good God, my body wanted him to touch me again.

* * *

All day long, I couldn't stop myself from recalling Edward's kisses, his gentle touches. I couldn't even remember the last time Jasper and I'd had … foreplay. And then last night, Edward showed me what it used to be like.

God, he was clearly inexperienced, but he more than made up for that with his enthusiasm and desire to learn. And his desire for me. I was getting turned on just thinking about the way he'd made me feel last night. Fuck, I was lusting after my husband's baby brother.

I worked later than usual then decided to bring home take-out in the hopes that having no "down time" with Edward would keep things strictly platonic tonight. Yes, I was lusting after him, but we couldn't go any further. Almost seven years ago, I had made a vow to remain faithful to Jasper until death do us part. What I'd done the previous evening probably broke that vow, but going further most definitely would.

Walking in the front door at home, I called out to Edward that dinner was here. He appeared at the bottom of the stairs moments later, a big smile on his face.

"Hey, Bella," he said shyly.

"Hey," I smiled back automatically. God, I loved his smile. "Sorry I didn't feel like cooking tonight. I brought take-out from the place down the street. Jasper and I eat there a lot."

Edward nodded and sat down, then began devouring the BBQ sandwich and fries that I'd brought him.

"Slow down," I laughed. "I'm not gonna take it away from you."

The sexy smile on his face nearly caused me to pass out.

"I'm just trying to hurry so we can go upstairs," he said with a wink.

Fuck.

"Edward, listen — what happened last night… you know that can't happen again, right?"

Ugh, that pout just about killed me…

"But I want you, Bella. You're all I've ever wanted, and you're all I'll ever want. I know you want me, too — you can't deny it."

"My body responds to you, Edward, but it's not right. What about your brother?"

"Jasper is like a stranger to me — he's not my brother."

"Ok, then… you aren't being very fair to a stranger in pursuing his wife."

"But I want you," he said emphatically. "And you want me. If things with Jasper were so great, you wouldn't have let me touch you last night."

_Fuck_… it was hard to argue with his logic.

I was busy loading our few dishes into the dishwasher when Edward's arms came around my stomach. He gently moved my hair to one side and placed a soft kiss on my neck.

"Come upstairs with me, Bella. Let me make love to you."

As Edward continued nuzzling my neck, I began to feel him pressing his hips into my backside. He was hard and ready — and God help me, it turned me on, the way he wanted me. I spun around and roughly pulled his lips to mine. Edward lifted me onto the counter and moved between my spread thighs, thrusting his hips and hitting just where I needed him.

When I was finally able to break away from his lips, I whispered, "Let's go before I change my mind." Edward took my hand in his and began pulling me toward the stairs, an eager look on his perfect face.

Reaching the bedroom, he quickly began unbuttoning my blouse. As he moved to my slacks, I slipped my blouse off my shoulders and tossed it in the direction of the dresser. I stepped out of my pants and then turned to Edward, who still had far too many clothes on.

Once I had him stripped down to his tight gray boxer briefs, we moved onto the still-unmade bed. Edward tried his best to unhook my bra behind my back, but he was clearly inexperienced.

"Here… let me do it."

Once my bra fell slack in front of me, Edward carefully pulled the straps down my arms before laying me back and attacking my breasts with his tongue and hands. _God_, his hot mouth felt so good…

After several minutes of worshipping my breasts, Edward sat back on his knees and began pulling my panties down, ever so slowly. For the first time, I had the chance to study his shirtless torso, and my God, he was glorious — six-pack abs and a light smattering of chest hair, a deep V leading down into his bulging underwear. The look on his face as I was completely revealed to him was one of pure desire.

Suddenly, Edward stood up and yanked his boxer briefs down, revealing his very… very impressive erection. _Well, hello there._

Within moments, Edward was on top of me, lying between my spread thighs while he kissed me insistently. When I felt his hard cock pushing at my entrance, I knew I had to slow things down.

"Whoa there… slow down, Tiger. Have you ever been with a woman before, Edward?" I asked gently.

"N—No."

"You're not going to last ten seconds if you move that fast. Lie back."

Edward did as I asked, lying back with his head on the pillow, looking up at me with green eyes full of want, full of need.

"Have you ever been touched by a woman, Edward? Has a woman ever put her mouth on you?"

His eyes practically bugged out of his face as he shook his head — no.

"Why don't we start with that, ok?"

"Anything, Bella," he whispered. "Just touch me."

With Edward's eyes following every move I made, I slowly reached my hand down to where his hard cock was standing proud. I watched Edward's eyes roll back as I ran one finger up the vein on the underside of his cock. Gripping the base tightly, I slowly moved my hand up toward the tip, feeling him twitch in my hand as I spread the pre-cum around.

After a few more strokes, I slid myself down toward the end of the bed and followed the same path with my tongue as I had earlier with my finger. Edward cried out, opening his eyes wide and staring at me.

"You like that?"

"More," he cried in a strangled voice.

Watching him carefully, I sucked just the tip between my lips, running my tongue around the head of his cock. I gripped the base tightly again and slowly sucked his entire length — or what would fit anyway — into my mouth. Listening carefully to Edward's heavy breathing, I sucked on just the tip again, then the entire length. I repeated my moves a few more times before Edward exploded in my mouth, crying out loudly.

"Oh my God, oh my God…"

I quickly licked him clean and then scooted up so that I could place a single kiss on Edward's chest as his breathing slowed.

"Bella, that was… that was the most incredible thing I've ever felt. Thank you."

I smiled down at him. "Ready for more?"

"Yes, please," he replied, nodding furiously.

Given Edward's age, I knew it was just a matter of minutes before he'd be hard again. I knelt on either side of his narrow hips and began trailing my fingers through the fine hairs on his chest, over his six-pack abs and happy trail, before tracing the same path a few more times.

"Close your eyes, Edward," I said quietly, as I took one of his nipples into my mouth, biting it gently as he moaned.

I leaned up then, capturing his lips in a searing kiss as I held his arms up above his head. "Hold on to the headboard," I directed before kissing him deeply.

When I felt him ready to go again, I began sliding back and forth over his cock, spreading my wetness. If this was going to last long enough for me to get anything out of it, I was going to have to distract him.

Once Edward appeared to be lost in our kisses, I gently guided his hard cock to my entrance before lowering myself over him.

"Oh God," he yelped, panting heavily.

"Relax, Edward… relax and this will last longer. Recite the alphabet backwards for me."

"Do — what?"

"The alphabet backwards… come on, I know you know it. I'm not moving until you start."

"Uh… um… Z. Um, Y… X?"

I pushed up until just the tip of Edward's cock was still inside me, before plunging back down. Fuck, I hadn't felt so full in ages, as this position wasn't recommended when trying to get pregnant.

"Oh my God… um, W… V, U, S… no, um, T… S."

I rotated my hips slowly in a figure eight pattern before rising up again and sinking down, hard.

"Bella…" he groaned.

"Keep going, Edward."

"Um… um, R? Q… P, O, N… um, M?"

I repeated my movements, and this time when I came back down, Edward thrust up into me, meeting my hips firmly. Goddamn, he was going to be something else after a little more practice.

"Not gonna last, Bella," he panted. "You feel too good."

"You're halfway there, Edward. You can make it," I insisted, rotating my hips and grinding down on him.

"Oh fuck… Where was I — oh, L? K… J, I… so good, so good…"

This time when I lifted up, I let him slip all the way out before slamming back down. Grunting loudly, Edward thrust up to meet me again, holding onto my hips.

"Gotta… touch you, Bella. Need you…"

"Almost there," I whispered, tracing his plump bottom lip with my tongue while I rocked slowly. "What letter comes next?"

"Ummmm… H, H is next. G… F, E, D… C, B, A… oh my God…" he cried as he came, spilling inside me in several long spurts.

"Good boy, you made it through," I smiled, kissing him quickly and then climbing off of his softening cock.

Edward's eyes were tightly closed as he tried to catch his breath. Finally he opened one eye and peeked at me, his cheeks turning pink.

"You didn't finish."

"Well, no, but I didn't expect to." I shrugged, climbing off the bed. I grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, ran it under the faucet and came back to bed to clean us both up.

"Bella… "

"Hmmm?"

"Can we do that again?"

I couldn't help but laugh as I tossed the wet washcloth onto the nightstand. "I know you're only 18, but even you aren't ready for another round just yet."

"No, but after I make you come I will be," he said with a sexy grin as he leaned over me and plunged his tongue into my mouth. As we kissed, Edward's hands trailed down to between my legs, where he began stroking slowly.

"Can I put my mouth on you? Will you show me what to do?"

"You really want to?" Going down on me never had been Jasper's favorite thing.

"More than anything," he whispered, scooting down a little bit. He stared between my legs for a long moment, as if he didn't know where to begin.

"Spread the lips… I promise whatever you do next will feel good."

Edward nodded and carefully followed my instructions, licking from my entrance up to my clit. He looked up at me for confirmation before doing it again, then began probing gently with his tongue. He pumped two fingers in and out while he flicked at my clit with his tongue. When he sucked it into his mouth, I shuddered.

"Close, Edward… keep doing what you're doing."

He quickened his pace, pushing a little harder with his tongue. I fisted the sheets tightly with both hands and then I felt my orgasm begin.

"Oh… yes, yes… oh my God…oh fuck."

As I came back down to earth, Edward stared up at me, a look of awe on his face. "The way you clamped down on my fingers — I want to feel that, I want to feel it from inside you."

Determinedly, Edward climbed up my body, kissing everything in his path up to my lips. "Can I be on top this time?" he asked shyly.

"Whatever you want, Edward."

Carefully, he took hold of his hard-and-ready cock — the recuperative powers of a teenage boy were amazing — and directed it to my entrance. As he pushed inside, the look on his face was one of pure ecstasy. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing him in a little further.

"Can—can I move?" he asked in a strained voice.

"You can move," I whispered, taking his lips in mine. Slowly at first, Edward began to pull out before thrusting back in quickly. "Oh my God… I never knew it would be this good… Bella…"

Scratching my nails lightly up and down his back, I buried my face in his neck. I loved the way he smelled — all man. I raised my hips to meet his thrusts, hoping he could hang on long enough to make me come again. I was still so sensitive from earlier that I knew it wouldn't really take all that much.

"Ohhhhh…" he groaned as his pace began to quicken, the sound of our skin slapping filling the air.

"Gonna come, Bella… oh my God, it's so good, so so good…"

I grasped his ass, pulling him harder into me, and then suddenly I felt the telltale signs of my second orgasm rocketing through me.

"Oh fuck, oh God… it's so tight… I can't—"

Edward collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily as he came down from his high. He rolled off of me and was asleep almost before I was able to clean us both up. I snuggled into Edward's side and fell asleep… exhausted and sated for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

The shrill beeping of the alarm clock woke me from a very deep sleep. Edward's arms held securely around me, and I could barely stretch to shut off the alarm.

"Can we go back to sleep?" Edward asked with a yawn.

"Unfortunately no, I have a big meeting at work. We need to get up." I had to laugh at the adorable sleepy boy, clearly not a morning person.

Edward kissed me tenderly before sitting up. "Bella, last night was… beyond my wildest dreams. I'll never forget it, not as long as I live."

I kissed him softly before climbing out of bed. "See you downstairs?" He nodded, giving me a beautiful smile.

In the shower, I washed away our combined sweat, wishing I could wash away what we'd done just as easily. Where did we go from here? How could I keep this from Jasper? Edward and I had an intense physical attraction, but I was still in love with my husband. What the fuck was I was supposed to do?

After dressing, I grabbed the washcloth from the nightstand and stripped the bed, stuffing the evidence of my indiscretion to the bottom of the laundry hamper. I checked my watch and saw that I had a few minutes to put new sheets on the bed and make it up quickly, so I didn't have to remember to do so after work.

Downstairs, I grabbed a banana, waved to Edward, and dashed out the door to make it to work in time for my meeting.

After the meeting, which I couldn't remember if my life depended on it, I contemplated asking Angela for advice on how to handle my "situation" as we ate lunch in the restaurant next to our office.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Angela asked, before taking a bite of her chicken Caesar wrap.

"I've done something horrible, Ang."

"Horrible? Like what?"

"I can't tell you," I whispered. "You'll never look at me the same way again."

"Bella," she chided. "Aren't you being overly dramatic? It can't be that bad."

"Yes… it can be," I admitted.

"Have you hurt someone?"

"Not physically, no. But if this gets out, yes — it'll hurt someone I love very badly. And even if it doesn't, I've hurt someone else by giving them the wrong idea. Someone vulnerable and impressionable. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror."

"Hmmm… I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I think you need to come clean, Bella. If whatever you did gets out in some other way than by you telling the truth, it's going to be so much worse."

"I know that, you're right, but I don't think I could ever find the words."

I was distracted and barely paying attention as I sat through another long meeting that afternoon, trying to figure out how best to handle the mess I'd made. By the time I arrived home from work, I'd made up my mind that I needed to let Edward down — gently. Jasper was due home in about three hours, and we couldn't continue this affair in front of his nose — I wouldn't do that to my husband.

After I came through the front door, I found Edward sitting on the couch in the family room, watching television. "Bella," he cried, jumping up and throwing his arms around me. I hugged him back awkwardly before pulling back.

"Um, let's go sit on the couch and talk, ok?"

"Ok," he replied, a wide smile on his face. Fuck, this was going to be harder than I thought.

"Edward," I began once we sat down and he shut off the TV, "You're a sweet boy, and I don't want to hurt you… but what we did last night — that can never happen again."

Edward just stared at his hands in his lap, not saying a word.

"Did you hear me, Edward?"

"I heard you," he whispered. "I know what your words say, but your body says you want me."

"I love my husband, Edward. This isn't at all fair to him."

"But you're not being fair to yourself if you want me and try to deny it," he protested.

"Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep from hurting other people. Jasper is a wonderful man, and I love him — I won't hurt him."

"So you want to just forget that this ever happened?"

"Yes, that's exactly what we need to do, sweetheart," I said, squeezing his hand. "You're in a really vulnerable place, and I took advantage of that. I am so sorry."

"You didn't take advantage of me! I wanted this — I still want this. Please, Bella… "

"I'm sorry, Edward, but it's my final decision."

I felt like total shit as I saw the tears pooling in Edward's eyes. I never should've let him touch me Wednesday night, let alone let this go any further.

"Please, Bella," he cried, the tears starting to fall. "Let me have you just one more time. Please?"

God, those puppy dog eyes… I had to close my eyes so I could keep resisting them.

"Please, Bella," Edward whispered again, before his lips claimed mine. It was hopeless to try and resist him… my body wanted what it wanted, and it wanted Edward. I put up little fight as he laced his arms around my waist and lifted me to straddle his lap before kissing me deeply.

Throwing caution to the wind, I hooked my arms around his neck and ground myself down onto his arousal. Edward whimpered and opened a few buttons on my blouse, dragging his tongue along the edge of my lacy bra. I was practically trembling with desire by the time he lifted up my skirt, skimming his fingers along my damp panties.

I reached down between us to undo Edward's button fly, lifting myself up slightly onto my knees so that I could yank his jeans and underwear down past his knees. With little prelude, Edward pushed my thong to the side and thrust up into me.

"Oh God," he cried as he filled me. "You feel even better than I remembered."

As did he.

I lifted myself up and crashed back down as Edward's hips rose up to meet me. Our pace was fast — much faster than last night — as we fought to reach the finish line.

"Edward, touch me… " I panted, and he quickly obeyed, reaching down to where we were joined to circle my clit with his finger.

"Yes… yes… coming," I cried, as I began to shudder around him.

"Oh, oh… fuck, Bella…"

My spasms continued on and on as I felt him spill inside me. Breathing heavily, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, trying to remember this last intimate moment with my young lover. I felt Edward's arms tighten around me as he kissed my chest tenderly, just above my rapidly beating heart, I realized.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, as I held his head to my breast, my eyes still closed.

"What the hell is going on in here?" my husband's furious voice called from the doorway.

_Oh fuck._

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, this story will be continued and posted right here. I am currently writing Chapter 15 of the continuation. More my usual 2,500-word chapters though. I'll call the fic 70% finished but I am not totally sure as I blew off my outline around Chapter 6.


	2. Get Away

**Author's Note: **Thanks to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Welcome to the continuation! I'm done pre-writing the entire story, except for the Epilogue. As written so far, just the continuation is about 50,000 words, for those who want to know how long this will be.

First, I just wanted to state for the record that I sent out the first draft of the one-shot for pre-reading on July 11, so pre-Cheatergate. I swear I wasn't trying to take advantage of real life events!

There are a lot of paths that this story could take. I tried to pick one that would be at least somewhat realistic. There is drama, and a little angst, but I think there's a very light-hearted feel to much of the story.

* * *

_Chapter 1_

_Friday, February 17, 2012_

"Bella, please tell me this is not what it looks like," Jasper begged desperately. "Tell me you are not fucking my brother."

I hung my head, closing my eyes again. What could I say when I was still sitting on Edward's dick?

I felt Edward move his head from my chest and pull me closer, hugging me tightly. "Leave her alone, Jasper."

I pushed away from Edward's embrace and climbed off his lap, quickly yanking my skirt down past my underwear and fixing the buttons that Edward had opened on the top of my blouse. Meanwhile, Edward tucked his softening cock back into his jeans and buttoned them, his face flaming red.

"Jasper," I began, "Just calm down a minute and let me explain."

"Explain? There is no explanation that makes this all right."

"Jasper, come on…"

"Jesus, Bella, how am I supposed to take you seriously when my brother's jizz is running down your leg."

I felt my face heat up as I looked down. Sure enough, Jasper was right. "Um, I'll just… " Having no idea how to complete that sentence, I instead dashed into the powder room and grabbed a tissue. As I cleaned up the evidence of my infidelity, I heard Jasper's raised voice out in the family room, though I couldn't make out what he was saying.

Stepping back out of the bathroom, I found Jasper and Edward nose to nose, Jasper's fists clenched tightly around the top of Edward's t-shirt. "You do not love her," Jasper growled, and for the first time, I saw the tears running down Edward's face.

"I do," he sniffled. "I've always loved her."

Jasper angrily shoved Edward backwards, until he sat heavily on the couch. He then turned to me. "Do you love him?" he asked in a calm voice — too calm.

"I love _you_, Jasper," I pleaded. "Please, let's go upstairs and talk."

Jasper stared at me for several moments before he nodded, turning to follow me up the stairs and into our bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"How long has this been going on? Have you been fucking him since he moved in?"

"No!" I yelled. "Of course not."

"How. Long."

"Nothing happened until two nights ago," I replied meekly.

"Was this some kind of punishment? You were upset that I missed Valentine's Day, so you got back at me by fucking my brother?"

"No, I just… Edward came on to me, and I was tipsy from the wine at dinner, and—"

"You do not get to blame alcohol for this," he interrupted.

"I'm not blaming the wine; I'm just trying to explain," I cried, looking into his angry eyes beseechingly.

"Save it… It doesn't matter. You cheated on me with my own brother. There is no coming back from that."

"What? Jasper, you can't just throw away seven years of marriage—"

"I am not throwing it away; you already did."

Oh God. "Please, we can get past this… We'll go to marriage counseling or something."

"Do you know what gets me the worst? The fact that you would risk one more fuck with him when you knew I was due home any minute."

Huh?

"Any minute? What? You weren't due home for over two hours."

"No, we caught an earlier flight," Jasper replied, as if it were obvious. "I tried to call you at work, but your assistant said you were in a meeting. I left a message with her, then I called home and told Edward."

Suddenly I wanted to throw up. Edward knew Jasper was coming home early? He knew when he asked for just "one more time" with me? Was he _trying_ to get caught?

"He never told me," I whispered.

Suddenly Jasper opened the closet door and went inside, emerging moments later with my two large suitcases. "Pack your things," he said coldly.

"What? You can't throw me out."

"I can, and I will. I can't even look at you right now. And I'm sure as hell not going to leave and let you stay here alone in the house with my brother."

"But Edward gets to stay? He's the one who started all of this."

"You're the one who made a vow to remain faithful to me. You're the adult here, the one who should know better. Believe me, if I thought Edward had anywhere to go, or any money to get a hotel or something, he'd be gone, too."

Jasper stalked to the bedroom door, his hand on the knob as he turned back to me. "I'm going out. I expect you to be gone when I get back."

I jumped as the door slammed shut behind him. Tears streaming down my face, I began packing up my clothes, dumping them into the suitcases with little care.

A few minutes later, I heard the slam of the front door, and I knew Jasper was gone. Not 20 seconds later, the door opened behind me and Edward stepped into the bedroom.

"Bella," he whispered.

I spun around, glaring at him. "Did you talk to Jasper on the phone this afternoon? Did he tell you he was catching an earlier flight?"

Edward stared at his feet, not answering.

"Answer me, damn it."

"Yes," he said, staring straight into my eyes. "Yes, I talked to Jasper and he told me he'd be home around 6:30."

"What the fuck were you _thinking_? You knew we could get caught?"

"I wanted to get caught," he shouted. "You wanted to pretend that nothing ever happened. But I didn't want us to be over. I don't… I still don't want us to be over. I love you, Bella."

"You don't love me! You may be infatuated with me, but you aren't mature enough to love anyone but yourself. I didn't want to tell Jasper, but you took that choice away from me."

"I do love you, and I didn't mean…" Edward glanced towards the bed for the first time. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

"Jasper told me to leave before he gets back."

"What? He can't throw you out. It's your house, too. Where will you go?" he asked frantically.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I thought I'd try to stay with my friend Angela or something until Jasper calms down. Otherwise, I'll just get a hotel room."

"I'll come with you," he offered.

"Absolutely not, Edward. You've done more than enough. Now go, so I can pack in peace."

He stood rooted to his spot on the floor, gazing intently at me.

"_Now_, Edward. Your puppy dog eyes don't work on me anymore."

He didn't look happy about it, but finally Edward turned and walked out of the bedroom, slamming his own door across the hall.

Grabbing my things from the bathroom, I tossed them haphazardly into one of the suitcases then zipped them both up and carried them downstairs.

After gathering my things, I tossed the suitcases into the trunk of my car then started the engine, turning the heater on full blast. As it warmed up, I got my cell phone out of my purse and found Angela in my list of Contacts.

She answered after two rings.

"Ang, it's Bella," I said quietly. "Are you home?"

"_Yeah, what's up? You don't sound very good._"

"Jasper threw me out. Do you think I could stay with you?"

"_He what? What happened? Of course you can stay, if you don't mind the couch._"

"The couch is fine. I'll… I'll explain when I get there, but, um, it's related to our conversation at lunch today."

"_The truth you needed to tell before someone found out another way?_"

"Yeah… let's just say the worst happened. See you in around ten minutes."

"_All right. See you soon, Bella._"

* * *

Ten minutes later I parked my car near the warehouse where Angela lived in a stylish new loft. I wheeled both suitcases the half block down the street and into the building, where I gave the doorman my name. He called up to Angela then pointed me toward the elevators.

As I knocked on Angela's door, I wondered if she would still let me stay once she knew the truth. My friend answered the door and I gave her a grateful smile as I walked inside. Angela surprised me by grabbing me in her arms and hugging me tightly before ushering me to the couch.

"Have you eaten?" she asked. I shook my head no.

"Good… I was just about to order Chinese when you called before, so I ordered you some, too."

"I'm not hungry," I answered quietly.

"Bella, you still need to eat," she chided gently. "Now tell me what happened."

No point in beating around the bush. "Jasper walked in on me having sex with his brother."

Angela just stared at me, open-mouthed. "I thought Jasper only had one brother?" she finally asked.

"He does."

"The teenager who's living with you? You had sex with _him_?"

"If you saw him, you wouldn't be questioning that."

"Huh?"

"He's gorgeous, Ang — seriously."

"So what, you want him?"

"What? No, I want my husband. I love my husband."

"Ok, Bella," Angela said quietly, "I think you'd better start from the beginning. But first, this requires alcohol."

Standing up, Angela darted into the kitchen area of the loft and grabbed two bottles of beer from her fridge, handing me one as she sat back down on the couch.

I took a long swig of my beer and sighed. "By the time Jasper left on his business trip, I was starting to think that Edward might have a crush on me. You remember what happened at dinner Wednesday night, right?"

Angela nodded. "You ended up covered in chocolate."

"Right. So I took a shower when I got home, and when I was drying off, I realized Edward had come into my bedroom and was watching me."

"He what?!"

"Yep. He confessed that he'd wanted me since the first time he saw me — when he was 11 years old — and then he kissed me. I tried to stop him, but… I was lightheaded from the wine, and just, the way he wanted me… I know it's no excuse, but things between Jasper and me had been kind of tense for so many months, since we'd started trying to get pregnant. Edward just made me feel so desired.

"We fooled around some, but we didn't go all the way that night, and I tried to tell him last night that it could never happen again, but he came on to me again, and I just… I gave in, and we had sex."

Angela remained quiet, processing what I'd told her, I guess. Maybe she would throw me out, too.

"What happened tonight?" she asked quietly.

"I told Edward when I got home that I love Jasper and we needed to forget anything had ever happened between us. He started crying, which made me feel like total shit, and then asked if he could be with me just one more time. I gave in."

I shook my head. "What I didn't know was that Jasper had called home earlier and told Edward that they'd gotten an earlier flight. I thought he wouldn't be home until around 9, but Edward knew there was a good chance we'd get caught."

"So he got caught on purpose?" Angela asked, stunned.

"Yeah. He didn't want to accept that it was over."

"Wow… he kinda sounds like a spoiled brat."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I don't know much about Edward, honestly, but you may be onto something. He definitely didn't like it whenever I told him no — turning on the charm with the pout and puppy dog eyes."

We were interrupted then by Angela's phone ringing, as her Chinese delivery had arrived downstairs. A minute later, the deliveryman knocked on the door. Angela paid for the food and brought the bags to the breakfast bar, where I joined her.

I truly wasn't hungry, but I forced myself to eat before Angela yelled at me.

"What do you think I should do, Ang?" I asked, taking a bite of an eggroll.

"Hmmm… I think you need to give Jasper time to calm down and then try to talk to him again."

"I just hope I can convince him to give me another chance. I offered to go to marriage counseling — anything he wants. Do you… do you think he'll forgive me?" I asked anxiously.

"Jasper loves you, Bella. And you guys have been together a long time. I've been cheated on before, and I wasn't forgiving. But you two have a lot more time invested in your relationship."

The buzzing of my cell phone in the side pocket of my purse alerted me to an incoming text message. I quickly got up and grabbed my phone, praying that it was Jasper.

"So, who is it?" Angela asked curiously. "Is it from Jasper?"

"No," I sighed. "It's from Edward."

"Oh. What did he say?"

"He said that Jasper won't throw his flesh and blood out onto the street, but he'll leave and come to me if I tell him where I am." I looked up at Ang. "Now that is the last thing we need."

"Um, yeah, I think you need to stay far away from Edward if you want Jasper to forgive you."

I quickly texted Edward back to say that I was glad he was ok, but no, he could not come stay with me.

"He claims he loves me, Ang. I don't think he knows what love is."

"I agree," she replied. "He's young and infatuated maybe, but not in love. Are you finished with your dinner?"

"Yeah, thanks so much for ordering this. I'll get dinner tomorrow night, ok?"

"Deal," she smiled. "Do you want to watch a movie or something? We'll find some ridiculous comedy, get your mind off things for a couple of hours."

"That sounds great." Two hours without thinking of my mess of a life sounded like just the thing.

* * *

**A/N: **There are 52 favorites and 126 Follows already! That's unbelievable. I'd love to hear from all of you. What would **you** have done if you were Jasper?


	3. Don't Say It's Too Late

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Wow, thank you for the great response to the last chapter! Most reviews I ever got for one chapter — keep it up!

Seems like everyone agreed with Jasper kicking Bella to the curb. Some also thought he should've thrown out his disloyal brother as well.

* * *

_Chapter 2_

I gave Jasper the weekend to cool off before trying to call him on Monday to see if he was ready to listen. After getting his voice mail several times, I resorted to text message but got no response.

I didn't think I'd ever cried so much before as I did in that interminable week without hearing from Jasper. I'd fucked up — badly — and I knew it. I knew it as I was doing it.

While Angela spent a couple nights out with her boyfriend, Ben, I spent much of my time alone soul-searching, digging as deeply as I could to really try and understand why I had cheated on Jasper with his own brother. I just couldn't come up with a valid reason. Yes, Edward was fucking hot, but I'd been around other attractive men since I'd met Jasper, and I had never before been even tempted to cheat.

I had a great man in Jasper. He was kind, considerate, generous, ambitious — not to mention, pretty damn hot himself with his sandy blond hair and athlete's build.

On Thursday, my boss called me into her office to discuss my lack of focus over the past week. I was appalled that I'd let my personal problems affect my work. All throughout our struggles to conceive, I had never brought my problems to the office.

Finally on Friday afternoon Jasper texted me back, asking me to come over that evening to talk, since Edward was going out to the movies with a couple friends. I spent the rest of the day with my stomach in knots, knowing that I was going to have tell Jasper everything, holding nothing back.

As I stepped up onto our porch, I wondered if I should ring the doorbell or just use my key, eventually deciding to ring the doorbell.

"Bella," Jasper said curtly as he opened the door. "Come on in."

"Thank you," I replied quietly, stepping inside and removing my coat. I went to the closet to hang it up, but Jasper took it from me, throwing it over the back of one of the dining room chairs. All right then.

As we stepped into the living room, I noticed a brand new, dark brown leather couch in place of our old one, and looked at Jasper questioningly.

"What? You think I could stand to look at the couch I saw you fuck my brother on?"

I felt my face heat up as I took a seat on the new couch, watching Jasper walk over to his favorite recliner.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk," I began quietly.

Jasper nodded slowly.

"First, let me just say that I love you — only you — and I am so, so sorry. I want to get past this — I'll do anything you want, anything at all."

"Just be honest, that's all I ask right now," he replied in a raspy voice.

"Ok… um, did you want me to start at the beginning, or…?"

"I'll ask the questions; you answer. Did you know Edward was in love you?" Jasper asked.

"I — no, I didn't know that — and I don't think he really loves me, anyway — but, um, I suspected that he may have had a crush on me."

"How?"

"Um, I asked him the night you left if any girls at school had caught his eye, and he said, 'One.' But it was the way he looked at me as he answered, you know?"

He nodded carefully. "Is that it?"

"Um… no. Um, the first morning after we returned from Forks, we forgot to close the bedroom door when you left early for work. I came out of the bathroom, naked, to find some underwear, and when I looked up, Edward was standing in our bedroom doorway watching me. The way he looked at me…" I shook my head, embarrassed just thinking about it.

"And you never told me about this?" Jasper asked angrily.

"I was mortified," I protested. "I just assumed it was an accident —passing by on his way downstairs. Sure, I was embarrassed, but it wasn't a big deal. I didn't think it meant anything, not — not right then."

"All right," he sighed. "So last week — you told me you'd been drinking and he came on to you?"

"Yes," I whisper. "Several of us from the office had dinner together Wednesday night with an author who was in town. We split a few bottles of wine. Just before we left the restaurant, I had a run-in with a tray of desserts, so I took a shower when I got home. The hot water combined with the wine started to make me feel kinda lightheaded."

"Go on," Jasper encouraged.

"Um, as I was drying myself off, I got this feeling that someone was watching me, and when I looked up… Edward was in our bedroom."

"He was _what_?!"

"He was standing there staring at my naked body, yes. I made him turn around and then I put on my robe…" Fuck, now we were getting to the really uncomfortable part.

"Um, so I asked Edward if he needed anything, and he said… _me_. I tried to talk him out of it, but then he, um, he kissed me. I told him to stop, and then I explained to him why we couldn't do this."

"Yet two days later, you were fucking him on the couch."

"I know… I'm getting there, all right?" I snapped, before taking a deep breath.

"After I turned him down, he just… he looked so sad, and I just instinctually went to hug him. He must've mistaken my comfort for more, because he kissed me again. And then he asked if he could touch me, and… I agreed. It was the worst decision I have ever made, Jasper."

"So he… touched you," Jasper said, looking like he might get ill at any moment.

I nodded, embarrassment making me unable to speak for a moment. "At first it was just, um, my breasts, but then, he um… he fingered me. And I pretty much passed out afterward."

When Jasper didn't speak, I continued, "Look, I know it wasn't ok to let him do that. But do you know how long it's been since we made love, since we did anything more than just have a quickie in the recommended position before I practically stood on my head in an attempt to get pregnant? I missed the affection, I missed sex being something enjoyable instead of feeling like a, a… _job_."

"Bella, you should've told me how you were feeling, instead of hopping into bed with my brother," Jasper yelled.

"I know that, I know… I made a mistake. A terrible mistake that I can never take back. Things had just gotten so strained between us, though. I didn't know how to approach you about it. I was so looking forward to a night out alone with you on Valentine's Day."

"This is _not_ my fault."

"I didn't say it was," I replied calmly. "I take full responsibility. I felt horrible the next morning, and I agonized about it all day. When I got home, I told Edward that what had happened the night before could never happen again."

"But it did. And you don't have alcohol as an excuse."

"Yes," I whispered. "He argued with me, telling me that if things were so great with you, I never would've let him touch me. And the more I thought about that… the more I knew he was right. When he came on to me again, asking to make love to me, I… I made another horrible decision."

Full disclosure notwithstanding — I wasn't stupid enough to tell Jasper that I deflowered his brother. _That_ would not go over well.

"I spent Friday freaking out, barely paying attention in my meetings at work. When I got home, I told Edward that it was over — I would not and could not continue whatever this was with him behind your back."

"Yet you ended up fucking him again."

I hung my head. "He cried and asked for one more time with me. I tried to resist but he kissed me, and it's like… my body wanted him, though my head knew I should stop. I had no idea you had caught an earlier flight. Edward admitted that he kept that information from me because he _wanted_ to get caught. He didn't want us to be over, so he decided to force the issue."

Jasper stood up and began pacing across the room.

"All right, so what if he hadn't gotten you caught? Would you have told me the truth? Or would you have kept it from me?"

"I… I don't know. I knew I needed to tell you, but… I had no idea _how_ to tell you without hurting you. I'm not sure I ever would've found the words. Or the courage. But I _wasn't_ going to continue having sex with him behind your back. I told Edward that we needed to just forget it had ever happened."

"Yeah, like that would've worked," he scoffed. "Seems like every other time you tried to dissuade him, he ended up convincing you to do whatever he wanted. If you find my brother that irresistible, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to ever trust you around him again."

"Because I know now what a… a spoiled little boy he is. I should've seen it then, the way he wouldn't take no for an answer, and just kept pushing at me until I gave in. I'm sure he's been practicing that pout for years on your mother."

"Yes," I continued, "My body responds to him, but I'm not attracted to Edward on any kind of intellectual level. I don't want him; I want you, and only you, for the rest of my life, Jasper."

"I don't know how I'm supposed to believe that. How I'm supposed to ever look at either one of you without seeing that image that I walked in on," he continued sadly.

"How much… how much did you see?" I asked, holding my breath.

"When I walked in the door, Edward was telling you he loves you."

I nodded. Thank God it wasn't a few seconds earlier when I was bouncing on his cock.

"Jesus Christ," Jasper yelled suddenly, "When you stood up… you had unprotected sex with him! While we're trying to get pregnant! Oh my God…"

"No, no, no… I'm not pregnant, I swear to God. I got my period on Monday, right on schedule."

"I can't fucking believe you would be that careless," Jasper replied, shaking his head.

"Can we go to marriage counseling, Jasper? Please, I will do anything to save our marriage — whatever you want."

"I don't think this is something I can get past — your total disregard for our marriage vows. Do you think I've never met a woman whom I'm attracted to since we got married? I have never had any inclination to cheat."

"Neither have I! It just sort of happened. It wasn't something planned," I insisted. "I wasn't thinking."

"I can almost… I can almost accept the first night, when Edward surprised you and more or less took advantage of the state you were in — if you're telling the truth about the alcohol. I can't accept that you came home sober the next night and agreed to have sex with him."

"There was just something about the way he made me _feel_. Physically, yes, but also emotionally. He wanted me, more than I've felt like you had wanted me in a long time."

"I never stopped wanting you!" Jasper shouted. "That's ridiculous."

"Is it? When was the last time you initiated sex when I wasn't ovulating? When was the last time we did it… just _because_, and not in an attempt to have a baby?"

"And maybe that says more about the state of our marriage than the fact that you cheated," Jasper replied quietly. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I just don't think I can ever get past this. I think it's best that we end our marriage."

"What?! No, no Jasper, come on… I love you!" I cried.

"I'll contact a lawyer next week."

"No, Jasper," I begged, tears streaming down my face.

"I got… I got a call from my mom's lawyer this week. I've got some money coming from her life insurance. It's more than enough to buy out your half of the house."

"Jasper, don't do this… please…"

"It's done. It's over."

"Noooo…" I sobbed.

"Where are you staying? Did you get an apartment?"

"No, of course not," I replied brokenly. "I'm staying on Angela's couch, waiting for you to let me come home."

"That's not going to happen, Bella. You should probably just go ahead and get a place."

Suddenly, Jasper walked out of the room, returning moments later with my coat. "I think it's time for you to leave," he said, and I could see the tears forming in his eyes. I'd never seen my husband cry before, besides his mom's funeral.

Jasper helped me into my coat and I stared up at him, imploring him to change his mind, give me another chance.

"Let me know your address when you find a place, so I'll know where to have the divorce papers sent."

"Jasper…"

"Goodbye, Bella."

I stumbled outside in a fog, nearly tripping three times on the front sidewalk before I reached my car. Inside, I broke down sobbing again, spending several long minutes just sitting there in the cold before I finally felt able to drive away.

Angela had given me a key so I let myself in to her apartment, collapsing on the couch, crying hysterically. She found me like that a few hours later, earning her "best friend" title as she let me cry on her shoulder about my fucked-up life.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry, no Edward this chapter! We will see him again in the next chapter.

So, Bella gave Jasper a chance to calm down, and then he listened to her side of the story. Her explanation wasn't good enough for him, but would it have worked on you?


	4. Crying Girl

**Author's Note: **Moosals is my pre-reader. I can't get anything past her. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

I am still blown away by the response to this silly story. Keep it up, guys!

Seems like everyone agrees that Jasper and Bella would never have been able to come back from him catching her red-handed, so to speak, though some think he's rushing things by talking about divorce already.

* * *

_Chapter 3_

Except to use the bathroom, I didn't leave Angela's couch for the rest of the weekend. I cried nearly constantly, using up pretty much an entire box of Kleenex. I couldn't even eat a slice of toast without feeling like I was going to be sick. Angela finally threw me in the shower Sunday night, telling me I was a little "ripe."

I called in sick to work on Monday morning, still unable to face the thought of getting out of my makeshift bed. The next day, Angela decided enough was enough. She took the day off work with me, forced me into the shower again, then made me get dressed before dragging me out of the loft. We headed to a diner for some greasy food before going apartment hunting.

After checking out three different apartment complexes, I chose a studio in a relatively new high-rise building a mile from our office. I fully intended to win Jasper back before summer, but just in case I was still living there, I thought walking to work when the weather was nice would be good for me as well as the environment.

Once we left the apartment, Angela and I went to IKEA, where I purchased a bed, a small dresser, a couch, a TV stand and two bar stools for the breakfast bar. Jasper and I hadn't discussed splitting up our bank account yet, so I stuck with just the essentials for now, instead of spending a lot of money trying to furnish the entire apartment

After a trip to an electronics store for a small television, I bought all of the necessities like dishes, bedding and towels for my new place. I probably could've asked Jasper for some of ours, but I really wasn't prepared to see that cold look on his face again so soon.

I called in sick to work again on Wednesday morning, opting to take the rest of the week off, as my new furniture and TV were all set to be delivered on Thursday when I moved in to my new apartment. I was very thankful that my boss was so understanding when I explained that I was having very serious personal issues and wouldn't be able to give my full attention to editing until I got my head on straight. I only hoped that I'd be ready to work again by the following week.

Once I got settled in Thursday, I texted Jasper to give him my new address, and asked if I could stop by the house while he was at work on Friday — and Edward was in school — to pick up the rest of my things. I was disappointed in the simple "**Fine**" that I got back as a response.

As I sat in my new studio apartment Thursday evening, I'd never felt so alone before. The place seemed way too quiet. Even though things had been strained between us for several months, I missed my husband terribly.

I'd purchased a bottle of wine along with my groceries earlier, and I decided to open it, mostly for something to do. As I drank, I thought about all of the mistakes I'd made. I should've told Jasper that I suspected Edward had feelings for me, so he could talk with Edward. I should've tried harder to stop Edward from kissing me. I never should've agreed to let him touch me. I shouldn't have agreed to go upstairs with him the following evening. I shouldn't have let him talk me into just one more time.

An hour later, I was drunk and sobbing, eventually crying myself to sleep. I woke up around 2am, still on my couch and sporting a very stiff neck. Stripping off my clothes, I fell into bed naked, too exhausted to remember in which drawer I'd stored my pajamas earlier.

When I woke again, my head was pounding and I had to pee — badly. After relieving myself, I took a couple painkillers and brushed my teeth. It was late — almost noon — and I knew I didn't have much time to waste if I planned to get everything packed up at the house before Edward got home from school.

Arriving at Jasper's and my house — yes, I still thought of it as mine — I used my key to let myself in, praying Jasper didn't ask for it back. I'd brought my two suitcases along so I could pack up the rest of my clothes.

Once I had my clothes packed, I found my laptop in our second guest room-slash-home office, digging around in the closet for its case. I had to go downstairs to the basement for a couple boxes for all of my books, CDs and DVDs.

I was just loading the last of the boxes into my car when I looked up and saw Edward hurrying down the street toward me. I quickly shut the back door and opened the driver's side door, hoping I could be gone before he reached the house.

Too late. I managed to get myself into the seat, but Edward grabbed the door before I could close it.

"Bella, wait," he begged, sounding out of breath. "Please let me talk to you."

"I don't have anything to say to you, Edward. You ruined my marriage."

"Bella, I — I didn't mean—"

"Of course you meant to! You admitted that you wanted to get caught." I quickly averted my eyes to avoid the look on his face. I couldn't fall for Edward's considerable charms again.

"Bella, I've been trying to give you some space, but please just listen to me, let me explain…"

"I have to go. I just packed up all of my things… I can't deal with you right now."

I started the car, but Edward was still standing in the way of my closing the car door. "Move, Edward."

"Not until you hear me out," he insisted.

I looked ahead, and noticing there was no car parked in front of me, I decided to make a run for it. I quickly shifted into Drive and hit the gas pedal, turning the wheel to pull away from the curb. With the momentum, the door swung partially closed and I was able to grab it, yanking it closed before pressing my foot harder onto the gas pedal. Through the rearview mirror, I saw Edward behind me, staring after the car.

It wasn't until I turned onto the next street that the adrenalin rush of escaping a conversation I didn't want to have disappeared in a single breath.

* * *

"So I saw Edward yesterday," I said to Angela as we had lunch at a cute Greek restaurant early Saturday afternoon.

Angela's eyes grew huge as she took in what I said. "You didn't…"

"Oh my God, Angela, of course not! No, nothing happened. He was on his way home just as I was loading up the car. He tried to get me to talk to him, but I drove off."

"Good," she replied, taking a bite of her gyro.

"I tried to not even look at him. He's so beautiful, Ang, and when he gets this heartbroken look on his face, every motherly instinct in me wants to cuddle and comfort him."

Angela nearly choked on her drink. "I don't think what you did to him was 'motherly'," she snorted.

I rolled my eyes. "No, I know that, it's just… I can't stand to see him unhappy, and I'm driven to do whatever it takes to make him smile. If it's comfort he needs, I'll comfort him, like I did at his parents' burial."

"And if it's your body he needs, you let him fuck you."

"Jesus, Angela!"

"Bella… do you think you might be in denial about your feelings for Edward?" she asked tentatively.

"Absolutely not," I responded. "I care for Edward, but I don't have any romantic feelings for him — at all."

"I know that's what you say, but the way you let him get to you, what you'll agree to for him — it's not the comfort of a parental figure, but more like a lover. Bella, I feel the same way about Ben. When he hurts, it makes me hurt in return."

"But isn't that what a parent would say as well?"

"Well, sure, but… having sex with him goes far beyond normal parental comfort."

"He's a kid, Angela — a spoiled, immature little boy. We have nothing in common except sex."

"A lot of relationships start with sexual attraction," Angela shrugged.

"But I don't _want_ a relationship with Edward. I want my husband back!"

"Bella," Angela began gently, "I think you may need to prepare yourself for the fact that you may not get Jasper back."

"Whose side are you on, anyway?" I asked angrily.

"I'm on your side, of course. But I also think you've done something that I personally would find unforgivable, if my spouse had done it. I'm sorry, but cheating is just a hard limit for me. It shows a complete lack of respect for your partner.

"Look, Bella, I'm not trying to kick you when you're down, but I think you need to own up to what you did. Would you forgive Jasper if he'd been the one to cheat with a young, beautiful girl?"

While I wanted to dismiss what Angela was saying, I couldn't. If I had caught Jasper cheating, I doubted that I could ever trust him again. Fuck.

"What am I going to do, Ang?" I asked, tears starting to fall.

Angela reached over and patted my hand. "I think you need to pick up the pieces and move on. Getting your own apartment was the first step. Let Jasper know that you want to fix things, but don't hold your breath waiting for it.

"And for God's sake, stay away from Edward."

* * *

Since Angela was going out to a concert with her boyfriend that night, I thought I'd call a friend from college who was also living in Chicago to see if she wanted to get together.

Bad move.

Charlotte's husband Peter was good friends with Jasper. Apparently she'd heard all about the fact that I had been unfaithful — though she didn't seem to know with whom — and told me that she didn't think we could be friends any more, as she'd lost all respect for me.

Ouch. Was this what my life was going to turn into? Was I going to have a big red letter "A" on my chest?

Pretty much all of my friends except for Angela were mutual friends of both Jasper and me. Were they _all_ going to be on his side?

I ended up sitting alone in my new apartment, watching a couple of movies On Demand since I hadn't even thought about buying a DVD player when I got the television. As I munched on microwave popcorn by myself, I would've given anything for some human contact and comfort.

A tiny part of my subconscious tried to tell me that I didn't have to be lonely. If I called Edward, he would probably come right over. He'd give me whatever comfort I wanted, no questions asked. But I absolutely could not think like that. I was in love with my husband, regardless of whatever sexual chemistry Edward and I had. I couldn't do anything to ruin my chances of winning Jasper back.

* * *

I got out of my studio again on Sunday, heading out to Walmart to pick up some additional things for the apartment. I'd lived in a dorm in college at the University of Illinois, and Jasper and I had married within a few weeks of graduation, so I'd never lived on my own before, or had any of my own things. It was amazing how many items one needed to buy to start a brand new life.

Going back to work on Monday morning, I felt confident that I was ready to concentrate on my job — anything to get my mind off my problems. Everyone seemed glad to have me back, which meant that Angela hadn't spilled the beans about my "personal reasons" for being out the prior week. Not that I expected she would, but I was just thrilled to be someplace where I didn't feel like everyone was against me.

After two pretty good days, my world came crashing down when a special delivery arrived shortly after I got home from work Tuesday evening.

Signing for the large envelope, I opened it up and was stunned to find divorce papers inside. It took three hours of starting and stopping — and crying — before I could read all the way through them.

Jasper had proposed an equal division of all marital assets. He'd had the house appraised and was offering to buy out my half. Nothing controversial, nothing to fight over — we didn't even have a dog to argue about custody of. Just sign the papers and we'd be on our way to ending our marriage.

The only problem was, that wasn't what I wanted.

* * *

**A/N: **Lots happening in this chapter! I'd love your thoughts on all of it, but especially a) What do you think of Edward now? Should Bella have given him a chance to explain himself? b) Does Angela rock or what?!


	5. Change Your Mind

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Thank you all for continuing to support this story. I love hearing from all of you.

Most everyone agrees that Bella should listen to what Edward has to say, though not necessarily right then when she ran into him. And preferably in a public place. ;)

* * *

_Chapter 4_

For the next three days, I managed to put the divorce papers out of my head while I was at work. But after work on Friday, I bought another bottle of wine at the grocery store and spent the evening drinking it. God, how pathetic was I, to get drunk sitting alone in my apartment.

I woke up on Saturday to a very loud pounding on my front door. I managed to crawl out of bed, no thanks to one of the worst hangovers of my life, to answer the door.

"Bella, why the hell aren't you dressed?" Angela greeted me.

"You look like shit," she continued as she walked into my apartment.

"Thanks," I said dryly. "What time is it?"

"It's 11:30 — the time I was supposed to meet you so we could go to that show at the convention center?"

"Oh… wow, I really overslept, I'm sorry."

Angela picked up the empty bottle of wine from the coffee table and held it up, raising an eyebrow at me. "This wouldn't happen to be the reason why you overslept, now would it?"

"You know it was," I sighed.

"Bella, you need to get yourself together. Getting drunk isn't solving anything."

"I know, I know…"

"Go on and get showered and dressed. I'll just wait out here, all right?"

"Thanks, Ang. Sorry to make you wait," I called as I headed to the bedroom area of my studio to grab some clothes to take into the bathroom with me.

I had just stepped out of the shower when I heard another knock on my front door. "Angela, could you get that, please?" I called. "I'm kinda naked."

I didn't hear any activity out in the other room as I toweled off and started getting dressed. I was just pulling my shirt over my head when Angela opened the bathroom door a crack and peeked in.

"All clear?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm dressed. I just need to blow dry my hair. Who was at the door?"

Angela stepped into the tiny bathroom, closing the door behind her. "Um, Edward was at the door."

"What? Edward was here?"

"Is," she replied.

"Huh?"

"He's still here; I let him in. Jesus Christ, you weren't kidding about how gorgeous he is."

"Angelaaaaa…" I whined. "Don't tell me you're falling for his charms, too?"

"No, no, I'm not falling for him. But he seemed really anxious to talk to you, and… well, I think maybe you should."

"Weren't you the one who told me to stay away from him?"

"I'm not telling you to fuck him — just talk to him," she replied, rolling her eyes.

I sighed. "Fine. Tell him I'll be out after I dry my hair."

Angela nodded, leaving me alone. I tried to be ticked at her, but I knew deep down she was right — Edward and I did have some things to talk about.

Once I was ready, I headed out into the main room to face Edward, who was sitting on the couch chatting quietly with Angela.

I cleared my throat. "Um, Edward?"

"Bella," he cried, jumping up off the couch when he heard my voice. "Thank you for not having Angela kick me out. Could we — um, could we talk?" he asked nervously.

"Angela and I had plans. She came by to pick me up."

"It's fine," Angela interjected. "I'll just go on ahead and you can meet me there. Text me when you arrive and I'll let you know where I am."

"Are you sure?" I asked. He looked contrite, like he knew how wrong it was to get caught on purpose — or maybe he'd finally realized how wrong he'd been to pursue a married woman in the first place. I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with a repentant Edward.

"I'm sure," she replied with a smile. "Nice to meet you, Edward," Angela called as she walked out the door.

As soon as Angela left, I felt it — that amazing chemistry between Edward and me. If we didn't get out of my apartment, things were not going to end well. "Um, it's supposed to be a nice day. How about we go to the park down the street?"

"Ok," he answered softly.

I grabbed my coat and led Edward out into the hallway, followed by an uncomfortable ride down in the elevator. There was a nice park about a block away from my building, though I hadn't actually seen it yet, except driving past.

We walked in silence the entire way. When we reached the park, Edward headed toward a large swing set and sat down on one of the swings. I shrugged before taking a seat on the swing next to him.

"How did you find me?" I finally asked, breaking the tense silence.

"Jasper wrote down your address at home."

I nodded.

"How's it going, living with him?"

"I moved out this week," Edward revealed. "When I got the money from my dad's life insurance, I decided to get my own apartment. I found a furnished place not too far from the school, since it'll only be for a few months. Jasper may not have thrown me out, but he wasn't speaking to me at all. It was… pretty uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "That your relationship with your only brother is ruined."

Edward shrugged. "You know we weren't close anyway. It's fine, Bella, really — I don't care. Jasper never paid much attention to me when I was growing up, so I didn't lose anything."

"He sent me divorce papers this week," I whispered.

Edward stopped staring at his shoes and looked up at me. The look on his face seemed almost… hopeful. And it pissed me off.

"You could try to look a little less happy about it," I growled.

Edward raised his hands in a "mea culpa" gesture. "I'm sorry you're hurting, Bella. I never wanted that. When you told me to just forget anything had ever happened, I didn't think, I just reacted. I never thought about what would happen if Jasper caught us. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way.

"But I can't deny that I'm… glad… that you'll be single and available. I love you, and I still want to be with you."

"You don't love me!" I screamed, jumping off the swing to begin pacing. "You don't even know what love is."

"I'm not a kid, Bella. I know how I feel."

"You don't even know me. You've put me on this pedestal, and I don't — I don't deserve it."

"I know you, Bella. I know enough. You've always been nice to me, instead of looking at me like I was just a weird little kid. You were the only one at my parents' funeral who seemed to be concerned about me and how I was dealing."

"It's called having compassion — I didn't do anything special. I treated you with kindness because you deserved it, not because I was attracted to you."

"But you _were_ attracted to me — don't try to deny that. Your body doesn't lie."

Oh fuck, it figured he'd remember how wet I got for him.

"It was just a physical response," I protested.

"Fuck, you have turned my life upside down. My marriage is in ruins, I've lost my friends, I can't concentrate on my job… why the hell didn't I just tell Jasper the first time I suspected you might have a crush?!"

As I broke down sobbing, Edward stood up, walking over to me and hugging me close to him before I could even process what he was doing. I knew I shouldn't, but God, I'd been craving human contact and now here it was. And so I closed my eyes and let Edward hold me.

When I felt his kiss on the top of my head, I pulled back.

"I care about you, Edward," I said quietly, "But I don't love you. We don't have any common interests to base a relationship on. I love my husband, and I'm going to win him back."

"He sent you divorce papers, Bella."

"I know that," I snapped. "But if I can just convince Jasper to go to marriage counseling…"

"There must have been something missing from your relationship if you turned to me. I'll make you happy, Bella. Just give me a chance."

"No, Edward. Jesus, why do you always keep pushing? Why can't you just take no for an answer?"

"Because I love you! You're the only one I want, Bella."

"Did you ever hear the word 'no' while growing up?"

"What?" he asked, brow furrowed.

"Did your parents ever say no to you?" I clarified.

"Well, sure… sometimes."

"Sometimes — so they spoiled you."

"I — well, maybe, but I never thought of it that way. I was their only child, so they doted on me."

"And what happened when you did hear no? You learned to pout and give them your puppy dog eyes to get what you wanted?"

"I don't know, Bella," he said with a sigh, sitting back down on the swing. "Maybe I did — what does it matter?"

"It matters because you're a spoiled brat, Edward! You refused to listen when I told you that nothing could happen between us. You kept pushing and pushing until you got what you wanted. And it ruined my marriage!"

"It's not all my fault," he replied stubbornly. "I never forced you to do anything. I asked you if I could touch you and you said yes. I asked you to come upstairs the next night and you agreed. Don't try to put this all on me. You wanted me, too!"

"No — I didn't want _you_. I wanted… affection. I wanted to be loved and cherished."

"Shouldn't your husband have done that?" he scoffed.

"There's a lot you don't know, Edward," I said quietly, sitting next to him again.

"Then tell me," he pleaded. "I want to know you."

I sighed. Could it hurt to tell him? Maybe he'd back off if he learned that Jasper and I had been trying to start a family.

"Jasper and I have been trying to have a baby for the last two years."

Edward just stared at me, not speaking.

"After a year without getting pregnant," I continued, "I saw my doctor. She ran a few tests but there was nothing conclusive to explain why I couldn't conceive. And Jasper had his doctor check his sperm count, which came out fine. Since then, we've followed every piece of advice, every old wives' tale, but still… nothing. We were trying to save up money to start with fertility treatments."

"We didn't use condoms," Edward whispered.

"No, we didn't," I agreed. "Since this all started, I've been charting my temperature, determining when I'm ovulating. I knew it was safe when you and I slept together.

"Infertility really puts a strain on a marriage. There's a lot of blame being thrown around — is it my problem, or Jasper's problem? By the last six months or so, we only had sex when I was the most fertile, and it seemed more like a duty than something pleasurable to share. By the time you moved in, I was craving affection — exactly what you were willing to give me."

"And I'm still willing. I'd do anything for you, Bella. I'm sorry you're so unhappy. I never wanted you to be hurting. Please let me try to make it better," he said, reaching out to touch my cheek.

I hurriedly stood up again, not willing to let things turn physical.

"Stop it — stop doing that," I said angrily. "I told you that I don't want you, and you need to accept that."

"I don't believe you. I think some part of you does want me. But we can just be friends for now until you're ready for more."

"If I ever want Jasper to trust me again, you and I can't even be friends."

Edward looked like I'd punched him in the stomach. I quickly turned away before the look on his face could get to me.

"You need to leave now, Edward. Go home, live your life, grow up into whatever you were meant to be. I can't be a part of your life."

"Don't say that, Bella," Edward cried.

"I need to meet Angela. Don't come after me," I said before turning and walking back toward my apartment. I refused to turn around to see if he was following me. This was for the best, I told myself.

* * *

In the weeks that followed, I never heard from Edward again. While I was glad that he had gotten the message and seemed to be moving on, I couldn't deny that I missed the feel of his arms. But I couldn't give in and call him — I wouldn't.

I continued to make no progress in my quest to win Jasper back, but I refused to give up hope. He wouldn't even talk to me, except to discuss the terms of our divorce. We spent an uncomfortable afternoon together when he gave me a chance to go through the house, naming the things I wanted to keep. And several weeks later, he completed refinancing the mortgage on our home, and I received my half of our assets.

In April, I took a week's vacation to go see my mom, Renee, at her new home in Jacksonville, Florida. Since her divorce from my father when I was only four years old, Renee had married three more times. Husband number four, Phil Dwyer, was a minor league baseball player in Jacksonville.

Renee tried to cheer me up about my impending divorce, telling me that there were plenty of fish in the sea. Even Phil got in on it, telling me that I was a pretty girl and he was sure I'd find a new husband in no time. What they failed to see was that I only wanted the husband I'd lost.

Thank God for Angela. She kept me sane, kept me from throwing a continual pity party for myself. She and a couple of other friends from work really were pretty much the only friends I had left, as all of our mutual friends took Jasper's side once they learned I'd cheated. Life sucked, but I knew I'd made my bed.

And then one day in mid-May, I got an envelope in the mail, with the address handwritten in a freakishly neat script. I opened it to find a graduation announcement from Edward, along with a note asking me to please come to his graduation ceremony, since he couldn't imagine reaching such a significant milestone with no one there to share it with.

Fuck.

* * *

**A/N: **So Edward got his chance to speak. Did it change your opinion of him? Did Bella do the right thing in sending him away? And what should she do about his graduation?


	6. Miss You

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

We've made it to 200 reviews, yay! Thanks everyone, I love hearing from you. :)

Lots of agreement among readers that Bella is totally in denial, both about her chances of getting Jasper back and her feelings for Edward. Not as much agreement on whether she did the right thing in sending him away.

Nearly everyone feels Bella should attend Edward's graduation, though possibly with Angela as a buffer to help her stay strong. Let's see what she chooses.

* * *

_Chapter 5_

On a sunny Saturday afternoon in May, I smoothed my dress as I stepped off the 'L' train, ready to head to the football stadium at Edward's high school. For nearly two weeks, I had agonized over whether or not to show up at his graduation ceremony. What if he sent an invite to Jasper as well and we ran into each other? In the end, I just couldn't leave the kid to celebrate such a momentous life occasion all by himself. I wasn't that coldhearted.

I clapped loudly when Edward's name was called, hoping he heard me. After sitting through the entire rest of the alphabet, I made my way down to the field where the graduates were congregating.

"Edward?" I called, spotting his oddly colored hair easily once they had all removed their caps.

Looking up and noticing me, Edward smiled the biggest smile I'd ever seen and began walking quickly in my direction.

"Thank you for coming, Bella." he said passionately, pulling me into his arms for an overly friendly hug. "You look beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

"Who's this?" a boy with gorgeous cocoa skin asked, smirking at Edward.

"Hi, I'm Bella Whitlock," I introduced myself once Edward let me go. "I'm married to Edward's brother."

"Oh, cool," he replied, shaking my hand. "Tyler Crowley. It's nice to meet you. So where's your husband? I'd love to meet your brother, Edward."

Edward shot me a panicked look, and I quickly lied that my husband was unable to make it. Once Tyler was grabbed in a tight hug by a woman who looked to be his mother, Edward and I were left staring at each other.

"I didn't think you'd come," he said quietly.

"I didn't know if I was going to, until I walked into the stadium."

Edward nodded. "Well, thank you — again. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have someone here, when my parents couldn't be."

"Did you send an announcement to Jasper as well?" I asked curiously.

"I did… but I didn't expect him to show."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," he said, shaking his head. "I'm the one who went after his wife, after all. I don't blame you at all, I promise."

"Do you not have any other family, Edward? I mean, I know Jasper had no grandparents left on his mom's side, and no aunts or uncles, but what about your dad?"

"Mom did have an older brother," he replied, "But he died in Vietnam. Dad was an only child. His father died when he was a baby, and his mom never remarried. She died about three years ago, but she'd had Alzheimer's and really didn't recognize any of us the last couple of times we visited her."

"So no other family," I noted sadly.

"Listen, um, do you think maybe we could get a late lunch? Have you eaten?"

Oh fuck. It probably wouldn't be advisable to agree to that, but I hadn't seen Edward in two and a half months, and I'd kind of missed him, as pissed off with myself as that made me. Not to mention — he was giving me the puppy dog eyes.

"That sounds great," I smiled, after a brief hesitation. "Did you have anywhere in mind?"

"Maybe that barbecue place just down the street?" As soon as the question was out of Edward's mouth, he turned bright red.

"What is going through your mind?" I asked with a grin.

"Um… it's just… I kinda have good memories of that place. But if you don't want to…"

Oh. Shit. I'd brought Edward take-out from the restaurant the night we had sex. As uncomfortable as that made me, I liked their food and I hadn't had it since that night.

"It's fine," I said quietly.

"Do you, um, mind stopping by my apartment real quick? I need to drop off my cap and gown."

"Uhhh… it's close by, right? Why don't I just wait for you at the restaurant?"

He looked so disappointed, but there was no point in kidding myself. I knew what occurred when Edward and I were alone, and I couldn't let anything like that happen again. If I went to his apartment with him right now, it probably would.

"You won't disappear?" he asked quietly.

"I promise I won't."

Once I reached the restaurant, I took a seat and waited for Edward. About 15 minutes later he arrived and we walked to the counter to order together.

The silence was tense as we sat down, waiting for our food.

"How have you been, Bella?" he asked, breaking the silence.

I shrugged. "I have good days and bad days, I guess."

"Jasper won't talk to you either?"

"No," I replied quietly. "Not unless it concerns our pending divorce. I'd rather not talk about him, if that's ok."

"Ok," he whispered. "Am I allowed to tell you I've missed you?"

I gave Edward a small smile before changing the subject. "So, um, when do you leave for college?"

"Middle of August. I'm planning to go back home to Forks to get my car and then drive to school."

"Dartmouth, right? Isn't that all the way across the country from Forks?"

"Not Dartmouth," he responded. "I'm, um, going to a small private university in St. Louis."

"Oh. I was pretty sure Jasper said you were going to Dartmouth, following in your dad's footsteps."

"Yeah, that was the plan. My parents really wanted me to become a doctor like Dad, go to his alma mater and all that."

"But it wasn't what you wanted?"

"No." He shook his head. "I agreed to it for them. It's not like I hated the idea, but my heart really wasn't in it."

The server came by with our meals then, setting them down in front of us.

"Thank you," I said, before picking up my sandwich as she walked away. "So what are you planning to study?"

"How much do you know about me?" Edward asked.

Well, that was a non sequitur. "What do you mean?"

"Like… my history, before you and Jasper were married."

"Hmm… not much, I guess."

"Figures. My parents didn't like to talk about it."

"Talk about what?"

"When I was little, I was really shy."

I raised my eyebrow in response, which made Edward laugh. "I mean, like really, _really_ shy. Like, I wouldn't talk to anyone."

"Oh… no, I didn't know about that."

He nodded. "Yeah, so my kindergarten teacher told my parents that they should have me evaluated for autism. I saw a bunch of specialists, and they finally decided that I was high-functioning autistic. My parents enrolled me in all different kinds of therapy, the latest and greatest. Two days a week, we'd drive an hour up to Port Angeles so I could go to music therapy."

"Music therapy?"

"Yeah… using music as part of therapy for people with different kinds of disabilities. I responded so well that the specialists changed their minds and decided I wasn't really autistic after all. Who knows, maybe I'd meet the definitions today, maybe not. Anyway, I stopped going to therapy, but I started taking music lessons, playing all kinds of different instruments."

"I didn't know you were a musician!" Well, I guess I'd never bothered to learn much about Edward at all, beyond what he looked like naked.

He smiled. "I love music… guitar is my favorite, but I'm pretty good at piano, too."

"Anyway," he continued, "As I got older, I really started to think that I wanted to give back, help someone else the way music had helped me. I wanted to study music therapy. But my parents…"

He trailed off, shaking his head.

"I don't understand why your parents wouldn't support that. It's a very noble profession, just like medicine."

Edward sighed. "You know what you said about me being a spoiled brat?"

I nodded.

"Well, my parents… kind of agreed with you."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"They assumed that as the child of a doctor, I'd grown up… accustomed to being able to get whatever I needed or wanted. A job in music therapy wouldn't pay all that well, and they thought I'd eventually be unhappy with my choice."

"Did you agree with them?" I asked quietly.

"No, I'm not materialistic. I'm not, Bella," he insisted.

"All right, all right," I placated, holding my hands up in defeat.

"Deciding not to go to Dartmouth was a big decision for me. I felt like I should honor my parents by playing out their dreams for me. But it's my life, you know?"

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you've made the right decision. I wish you the best, Edward."

"Why does that almost sound like 'goodbye'?" he asked sadly.

"Because that's exactly what it is, sweetheart," I stated, taking his hand. "I told you — we can't be friends if I'm ever going to convince Jasper to trust me again. I'm sorry, but that's the way it has to be."

He nodded. "Ok," he whispered, staring down at our joined hands.

Finishing our meals, we got up and threw our trash away before heading outside. "Goodbye, Edward," I said, hugging him tightly.

Edward kissed my cheek tenderly before pulling back. "I'll always love you, Bella," he choked, brushing his tears away before he turned and walked away.

I stood frozen in place, watching him get further and further away from me — fighting with the part of myself that wanted to call him back.

* * *

My eyes blinked open on the first Monday in June, the day I'd been dreading for a week — Jasper's and my anniversary. I'd already thought ahead, taking both today and tomorrow off work, as I knew I'd be in no shape for doing my job properly.

Wearily, I crawled out of bed hours after the sun had come up and took a shower. After dressing, I grabbed a quick breakfast and left my claustrophobic apartment. I took the 'L' train downtown and walked along Lake Shore Drive, just enjoying the weather. Occasionally, I'd rest for a while, sitting on a bench and watching the other locals and tourists also out for a stroll.

Noticing traffic picking up after several hours, I decided it must be getting to be late afternoon. I had skipped lunch, so I was really pretty hungry. Finding the nearest deep dish pizza restaurant, I went inside and ate until I felt ready to burst.

After dinner, I walked around aimlessly for a while, until finally the pull was too strong. Getting my cell phone out of my purse, I dialed Jasper's number.

"_Hello_," he answered, sounding distracted.

"Happy anniversary," I whispered.

"_Bella_?"

"Who else would it be?" I asked, hurt.

"_Why are you calling_?"

"I was missing you, Jasper. It's our anniversary."

He sighed. "_Not a day I really care to remember any more. Look, Bella, I'm at dinner with some friends. I shouldn't have even answered the phone. Take care of yourself_."

Jasper hung up with a click and I willed the tears to stay away, before someone called the cops on the crazy lady crying in the street.

I started walking to the nearest train station when I saw a group of people standing outside a restaurant, smoking. I peeked inside the door and saw a hostess stand to the right and a bar area to the left, leading back into the main restaurant seating area. I wasn't familiar with the place, but the patrons outside were well-dressed. It seemed nice enough.

Taking a deep breath, I walked inside and took a seat at the bar. The pretty blonde bartender was busy filling a tall glass from the beer tap, so I spent a few moments looking around at the room.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Um, yes, could I get an appletini, please?"

"Sure thing."

"Thank you," I replied, pulling my wallet out of my purse when she brought my drink.

As I sat sipping my drink, no fewer than three different guys tried to strike up a conversation with me or buy me another round. I was so not in the mood.

"Sorry," the bartender began, "This place can be a bit of a meat market sometimes. Guys see a pretty woman like you that they've never seen around here before… you're fresh meat." She shrugged.

"I'm not looking for a hook-up," I explained. "I'm married."

After a half hour or so, I'd finished my appletini and she brought me a second one.

"My name is Bree, by the way. Just call me if you need something."

"Thanks," I nodded. "I'm Bella."

Hours later, Bree poured my fifth appletini — or was it my sixth? Oh hell, who was counting?

"So what's your story?" she asked. "Why is a young married woman sitting here all night drinking alone?"

"I kinda lied earlier," I admitted. "I mean, I'm married, but… we're getting a divorce, and today is our anniversary."

"Ouch," Bree replied. "Seems like maybe the divorce wasn't your idea?"

"Definitely not. But it is my fault."

"Oh honey, I've been around the block enough times to know that it's _never_ just one person's fault."

Bree darted away to take care of some other customers, while I continued to drink… and mope.

"Bree, could I get another?" I asked when my glass was again empty. I swear, the glass must have had a hole in the bottom, it ran out so quickly.

"I think you've had enough, sweetie," Bree said gently.

No, I had most definitely _not_ had enough — not if I could still feel. But if Bree wasn't going to serve me anymore, I at least had a few bottles of beer in my fridge at home.

As I shakily stood up from the stool, Bree reached out and grabbed my wrist. "Hand over your car keys, please," Bree directed.

I was momentarily confused as I looked in my purse but could only find the spare key to my apartment. "Oh, I didn't drive," I said excitedly. "I took the 'L' down here."

Bree shook her head. "Let me call you a cab, Bella. You're pretty drunk, and I just don't feel right letting you leave here by yourself. It's five blocks to the nearest station. You'd be an easy target for some psycho, walking alone and then waiting for the train."

"No," I protested, "I'm fine. I don't want to take a cab. I'm not sure I even have enough cash for cab fare to get home, anyway."

"Then call a friend for a ride. Give me your phone and I'll do it."

Bree looked like she meant it, so I reluctantly handed over my cell phone. Bree started tapping the keys, looking for my Contacts, I assumed. "How about Angela? She comes up first on your list."

"All right," I surrendered. Angela would probably be the least judgmental of anyone she could call. "Um, where is the ladies room? I really need to pee."

"I imagine you do," Bree laughed. "It's right over there, behind the hostess stand. I'll call Angela while you go."

I headed to the ladies room, wondering when the room had started spinning. After relieving myself, I walked to the sink, where I stood staring at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, pale with red rimmed eyes. Seriously, guys were hitting on me tonight?

After I washed and dried my hands, I headed back out to the bar.

"Here's your phone back," Bree said as I sat heavily back on my stool. "Angela wasn't answering her phone, so I tried the next name in your Contact list. He said he'll be here in about 15 minutes."

He? I couldn't for the life of me remember who came next on the list.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, we learned more about Edward in this chapter. Is Bella wrong for refusing to be friends with him?

Sorry about the cliffhanger! Who do we think Bree called?


	7. To Be Loved

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

We blew through 250 reviews after the last chapter, yay! Two more chapters and we might be able to catch my first multi-chapter story. Or we could try to do it this time? Hint, hint.

So the vast majority suspect that Bree called Edward. There were a couple votes for Jasper or Charlie... and then there's Cappie, who guessed Aro.

Time to find out.

* * *

_Chapter 6_

"Bella," a familiar male voice called as I sat on my bar stool, trying not to fall asleep. I leaned my head onto my hands and closed my eyes.

"Oh my God, are you ok?" he asked, his warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up toward the source of the voice. Too close, he was standing much too close. Fuck, he smelled good.

"Ed—Edward? What are you doing here? You're not even old enough to be in here."

"It's a restaurant, Bella. Bree called me," he said, nodding towards the bartender. Traitor.

"Oh hey, you made it," Bree said, walking over to us. "Thanks for coming. I just couldn't leave her to take the 'L' home in her condition. And she didn't think she had enough money for cab fare."

"I'll make sure she gets home safely," Edward replied with a small smile. "Come on, Bella," he whispered, holding my hand and pulling me off the stool. I stumbled a little and Edward caught me, his arm around my waist holding me up.

Arm in arm, we walked out of the restaurant into the humid night air. Edward led us toward the street and raised his arm to hail a cab.

It wasn't long before a cab pulled up along the curb and Edward helped me into the backseat, giving the driver my address. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I closed my eyes again.

It seemed to be just seconds later when I felt Edward stroking my arm. "We're here, Bella," he said quietly, before handing some cash to the driver and helping me stand up.

"I can take it from here," I told him as we stood together on the sidewalk once the cab drove away.

Edward shook his head. "You're not home safely until you're inside." He put his arm around me again and led me into the building, punching the button for the elevator.

Once we reached my floor, I again tried to get Edward to just leave, but he insisted on seeing me all the way to my door. I fumbled around in my purse for the key I'd seen earlier, eventually finding it. I struggled to fit the key in the lock before Edward finally took it from me and opened the door, following me inside.

"I'm home. You can leave now, Edward," I said tiredly.

"Sit," he ordered, leading me to the couch. I sat heavily, then leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Edward startled me a minute later when he held an ice cold bottle of water to the side of my face.

"Drink this," he said softly as he sat beside me. "You'll feel better in the morning."

I twisted the cap off and took a long swig, finishing half the bottle. Who knew I'd be so thirsty after drinking all night?

"Why did you do this to yourself, Bella?" Edward asked, smoothing my hair. I hoped that was a rhetorical question.

"Bella," he persisted when I didn't reply.

"Don't you know what day it is?" I snapped.

Edward sighed. "Yes, I know it's your anniversary."

"Do you think I'd forget the day I met you?" he added under his breath.

"Isn't my anniversary enough reason to get drunk? I called Jasper earlier and he wouldn't even give me the time of day."

Edward hung his head. "I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I'm so sorry that you're still hurting so much because of what we did."

"You should be!" I yelled. "It's all your fault that I'm alone and miserable. And horny — alcohol makes me fucking horny."

"Uhhhh…"

I finished drinking the rest of the water and tossed the empty bottle to the side, then scrubbed my hands over my face. "I want him back," I said quietly into my hands. "I want my husband back."

Tentatively putting his arm around me, Edward held onto me while I cried drunken tears on his shoulder. "I wish I could make it up to you somehow," he said softly.

"Make Jasper love me again."

Edward snorted a humorless laugh. "I don't have that kind of power, Bella."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax, enjoying being held in Edward's arms. God, I'd missed basic human contact.

"Are you gonna be all right?" he asked a few minutes later.

I nodded, my eyes still closed.

"Ok, then I think I'm gonna head home. Get some sleep, ok?" he said, kissing my forehead tenderly.

When I heard the sound of the front door opening, a switch flipped in my brain. I was horny, and the best sex I'd had in a very long time was leaving. Something was very wrong here.

"Edward, wait!" I called, scrambling off the couch and stumbling to the door. He turned around, looking at me curiously.

"Don't go," I whispered, standing on my tiptoes so I could kiss his pouty lips. Instead, I got his cheek as Edward turned his head at the last second.

"What was that for?" I asked, hurt by his rejection. "Don't you want me anymore?"

"Of course I still want you, but you're drunk, Bella."

"I'm not so drunk that I don't know what I want," I insisted.

Edward shook his head. "I'm not going to take advantage of you."

Slowly, I reached out my hand and touched Edward's chest, feeling his heart beating madly beneath the thin cotton of his t-shirt. As he stared at my lips, I drew my hand down toward his jeans, feeling his muscles tense as my hand passed over his killer abs. I continued past the waistband of his jeans, until I was palming his cock, feeling it harden under my hand.

"Bella," he groaned.

"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Edward," I said quietly, while I continued to rub his cock through his jeans.

I saw his eyes widen slightly and his nostrils flare… oh yeah, he was turned on. I had him right where I wanted him. As Edward's breaths sped up, I stood up on my tiptoes again, running my tongue along that amazing jaw that I'd admired since I first saw Edward in Forks.

"Are you gonna give me what I want now?" I asked with a wink, before biting his ear gently.

"What—what is it you want? You have to tell me. Say it… out loud."

"I want _you_, Edward," I stated.

With the hand that wasn't on Edward's cock, I shoved the still-open door until it closed with a click, then dropped down to my knees. I opened the button fly on Edward's jeans, reaching inside to pull his cock out of his boxer briefs. It was so warm in my hand and I almost salivated at the sight — long, thick and hard. _Hello, old friend._

Watching Edward's face, I leaned forward and with little prelude, took his cock into my mouth as far as it would go.

"Unnnngghhh…" he moaned, as I drew back slowly, swirling my tongue around him. Wrapping my hand around the base, I took his length back into my mouth, sucking as hard as I could. I smirked as I saw Edward's knees buckling.

Suddenly, he pushed me back off his dick, then pulled me up to my feet by my arms, spinning me around so my back was to the door and thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I quickly wound my hands into his hair and tugged as our tongues tangled frantically.

"God, I've missed you," Edward whimpered, moving from my lips and sucking just under my left ear.

"Bed, now," I whispered. Edward surprised me by pulling back, then bending over until he could reach under my thighs, picking me up to carry me.

Once we reached the bed, he lowered me to my feet, grasping the hem of my top and lifting it up over my head. He went to work on my pants as I quickly dispatched his t-shirt. Edward struggled a bit, but managed to unhook my bra by himself this time. I took matters into my own hands then, pulling my panties down and flopping back on the bed.

Once Edward had shoved his jeans and boxer briefs down, he climbed on top of me, lying between my spread legs, with his weight on his elbows.

"Are you really sure, Bella?" he asked in a strained voice.

In response, I circled my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. We kissed for what felt like hours — I didn't think I could ever get enough of Edward's lips and tongue. His hands were everywhere, caressing my skin with a tenderness that nearly brought tears to my eyes.

My back arched off the bed when Edward finally brought those long fingers right where I wanted them. He stroked me gently a few times before taking his hard length in his hand and pushing inside inch by inch, groaning loudly. "It's been too long, and you feel so good," he panted before kissing me sweetly. "I don't think I'll last."

"Then we'll keep practicing until you can," I said with a smile, lifting my hips to let him know he could start to move.

As Edward pulled back and thrust in again, I brought my legs up to encircle his waist, ensuring he'd stay close to me. Just the feel of his warm chest on mine was making me crazy with lust. Edward leaned down, taking my nipple in his mouth, making me arch off the bed again. He alternated between my breasts while he pumped in and out, still not fast enough to really get me off.

Finally, I needed more. "Hold my leg, Edward," I directed, lifting it up toward his shoulder, and the change in angle was exactly what I needed.

"Oh my God, I can go deeper," he said, seemingly in awe.

"Yes, now fuck me harder, damn it. Show me what you're made of."

I didn't have to tell him twice, and in no time at all, we were screaming out in ecstasy together before Edward collapsed on top of me. I wrapped myself around him, holding him there, just wanting the amazing feel of skin-on-skin to never stop.

Edward buried his face in my neck, inhaling deeply before he leaned up to capture my lips. We kissed lazily for a few minutes, still connected intimately, before I felt him begin to harden inside me.

"Again?" I asked, giggling.

"Is—is that ok?" he asked tentatively.

"Am I complaining?"

"You're amazing, Bella," Edward whispered, before kissing me deeply as he began to move again. "I love you so much."

Fuck, why did he have to ruin this with declarations of love?

Our position seemed too intimate all of a sudden, so I pushed hard on Edward's shoulder until he got the hint, flipping over onto his back and pulling me with him so that I was now on top. I took Edward inside me again and began to move, watching the lust in his bright green eyes as he stared up at me.

Edward reached up, holding my breasts in his hands as he played with my nipples. I continued to ride him shamelessly, finally throwing my head back and closing my eyes, just giving in to the feelings as he thrust up to meet me again and again. Sex had never, ever been this good before. It was like our bodies were made for each other.

Suddenly, Edward sat up, holding me close and kissing me tenderly while we continued to move together. When his hands grasped my hips, directing my movements, I relinquished control, letting him do whatever he needed to bring us both to the edge.

After Edward's fingers reached down to where we were joined, I finally lost it, my orgasm tearing through me as my pussy clenched around his hard cock.

"Oh fuck," Edward cried, before squeezing his eyes shut as he came.

My head spinning wildly, I leaned my forehead into Edward's neck, breathing heavily while my arms went around him, my hands rubbing up and down his warm sweaty back.

I felt Edward's fingers running through my hair over and over, before he tugged a little until I lifted my head, looking him in the eye. He kissed me tenderly, dragging his tongue along my bottom lip as he pulled away.

"I love you. Tell me you love me, too," Edward commanded quietly. "Tell me," he repeated when I just stared, open-mouthed.

"I love your cock, Edward," I finally replied, climbing off of him and stumbling to the bathroom.

Alone, I felt ashamed for how I'd deliberately hurt Edward. I just couldn't deal with the thought of having _feelings_ for him. Turning on the shower, I waited a couple minutes until the water heated up before stepping under the spray.

As I squirted my body wash onto the shower pouf, it was suddenly ripped out of my hand. I spun around to face Edward, who was watching me with an inscrutable expression. I hadn't heard him step into the tub.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He nodded. "I'm sorry, too — I shouldn't have pushed you. Let me take care of you, Bella."

I stood there gazing into his eyes as he tenderly washed me, kissing and caressing each new clean patch of skin. When he finished, he squeezed my shampoo into his hand and washed my hair. His fingers on my scalp felt incredible as I closed my eyes, surrendering to the feeling. When the last bit of shampoo was out, I pulled his lips to mine. I couldn't give him the love that he wanted, but I could give him my body.

I reached for his cock, but he grasped my wrist before I could touch him. "You're exhausted, Bella," he said, shaking his head. "Round three can wait until morning."

Edward shut off the water, then helped me step out of the tub, grabbing a fluffy towel and drying me carefully. When he finished, he took my hand and led me back to the bed, climbing under the covers and wrapping himself around me. I slept more peacefully than I had in months.

* * *

**A/N: **Well now, Edward _tried_ to do the right thing, but Bella's powers of seduction were too strong for him. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much is she going to regret this in the morning?


	8. Love Crime

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Interesting guesses for where Bella will fall on the regret-o-meter in the morning. I particularly liked the creative guesses of 82 and 927. Those two bring the average (mean) to 58 while the median is 10.

Longest chapter in the entire story (at least right now).

* * *

_Chapter 7_

I was having the most amazing dream.

I was lying on the beach with my eyes closed, feeling the warm sun beating down on me. The wind blew against my overheated skin, making me break out in goosebumps.

I must've been naked, because I felt something wet on my breast — a drop of rain? Or spray from the ocean waves?

Rain, it was definitely rain… I kept feeling the wetness in random spots all along my torso, slowly drifting lower.

And then I felt it at the apex of my thighs, right where I was most sensitive. I moaned loudly as the rain became more insistent, more intense.

I was beginning to recognize that it wasn't really rain making me feel like this, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. While most of my attention was focused between my legs, I was aware enough to know that I was lying on something soft — not a beach towel, and certainly not sand.

Sheets? Was I in my bed? Oh fuck, who cares?

I gave in to the sensations, lifting my hips to get closer to whatever source was making me feel like that. Every nerve ending in my body was wide awake, rushing toward the most intense climax of my life.

And then suddenly I was flying, my orgasm rocketing through me, my body clenching repeatedly. The wet stroking didn't stop, and my overly sensitive nerves couldn't take much more.

I forced my eyes to open and looked down, where all I saw was a mass of reddish-brown hair. That brought me back to reality real quick.

"Jesus, Edward, what are you doing?" I screamed.

He looked up at me, giving me a cocky smirk. "I'm having breakfast," he said with a wink. "Do you know you don't have any food in your apartment?"

I sat up quickly, pulling away from him and yanking the sheet up to cover my naked breasts. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Edward just stared at me. "Don't you remember?" he asked quietly.

"Remember what?" I looked over at the clock on the dresser and saw it was nearly 10:30. I tried to think back to the prior night, and the last thing I could remember was walking into a bar sometime after 6 o'clock.

"Bella, you got really drunk last night, and I helped you get home. I went to leave and you asked me to stay."

It was coming back to me now… kissing Edward at my front door, dropping to my knees… having sex with him — twice. _Jesus Christ, Bella._

"You remember now?" he asked, likely seeing the look of disgust — with myself — that I knew was on my face.

"I remember," I whispered, rubbing my aching forehead. I couldn't believe I forgot those two amazing orgasms for even a minute.

"Oh," he exclaimed. "You probably have a hangover, huh? Where's your aspirin?"

"Medicine cabinet in the bathroom," I answered quietly.

Edward clambered off the bed, and still in a state of shock, I watched his tight ass as he walked naked into the bathroom. He emerged moments later with a glass of water and two tablets. I quickly took them from him, before flopping onto my back.

"Anything I can do?" he asked tentatively.

"I think you've done enough."

Ugh, the look on his face — would I ever stop hurting him?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just feel like shit."

He nodded, lying down beside me under the covers and holding me to his chest, stroking down my back. We lay there for what seemed like hours, before Edward sat up quickly, glancing at the clock.

"Fuck, I'm gonna be late for work," he said, before he stood up and started picking his clothes up from where they were scattered on the floor.

"You have a job?" I asked skeptically. "Doing what?"

"Um, can I tell you about it tonight?" he asked as he stepped into his jeans. "I really need to get going. But I'll come by after work. I'll bring you dinner, ok?"

I nodded, watching him walk out of my apartment before I forced myself to get up. I needed greasy food to get over the rest of this hangover.

After dressing and brushing my teeth, I called Angela and asked her to meet me for lunch at the diner down the street from our office.

"I didn't expect to see you alive and well today," Angela said with a smirk as she sat in the booth across from me.

"I've had drugs, and I figured a cheeseburger would bring me back to the land of the living."

Once we had ordered, Angela sat staring at me. I squirmed under her inspection.

"There's something else," she finally said. "You're not just hungover. What have you done?"

I sighed, deciding to tell her the truth. "I had sex with Edward."

Angela's eyes grew huge behind her glasses. "You mean like recently?"

"Last night," I replied. "I couldn't help it, Ang. I was just so tired of being alone, never feeling any kind of human contact. And he was there. I was tired of fighting it, and so I kinda… seduced him."

Angela snorted a laugh. "I doubt that took much; the boy is crazy about you. So what now?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I mean, the sex was awesome, but…"

"Then go for it, if he's what you want."

"But he's not," I said emphatically. "I'm not in love with him — it's just physical attraction. I don't know if I could let anything happen again — I don't want to lead him on. And if Jasper ever found out…"

"Jasper is divorcing you, honey. You're free to do whatever you want. But don't hurt that kid, or I'm gonna have to kick your ass. I like him."

"Yes, Ma'am," I responded with a grin.

After Angela went back to work, I walked home, stopping at the park. As I sat on a bench, I watched wistfully as young moms played with their kids. _That_ should've been my life, not the one I had, living alone in a studio apartment, waiting for my divorce to be finalized.

Edward hadn't told me what time he'd stop by, but I left the park around 5pm. Once I got home, I downed a couple more painkillers before tidying up my apartment.

I'd been home about an hour when there was a knock at the door. "Hey," Edward said with a big smile when I opened it. "I brought Italian beef sandwiches — I hope that's ok?"

"Sure, I love those," I replied, ogling him in his tight green t-shirt. It really brought out the color of his eyes. "Have a seat at the bar and I'll get us some drinks."

I dug around in the fridge and found I had water, beer and… more beer. "Uh, do you want a beer?" I asked.

Edward just looked at me, raising one eyebrow. "I know you're under 21, but I always figured that if you're old enough to vote and have sex, you're old enough to drink."

"A beer is fine," he answered quietly.

"So where are you working?" I asked, picking up my sandwich.

"Um, I drive an ice cream truck."

I couldn't help but laugh. "An ice cream truck? Seriously?"

"Yeah… my friend Tyler got me the job. He drove one last summer, too."

"That's just… not at all what I expected you to say."

He shrugged. "It's a job. I don't really need the money, but I didn't want to just sit around doing nothing until August. Besides, I think it'll be useful in my career."

"How so?"

"Well," he began, "A lot of my therapy patients will be kids, and I have never really been around kids before — no younger brothers or sisters, and no one ever asks teenage _boys_ to babysit. It's good practice."

He had a point.

"What about you?" he asked. "Didn't you have to work today?"

I shook my head. "I had already asked for yesterday and today off. I knew I'd be good for nothing."

"Bella… I really am sorry for how things turned out. I'm everything you said I was — a spoiled brat — for having sex with you because I wanted you, without a thought to the consequences."

"Thank you for the apology," I said quietly. "Despite what I said last night, I do know that it's not all your fault. I blamed you for a long time, because it was easier than taking responsibility for my own actions. But I know that we're both at fault."

"I wish I could go back to that night, and not follow you upstairs when you went for a shower. It's just… I heard the water turn on, and I pictured you in the shower… naked… and I just had to _try_."

I sighed. "We both know I could've kicked you out of my room. But I didn't, and we can't go back in time."

Edward helped me clean up from our dinner, and I got us each another beer before we moved to the living room.

"Are—are you mad at me for last night?" he asked shyly after we sat on the couch.

"I'm not mad," I replied, shaking my head. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were going to leave and I stopped you." I shrugged.

"I mean… after that. Telling you that I love you, and asking you to say it back."

"Edward," I sighed, "I'm just… not ready to have feelings for someone other than Jasper. You're right, I don't like to hear you profess your undying love, because I hate to feel like I'm hurting you when I can't return it."

"I won't say it again," he promised, taking a long sip of his beer. With his head tilted back, I watched his jaw move as he swallowed, suddenly getting this warm feeling between my legs. I wanted him — now.

I grabbed his bottle and set it on the coffee table next to mine, then crawled into Edward's lap.

"What—what are you doing, Bella?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I retorted, grinding myself down on him. Oh yeah, there it is… I loved how quickly I could get him aroused.

"I thought you just said you didn't want this?"

"I don't want… feelings. But I do have needs, and you're very—" I stopped to kiss him "—very good at giving me what I need." I kissed him again, long and slow, pushing my tongue into his mouth once he opened for me.

Edward held onto my hips as he thrust up slowly. There were far too many clothes between us. As I reached down to undo his fly, Edward grabbed my wrist, thwarting my plans.

"Bella, we need to talk about this first."

He was being far too mature about this. I crossed my arms in front of my chest petulantly — and yeah, I knew I was pushing my breasts up. "So talk."

"You really make it difficult for a guy to concentrate," he said with a grin. "So you don't want to… be romantically involved with me, but you want to have sex?"

"Fuck, I know I'm not being fair to you, Edward. But we're both adults here, and I don't see the problem as long as you understand what's up… and Jasper never finds out."

"Do you think I'm turning you down, silly girl?" he asked, stroking my cheek gently. "Bella, I'm an 18-year-old guy — I think most of us will take sex any way we can get it. You're the woman of my dreams — I'll take you any way I can have you.

"And I know the score… you're not in love with me right now… but can I wish that being with me will change your mind?"

"Don't get your hopes up on that," I warned.

"Fine," he replied, rolling his eyes. "So we'd be, like, friends with benefits?"

"I don't think we're really friends, Edward. We don't have anything in common except for being attracted to each other. I think we'd be more like… fuck buddies."

"Well, buddy," Edward began, as he stroked up and down my sides. "Let's go to bed and fuck."

Laughing, I quickly climbed off of Edward's lap and ran toward the bed, shedding my clothes along the way. I helped Edward out of his t-shirt while he unzipped his pants, and in no time at all, we were naked and rolling around on the bed.

Edward teased me for what felt like hours while he kissed, licked and sucked on my breasts. God, he had me more worked up than I could ever remember being.

"Edward," I cried, "Get up here and kiss me."

Once he obeyed me, I maneuvered myself until his hard cock was lying between my legs. I couldn't wait any longer.

Realizing what I wanted, Edward entered me in one long thrust. I let out a scream from shock.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… did I hurt you?" he asked, holding himself still.

"You just surprised me is all," I replied. "Go ahead and move."

And move he did. His long, slow thrusts felt amazing, but just weren't doing enough to push me over the edge. Jesus, I needed to convince the kid that I wasn't going to break. Sometimes I liked slow and sweet, and sometimes I just needed… more.

"Curl your arms under my shoulders," I directed, and as always, Edward did whatever I asked in bed.

"Like that?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, just like that." _Now_ he was hitting just the right spot inside, and outside. I pulled Edward's lips to mine as I felt myself getting close. When he reached down and began rubbing my clit, I screamed out, "Oh fuck," as the pulses began.

Edward thrust into me hard a few more times before I felt him spilling into me.

"That will never get old," he panted, as he pulled out of me and collapsed onto his back. I giggled — I couldn't help it. He was just so damn… adorable.

I headed to the bathroom to clean up, then came back to bed, crawling under the covers next to Edward. He pulled me into his chest and I laid my head on his shoulder. I did enjoy cuddling just as much as sex sometimes.

As we lay there, Edward's hands began to wander, first along my back and then lower, cupping my ass before squeezing my cheeks.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking up at him.

Edward stared innocently back at me. "I like your ass," he finally answered with a shrug.

I looked down at his cock, lying there limply, before taking it in my hand. It grew quickly under my attention, back to its lust-inducing thickness.

"You like my ass, huh? Do you want to fuck me from behind?" I asked, stroking him from base to tip.

"Fr—From behind?"

"Jesus, Edward, have you never seen a porno? Surely you've seen people do it doggy style before."

"I've seen porn," he answered , turning bright red. "I just… didn't know exactly what you meant."

"Oh no, did you think I meant that I wanted you to fuck my ass? Not a chance in hell there, buddy."

As he laughed, I got up onto my hands and knees, shaking my ass at Edward. "What are you waiting for, loverboy?"

A look of pure lust on his face, Edward got up onto his knees and crawled behind me, rubbing his hands all over my ass, squeezing me.

"I'm not sure what to do," he admitted, blushing.

"The same as what you do in any other position," I laughed. "Insert Tab A into Slot B."

Edward took a deep breath, then moved closer, running his cock through my wetness before pushing inside carefully.

"Holy shit," he yelled. "So much tighter this way."

He began to move, slowly at first before picking up speed. "Are you sure this is ok?" he asked in a strained voice.

"It's more than ok. You feel amazing." God, did he ever.

At my confirmation, Edward began to move even faster, finally pounding into me hard enough that I had to brace myself to keep from scooting forward. I pushed back against him, wanting to come, yet wanting this to go on forever.

"Oh fuck," I screamed as I came. Edward whimpered behind me as he reached his end shortly after me, buried deep inside me. Slowly he pulled out and I turned around on my knees to face him. He was shaking and almost looked like he was going to cry.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I asked, concerned, taking hold of his chin.

In answer, he pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me, kissing me furiously. "Th—That was the most incredible thing I've ever felt."

I laughed. "You said the same thing when I gave you your first blow job."

"Everything new that we try is just… I never knew sex would be this good. I know it's just because I'm with you."

"Stick with me, kid — there's plenty more I can teach you." I replied with a wink, trying desperately to lighten the mood.

* * *

**A/N: **Surprise, huh? She doesn't really regret it, only regretting that she led Edward on. But like she told Edward the night before, she is tired of staying away from him.

But now she's come up with a plan to be "fuck buddies." Bella's in it for the sex, while Edward hopes she'll fall for him. Is this a disaster waiting to happen?


	9. On My Shoulder

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

My first story has 36 chapters and 359 reviews. In only 8 chapters, this story has blown that one away in review count, so thank you everyone!

So the responses from last chapter are kind of split on whether or not our couple is headed for disaster. We also have opinions ranging all the way from "Edward is an idiot" to "Bella is a bitch" and everything in between, including some cougars who wouldn't mind teaching Edward a few things.

* * *

_Chapter 8_

I resisted for 10 days before calling Edward for… well, let's be honest, a booty call. He brought over pizza and once we finished eating, we christened the breakfast bar. After watching a movie together on the couch, we christened the couch. Edward was learning stamina, making for a deadly combination of sinful attributes.

As summer went on, our relationship continued in the same fashion. Whenever I felt the urge, I'd call Edward and he'd show up at my place. He was always up for whatever I wanted… no pun intended. We never left the apartment together, never really talked, except for small talk while we ate dinner. We existed in our own little bubble, yet it worked for us.

I was making dinner one evening in mid-July when there was a knock at my front door. Opening it, I was surprised to see Edward on the other side.

"Hey, Edward," I greeted him. His tight black t-shirt showed off his muscular chest, but he looked even more pale than usual.

"Is this ok? I know you didn't call…"

"It's fine," I answered with a shrug. "Come on in. You look awful. Have a seat on the couch, and we can talk as soon as I get dinner in the oven."

I returned to the kitchen, finishing up the casserole I was making and sticking it in the oven. When I stood up and turned around, Edward was right in front of me.

"You scared me," I giggled.

Instead of replying, he pulled me close, kissing me passionately. "Please, Bella," he whispered. "Can we get naked first and then talk?"

"Well, we do have 30 minutes until dinner is ready. Let me set the timer real quick."

Edward held onto my hand as I set the oven timer, and then I began to lead him toward the bed when he shook his head. "I kinda liked that time on the counter," he admitted, turning bright red.

"All right," I acquiesced, "But you're gonna bleach it before we can eat there."

"Deal," he said with a big grin, his first smile since he'd walked into my apartment.

"That's better," I said quietly. "I love your smile."

I jumped up onto the breakfast bar and crooked my finger at Edward. Grinning, he stood between my spread thighs, kissing me intently. As my hands rubbed up and down his back, I grasped the bottom of his t-shirt and lifted it up. After he pulled back from my lips long enough for me to get it over his head, I began skimming my hands through his light chest hair.

"Do you wish I had more?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"More chest hair. Do you wish I had a more manly chest?" Edward hadn't sounded this insecure in a while.

"I think you have the perfect amount of chest hair."

He smiled, reaching out to lift my tank top over my head.

"Fuck, you're not wearing a bra."

I giggled. "No, I took it off when I got home from work. Do you… do you wish I had larger breasts?"

"Fuck no, they're perfect," he replied, leaning over to take a nipple in his mouth. I ran my fingers through Edward's hair while he continued to entertain himself with my breasts.

Finally he pulled away, groaning. "I need you — now."

I slid off the counter so that I could pull my shorts and underwear down, while Edward took care of his own jeans. Once I was naked, I climbed back up and spread my legs in invitation.

Slowly, Edward stalked toward me, grabbing hold of his cock and running it along my pussy once he reached me.

"Hang on," he warned, plunging inside. I moaned embarrassingly loudly once we were connected, bringing Edward's lips to mine.

Edward held tightly to my hips as he moved, while I wrapped my legs around his waist. I occasionally still felt moments of guilt for what we were doing, but I couldn't deny the way he made me feel.

Pulling away from my lips, Edward began sucking on my neck, while he continued to piston his hips.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," I yelped.

With one long grunt, Edward followed right behind me, laying his forehead on my shoulder as the shudders went through him. "I love you, Bella," he whispered before kissing below my ear.

As uncomfortable as that made me, he seemed to need it today, so I let him continue to hold me, stroking down his back while I tried to ignore what Edward had said.

Finally he pulled back, gazing into my eyes.

"Sorry," he whispered, before picking up his jeans and boxer briefs.

I jumped off the counter and walked over to him, kissing him quickly to let him know we were fine, before heading into the bathroom to clean up.

When I came out, Edward was fully dressed and disinfecting the counter as I'd asked. Setting our plates out once he'd finished, I checked on the casserole in the oven. I grabbed us a couple beers and then placed our dinner on the stove once the timer went off.

"Ready to talk now?" I asked, as we served ourselves.

"After we eat."

We ate in silence and then Edward helped me clean up, before I took his hand and led him to the couch. "All right, no more stalling — what's going on?"

He took a deep breath before beginning, "Today is six months since my parents were killed."

"Oh Edward…"

"I know it's not the first 'anniversary' we've had, but it just seems more real today. They're never coming back. My mom will never see me graduate from college, or get married, or hold her first grandchild."

I took Edward in my arms, hugging him tightly. "I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better."

"Just letting me be here makes me feel better," he whispered, kissing me softly.

"I didn't know your parents very well, but they seemed like good people," I said, running my fingers through his hair.

He nodded. "They were. My dad was a great doctor, and my mom was head nurse at the hospital. Everybody loved them."

"I'm sorry that Jasper didn't have more of a relationship with them. I guess he's never been a very forgiving person," I mused.

"What about your parents, Bella? Where are they?" he asked. "You never talk about them."

"They divorced when I was four years old," I replied.

"You're not from Chicago, right?"

"No, I grew up in Phoenix."

"Are your parents still living there?"

I shook my head. "After the divorce, my dad, Charlie, left Phoenix and moved to California. I used to spend a couple weeks with him every summer when I was growing up. I've only seen him a couple times since my wedding."

"But your mom is still there?"

"No, she moved to Jacksonville, Florida, last year after she married husband number four." I rolled my eyes.

Edward gasped. "Your mom has been married _four_ times?"

"Yeah… not a positive role model for relationship stability, huh?" I said with a humorless laugh.

"But was she a good mom?"

I shrugged. "Renee and I never had the best relationship. When I was growing up, she gave all of her attention to her boyfriend or husband of the moment, and never to me. I wasn't abused or anything like that, but I never felt like I had a mother's love. I was so envious of my friends with two loving parents who were still married."

Edward reached out and touched my cheek gently. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I smiled back at him. "It's not your fault."

"Did you ever think of going to live with your dad?"

"Yeah, just before my junior year of high school, I asked if I could come live with him, but he wasn't interested in being a full-time parent."

He frowned. "I know I was lucky that I had such great parents. I guess it was too good to last."

"Don't say that! Good things can last. I think my marriage with Jasper could've lasted — if I hadn't royally fucked up."

"Bella… you told me yourself that you and Jasper were having problems," Edward said gently.

"Well, sure, but I imagine that every relationship goes through rough patches. If I had just gotten pregnant, everything would've been fine."

"But you don't know if you can get pregnant, right?"

"No, I don't know for sure which one of us had the problem… if either one of us. Maybe we just needed to keep trying and it would've eventually happened." I shrugged.

"Is it… ok that we aren't doing anything to prevent you from getting pregnant?"

"Well, I'm still… careful about when I call you. But if it _does_ happen, then I'm willing to deal with the consequences. I've wanted a baby for over two years; that didn't stop just because Jasper and I are no longer together."

"But you wanted Jasper's baby," he whispered.

"And that's why I'm not trying with you, but I wouldn't be upset if it happened, you know? I just don't think it will. The tests showed no problems on Jasper's end, while mine were inconclusive."

Suddenly it occurred to me that Edward may not be as ok with an unplanned pregnancy as I was.

"Edward… would you be terribly upset if I did get pregnant?"

His eyes widened as he stared at me. "Don't you get it, Bella," he said quietly, shaking his head. "I want a future with you. I know that isn't what you want, but I can't stop dreaming about it. It's… a little sooner than I'd expected to become a dad, but of course I wouldn't be upset if you ended up pregnant with my baby."

Fuck.

I jumped up from the couch abruptly. "Let's get out of here… do you wanna go somewhere?"

"Like where?"

I shrugged. "We'll see a movie or something. Anything you want to see?"

"I want to see 'The Dark Knight Rises,' but it doesn't open until Friday."

"Then we'll figure it out when we get to the theater."

Edward stood up, hugging me closely. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know I made you uncomfortable. We can go see a movie if you want."

After I put on a bra and some long pants — movie theaters were notorious for being fucking cold — Edward and I headed out in my car to the nearest multi-plex, finally deciding on "Spider-Man." I had suggested we leave the apartment because I was uncomfortable, but sitting in the dark with Edward was starting to feel a little bit like… a date. And fuck, that made me uncomfortable, too.

Amazingly, Edward was a perfect gentleman, not even trying to feel me up or anything. I was kind of disappointed. _Jesus, Bella._ I was so fucked-up, I had no idea which way was up.

After the movie, we walked around for a bit. A large group of people were gathered outside a Cold Stone, and suddenly their sweet, creamy ice cream sounded like a great idea on a hot night.

I tugged on Edward's arm. "Edward, let's go get some ice cream."

He wrinkled his nose. "I can eat all the ice cream I want all day. But you go ahead."

Inside, I ordered my favorite cake batter ice cream in one of their fancy waffle cones, dipped in chocolate and colored sprinkles. Yum.

Edward and I sat at a small table outside while I ate my ice cream. Damn, it was so good, though I tried not to indulge too often — God knew how many calories were in that thing. After several bites, I looked up and noticed Edward watching me intently.

"What?"

"You have no idea how sexy you look, licking that ice cream."

I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Oh for God's sake, you're such a teenage boy sometimes."

"You don't mind my age when I can get hard again five minutes after we have mind-blowing sex."

Touché.

Once I finished my ice cream, I drove us back to my apartment.

"Can I stay?" Edward asked quietly. "I know you have to work tomorrow."

"You can stay, but no waking me up in the middle of the night for another round," I said sternly.

"Yes, Ma'am," he grinned.

I'd barely locked the front door to my apartment when Edward spun me around, pushing me into the door while he kissed me furiously. I yelped when he picked me up under my ass, winding my legs around him as he ground into me.

"We haven't done it against the door yet," I panted.

"No, that was just payback for the ice cream," he replied, shaking his head. "I want to take you to bed."

I nodded, and we walked hand in hand to the bedroom area after he put me down. We undressed each other slowly, kissing softly between each article of clothing. I had to fight with the part of myself that again felt this was too intimate to be doing with a fuck buddy — Edward was in pain today and I cared about him enough to be whatever he needed.

Once we fell into bed, Edward began kissing every inch of my body, from my feet up to my lips. Of course, he skipped the place I really wanted him. Brat.

I was just about to stop him from marking my neck when he thrust inside slowly, an inch at a time. Once we were fully connected, he kissed my lips tenderly. "Thank you for tonight, Bella," he whispered.

His pace remained achingly slow, much more like love making than having sex, though I refused to call it that. I didn't love Edward. I couldn't.

When he curled his arms under me and began moving faster, I tugged on his hair until he brought his lips to mine.

"Fuck, Edward," I screamed as I crashed over the edge moments before he did. It didn't escape my attention that I had never before called his name in the throes of my orgasm, but I wasn't going to contemplate what that meant. Not right now.

* * *

**A/N: **Bella's method of natural family planning? Do not try this at home, kids.

Six weeks into their "arrangement" and no disaster yet. But is Edward's plan to win Bella's heart working?

And who's excited about the return of _The Vampire Diaries_ tonight? Review replies may be a little late. :)


	10. I'll See You Again

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Posting a day early since I'm going out of town for a business trip.

Lots of readers worried that Bella's method of natural family planning isn't going to be enough to stop Edward's super sperm.

* * *

_Chapter 9_

"So how's your boytoy?" Angela asked as we had lunch together one August afternoon.

I rolled my eyes. "I wish you wouldn't call him that."

"Well, what else is he? Your personal love slave?"

"I told you… we're fuck buddies. Lots of single woman have them." I shrugged.

"Maybe, though they're not usually 18 years old."

"Can you please not mention Edward's age? I feel skeevy enough for the fact that I deflowered him."

Angela choked on her Diet Pepsi. "You what?! You never told me he was a virgin," she whisper-yelled.

"I didn't?" Fuck, I really thought I had.

"Bella, listen to me — this changes everything. I told you not to break that kid's heart. I didn't know you were his first. I'm sure he's got some sort of emotional attachment to you because of that."

"You already knew that Edward thinks he loves me."

"Thinks?" she asked quietly.

"You believe he really does?"

Angela nodded. "Be careful with him. Let him down easy?"

"I don't have to let him down. I'm not sure exactly when, but he's gonna be leaving for college soon. Our 'relationship,' such as it is, will be over then."

"Can _you_ live with that?" Angela asked. Damn, she was smart. I'd often thought that Angela was in the wrong profession — instead of editing, she would've made a great therapist.

"It's just sex, Angela," I insisted. "When Edward leaves for college, I'll… buy a vibrator or something. I know I'm definitely not ready to start dating."

"Are you planning to invite Edward to the company picnic tomorrow?"

"You're joking, right?" I deadpanned. "What would everyone think?"

"Well, if you two can keep your hands off each other for three hours, they'll think he's your brother-in-law."

"I — no, he probably has to work anyway. Besides, didn't you just tell me to be careful with his heart? Asking Edward on a _date_ would definitely give him the wrong impression."

A week after the company picnic — which I attended _alone_, thank you — I came home from work on Friday night to find Edward sitting in the hallway outside my apartment, holding a pizza box.

"Hey — how long have you been waiting there?"

"Not long," he shrugged. "About five minutes. The pizza should still be hot."

I opened the door and Edward followed me inside, laying out the pizza box on the breakfast bar while I gathered up plates and drinks.

"What's the occasion?" I asked, picking up a slice of deep dish heaven.

"Um, I needed to talk to you. But after we eat."

Edward had a strange expression on his face, and it made me nervous.

We made small talk while we finished the pizza, then Edward led me by the hand to the living room. Once we sat down, he stared at his lap, nervously twisting his fingers.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked, lifting his chin with my finger so I could look into his gorgeous green eyes.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," he whispered. "I have a flight to Seattle leaving tomorrow afternoon."

I couldn't speak, couldn't even breathe for a moment. I knew this day was coming, but hearing that it was tomorrow was like a kick in the stomach.

"I have to get the rest of my things, and my car from Forks," he continued. "New student orientation starts next Thursday, the 23rd. It's supposed to be a 36-hour drive from Forks to St. Louis, so I figured it'd take four days."

"Wow, so, this is it, huh? Next week you'll be a college freshman." I tried to smile, but it probably came out more like a grimace.

Edward turned to face me, taking my hand in his. "Bella, will you come with me to St. Louis?"

"What?" He did _not_ just ask me that.

"Please, Bella? I love you; I don't want to be away from you for the next four years."

"Ed—Edward," I stammered, "I can't leave my _home_ for you, sweetheart."

"I know you have a job here, but I'm sure you can find something in St. Louis."

"It's not just a job, Edward — my life is here."

"What life? Jasper isn't going to take you back," he said angrily. "He isn't going to forgive you. And I know you told me once that most of your friends took his side."

"Until the ink is dry on our divorce papers, I still have a chance with Jasper," I insisted.

"Bella, he wouldn't forgive his own mother — he's not going to forgive you either."

"Shut up!" I yelled, standing up and walking to the kitchen for a beer.

Edward followed me and was right there behind me as I shut the door to the fridge. He grabbed hold of my upper arms, shaking me a little bit.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to face reality: You fucked up by sleeping with me. Your marriage is over. It's been six months — he's not gonna take you back."

I burst out crying at the harsh words, and Edward carefully took me in his arms, holding on to me while I sobbed. I refused to contemplate whether or not some of my tears were over the loss of Edward, as well as Jasper.

Finally, I sniffled, pulling away from his warm chest. "I'm sorry for breaking down like that."

"Will you… reconsider now?"

I shook my head, wiping my eyes. "I can't go to St. Louis with you, Edward."

"Do you care about me at all, Bella?" he asked in a small voice.

"Of course I do! You are an amazing boy, but that's just it — you're a teenage boy. I can't just pack up and move with you."

"Could we… continue to see each other after I leave then? I checked online, and it's a really short flight, only an hour. Or I could drive back in like five and a half hours."

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Edward."

"Why not? Do you… do you want to be with someone else?"

"No, no, I'm not ready to date _anyone_ — and that includes you. If we were to continue something long distance, it would just… feel too much like dating to me."

"But, Bella, I don't know how I'm supposed to survive four years without you!"

"You'll find someone else once you're in college. I'm sure there will be plenty of pretty girls there."

"But I don't want anyone else; I want _you_."

"Edward, we've talked about this… You are 18 years old; we're at very different points in our lives. There is no way that any kind of relationship between us would work right now."

He pulled away from me and began pacing across the room, finally coming to a stop in front of me, tugging at his hair.

"How about this? I'll go to college, and then I'll come back for you."

"Come back for me?"

"Sure, yeah, I'll be 22 then, so maybe you won't feel like I'm so young."

"Edward, I'm going to be 30 next month. Think how old I'll be in four more years."

"Your age has never mattered to me. Will you wait for me?"

"_Wait_ for you? You mean, spend the next four years alone, waiting for you to grow up and come back?"

He nodded.

"No, Edward, I can't promise you that. And you shouldn't promise me, either. I don't want you to miss the potential love of your life, just because you're hung up on me. College is for learning who you are, and what you want… you need to get out there and explore."

"But I already know what I want — I've wanted you since the first day I saw you."

"Edward…"

"No, listen to me — I was sitting in the front row of the church with my parents. Once the music started, everyone turned around to look. When I saw you there on your dad's arm, in your long white dress, it was like I was looking at an angel.

"As you got closer, I couldn't stop staring at you. You were so beautiful… You're still so beautiful," he whispered, kissing me tenderly while his arms wrapped around my waist.

I twined my arms around his neck, kissing him back with everything I had. His heart was pure, I knew that, but I couldn't be what he wanted.

Suddenly, Edward grasped my ass, picking me up as I wrapped my legs around him. Never leaving my lips, he somehow made his way to the bed, kneeling on it and laying me down carefully. He lifted my shirt over my head and unhooked my bra — he was quite the expert, now.

As Edward began licking and sucking at my breasts, I shamelessly held his head to my chest, running my fingers through his messy hair. His tongue was so freaking talented. I never even had to teach him how to get me aroused.

Edward pulled away long enough to get up on his knees and pull his t-shirt over his head one-handed, in that sexy way guys do. As he straddled me, I reached out to undo his fly.

"Anxious much?" he smirked — yes, smirked. Baby boy was getting cocky. "You first," he said softly, reaching behind me to open the zipper on my skirt.

Once I was naked, he eyed my pussy like it was something to eat. Well, I guess it was. "If I can't taste you for the next four years, I need to make this count."

Oh hell.

One long lick and I was already close. As Edward's gifted tongue worked its magic, I grasped the sheets tightly to keep from holding his head instead. God knew what nonsensical words and sounds were coming out of me.

When Edward sucked my clit into his mouth, I was done for, screaming and panting as waves of pleasure went through me.

Instead of stopping, he redoubled his efforts, thrusting his tongue inside me and then all along my sex.

"Oh God… too sensitive… stop…"

I saw him shaking his head, never removing his tongue. When his fingers replaced his tongue inside, I saw stars for the second time, screaming in pleasure. This time, Edward's tongue slowed, and he pulled away with a grin once the shudders ended.

"I've always wanted to see if I could get you to come twice in a row."

"Well, now you know," I panted, closing my eyes.

I felt the bed move, assuming that Edward had gotten up to take off his pants. Christ, was I ready for his cock after all that?

My eyes were still closed when I felt him crawling on top of me. He placed one soft kiss in his favorite spot over my heart and then inched his way inside.

"Mmmm…" I couldn't even speak.

"You feel so good, Bella," he whispered, before taking my earlobe in his mouth. I grasped his ass, pulling him closer. I wanted to feel every inch of him touching me.

"I love you." He kissed me gently, and I couldn't be mad at him. I lost track of time as we continued to come together. He got up on his knees, and holding the headboard for leverage, he finally — finally — showed me what he was made of. I almost felt like I was going to pass out from the pleasure.

"Oh God, Edward…" I screamed out my climax, throwing my head back and closing my eyes.

Edward must've come because the next thing I knew, he was lying next to me, scooping me into his arms. Both of us were breathing heavily. A part of me wanted to jump out of bed, afraid of what had passed between us, but I didn't think I could move.

Edward woke me up three times during the night. It was like he couldn't get enough of me. When morning came, I was still exhausted — not to mention, a little sore. We'd never done it that many times in one night before.

I reached over toward Edward and found his side — I mean, the left side — of the bed empty.

"Edward?" I called.

He walked out of the bathroom looking positively delicious, wearing nothing but one of my towels.

"I figured I'd shower here, is that ok?"

"What? Yeah, it's fine." I was still a bit dazed.

"I need to get back to my apartment soon. I'm already packed, but I have to turn in the key. I'm supposed to be at the airport by 1pm."

"All right," I whispered.

"So… last night didn't change your mind, did it? You won't come to St. Louis with me?"

"No, Edward."

"No long-distance relationship?"

I shook my head.

"I'm coming back for you, whether you wait for me or not. You can't stop me from wanting you."

I sighed. "I can't promise you anything, Edward. Please don't make me any promises, either. Go on and live your life."

"I love you, Bella. I don't want anyone else. I… if I meet someone who comes even close to you, I'll… give it a chance. But I don't expect to."

I nodded. "I guess that's the best I can hope for."

"Would you… drive me to the airport? I was planning to just take a cab, but I'd really like to spend another few hours with you."

"I can't, Edward. Angela and I had plans today."

I wanted to kiss that pout off his face.

"Ok," he whispered. "I'll just get dressed."

I nodded again, heading into the bathroom to take care of business. Throwing on my robe, I hurried out to say goodbye to Edward.

I found him in the living room, leaning against the back of the couch. I could see him biting his lip, trying not to cry, which made _me_ emotional.

"One last kiss?" he whispered.

I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him softly. "So I guess maybe I'll see you when you're all grown up?"

He nodded, leaning down and kissing me deeply. Just as it felt like the kiss was going to turn into something more, he pulled back, then gave me a final, chaste kiss.

"I love you, Bella. Always."

He turned away as his tears started to fall. Opening the door, he stood there with his hand on the knob, looking back at me, giving me one last chance to change my mind.

But I couldn't.

Once the door closed behind him, I sank to the floor, my head in my hands. I didn't expect Edward's leaving to hit me like it did. But I could _not_ have a romantic relationship with an 18-year-old boy, no matter how good the sex was.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm heading for the airport very soon, and I don't have a fancy phone with internet, so review replies will be delayed until I return on Wednesday. Please don't let that stop you from reviewing to tell me how much you want to hug Edward and slap Bella, or vice versa. But if you want to hug sweet Edward, you'll need to get in line behind Moosals, who already claimed the front place in line while pre-reading.

Next chapter will post on Thursday, but probably not as early as usual, since I'm not working and will probably sleep in. :) Or, if we can reach 500 reviews by the time I get home Wednesday, I'll post it then!


	11. Loneliness Knows Me By Name

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Back from my business trip, and you guys reached the goal — 511 reviews! So you've earned this chapter tonight and not when I crawl out of bed tomorrow morning, or afternoon.

Lots of hugs for Edward and slaps for Bella, though some do understand where she was coming from in refusing to leave town with him.

* * *

_Chapter 10_

Two days after Edward left, I got my period. A tiny part of me was… disappointed. I knew I'd been taking a chance when I'd invited Edward over two weeks earlier, but it was Jasper's birthday. It was either sit there getting drunk, wondering what he was doing and knowing I couldn't call him, or fuck his brother. I chose the second option and it was a good one — I finally got the door sex I'd been after the night we came home from the movie.

As the weeks went on, I missed Edward, probably more than I cared to admit. I didn't just miss the amazing sex — I missed _him_.

Since that night in July when Edward was upset about his parents, we'd actually started to form a tentative friendship. We rarely went out anywhere together, but we did a little more talking and less fucking on the nights he'd come over. I still didn't think we had a lot in common — he preferred action movies while I liked a good romcom — but we could always find a lot to talk about. Edward was clearly an intelligent young man who would've done very well in medical school, but when he spoke about his planned music therapy major, I could feel his passion for helping others the way he'd been helped as a child.

Every time I thought about Edward, I wanted to slap my face to bring myself back to reality. Edward and I were not romantically compatible. I was more than 11 years older than him; other people would consider me one step removed from a child molester. It would never work out.

I needed to buy a vibrator.

* * *

_September_

With my birthday falling on a Thursday this year, Angela postponed our celebration until the weekend, deciding to go downtown and play tourist. Though I'd lived in Chicago for seven years, I never really got out much to see my own city.

We were at Shedd Aquarium near the penguin exhibit when I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and saw a young blonde woman wearing too much makeup walking toward me.

"Hey, Bella, I thought that was you," she said with a toothy smile.

"Hi, um…"

"Jessica Stanley," she supplied. "I work with Jasper. We met at the agency's Labor Day party last year, remember?"

"Oh, right, I remember now. Um, this is my friend Angela."

"Nice you meet you, Angela.

"So how are you doing, Bella?" Jessica asked. "I missed you at the party this year. It sure was weird to see Jasper show up with someone else."

My breathing stopped and my heart fell to the floor. "S—Someone else?"

"Oh my God, me and my big mouth! You didn't know?"

"Know what?" I asked, dreading her answer, and praying that it wasn't as bad I thought.

"Um… Jasper is dating a woman from our graphic design department. Maybe you remember Alice from last year's party?"

It was as bad as I thought. "I don't recall the name, no," I managed to say, as Angela put her hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"I'm sure you'd remember her. She's about 5-foot tall, with short, black spiky hair."

It was beginning to ring a bell. "Kind of goth-looking?"

"Yep, that's her," Jessica replied. "I don't think she's really goth, but she does like black eyeliner and nail polish.

"And," she whispered conspiratorially, "I think she's actually a natural blonde."

I stood there in stunned silence. Jasper was dating someone. He had moved on.

"Are you dating anyone?" Jessica asked.

"Um, no, no I'm not."

"Oh, great! Do you remember Mike Newton from last year's party?" she asked excitedly.

"Vaguely… blond, blue-eyed, All-American?"

"Yeah, that's him. Anyway, I remember him being so upset when he realized you were Jasper's wife. If you're interested in dating someone, I'd be happy to give you his number."

"Oh, um… no, I don't think I'm ready to date."

"Silly me," Jessica giggled, "I've heard the rumors that Jasper caught you cheating. Are you still with the guy you were having the affair with?"

Oh my God, this woman had no tact. "Uhhh… no, um, he left town."

"Well, if you change your mind, just call the main number and ask for me, and I could give you Mike's number, ok? He's a real nice guy."

"Aunt Jessie," a young girl called, tugging at the bottom of Jessica's shirt. "You promised to take me to see the sharks."

"Ok, ok, I'm coming," she answered with a smile. "Nice to see you again, Bella."

Angela and I stared after Hurricane Jessica as she walked away with her niece. "Whatever you are thinking right now, don't let this ruin your birthday," Angela pleaded.

"He's moved on, Ang. It's over."

"But your life isn't over, Bella. Jessica just told you about a guy who's interested, you know Edward is interested, and I'm sure lots of other guys would be as well. When you're ready, you'll be able to have your pick of guys."

"What if I'm never ready?" I asked quietly.

* * *

_November_

My stomach was in knots as I walked into the office building where the law firm was located. When the elevator dinged on the correct floor, I headed directly into the ladies room to check my appearance in the mirror one more time. I smoothed my new dress, reapplied lip gloss and fixed a few stray hairs caused by the cold wind outside.

When I was satisfied that I looked as good as could be expected, I walked up to the receptionist, giving her my name.

I took a seat in the waiting area, crossing and re-crossing my legs repeatedly. I just wanted this to be over with, though I wished the day had never come. I made no sense, even to myself.

"Bella?" a voice startled me from my musings.

I stood up, shaking the hand of the petite redhead who was representing me. "Good to see you, Victoria," I managed to say.

"How are you doing?" She always seemed so motherly towards me, though she was actually two years younger than me.

I shrugged. "As well as can be expected."

"They're ready for you now," the receptionist called.

Together, Victoria and I made our way to the small conference room where Jasper and his lawyer were waiting for us.

Jasper's eyes widened a bit when he saw my appearance, and I got a secret thrill knowing that I could still affect him that way. The new dress had been a great idea.

Jasper's lawyer, Mr. James, read over the terms of our Marital Settlement Agreement one more time. After we both signed our names, it was done. We had a court date scheduled for shortly after Thanksgiving, where we'd go before a judge and then the final divorce decree would be entered.

As we stood up, Jasper slowly walked over to me. He actually looked nervous as we stood in silence, staring at one another.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said quietly. "I know you don't want this, and I appreciate your not fighting me."

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Why did you do it, Bella?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "I wish I did."

* * *

_December_

It was a week before Christmas, but I wasn't in the holiday spirit at all. I had no Christmas tree, no decorations. I hadn't even sent any Christmas cards.

Tonight was my office's holiday party, being held at a restaurant near downtown. As I came home from work to change clothes, I wasn't looking forward to it at all.

Grabbing my mail downstairs, I began flipping through the various pieces as the elevator ascended to my floor. One envelope stuck out at me — not only was the return address in St. Louis, but I recognized the freakishly neat handwriting.

_Edward._

I tossed my coat over the back of the couch and sat down, staring at the envelope in my hands. Finally, I took a deep breath and tore it open, pulling out the card inside.

It was a standard Christmas card, with prints of angels on the front, but inside, Edward had written a note to me.

**Dear Bella,**

**This card reminded me of you — my angel. I miss you so much. I can hardly believe it's been four months since I saw you last. On one hand, I can still remember the salty taste of your skin; but on the other hand, it feels like an eternity has passed since I've touched you.**

**I'm doing well in school. I love my classes, and I aced my finals. I've made one good friend, while there are a few students in my major that I'm friendly with, but wouldn't exactly call friends.**

**It's unbelievable, I swear there's a 7-to-1 ratio of female to male students here. Several of the girls would be considered "pretty," but not one of them compares to you.**

**I hope you're doing well. I'll be back for you, just as I promised. I love you.**

**Edward**

I wiped a few tears away before finding the red sequined dress I'd purchased just for this party and getting dressed. I was irrationally jealous, knowing Edward had his pick of hundreds — maybe thousands — of girls his own age.

Arriving at the restaurant an hour later, I put on a smile, pretending that I was having a good time. Angela totally saw through me. She appointed herself the monitor of my alcohol intake, which frankly pissed me off. But I knew she only had my best interests at heart.

I wasn't the only one at the party without a "guest," but still I felt self-conscious as I mingled, trying to seem like I was looking forward to the holidays as much as everyone else seemed to be.

When Angela wasn't looking, I left the banquet room, heading out to have another drink without interruption. As I got closer to the bar, all strung in tiny Christmas lights, it seemed strangely familiar to me.

"Hello?" I called tentatively, not seeing anyone working there.

"Be with you in a sec," a female voice replied from below the bar top. When she stood up, the bartender smiled at me. "Hey! Appletini, right?"

"Um, yeah?"

"You don't remember me, do you? I guess it's been like six months or something since you were in here last."

Now I remembered — we were in the bar where I'd sat getting drunk the night of my anniversary. I felt my face heat up as I wondered what I had said or done here that night.

"I remember — it's Bree, right?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "What brings you here tonight? I love your dress, by the way."

"Oh, thanks… Um, I'm here in the banquet room. Work holiday party. I just felt like stepping out for a while."

"Here you are," Bree said as she handed me my drink a minute or so later.

"Thanks," I smiled, taking a sip.

"So where's that gorgeous hunk of man meat that picked you up from here?"

"Uhhh… he's out of town."

"I know he looked kinda young, but please tell me you got yourself some of that. Holy hell, the way he was looking at you that night."

"He — he was?"

"Oh my God, he looked at you like you were something to eat."

Unfortunately, I had just taken a sip of my drink, and I spit it out, choking at Bree's comment, my face burning up as I remembered exactly how I'd been awakened the next morning.

"Are you ok, Bella?" Bree asked quickly.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm ok." I cleared my throat.

"So did you?"

"Did I what?" I asked, confused.

"Did you get a piece of him?"

I grinned. "Oh yeah, he fucked me into oblivion twice that night."

"Way to go," Bree smiled, raising her hand for a high five.

I laughed; I couldn't help it. Once I sobered up, I asked Bree, "You don't… think he's too young for me?"

"Is he legal?"

"Wh—what?" I sputtered. "Yeah, of course he's legal… not legal to drink," I added with a shrug.

"If he's legal, then who the hell cares how old he is? He was hot; I'd do him. When will he be back in town?"

"What? You want…"

"Bella, relax, I'm not moving in on your boytoy."

"He's away at college," I whispered.

"Oh, is he coming home for Christmas?"

"I — I don't think so. I don't think he'll be back until he graduates."

Bree looked confused, but I didn't feel like explaining Edward's and my history to her. When I finished my drink, I waved and headed back to the party.

"Where the hell have you been?" Angela accosted me as soon as I walked through the door.

"Um… at the bar," I answered sheepishly. "Listen, Ang, I think I'm gonna call it a night. I'll see you Monday morning, all right?"

Angela hugged me goodbye, squeezing me tightly. "Take care of yourself, Bella."

After taking a cab home, I undressed quickly and fell into bed. I'd been trying not to think about Edward, but talking with Bree just reminded me of the amazing times we'd had together. She didn't think our age difference was a problem, so why did I?

As I lay there, I continued to think back on my summer's worth of hot sex. I thought about all the different places around my apartment where we'd had sex — and I didn't have a very big apartment.

The more I remembered, the more I needed release. Though I didn't use it often, I'd bought a vibrator about three weeks after Edward left for college. It could never compare to him, but it was all I was getting at that point. With a sigh, I climbed out of bed, retrieving the toy from its hiding place in the bathroom.

I lay in bed, dipping my finger inside to spread my wetness around before turning on the toy. My mind flashed back to a particular sexy evening with Edward…

Edward had finally convinced me to see that Batman movie with him, and afterward, we went for a drive down by Lake Michigan. After we parked, Edward sweet-talked me into having sex in the backseat of my car, claiming that it was something of a rite of passage for teenagers that he didn't want to miss. Yeah, I didn't buy his argument, but I got naked with him anyway. Trying to maneuver in the small space made it a little awkward, but once we'd figured it out — holy fuck, we'd had to shower off the sweat when we got back to my apartment.

I screamed out my orgasm, shutting off the toy while I tried to catch my breath. It still felt good, obviously, but a plastic toy could never take the place of a living, breathing male.

It was only as I was in the bathroom cleaning up that I realized I'd gotten off to thoughts of Edward — not Jasper, and not some random hot, faceless guy. It was just because of the Christmas card and the talk with Bree, I told myself. What other reason could there be?

* * *

**A/N: **So, a lot happened this chapter: Belle learned that Jasper is dating Alice, Bella and Jasper's divorce is final, and Bella is missing sweet Edward. And no baby — sorry to disappoint those who were expecting one. But there is progress, no? Bella is getting closer to coming to terms with the changes in her life.

Am I greedy to set a goal of 600 reviews for a bonus posting on Friday? Otherwise, the next chapter will be Monday, as I want to get back on track with my usual days of the week.

Please don't forget to log in before you review! I'd love to be able to tell the reader who is worried about what she _thinks_ is going to happen that I don't like to be cliché, so there's a good chance it _won't_.


	12. Reach Out

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Bonus chapter! We're at 595 reviews, so that's close enough for me! You guys rock — I should have review goals for all chapters! Seriously, I love hearing what all of you are thinking.

Most seemed to see Bella's progress in the last chapter. Some still don't like her, while others get where she is coming from. Lots of worry for poor Edward spending Christmas alone.

* * *

_Chapter 11_

_January_

I spent my holidays with Angela and her family, skiing in northern Michigan. I hoped that Edward was spending the first Christmas without his parents with the friend he'd told me about in his card and not alone. When I'd told Angela about the card, she thought I should call him, or at least send him a card in return, but I couldn't. Admitting to myself that I missed Edward was one thing — reaching out to him, admitting it to him, was quite another.

I was washing the dishes one Friday evening in late January when my doorbell rang. Wiping my hands on a dish towel, I made my way to the door. Opening it, I was stunned to see Jasper standing on the other side. He looked nervous, one hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Um, hi, Bella."

"Jasper," I nodded. "I didn't really expect to see you again."

"Yeah, um, there's something I need to tell you. I won't feel right if you find out from someone else. Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure, yeah," I replied, opening the door wider and stepping back. Shutting it behind him, I followed him to the couch.

Instead of sitting down, he stood looking around my apartment as he removed his coat. "It's so… small," he finally said. "Surely you should've gotten enough in the divorce settlement to get a larger place — at least somewhere with a real bedroom."

I shrugged; I kind of liked my studio. "It's big enough for me. Would you like something to drink?"

"Do you have a beer?"

I nodded, heading into the kitchen area to grab two bottles from the fridge. I walked back to the couch and sat next to Jasper, handing him his beer.

"So what did you want to tell me?" I asked curiously.

Jasper cleared his throat, looked up at me, then stared down at his lap again. I could feel the nervousness radiating off of him.

"I've been seeing someone," he finally whispered, "Since last summer."

My eyebrows furrowed. "I know."

"You do?" he asked, gazing up at me curiously.

I nodded. "I ran into one of your co-workers — Jessica — last September, and she told me you were seeing someone."

Jasper snorted. "That girl has no sense of when to keep her mouth shut."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think it slipped out," I replied, before taking a long pull of my beer.

"Have you known her long?" I asked, wondering if Jasper may have been attracted to someone else before the shit hit the fan, so to speak.

"Not long," he replied, shaking his head. "She's been working at the agency for about three years, since she got her Masters in Art, but it was only last summer that we were first teamed up on a project and I got to know her."

I nodded, satisfied with that answer. "So why now?" I asked. "Why tell me about this now?"

"Bella," Jasper began in a pained voice, "This is really hard for me to tell you. But I think you need to know."

"You already said that," I responded impatiently.

"I just don't know of a way to make this easier," he sighed. "So I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Alice is pregnant, and I'm planning to propose to her."

"Preg—pregnant?" I whispered, swallowing hard. "As in, you two are having a baby?"

"Yeah… we just found out a couple weeks ago."

Suddenly I felt tonight's dinner on its way up. I stood quickly and ran to the bathroom, my hand over my mouth. Slamming the door closed with one hand, I lifted the toilet seat with the other and threw up. I didn't think I'd ever stop heaving. I continued kneeling on the floor for several minutes afterward, just in case I still had anything more in my stomach.

Flushing the toilet, I finally stood up, rinsing out my mouth and brushing my teeth. I opened the door slowly and walked back to the couch. Jasper was still sitting there, with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He peeked over at me as I resumed my place next to him.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I sure didn't know what to say. My head was still spinning, and I began to grasp the second part of what Jasper had said — he was going to ask Alice to marry him. Logically I already knew that Jasper and I wouldn't be getting back together, but this turn of events certainly sealed the deal.

"Are you all right?" he finally asked quietly.

"Yes," I whispered.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know what this must mean to you. Obviously, if Alice could be—"

"Don't say it," I interrupted. "Just… don't. I get what it means."

He nodded, finally sitting up straight. "It's sooner than I thought I'd be getting married again, but I think I've known for a few months now that Alice was the one for me. She's amazing; our personalities mesh perfectly. You and I, we always enjoyed a lot of the same things, we seemed to have so much in common, but inside, we were always very different.

"I've learned a lot in the past year, about what it takes to have a good relationship. Grateful isn't the right word, but I'm glad that our marriage ended before we wasted more time. We were never going to be together for the long term, Bella. You must see that we really weren't all that compatible. I can see myself with Alice for the rest of my life. I don't want to hold a grudge against you anymore. While your actions hurt me, they freed me to find the person that I was meant to end up with. I truly hope that you can find the same."

I sat in silence, tears streaming down my face. How could Jasper say those things? I'd thought he was _my_ long term. Always.

"Don't cry, Bella, please."

"Just give me a minute," I whispered, standing up to retrieve a bottle of water from the fridge.

After drinking half the bottle, I walked in a daze back to the couch and sat down again, wiping the tears away.

"Bella?" Jasper asked quietly. "Are you — are you still in touch with Edward?"

I shook my head, taking another long drink.

"Oh… all right."

"Why do you ask?" I croaked.

"Well, I wanted to make peace with him, too. I suppose I could contact Dartmouth and see if I can get a message to him. I doubt he'll answer his phone if I try to call, and he'd probably delete any voice mail or text message."

"He's not at Dartmouth," I responded absently.

"He's not? I remember Mom calling me all excited when he got the acceptance letter."

I shook my head. "Dartmouth wasn't really what he wanted, so he's following his heart. He's attending school in St. Louis."

"Oh, is he going to Washington University? I hear they have a great medical school."

"No, he's not studying medicine. He's attending a small school I hadn't heard of before."

"What's the name of it? I could call there and try to leave a message."

"You don't need to do that; I have his address. He, um, sent me a Christmas card."

I stood up, finding Edward's card tucked in a drawer. I quickly scribbled his address on a post-it note and handed it to Jasper.

"Thanks," he said with a nod and a smile.

"So, um, are _you_ seeing anyone?" Jasper asked suddenly.

"No."

Jasper nodded. "You need to move on, Bella. This apartment just looks so… temporary. Like you've been living in limbo, waiting for me to take you back. You need to start living your life again."

"Don't tell me what to do," I snapped.

"I'm not… I'm giving you some advice."

"Advice I didn't ask for."

"Ok, fine. You didn't ask for it, but I don't wish you any ill will. I'm worried about you. I hope you can find happiness… even if it's with my brother."

My eyes shot up to his. "Did you just encourage me to… get involved with Edward?"

"I'm not _encouraging_ it, exactly. But if he's what you want, then I don't want you to worry about what I think."

"But he's not," I protested. "I don't want him." _You're lying, Bella_, my subconscious tried to say.

"So you two didn't continue your affair after I caught you?"

My mouth opened and closed like a fish. I didn't want to lie to Jasper, but no way in hell could I tell him the whole truth here. "Other than one time when we talked things out, I didn't even see Edward for months."

"I'm sorry," Jasper stated, "I had no right to ask you that. It isn't any of my business what you did once I filed for divorce."

He slapped his hands on his thighs, standing up from the couch. "I've taken up enough of your time; I should probably get going."

I followed Jasper to the door, smiling softly at him before he walked away.

"Goodbye, Bella."

Closing the door behind Jasper, I sank to the floor, burying my head in my bent knees as I sobbed.

* * *

_February_

After Jasper's revelation, I fell into a deep depression. Nothing in my life made me happy any more, including my job, which was usually my one bright spot.

Alice's unplanned pregnancy meant that Jasper's swimmers were just fine. It was completely my fault that we hadn't been able to get pregnant after nearly two years of trying. I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant without science intervening — I was infertile. I was something less than a real woman.

I managed to stuff my feelings to the back of my mind long enough to get through the day at my office, but once the work day was over, I headed home to my empty apartment to cry alone. Angela knew something was up, but I hadn't told her yet what Jasper had revealed. I wasn't ready to share my heartbreak with anyone.

I'd planned to take Valentine's Day off work, as I couldn't bear the thought of my co-workers all getting flowers or chocolate delivered to the office while I got nothing. Unfortunately, I had a deadline to meet and couldn't afford the time off.

I was hard at work that morning when the receptionist called me, asking me to come out to the front desk. Not having a clue what she could want, I made my way to the front of the office.

A uniformed man stood out there holding a large, wrapped bouquet. "Are you Isabella Whitlock?" he asked.

"No — I mean, yes, I was. Um, yeah," I stumbled over my reply. I had taken back my maiden name of Swan after the divorce.

"Here you are, Ma'am," he said, thrusting the large vase into my hands.

"Uh, thanks," I replied dumbly, before carrying the heavy vase back to my desk.

Angela stood up, peering over the cubicle wall as I set the vase on the desk and sat down. "Oooh, you got flowers! You didn't tell me you've been seeing anyone, you bitch!"

"I'm not," I protested. I opened the plastic wrap, stunned to find a gorgeous bouquet of white roses, surrounded by the tiny blossoms of Queen Anne's lace.

"Wow, that is gorgeous," Angela cooed. "Who's it from? Is there a card?"

I turned the vase around, finally finding where the card was tucked inside. I took hold of the small envelope and pulled the card from it.

**Bella — For years I held that very first image of you in my mind, walking down the aisle carrying your bouquet of white roses. You were beautiful then, and you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I love you — Edward**

Tears came to my eyes as I re-read Edward's message. How could he have known how badly I needed to hear something like that?

"Come on, don't keep me in suspense — who's it from?" Angela asked.

Wordlessly, I handed her the card, watching her face as she read it. I watched her mouth fall open, her eyes get huge, but she wasn't speaking.

Finally, Angela peered at me over the top of her glasses. "Bella, what are you doing here?"

"Huh?"

"Why aren't you in St. Louis with him?" she clarified. "He is just the sweetest thing. Oh my God, what I wouldn't give for Ben to be that romantic."

"Angela, he's—" I brought my voice down to a whisper "—barely 19."

"So what? He loves you, Bella. And I think you doth protest too much."

"Give me your phone," Angela suddenly demanded.

"Why?"

"Just give it to me."

I shrugged, handing her my phone.

"Now pick up the vase, look at me and smile."

I giggled, but I did as she requested, smiling while Angela took my picture holding the gorgeous bouquet. It really did look a lot like my wedding bouquet, though I'd had lily of the valley instead of Queen Anne's lace. I couldn't expect an 11-year-old to be an expert on flowers.

Instead of giving me the phone back once I set the vase down, Angela was still holding it, pushing several keys rapidly.

"What are you doing, Ang?"

She didn't answer me, continuing to press on the keys, before holding my phone out to me with a satisfied smirk.

"What did you do?" I demanded.

"I sent Edward the photo."

"You what?!" I screeched, suddenly embarrassed that half the office had probably heard me.

"I thought he deserved to see you with them."

"Oh my God, Angela. I haven't had any contact with Edward since he left and this is the first response he gets from me?"

"Eh, give him something to jerk off to tonight," she replied with a wink.

"I'm going to kill you," I said, sitting back in my chair to get back to work. Moments later I was startled when my phone pinged with an incoming text message.

Angela was over in my cube within five seconds. "What did he say?" she asked excitedly.

"How do you know it's from Edward?"

"Duh, of course it is. Come on, read it or I will."

Sighing, I picked up my phone, pressing the key for my inbox and bringing up the new message. Angela peeked over my shoulder as I read it.

**You made my day, Beautiful. Thx, love U.**

"Seriously, Bella, you need your head examined if you don't give that boy a chance — a real one this time."

I briefly considered what Angela had said. I couldn't deny any more that my feelings for Edward ran deeper than friendship or even sexual attraction, but that didn't necessarily make a relationship feasible. Even though Jasper had given us his blessing, so to speak, I still didn't think I had the guts to date a teenager.

But _something_ had to change to get me out of my depression.

* * *

**A/N: **Jasper's news was pretty much rock bottom for Bella. But by the end of the chapter, she is ready to make some changes. Now what do we all think that's going to be? Or, any comments on what Jasper had to say? Or sweet Edward's Valentine's gift?


	13. Chances

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Lots of readers out for Jasper's blood after the last chapter! Also lots of sympathy for Bella, and cougars like me wanting to get a piece of sweet Edward...

Don't stop reading at the third paragraph, just hang on. :)

* * *

_Chapter 12_

_March_

After another week or so of watching me stumble around in my depression, Angela forced me to tell her what had happened to cause my setback. And then she held me while I bawled. I didn't know what I would've done this past year without her friendship, love and support.

Angela encouraged me to move on with my life — though she was nicer about it than Jasper had been. I finally decided to take their advice and go on a… date.

I could see the disappointment in Angela's expression, when instead of going to St. Louis for Edward's spring break as she had suggested, I called Jessica Stanley and asked for that guy Mike's phone number. He was thrilled to hear from me, and we made tentative plans for the next Friday night.

Once I got home from work the evening of our date, I tried on no less than three different outfits, trying to find something that flattered me, but didn't make me look easy. It was just a date — I wasn't ready to have sex with the man.

Finally settling on a pair of dark wash designer jeans and a soft v-neck sweater, I waited nervously for Mike to arrive. Given Jasper's reaction to my apartment, I was also nervous about Mike's reaction — would he look down on it, too?

I jumped when the doorbell rang, clambering off the couch to answer it. A blond guy, about 6-foot tall, stood there with a big smile on his face. I knew we'd met before, but that had been about 18 months earlier, and he only looked vaguely familiar to me. I took in his khakis and button-down shirt, knowing that I'd chosen correctly in going more casual.

"Bella, it's so good to see you again," he said, stepping over the threshold to give me a quick hug.

"Hi, Mike," I replied, blushing under his perusal. "Let me just get my coat and purse."

Mike stood near the door, looking around my apartment. "Your place is… cute," he finally said. "Have you lived here long?"

"About a year," I answered.

Mike helped me into my coat and then we were off. After a short walk to his car, he opened the passenger door for me. Well, at least he was a gentleman.

"I thought we'd get some dinner and then go to a comedy club," Mike announced as he pulled away from the curb.

"That sounds great," I smiled.

"Do you like Italian?"

"I love Italian."

"There's a wonderful family-owned restaurant in my neighborhood, if that sounds good."

I nodded my approval, and we made small talk during the 15-minute drive to the restaurant. After we parked, Mike came around to my side of the car to open the door for me and help me out.

Once we ordered, I sipped my water nervously. I hadn't been on a date since college, and I had no idea how to act.

"So, uh, what do you do for a living, Bella? I never got much of a chance to talk to you the one time we met."

"I'm an editor at a publishing house," I replied.

"Oh, neat. Did you major in English in college?"

"I did," I nodded.

"Me too," he replied, smiling. "Marketing was my minor, so it seemed only natural to go into advertising. I work more or less behind the scenes, writing slogans, while the natural-born salesmen like Jasper meet with the clients."

Cringing, Mike asked, "Oh, should I have not mentioned his name?"

"It's fine," I replied with a small smile.

"How — how long has your divorce been final?"

"Beginning of December."

"I've heard rumors, you know, of what happened between you two. But it's none of my business, so I'm not going to ask. You guys seemed so solid though when I met you at the party."

"Well, things had been strained between us for a while before I moved out," I answered, thankful that Mike wasn't going to ask me if I was a cheater. I'd already made up my mind that I wasn't going to lie to him.

Conversation between us continued to flow easily, even after the waiter brought our meals. Jessica was right — Mike was a nice guy. And we had a lot in common, starting with our backgrounds in English.

I learned that Mike had also been married before, marrying just out of college the way Jasper and I had. His marriage had only lasted three years, but it produced a young son, Mike Jr., who was now seven years old.

I wasn't sure at what point I was supposed to tell Mike about my fertility problem. It didn't seem like appropriate conversation for a first date, but I was sure etiquette would require that I tell him before we became intimate — if that ever happened.

After sharing a dessert of flourless chocolate cake, we left the restaurant for the comedy club. I remembered visiting the club a few times with Jasper, though it was several years ago.

The comedians were hysterical, and I noticed both Mike and I seemed to laugh at the same jokes. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

Once the show was over, we found a Starbucks that was open late and went in for a nightcap. The first sign that Mike and I weren't compatible was the plain coffee he got to my Skinny Caramel Macchiato.

"I had a great time tonight, Bella," Mike began as we sipped our drinks. "I'd like to see you again. I've got Bulls tickets for next Friday, if you'd like to go."

"That's basketball, right?"

"Yeah."

"I've never been to a basketball game."

"Really? Well, that's something everyone needs to do at least once. What do you say?"

"Ok," I answered. "Why not."

Once we finished our coffees, Mike drove me home. As he parked along the curb, he turned to me and asked if he could walk me to my door. He seemed nervous, so I took pity on him and agreed.

Reaching my door, I stuck the key in the lock and twisted the knob. Before going inside, I turned back to Mike.

"Thank you for everything. This was my first date in years and you really made me feel at ease."

"You're welcome," he replied with a smile. "I'll call you this week so we can figure things out for Friday, ok?"

"Sounds good."

Mike cleared his throat. "Um, I'd really like to kiss you goodnight, if that's ok."

I nodded and he moved in slowly, taking my bottom lip between his. I kissed him back, feeling the burn from the slight stubble on Mike's face. I wasn't used to that. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, but it was long enough for me to realize that I felt no spark at all.

"Goodnight, Bella," Mike said before turning back to the elevator. I went inside, closing the door behind me.

I liked Mike, but there hadn't been any kind of romantic chemistry between us. Instead of giving up, I resolved to give it a couple more dates to see if I felt anything more.

* * *

I enjoyed my first basketball game with Mike, as well as the musical we went to the following weekend. We got along very well, and I felt like he could become a good friend — but not a romantic partner. After three goodnight kisses, I just wasn't feeling it.

From the way the single girls in my office talked, most couples were having sex by the third date these days. I just couldn't imagine sex with Mike. And so, the day after the musical, I called to tell him that I just wanted to be friends. I could tell that he was disappointed, but he didn't push me to give him a reason. I couldn't explain it — I just wasn't physically attracted to him, and no guy wants to hear that.

The day after I gave Mike the brush-off, my phone rang at work. It was my mother, whom I hadn't talked to since Christmas.

"_Bella, how are you, baby?_" she asked after I answered.

"I'm good, Mom."

"_Have you found a new boyfriend yet?_"

I rolled my eyes. "I've been dating a guy, but I told him yesterday that we're better off as friends."

"_Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! So the sex wasn't any good, huh?_"

"I don't know; we never got that far," I admitted.

"So why are you calling, Mom?"

"_Oh, well, I just wanted to tell you that I'm not having any better luck with relationships than you are. Phil filed for divorce._"

I groaned internally. "Mom, I'm sorry."

"_Oh, it's fine, honey. If he hadn't, I would have. I just seem to have the worst luck with men. Anyway, I'm moving back to Phoenix in a couple days. I'll let you know my address when I find a new place._"

"You're moving back?"

"_Yeah… we only moved to Jacksonville after Phil got traded. I love the beach, but I hate the Florida humidity. I much prefer the dry heat in Phoenix. And I do miss all of my friends there._"

"I wish you the best of luck, Mom. I'll have to come visit you once you're settled."

"_Oh yes, I miss you, baby girl. Talk to you soon, I love you._"

"Bye, Mom."

I shook my head as I hung up the phone. She didn't even seem that upset, but I guess after four failed marriages, you become kind of immune to it.

"Are you ready for lunch?" Angela asked, peeking her head over the cubicle wall.

"Yeah, sure, let me go to the ladies room and I'll meet you by the elevator."

"Your mom was on the phone?" Angela asked as we sat down to eat our burritos a few minutes later.

"Yeah. She split up with another husband and is moving back home to Phoenix."

"Another one?" Angela asked. "What is this, number three?"

"Four, actually."

"Do not ever look to her as an example of what to do in a relationship."

I snorted in laughter. "Don't worry about it — I learned that a long time ago."

"So how are things going with you and Mike?"

"You didn't overhear that part, too?"

Angela grinned. "No, I came back to my desk midway through your conversation," she said, sticking her tongue out at me.

"I told Mike last night that I only want to be friends," I replied with a sigh.

"Oh. No love match there?"

I shook my head. "I think we'd make great friends, since we have a lot in common, but kissing him felt like I was trying to kiss my brother or something — if I had one."

"He doesn't make you feel like Edward did, huh?"

"Angela… drop it."

"Oh come on, don't tell me you don't miss those pouty lips. And he sure looked like he filled out his jeans well, if you know what I mean," she commented with a wink.

"All right, fine, I miss Edward. There are things he could do to my body that Jasper never could in the nine years we were together. That still doesn't mean we're soul mates or something — or that I even _want_ a relationship with him."

"You, my friend, are the queen of denial," Angela said disapprovingly.

* * *

I spent the next few weeks thinking seriously about my life. While I liked my job, I didn't love working at such a large company. Perhaps a smaller publishing house would be a better fit. Though I could easily find that in Chicago, Angela's friendship was really the only good thing about my life in Chicago any more. Maybe it was time to leave?

And then to hear that my mom was getting divorced when I didn't even know she and Phil were having problems… I felt horrible that I was now 30 years old, yet I had never had a close relationship with my mother. Mom was newly single, I was single… maybe it was time to move back home and try to salvage our relationship?

"What's got you thinking so hard?"Angela asked at lunch one day.

"I'm thinking of leaving Chicago."

Angela stared at me for a long moment before breaking out into a huge grin. "You've finally come to your senses and you're going to Edward."

"What? No. I'm thinking of moving back to Phoenix with my mom."

Angela shook her head, glaring at me. "You'd be making a mistake, Bella. Look, I don't want you to leave — I'll miss you like crazy — but I think Edward really is the one for you. I only saw you two together once and I could literally feel the chemistry. Stop denying your feelings for him and take a chance!"

"But what if it doesn't work out? What if the age difference is just too great? I'll have given up everything for _nothing_."

"There's no guarantee in any relationship! Edward loves you, Bella. He'd do anything for you," Angela said softly. "I don't have a crystal ball to know how things would go with him, but I know this: you will never, ever find another man who loves you like that."

I lay in bed that night with my vibrator, and again, my mind conjured up pictures of Edward — the time he bent me over the back of the couch. I'd been editing a particularly erotic novel and fuck, it had turned me on. I called Edward, asking him to meet me at my apartment right after work. The minute he walked in the door, he pulled his cock out of his pants, yanked my panties down and flipped my skirt up over my back. He teased me for what felt like forever, just rubbing his cock along my pussy. I was practically begging for it by the time he finally pushed inside and began pounding into me.

Just as Edward had done, I reached down with my fingers, rubbing my clit while the vibrator moved in and out. The sensation overload took me right over the edge, screaming out curses.

As my breathing slowed, I began to wonder if Angela was right. Would I ever find that kind of chemistry with another man? I certainly didn't feel it with Mike, despite everything we had in common. But just a touch from Edward could make me betray my husband. Maybe it was ok that Edward and I didn't like that many of the same things. We still had fun together, even with our clothes on.

But Jesus, he was still a teenager! I just didn't know if I was brave enough to face everything that would mean. Repairing my relationship with Mom would be the mature choice. And after the long Chicago winter, I was ready for a bit more sunshine and warmer weather.

When the month-to-month lease on my studio was up again, I told my landlord that I planned on not renewing it. It was time to pick up the pieces and move on.

I gave notice at my job, then made arrangements to have my furniture put in storage until I got settled in a new place. Angela would be able to have it sent when I was ready. I packed up the things I was taking with me and loaded my suitcases and a couple boxes into my car. Angela hugged me goodbye and I headed out of town on I-55 South.

* * *

**A/N: **For those unfamiliar with Midwestern US geography, one would take I-55 South to St. Louis when driving from Chicago to Phoenix. So which city is Bella's destination — St. Louis or Phoenix? Has Angela finally been able to push her in Edward's direction?


	14. Try Again

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

I'll keep this short since I doubt anyone is reading it. Seems like the most popular guess is that Bella is going to Phoenix… with a stop in St. Louis for some nookie on the way.

* * *

_Chapter 13_

_Friday, May 3, 2013_

It was late afternoon when I finally reached the exit from the interstate. I followed the instructions from my Garmin, turning right at the next stoplight.

Finding the entrance, I made my way up the winding road through the trees, following the signs carefully once I reached a fork in the road. Spotting several apartment buildings off to my right, I parked my car and walked into the nearest building.

"Can I help you?" asked a pimply-face young man who seemed to be on his way out the door.

"Um, yes, I'm looking for Apartment 27?"

"Next building down and up the stairs."

"Thank you."

Entering the next building, I climbed the stairs, knocking on the door. When no one answered, I knocked again. Still no answer.

Sighing, I walked away. I felt weird just hanging around inside the building, so I took a seat on the bench just outside to wait. Maybe I should've called first.

I sat there lost in my own world, until I heard the sound of a woman laughing. Looking up, I saw an absolutely gorgeous woman with long strawberry blonde hair walking toward me. She was talking with a companion to her right whom I couldn't quite see behind her tall thin figure.

They stopped just outside the turnoff to the second building, hugging each other before she continued down the path to the next building. Once she was out of the way, I saw him: Edward. His head was down as he walked up the sidewalk, the sunlight making his reddish hair seem to glow. Suddenly he stopped and glanced up, looking straight at me.

"Bella," he whispered.

I stood up quickly, making my way over to him. God, he was even more gorgeous than I had remembered; he took my breath away. But that girl he was laughing with and hugging — he'd moved on. I was too late.

Tears streaming down my face, I could barely choke out a "hello."

"Bella, why are you crying?" Edward asked, an adorable confused look on his face.

"You've moved on," I whispered. "You found someone else your own age."

"What?"

"That girl you were hugging. She's beautiful, Edward."

"Yeah, I know she's beautiful, but we're not together."

"You—you're not?"

He shook his head. "She'd much rather be with you than me."

"Huh?"

"She's a lesbian, Bella. Tanya is my best friend."

"You — and her — you're not?"

"God no," he replied, taking a tentative step toward me. "You're the only one I want."

I rushed into his arms, hugging him tightly with everything I had. I'd really missed his hugs. Edward kissed my forehead tenderly when he finally pulled back.

"Should we go inside?" he asked, tipping his head toward the door.

I nodded, unable to speak.

Edward led me into the building and up the stairs, opening the door and motioning for me to go inside first.

"Do — do you have a roommate?" I asked as I looked around the small apartment.

"Yeah, for the next few days anyway. Riley's going home soon since the semester is over, but I'm staying on for the summer. I signed up for a couple classes, hoping to graduate early. Sit," he directed, pointing toward the couch.

Edward retrieved a couple bottles of water from the kitchen area, handing me one as he took a seat beside me.

"So… what are you doing here, Bella?"

"I quit my job."

He just stared at me for a long moment. "You did?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, um, I received a huge blow about three months ago and it caused me to re-evaluate a lot of things. I wasn't really happy working at such a large company. And then my mom told me that she was getting divorced — again — and moving back to Phoenix, and I began to think about trying to repair our relationship. It just started to feel like it was time to move on," I finished with a shrug.

"So you thought you'd stop by for a booty call on your way to Phoenix?" Edward asked angrily.

"What? No, no — that isn't what I meant."

"So what _did_ you mean?"

"Please don't get upset, but… I tried dating someone, back in March. Mike was a nice guy, we had a lot in common, but… when I tried to kiss him, there was just no chemistry at all, no spark. He didn't make me feel even one tenth — one one-hundredth of what you do."

I paused, looking into Edward's eyes before continuing. "I'm still scared. I worry about the backlash we're going to get from people who think you're too young for me, but I miss you, Edward. Not just the sex — _you_. I know I treated you like shit, and I probably don't deserve you — but I'm ready to give us a real chance… unless you've changed your mind."

In a flash, his lips were on mine — aggressive, possessive. I never wanted the kiss to end. Before I could even process what was happening, I was lying on the couch beneath Edward.

"Wait," I panted once he moved away from my lips. "Wait a minute. There's something you need to know. Can you sit up?"

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, taking my face in his hands tenderly once we were both vertical again.

"The news I got three months ago… Jasper came by to see me."

"Oh," he replied, a sullen look on his face. "Yeah, I know he's getting married again. He sent me a letter telling me that he forgave me for going after you."

"Did he tell you _why_ he was proposing?"

"I assume because he loves her," Edward replied with a shrug.

"He didn't tell you," I whispered.

"Tell me what?"

"His girlfriend is pregnant."

Edward stared at me for a moment, before his eyes grew huge. "So — so that means…?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it means our fertility problems were all my fault — officially. Do you — do you still want me if we can't ever have kids?" I asked, holding my breath.

"Bella, medicine can do amazing things. Maybe you won't be able to get pregnant naturally, but there are other ways we could explore when the time is right."

"But those other ways are so expensive…"

"I have money, Bella. Between my dad's life insurance and my parents' estate, I have plenty of money. Spending some of it so that you can be happy holding a baby — our baby — in your arms would make me very, very happy."

"Now," he began, standing up and extending his hand to me, "I want to show you my room."

As he winked at me, I placed my hand in his, rising to my feet and letting Edward lead me to his bedroom.

"I want you naked, now," he growled, pulling up on my top as we made our way to the — fuck, twin! — bed. "God, I've missed you." Once I fell onto my back, he unzipped my jeans, yanking them and my panties down my legs while I told the part of my brain that felt this was all happening too fast to shut the fuck up.

"Oh God," I screamed, as his tongue went to work between my legs. It felt so, so good. I was squirming and writhing before he placed his forearms on my hips to hold me down.

"Don't stop… don't stop…" I chanted as I felt the tidal wave starting to build up. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, I crested the wave, coming harder than I had in months.

"God… Edward…"

He released my hips, lifting his head and grinning at me as I lay there panting.

"What the hell are you doing still fully dressed?" I asked once my breathing returned to something almost normal.

He shrugged. "I'm supposed to meet Tanya and a bunch of other people for dinner to celebrate."

"Celebrate?"

"Yeah, it was the last day of classes."

"So you don't want to…"

"Oh, I do, but I plan to spend hours worshipping your body. We don't have time right now for me to have you the way I want. I just needed an appetizer," he finished with an adorable grin.

Oh fuck, my body was already tightly wound in anticipation of that one.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, I was re-dressed and my hair was fixed. I came out of Edward's bathroom and he was on me like white on rice, kissing and fondling me.

"I just got myself presentable," I laughed, removing his hands from my breasts. Instead of giving up, he took control, holding my hands up above my head and continuing to kiss me.

"Edward," I sighed, once he moved on to my neck, "I'm going to throw you on the bed and have my way with you if you don't stop."

He smirked as he pulled away. "We'll eat fast, yeah?"

"I don't even know why we have to go," I pouted.

"Because Tanya will give me so much shit if she finds out why I'm not there. And I need some food so I have more energy for tonight," he added with a wink. "You — you want to go, right? I mean, I'd like you to meet my friends, but if you aren't comfortable…"

"I want to meet your friends," I agreed, kissing him softly.

Edward led me out the door and to his car, the silver Volvo I remembered seeing in Forks.

"So where are we going?"

"A sports bar, it's not too far."

Parking the car after a five-minute drive, Edward led me inside, his hand on the small of my back. We made our way through the tightly packed tables to a back room with a reserved sign near the doorway. We both easily spotted Tanya sitting across the room, with one seat open next to her.

"I'll find another chair for you," Edward whispered in my ear.

We sat down together next to Tanya, who was even more stunning up close. I felt old and mousy by comparison. All of the other students around the table eyed me like I was some sort of animal in the zoo.

Finally, Tanya spoke. "Who's this, Edward?" she asked, nodding at me.

"This is my girlfriend, Bella," Edward replied, laying his arm across my shoulders possessively.

"Your girlfriend?" a black-haired boy asked. "I thought you and Tanya were together."

"Oh please, like I'd date him," Tanya responded with a wink.

A waitress came by then to take our drink orders.

"Um, can I get whatever you have on tap," I ordered, looking nervously over at Edward for his reaction. I was a little uncomfortable since no one else had ordered alcohol, but I really needed a beer — especially after Edward had referred to me as his _girlfriend_.

She nodded, moving on to the next person. I kind of wished she'd carded me.

"It's ok if you drink even though I can't," Edward said quietly, his thumb tracing comforting circles on my shoulder.

I nodded, feeling my face heat up. I hated reminders that I was so much older than Edward.

"So how long are you in town for, Bella?" Tanya asked.

"Um…"

"She's here for as long as I am," Edward replied for me.

"You're moving here?" Tanya asked.

"Yeah, I quit my job in Chicago."

Tanya's eyebrows rose nearly all the way to her hairline, and I wondered just how much of our story she knew. From the look on her face, she knew everything.

Edward introduced the other students at the table, but I was too distracted by his fingers to really catch most of the names.

"Hey, where's Jared?" one of the girls asked.

"Hotshots, playing pool with some of the upperclassmen who are 21 or have fake IDs," Tanya answered.

Fake IDs… Jesus, I had one of my own back in college, but it seemed so long ago now. These kids felt like a separate generation.

Once the waitress delivered our meals, I dug in to my turkey melt and fries, knowing that the sooner we finished, the sooner we could leave and get naked. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to just jump back into bed with Edward so soon, but I left Chicago to go after what I wanted. And I wanted Edward — all of him.

As we ate, I began to feel horribly out of place, listening to the chatter around the table of finals and three months of goofing off. I needed to spend my summer finding another job.

As soon as we reasonably could, Edward and I stood up to leave. Tanya stood as well, whispering something in Edward's ear and patting him on the back. She seemed like a good friend to him, and I was glad that he'd found her. She must've been the friend Edward had mentioned in his Christmas card.

As soon as we were out the door, Edward grabbed me in a passionate kiss, his hands grasping and squeezing my ass. "Don't get us arrested now," I cautioned as he grinned.

We held hands across the console for the five-minute ride back to the apartments, my body humming in anticipation. "Where's all your stuff, Bella?" Edward asked once we'd parked his car.

"There are some suitcases in my car, but the rest is in storage in Chicago. Angela is going to send it to me when I find a place."

Edward offered to help me carry everything inside. I was shocked when he opened the door and a tall young man with light brown hair was sprawled across the couch watching television.

"Hey, man," he called, his eyes darting between us.

"Riley, this is my girlfriend, Bella. She just moved to town. Is it ok if we store her suitcases and stuff in here so she doesn't have to leave them in the car?"

"Yeah, sure — I'll be out of here on Monday anyway," he shrugged.

After one more trip, we had all of my things inside. But now we had a problem — Riley.

Edward pulled me into his bedroom, closing the door. "Do you want to get a hotel?" he asked quietly. "I plan to make you scream my name more than a few times and I doubt you want Riley to overhear."

I laughed. "Promise?"

Edward grinned crookedly in response.

"Sure," I agreed. "Let me just grab the stuff I'll need for overnight?"

After Edward packed an overnight bag as well, we emerged from his bedroom. Riley looked up at us, grinning at the bags in our hands.

"Uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Ri," Edward said.

I felt my face heat up, knowing that Riley knew exactly why we wanted privacy. "Sure, man," he replied, snickering.

"Are you going to have another roommate for the summer?" I asked as we made our way to the parking lot.

"Nah… the apartments aren't full in the summer. They're mostly rented to students from other schools who are doing internships in St. Louis.

"Is it ok if I drive again? There's a Marriott real close, but it's kinda confusing to get to, so it's probably easier for me to do it."

After a series of complicated turns that I knew I'd never be able to follow, Edward pulled into the parking lot for the hotel. We got out of the car, making our way to the front desk hand in hand. Edward had barely stopped touching me since our conversation on the couch.

"We'd like a room for the night," Edward stated.

"Do you have ID?"

Edward pulled his driver's license out of his wallet, handing it to the man behind the desk.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but we can't rent a room to someone under 21. It's against our policy."

I pulled my own wallet out of my purse, handing my license to the man. I knew I was blushing again, wondering what he was thinking, seeing a 30-year-old woman rent a hotel room with a 19-year-old.

"That'll work," he said, punching several keys on the computer. "Credit card?"

"I don't have a credit card," Edward whispered in my ear. I'd figured as much, and was already reaching into my wallet. After the front desk clerk handed me an envelope with two room keys, he pointed out the elevators. I thanked him as we hurried across the lobby.

Inside, I barely had time to press the button for the fifth floor before Edward accosted me with his lips and hand under my shirt.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, I stopped it there, go ahead and call me all sorts of names. But it was already the second-longest chapter!

Is everybody happy now? :) Is Edward still adorable? And what does everyone think of Tanya?


	15. Let's Make Tonight Special

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Hmmm... most readers are thrilled with Bella's decision and think Edward is adorable. However, opinions are mixed on Tanya. Lots of suspicions towards her.

I described this chapter to my pre-reader as "400 words of a discussion and 2100 words of smut." So there ya go.

* * *

_Chapter 14_

It took at least half a dozen tries for me to get the electronic key to register, thanks to Edward's very, very distracting lips on my neck and hands under my shirt. When I finally got a green light, I pushed the door open and we stumbled inside.

Closing the door, Edward spun me around, my back to it, and devoured my lips like a starving man. I tossed my purse and overnight bag to the floor, threw my arms around his neck and jumped up, wrapping my legs tightly around him as we continued to kiss hungrily. Dry humping wasn't just for teenagers.

At some point, I noticed we were moving. Reaching the bed, Edward laid me down surprisingly carefully given the intense way he'd been kissing me. He stood at the foot of the bed, just staring at me.

"Is this a dream?" he asked quietly. "Are you really here?"

"I'm really here," I said, lifting my top. Edward reached out a hand to stop me. "Did you want to do that?" I asked, confused.

"Absolutely," he grinned. "It's like opening a gift."

Kneeling on the bed, Edward grasped the bottom of my shirt, pulling it over my head. "So beautiful," he whispered, running his finger along the lacy edge of my bra. Expertly, he reached behind me and unhooked my bra, pulling the straps slowly down my arms.

"Lie back," he directed, before taking one very hard nipple into his mouth. Closing my eyes, I lost myself in the sensations as Edward got reacquainted with my breasts. I'd really missed his tongue. I heard, rather than felt, the zipper on my jeans being pulled down.

"Lift up." I wordlessly obeyed, lifting my hips until Edward had me completely naked. I felt his fingers stroking lightly between my legs while his mouth continued to worship my breasts.

"Fuck, you have talented fingers."

Edward looked up at me, smirking. "I paid attention in class, Ms. Whitlock."

"Swan," I corrected. "It's Swan now."

He smiled hugely before scooting himself down until his mouth was poised directly over my pussy. "Do I get extra credit for this?"

"Oh yeah," I giggled. "Fuck!" I screamed a moment later, as his tongue licked from my entrance up to my clit. He'd gone down on me barely three hours ago and I was already a needy mess.

Edward's tongue continued to work its magic while he pushed two fingers in and out. Adding a third, I felt him stretching me, preparing me for a very real cock that was larger than my toy.

"Mmmmmm…" I moaned as his tongue flicked my clit repeatedly. "Gonna… come, Edward," I whimpered, seconds before the shudders started.

With a final kiss, Edward sat up to his knees, watching me intently. "You're so beautiful when you come. I was afraid I'd never get to see that again."

"I really wouldn't mind if you saw it every day from here to eternity."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said with a grin, reaching behind his back to pull his t-shirt over his head. Keeping eye contact, he stood up, toeing off his shoes before undoing his fly and yanking his jeans and underwear down in one smooth move. His hard cock popped out of his pants, bouncing up against his stomach. It made my mouth water.

"Do I get to return the favor?"

"Later," he promised. "Right now I really want to be inside you."

Edward crawled up the bed until his warm body covered mine. He placed a light kiss on my lips before inching his way inside. Once he was fully sheathed inside me, he kissed me again.

"Slow or fast?" he asked in a strained voice.

"Do you really think you can go slow?" I retorted, running my fingers through his messy hair.

"Good point," he replied, pulling out and slamming back in. "Do you think you can get your legs up on my shoulders?"

"Someone's been watching porn," I giggled, watching his face turn bright red. I wasn't sure I was quite that flexible, but somehow I managed to get both legs hooked over Edward's shoulders.

"Holy fuck, that feels awesome," he exclaimed, thrusting hard once again. I threw my head back and closed my eyes, just enjoying the sensations as he fucked me. I probably sounded like a porn star, moaning and groaning from the unbelievable feelings coursing through me.

"That's so fucking hot," Edward panted, causing me to open my eyes. He was gazing down at where we were joined, watching his cock moving in and out. He looked so unbelievably sexy that I nearly came on the spot.

"Can't… hold on… much longer," he whimpered, reaching down to circle my clit with his long finger.

"Oh God… Edward… " I screamed as I felt the beginnings of my orgasm. He continued pumping furiously a few more times before I felt him coming inside me.

My eyes tightly closed, I felt Edward gently removing my legs from his shoulders, flopping onto the bed beside me once he pulled out. He grabbed me around the waist, pulling me onto my side so that he could spoon behind me, completely wrapped around me.

He'd finally done it — he'd fucked me stupid. I didn't feel like I could move again. Tenderly, Edward placed a small kiss on my shoulder. "I love you so much," he whispered.

Those words didn't freak me out like they always had before. I still wasn't sure that I was in love with Edward — yet. Maybe I didn't know what love _was_ any more.

"It's ok if you can't say it back," he said quietly, leaning his chin on my shoulder. "Just the fact that you're here is more than enough for me."

I lifted the arm that was around my stomach, bringing Edward's fingers to my lips, kissing each one of them in turn.

"You make me feel so much, Edward. It took me a long time to come to terms with our age difference. I'm still not over it, but I'm trying really hard to see things the way you do."

"Your age has never mattered to me, Bella. Never."

I turned over so that I could look him in the eye, kissing him softly. "You are a very special boy — man — Edward Cullen."

"You're pretty special, too," he said with a smile.

"Have you really wanted me since my wedding?"

"Yes, I have," he maintained. "Maybe not in the sense that I do now. I mean, I wasn't sexually attracted to you then, but I knew that I just wanted to be around you forever.

"My mom even noticed the way I kept staring at you. Do you remember how she talked you into dancing with me?"

I laughed lightly. "I do. You were too shy to ask me yourself. I don't think you said one word to me for the entire song, either."

He shrugged. "Well, I was a lot shorter then, so I was pretty much eye level with your boobs."

"I thought you just said it wasn't sexual then?"

"It wasn't," he insisted, "But I am a man. All men are fascinated by boobs, no matter how old we are."

"Hmmm… and what about the next time we saw each other, at your mom's birthday party?"

"Oh yeah, it was sexual then. That little bikini you wore out by the pool? From that point on, I, um, always jerked off to images of you."

"You did not!" But seeing Edward's bright pink cheeks… I knew he had.

"Oh, I did," he replied, grinning. "But it was just a fantasy — I never in a million years thought you'd ever be mine."

I leaned over and kissed him gently, before stroking down his arm. "Are you ready for round two?" I asked. "I'd like it slow this time."

"Anything for you."

Edward rolled me over onto my back, kissing me gently but firmly. In no time, I felt his cock hardening against my thigh. I was very glad that his recovery time hadn't suffered with turning 19.

As he entered me, he took my hands in his, entwining our fingers as he lifted my arms over my head. Smiling down at me, he kissed me again, brushing his tongue against mine.

"I don't think I'll ever get enough of your lips," I admitted.

"Good, because I know I'll never get enough of you," he replied, as he began to move slowly.

We stared into each other's eyes as we made love. Last year when I saw Edward in Forks, I felt like he could see right through to my soul. I was sure of that now. I felt connected to him in a way that I never really had before.

Eventually, he dropped his head to my neck, sucking on it lightly, before working his way across my collarbone, and finally lower, taking one of my nipples into his mouth. I raised my hips to meet every slow thrust, enjoying our connection as much as I enjoyed the way he made me feel.

"Edward… more," I moaned.

He finally let go of my hands, lifting my shoulders off the bed while I wrapped my arms around him. I could feel the muscles working in his back, trailing my fingers over them. He felt so strong, so solid under my hands.

Reaching down, I grasped his ass, pushing him into me further.

"Are you close?" he panted.

I nodded, incapable of coherent speech. And then he tipped my hips just so, his pubic bone rubbing right on my clit with every thrust inside.

"Oh God," I yelped. When he sucked on my nipple again, I lost it, screaming out unintelligible curses as my orgasm rippled through me.

"God" —thrust — "I love" —thrust— "how that feels. God, Bella," he screamed as he came, finally collapsing on me. I lazily ran my fingers through his sweaty hair, loving the feel of his weight on me.

After an eternity, Edward lifted his head, kissing me softly. "Shower?" he asked.

"In a minute," I drawled sleepily, closing my eyes. It had been a long day with the six-hour drive, even before he wore me out.

Edward laughed. "You know if I stay inside you much longer, I'm gonna get hard again."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

Kissing me one more time, Edward climbed off of me, sitting back on his haunches. "I'll let you blow me in the shower."

"Let me… like it's a hardship for you."

"Well, you were the one who wanted to return the favor," he shrugged.

"Go heat up the water and I'll be there in a minute," I promised.

I stared unashamedly at Edward's naked ass as he made his way to the bathroom. If it was possible, his body was even better than I had remembered. He'd filled out slightly, appearing more manly now than the teenager he had been. The changes in Edward were definitely helping me to deal with the difference in our ages.

After a couple minutes, I figured the water had to be warm, so I reluctantly stood up from the bed to find my overnight bag, still lying by the door.

Fuck, I was sore! Maybe I was too old to keep my legs up like that for so long.

I moved slowly to the bathroom, noticing the mirror already steaming up from the hot water. I could see the outline of Edward's body though the shower door as I tied my hair up in a messy bun. I'd wash it in the morning.

Opening the glass door, I quickly stepped inside, throwing my arms around his neck to bring his lips down to mine.

"I thought you fell asleep."

"Ha, nope… but you did fuck me until I couldn't walk straight."

"Really?"

"Well, it was probably more the fact that I haven't done yoga in five years, but yeah. This excites you?"

"Very much," he giggled. "Let me take care of you now."

I stepped fully under the spray while Edward squirted some of the hotel-provided shower gel into his hand and began rubbing it all over my skin, from my neck to my feet. Of course, he spent an inordinate amount of time on my breasts.

As he washed me, Edward massaged all around my ass and my aching thigh muscles. I was probably going to have to wait until morning to comfortably have him inside me again, but his ministrations were definitely aiding in my recovery.

Once I was clean, it was my turn to treat Edward the same way. I loved the feel of his chest under my hands. He still didn't have much chest hair, but he was absolutely perfect anyway.

"Thanks," he giggled. Fuck, had I said that out loud?

I made him turn around so that I could run my hands all over his back and round perky ass. He really had a very nice ass for a guy. I really hoped I hadn't said _that_ aloud, too.

Once the back side was done, he turned for me again, and I took his cock in my hand. He was already hard, of course — had been since I'd first stepped into the shower and kissed him. He hissed as I reached down, gently massaging his balls.

"Do you want my mouth on you now, or after I wash your hair?"

"After," he replied. "Because I don't think I'll be able to stand afterward."

I smirked, squeezing some shampoo into my hand. "You're too tall — bend over."

Once I had him lathered up, Edward moved under the pounding spray, washing the shampoo out. His eyes were dark with desire as he stared at me. I assumed he was ready now.

I was thankful the shower had a small seat, so that I didn't have to kneel on the hard tiled floor. I pumped him once, twice with my hand before leaning over and taking the head of Edward's damn near perfect cock between my lips.

I sucked him hungrily, wanting him to feel as special as he'd made me feel earlier. As I licked my way back up, I felt Edward's fingers lightly touch the back of my head. "Is this ok?" he asked.

I hummed my response, wanting to laugh at his loud groan of pleasure. Very gently, Edward began to fuck my mouth while I squeezed the base of his cock with one hand, palming his balls with the other.

"Oh my God…"

I scraped with my teeth very lightly on the next pass, loving the way his knees buckled. I'd always loved the power I got from making a man come undone with just my mouth.

"Gonna come," he warned, before I felt thick streams of fluid at the back of my throat. I swallowed it all down, licking him clean. By that point, Edward's hands were on my shoulders as he tried to hold himself upright. I removed his hands, kissing each of them, before standing up.

"Thank you," Edward said, kissing me gently. He turned off the water while I opened the shower door, reaching for two large, fluffy towels.

Once we dried off, Edward took my hand, leading me back to the bed. We climbed under the covers, where he wrapped himself around me again. I was asleep in no time.

* * *

**A/N: **Does everyone want an Edward for their very own?

A tough challenge this week... reach 900 reviews and I'll post Wednesday. :)


	16. Lost In You

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Thanks everyone for the great response to the last chapter! I think it's safe to say that everyone wants an Edward of their very own. If only I could clone him for you all.

Actual talking this chapter...

* * *

_Chapter 15_

I regained consciousness to the feel of Edward's warm, hard cock rubbing against my ass.

"Humping me in my sleep?" I asked drowsily.

Edward tightened his arms around me, kissing that spot where my neck met my shoulder. "I've been trying to wake you for 10 minutes."

"Mmm… Is that your _beard_ I feel on my shoulder?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I have to shave more often now — like every other day. Does it bother you?"

"That my little boy is growing up? Not a bit." A stray thought hit me then. "Do you remember that night we fell asleep on the couch together?"

"Yeah…"

"What were you doing while I was asleep _that_ night?"

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"I mean, you were hard when I woke up."

"Oh. That."

"Yes, that."

"Well, I might possibly have been nuzzling your boob. And rubbingmyselfagainstyourthig h," he mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Ok, I was humping your thigh. You felt so fucking good, Bella. And I didn't think I'd ever get more than that night."

"What am I going to do with you?" I giggled.

"I know what I want to do with you," he replied in a sexy voice that had me aroused within seconds.

"Tell me."

"Turn over on your stomach."

"Yes, Sir," I replied, rolling onto my stomach and propping my head up on my arms.

Edward climbed on top of me, nudging my thighs apart slightly. I could feel the entire length of his naked body against mine, though I could tell he was trying to hold his weight off of me. Edward was lean, but he probably still outweighed me by 40 or 50 pounds. He sucked my earlobe into his mouth before whispering, "Is this ok?"

"More than ok."

"Thank fuck," he replied, sliding inside. His arms alongside my head caging me in, Edward began to move, causing tremors of pleasure throughout my entire body. I tried to push up to meet his thrusts, but I didn't have a lot of room to maneuver. Raining kisses wherever his mouth could reach on my back, he was quickly pushing me toward the edge.

"You feel so good," I whimpered.

"I want to wake up like this every single day," he panted.

As his pace increased, I knew I was getting close, but I needed more. "Let me up a little."

Edward lifted off my back slightly, so that I was able to raise my hips. The change in angle did the trick and moments later I was screaming his name.

"Oh fuck," he yelled as he came, while I panted underneath him.

After he crawled off of me, I rolled over to face him. He leaned in, kissing me sweetly. "You screaming my name is the sexiest thing ever."

"It terrified me the first time I realized I had done that," I admitted.

"But not anymore?"

"Not anymore," I replied, kissing him again before rubbing my fingers across his jaw. "Holy fuck, you look hot with a little scruff on your face," I moaned, sliding out of bed. "I'm gonna wash my hair and get dressed, yeah?"

"Should I order room service now?"

"That sounds great," I smiled.

After my shower, I threw some clothes on and brushed my teeth. I was about to start blow drying my hair when I heard the knock at the door.

"Oh my God, how much did you order?" I laughed as I exited the bathroom. God, he looked delicious, wearing just a pair of unbuttoned jeans.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I picked a couple different things from the menu. I'm starving anyway," he shrugged.

"Yeah, I'll bet you worked up quite an appetite."

We laughed and joked as we ate, before Edward took a quick shower while I dried my hair.

"Do not shave today," I ordered as he was drying off. I kind of wanted to demand he stay naked, too.

"Should we call the front desk and see if we can extend our stay?" Edward asked once he was dressed. "Riley will be in the apartment until Monday."

"Um…"

"What is it, Bella?"

I sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I probably shouldn't spend the money on something like that, since I don't exactly have any income."

"I can pay you back, Bella," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Edward…"

"No, really. I would've gotten the room last night if I had a credit card. I guess I should try to get one. Most places I shop take debit cards," he said with a shrug as he sat beside me.

"I don't want you to have to pay for that, Edward. There's a perfectly good bed at your place — we can just… try to be quiet if we can't keep our hands off each other until Monday."

He pouted, but eventually nodded.

"Is it really ok for me to stay in your apartment? I mean, with the school."

"Yeah, it should be fine for the summer."

"Ok, that gives me some time to find a place of my own. If I find a job soon enough, maybe I can buy a condo or something."

Edward's brow furrowed as he looked at me. "Why do you think you'd have to pay for it all yourself? I'll contribute half, of course."

"You'll what?"

"Well, yeah, why shouldn't I pay for the place I'll be living?"

"You want to _live_ with me?"

"You don't?" he asked in a hurt voice. "Didn't I tell you I want to wake up and make love to you every single day?"

"Yeah, but living together… it's a really big step, Edward. Staying in your apartment temporarily while I find a place is one thing, but buying a home together is quite another."

Slowly, he reached over and took my hand. "How about we use the summer as a trial run? If it works out ok, will you consider it? I have a couple months before I need to make a decision about staying in the apartment for the Fall semester."

I almost laughed at the restraint Edward was showing in not pouting. Instead, he gave me a mature argument. It was progress.

"Ok," I agreed, squeezing his hand.

He leaned over, giving me a sweet kiss that quickly escalated. I pulled back, standing up. "We should probably get out of here before we end up needing to shower again."

* * *

After checking out of the hotel, Edward declared that since the day was so beautiful, he was going to take me to the zoo. Apparently, St. Louis had one of the best free zoos in the nation.

The zoo was huge. We set out to the left from the south entrance to the River's Edge area, passing by hippos, cheetahs and finally the star attraction — the Asian elephants. After some time in the butterfly house, we continued on to the bears and penguins. It was fucking freezing in Penguin Cove.

By early afternoon, we were starving and decided to stop at a lakeside cafe for lunch. As we ate, Edward's phone buzzed with an incoming text message, and I watched the silly grin on his face as he replied.

"Who was that?" I asked curiously.

"Tanya — she wanted to be sure we were still on for dinner and stuff tonight, since she's leaving to go home tomorrow."

"What was with the grin?"

"The way she phrased the question — were we still on for dinner, or was I lost in a sex haze," he replied with a huge grin.

I laughed. "How much… how much does Tanya know about our history?"

"Pretty much everything," he shrugged. "She really became a good friend to me, and I needed someone to talk to, confide in."

I nodded. "I can understand that. I don't know what I would've done without Angela."

"Exactly. And I'm glad you're not jealous of our friendship, because you have absolutely no reason to be."

I wasn't jealous, but I was happy nonetheless for the confirmation. "How did you meet Tanya? Is she also studying music therapy?"

"Nah," he replied, "She's in the PT program — physical therapy. We met in a history class my first semester."

"And?"

He shrugged. "I wasn't kidding in my Christmas card when I told you how many more female students there are than male students. I got a lot of… unwanted attention from girls during the first couple weeks of classes," he said, blushing.

"Tanya noticed how uncomfortable I seemed to be with girls always flirting with me, and asked me to lunch, promising that she was different. She confessed to me that she's gay, and how being asked out by men all the time was really annoying to her. She totally got what I was feeling. I told her a little bit about you then — mostly just that I was in love with someone else and wasn't interested in any of the girls on campus.

"After that, I seemed to get a lot less attention. Tanya was the one who made the connection first — everyone had seen us eating together in the school cafeteria, and they thought we were together, so they backed off. We've never _intentionally_ caused anyone to think that — we don't fake kiss or even hold hands or anything — but we don't discourage the rumors either."

"Poor Edward," I smirked, "Needing a pretend girlfriend to keep all the girls away."

"It really did make me uncomfortable, Bella."

"I know," I replied, taking his hand. "I'm just teasing you. So you never did find anyone here that you were interested in going out with?"

"No," he answered, shaking his head. "Most of the girls my own age are just so silly and vapid. They're not like you."

I leaned over to where Edward sat beside me at the small round table, kissing him briefly.

"How ever did you survive for so long without sex after the summer we had?" I asked, giggling as Edward blushed a striking shade of pink.

"You know how — I spent way too much time in the shower."

"And watched internet porn?"

"How did you… ?"

"Your idea for a new position last night," I reminded him.

"It made for good research," he insisted as I laughed hysterically.

"You really dated someone?" he asked quietly.

"Three dates… I went on three dates before I came to the conclusion that there was no spark there whatsoever."

"But _why_, Bella?" he asked in a hurt voice.

Taking a deep breath, I did my best to explain. "When Jasper came over to tell me that Alice was pregnant and he was planning to propose, he told me it was time to move on with my life. Then Angela told me I should move on with my life, too. So that's what I tried to do. I knew Mike was interested, so I gave him a call.

"We turned out to have a lot in common. We were both English majors, both divorced. We went to a comedy club and laughed at the same jokes. But I just couldn't see us as being anything more than friends, so I stopped trying to force it."

"Why did you choose to move on by dating Mike instead of coming to me?" Edward asked, his voice barely audible.

"Because I hadn't come to terms with it yet, with dating a _teenager_. And my ex-husband's brother, no less."

"No one would ever guess you were married to my brother — you don't even have his last name any more, not that it's the same as mine anyway. And my age is only a big deal in your mind, Bella."

"No, it's not, sweetheart," I explained. "Other people aren't always going to understand us. They're going to wonder what I'm doing with you."

"It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!"

"Edward, you have to see that I don't really fit in with your friends. I don't have anything to contribute to a conversation about finals and fake IDs."

"What—what are you saying?" He seemed to be holding his breath.

Realizing he thought I was having second thoughts, I quickly climbed onto his lap, holding his face in my hands. "I'm not backing out, Edward. I'm explaining to you why I was too afraid to just accept my feelings for you.

"I know I must've hurt you so much — making you feel like you could never live up to your brother, using you for sex, always pushing you away… I am so, so sorry for every second of hurt I ever caused you."

"Apology accepted," he whispered, his eyes filling with tears.

I kissed him then, slow and deep, but stopped much sooner than I wanted to, mindful of the children sitting at the tables around us. "Once I made the decision to come here and give things a chance with you, I didn't plan to give up so soon, ok?"

"Ok," he replied with a small smile. "You have feelings for me, huh?"

"I do," I agreed. "You are a very special young man. Now, we should probably keep going, yeah? I haven't seen the lions and tigers yet."

After we left the cafe, we saw the primates and the Bird Garden before entering the Red Rocks area with the giraffes and my favorite, Big Cat Country. Too tired to walk all the way back to the entrance — though it really wasn't all that far — we took the Zooline Railway instead.

"I had an amazing time, thank you," I said to Edward as we walked to his car hand in hand.

"See? We can enjoy the same things."

"Yeah, we can," I agreed. "So where are we going for dinner with Tanya?"

"We're going for Italian on the Hill. Tanya always says there's no good Italian food in Springfield."

"The Hill?"

"It's an area where a lot of Italian immigrants settled over a hundred years ago. Lots of great restaurants. After dinner we were planning to meet the whole gang at Dave & Buster's — there's one in Chicago, right?"

I nodded as we reached the car.

"We can play pool, or some of their arcade games. There might even be some games from _your_ generation," he added with a smirk.

"You mean classics like Space Invaders or Donkey Kong?"

"Exactly," he grinned.

"I'm not _that_ old," I argued.

"No, you're not, Bella. That's exactly my point," he said, hugging me to him.

I twined my arms around his neck, kissing him softly. "Thank you."

* * *

**A/N: **Is Edward crazy for wanting to live together so soon? Anyone feeling less suspicious of Tanya after hearing Edward's story? Anything else on your minds?

Most review replies will be delayed until Friday after work, as I'm going to the Madonna concert Thursday night and won't be home until late!


	17. No One's Gonna Sleep Tonight

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Because I am a math person, I added up the comments from the last chapter, and it's running about 60:40 pro-Tanya. Let's see how their evening out goes!

* * *

_Chapter 16_

Edward and I arrived at the lovely Italian restaurant around 7pm, quickly finding Tanya seated in a booth.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long," I said as I sat down next to Edward.

"Not too long," she answered. "So what did you two do today? You look like you got a little bit of sun."

"I took Bella to the zoo."

"Oh, awesome, I love the zoo. What was your favorite part?" she asked me.

"The lions. I always love the big cats."

"I think the elephants are amazing," Tanya replied.

I began looking over the menu, settling on lasagna. I always liked to order lasagna in restaurants to see if I could find any that I liked better than my own homemade.

When the waiter came to take our drink orders, I asked for a glass of the house red wine, hoping it was still ok with Edward for me to drink.

"Could we get the toasted ravioli for an appetizer?" Edward asked him.

"What is toasted ravioli?" I asked curiously once the waiter walked away.

"You'll see," he replied with a grin, kissing me sweetly.

"You two are just the cutest thing. If I were a girly-girl, I'd probably be getting all emotional."

I felt my face heat up — I couldn't help it. "Tanya, I hope you don't mind my intruding on your dinner with Edward."

She smiled at me. "I don't mind at all. I need to get to know the woman who captured his heart."

The waiter dropped off our drinks then, taking our food orders and letting us know that our appetizer would be out shortly.

I took a small sip of my wine for courage before addressing Tanya. "I can't imagine what you must think of me."

"What do you mean?"

I shook my head. "Just… I haven't always been fair to Edward, or treated him very well."

"Why didn't you?" she asked curiously.

I looked over at Edward's beautiful face before answering. "Because he terrified me," I replied quietly. "I could admit to my attraction to Edward, because I knew I couldn't hide it, but the idea of having feelings for someone other than the man I'd been with for nearly ten years was terrifying."

Edward squeezed my hand, smiling at me while the waiter dropped off our appetizer. I watched as he poked his fork into what looked like a deep-fried ravioli, placing it on a small plate. He added another before spooning some marinara sauce onto the plate and handing it to me.

"So this is toasted ravioli, huh? Why would they call it that when it looks totally deep-fried?"

"I have no idea," he shrugged, "But it's a St. Louis specialty."

I dipped the ravioli into the sauce and took a bite. Damn — it was good.

"Good, huh?" Tanya asked, grinning at me.

"Definitely, if I ignore the potential calorie content."

"You look great, Bella," Edward said, his hand on my thigh. "You're perfect."

I rolled my eyes at him — I most definitely was _not_ perfect, unlike the supermodel sitting across from me. But Edward made me feel like I was.

As we ate our meals, Tanya looked over at me appraisingly. "Is your divorce final?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah. It's been final since just after Thanksgiving. And if Edward didn't tell you, my ex-husband was planning to propose to his new, pregnant girlfriend three months ago."

Tanya's eyes widened. "You didn't tell me that part, Edward, that she was pregnant."

"I didn't know," he replied.

"So what made you decide to leave Chicago, Bella?"

"I realized I had no life there anymore," I answered quietly. "Nothing to really keep me there besides my friend Angela. I had a job that I wasn't enjoying, and I pretty much lost all of my other friends when they sided with my ex-husband."

"Ouch."

"Yeah… I've had a really tough time for the last year or so, except," I continued, gazing into Edward's eyes, "For my summer with Edward."

I almost thought I saw a tear in his eye as he smiled at me, leaning over to kiss me gently.

"So you're going to start looking for a job here?"

"Yeah, I'll start looking online tomorrow or Monday, I guess."

"You worked in editing, right?" Tanya asked. "Is that what you want to continue doing?"

"At a smaller company, yes. Or I'd be open to any other job possibilities for former English majors."

"Good luck," she told me with a smile.

* * *

After we finished dinner, the three of us headed to Dave & Buster's. I vaguely remembered visiting the one in Chicago with Jasper once or twice, though it had been awhile.

Once we arrived at the humongous building which more resembled a warehouse than anything else, we purchased power cards before heading to the arcade in the back, past the restaurant area. The place was huge, full of all kinds of games, from old classics like Ms. Pac-Man, to sports-oriented and several race car driving games.

I ordered a beer, then headed for the first open machine that looked interesting. Two hours later, I had managed to beat Edward handily at least a half dozen times on one of the race car games.

"It's just because you've been driving longer," he pouted after his last defeat.

"Or maybe I'm just a better driver than you," I countered.

"Want to go play pool? I think that's where Tanya was headed."

"Sure," I agreed, following Edward back out front to the pool tables.

"Hey, there you guys are," Tanya called. "How about a game of two-on-two? You remember Eric," she said to me, pointing out the black-haired boy from last night who'd thought the two of them were a couple.

Edward racked up the balls and took the first break in our game. He missed on his next shot before turning it over to Eric, who sank one ball before missing.

When it was my turn, I smiled before bending over the table. What Edward didn't know was that I had played a ton of pool at college in Champaign — it was a total college town with little else to do.

I took my shot, easily sinking the striped ball in the corner pocket. Smirking, I lined up another shot and made that one, too. At that point, I really didn't have much of a shot left, but I gave it my best attempt, missing by only a couple of inches.

As I stepped back from the table, I felt Edward's arms wind around my waist. "You didn't tell me you were a pool shark," he whispered.

I shrugged, smiling. "You never asked. It's been awhile since I played though."

Tanya sank two balls before missing, leaving Edward and I ahead, four balls to three.

I gave Edward a kiss for good luck before he stepped up to the table. He was able to sink one ball in the side pocket before missing with a huff.

"You're better than me at this, too?" he complained.

I couldn't help laughing. "I played a lot in college. Jasper and I used to make an awesome team."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Luckily, Edward's expression didn't waver, so he seemed to have taken it in the way I had intended — we'd made excellent pool partners. I wasn't trying for anything deeper than that.

After Eric managed to sink one ball, it was my turn again. I walked all the way around the table, visualizing the shots I had left. Leaning over the table, I heard Edward groan but I wasn't going to let him distract me. I took the shot and made it, the cue ball landing in a perfect spot for me to sink another one. Now all that was left was the eight ball. It was in a terrible position, and I knew my chances were slim. I tried and failed, sighing at not being able to just put the game away.

"What was that groan for?" I asked Edward as Tanya stepped up to the table.

"What do you think?" he asked, grinning at me.

"I want you to tell me," I replied, nipping at his bottom lip.

"The way your ass looked in those jeans when you bent over. Christ, Bella… if we play this game much longer, I am going to want to bend you over one of the tables."

"As much fun as that sounds, I'm not into voyeurism," I laughed.

"All right, you two, break it up," Tanya yelled. "It's Edward's turn."

Edward's shot looked pretty easy to me. Still, I decided to give him a little encouragement. "I'll blow you in the car if you make that," I whispered.

"Holy fuck…"

He made the shot.

"You guys are so stinking cute," Tanya said after our little display — I had pretty much thrown myself into Edward's arms after he won the game for us.

Edward excused himself to the men's room, leaving me alone with Tanya. Though she'd been nothing but kind to me, fuck, she made me nervous.

"That boy is crazy about you," she said with a shake of her head. "I've never seen him smile like that before."

"I know."

"Do you love him?"

"I… I care about him, I don't know if it's love. But I think I _can_ love him; otherwise I wouldn't have given this a chance."

"Just don't hurt him."

I laughed — she sounded exactly like Angela. "I don't plan to," I replied. "I've done more than enough of that. I know I still have a long way to go to make it up to him."

We stayed at Dave & Buster's for another few hours, playing several more games of pool. Edward and I won every match we played at the tables, save for one. I had a couple more beers while we played, but when I could tell my playing was suffering a little, it was probably time to rein it in.

Once we headed back to the arcade, I kicked ass at Centipede, remembering the game from when I was a child. Though I didn't tell Edward that, I was sure he could tell that I was no novice.

Around midnight, we decided to call it a night. Tanya hugged both of us goodbye, since she wasn't ready to leave just yet. We promised to go out for a late breakfast in the morning before she hit the road. I learned she was from Springfield, Missouri, not Illinois as I had assumed — fuck, there was a town named Springfield in every state, how was I to know? She had about a four-hour drive ahead of her to get home to her family tomorrow.

As soon as we sat down in the Volvo, I reached for the fly on Edward's jeans. I did promise him, after all. "Hang on," he said, holding onto my hand. "I know you've had a bit to drink. You're not going to puke on my dick, are you?"

I laughed… ok, giggled. I was tipsy, pretty close to crossing the line to drunk, but I rarely threw up when I drank too much. "I'll be fine," I promised him.

Edward relented, moving his hand so that I could unzip his jeans. I pulled his cock out of his underwear, pumping it in my hand a couple of times before bending over.

"Fuck, that feels good," he moaned as I licked the head of his cock.

"Tell me how long you've been hard for me."

"Pretty much since you bent over the pool table in front of me."

Fuck, I would never get over how good it made me feel to know that this beautiful young man wanted _me_. I was nothing special. I mean, I'd always felt like I wasn't _un_attractive, but I wasn't even close to someone like Tanya in looks.

I took Edward's long cock into my mouth, careful about hitting the back of my throat, given my alcohol consumption. Sucking hard as I made my way back to the tip, I felt even more powerful hearing the little noises he was making. I wanted him to come undone for me.

Edward's hand took hold my left hand, splayed out on his thigh, and he squeezed. With my right hand, I began massaging his balls. I could tell this wasn't going to take long.

"Mmmm… God, Bella, you are so good at that," he whimpered.

I tongued the slit on the head of his cock, before taking all of him in again.

"Jesus, fuck!" he exclaimed as he came down my throat. Once I had licked him clean, I tucked him back into his boxer briefs and zipped up his pants, sitting back in my seat with a stupid grin on my face.

"I'm afraid to ask how you learned to give such awesome blow jobs. Did my… did Jasper…?"

"I learned the same way a lot of girls learn, Edward. I practiced on a banana."

I laughed at the way his mouth opened and closed, then kissed him sweetly. "I want to be wrapped around you," I whispered.

As Edward drove us back to his apartment, I could feel myself starting to nod off. It had been a very long day. Still, I wanted him inside of me before the night was over.

Stumbling into the apartment, Edward covered my mouth to hold in my giggles.

"Riley is home," he whispered. "His shoes are by the door and keys on the table."

I nodded, trying to be quiet as I made my way to Edward's bedroom. After undressing down to my underwear, I washed my face and brushed my teeth before climbing into the tiny bed to wait for Edward. I was so tired. _Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a little while_, was my last thought before falling asleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Moosals said "what a save, Bella" with the banana comment lol.

Girl power, eh? Bella kicked ass at all the games. Poor Edward… will his ego ever recover? Or did the blow job in the car erase it all from his mind?

946 reviews — let's break 1,000, eh?


	18. In This Life

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Yay, we made it to 1000 reviews with the last chapter! Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed! The response to this fic has been amazing. :)

Let's see how Bella makes up for falling asleep at the end of the last chapter...

* * *

_Chapter 17_

God, I had to pee.

And my mouth tasted like dirt.

I could feel Edward's chest moving in and out with even breaths against my back — still asleep. Very carefully, I extricated myself from his arms, sliding off the bed. I tiptoed into the bathroom, doing my business before brushing my teeth.

When I came out, I saw that Edward was still sleeping, but had rolled onto his back. The sheet was down around his waist, low enough that I could just see the start of his happy trail.

I also saw the rather large tent under the sheet. Mmm… morning wood.

I crept silently to the bed, pulling the sheet down another couple of feet. Then I took the golden opportunity to just gawk at his naked body. Edward really was perfection in a man. If I had drawn a picture when I was younger of what my perfect man would look like, it would be Edward. There was literally nothing about his body that I would change.

I couldn't believe I'd fallen asleep the night before without making love to him. It was time to remedy that now.

Very carefully, I climbed onto the bed, kneeling on either side of his hips. _Here goes nothin',_ I thought as I sank down onto him.

"Fuck!" he yelped, his eyes blinking up at me.

"Shhhh…" I placed two fingers over his mouth lightly. "You don't want Riley to hear us," I smirked before bending over to kiss his lips briefly. "Good morning."

"What—what are you doing, Bella?"

"Making up for last night," I replied as I lifted myself up. It didn't take much for Edward to join in, wrapping his arms around my back while he slowly thrust up into me.

I kissed and licked at his neck, loving the feel of his ever-thickening beard. God knows it was shallow, but it made me feel like I was with a man.

When Edward brought his arms around to my front so he could play with my breasts, I leaned up a bit to give him more play room, bracing my hands on his strong shoulders.

"God," I moaned when he took one hard nipple into his mouth. My eyes closed in ecstasy, as I continued to ride him. Eventually I sat up, arching my back as his fingers trailed down from my breasts to my clit. I wanted to scream out in pleasure, but I'd be totally embarrassed if Riley heard me.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," I whimpered, moments before the pleasure shot through me. Edward sat up then, his hands on my hips lifting me up and dropping me back onto his cock as he sucked on my neck.

I ran my fingers through his hair, babbling incoherently as he quickened his pace. Fuck, if he kept this up long enough, I was likely to come again.

"Again, Bella," he whispered in my ear before lowering his head to take my nipple into his mouth. He thrust up hard a few more times before I felt him stiffen, his pulsing cock causing my own orgasm.

I tried so hard to stay quiet as we clung to each other, waiting for the shudders to pass. When they were over, I held his head to my chest, waiting for my breathing to slow down.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, looking up at me. I could see the love shining in his eyes, truly believing that he did in fact love me, no matter how little sense it made.

Leaning down, I kissed him gently. "I hope I can one day be worthy of your love."

"You already are, Bella." I wanted to disagree, but he just seemed so damn earnest.

"Shower?" I asked nervously.

* * *

We did finally make it out of the bedroom, finding Riley packing what looked like CDs or DVDs into a large box.

"Hey, Riley," Edward greeted him. "We're going for breakfast. Do you want us to bring you something back?"

"Nah, I had cereal," he replied. "But thanks."

"Are you and Riley friends at all?" I asked once we stepped outside.

He shrugged. "Not really, but we're friendly. We don't have a lot in common. He's studying accounting and plays on our baseball team."

"You have sports teams?" The school was so small that I hadn't expected that.

"For some sports, not all. No football, for example. But we suck in pretty much every sport we do have."

"Hey, guys," Tanya called, heading toward us from her building. "Guess we're taking your car, Edward?"

"Yeah, come on. Tanya's car has a tiny backseat," he explained to me.

"You kicked ass at pool last night," Tanya said to me as we drove to the restaurant.

"Thanks," I replied, feeling my face heat up. "Like I said, I played a lot in college. I hadn't played much recently though." Fuck, why couldn't I take a compliment?

Taking our seats at the restaurant, I took a deep breath before addressing Tanya.

"Tanya, I wanted to apologize for how much I drank last night. It's, um, a nasty habit I picked up in college — drinking too much when I'm nervous and looking for a little liquid courage."

"What did you have to be nervous about?"

"Just… fitting in with you guys. You know, with the age difference."

"Nonsense, Bella," she replied, shaking her head. "You fit in just fine. And no one besides me knows exactly how old you are. I mean, you're clearly at least mid 20's, but I think you're in that period where your age isn't really obvious. It's not like you have wrinkles or gray hair. It's _fine_, Bella — try not to worry so much."

"Thank you… that means a lot to me," I smiled. Edward patted my hand on his thigh, grinning at me.

After we returned to campus, Edward and I headed to Tanya's apartment to help her carry her things to her car. We stuffed something into every spare inch of the tiny car.

"Take care, Edward," Tanya said, hugging him tightly. "And don't be a stranger — I know you have a phone."

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied, rolling his eyes.

I was shocked when Tanya then hugged me. "Relax," she told me. "He loves you. The rest will fall into place."

We waved to Tanya as she drove away, before Edward took me into his arms, kissing me sweetly. "I'm glad you get along with my best friend."

"She's nice," I shrugged. "And protective of you."

"Do you want to go for a walk? See the rest of campus? It's not that large."

"Sure, that sounds great," I smiled.

Edward and I walked around campus hand in hand. It looked like it'd been built right into the surrounding forest, a little respite just a few hundred yards from the interstate. "It reminds me of home," Edward said when I commented on it. "Of course the trees aren't as large, and it's way sunnier, but the wooded areas look something like Forks."

"It's gorgeous; I can see why you wanted to come here."

"So," he began, clearing his throat, "Would you tell me more about what you said to Tanya?"

"What did I say to her?" I asked, looking over at him.

"About learning to drink for courage back in college. I'm not… mad or anything — you're cute when you're drunk — but I just want to understand how you think."

"I've just… always felt like I didn't fit in anywhere," I replied with a shrug. "My roommate freshman year was always trying to get me to go to parties with her, loosen up. I'd grab a beer to fit in with everyone else. Eventually I realized that after two or three beers, I was less… self-conscious. I stopped worrying about being accepted.

"Then once Jasper and I started dating, he introduced me to all his popular friends. I just wanted to be able to fit in with them." I shrugged. "I know it wasn't healthy behavior. I came into my own after a while, and I didn't need to drink so much for courage. Last night took me right back to my college days, I'm afraid."

"Why did you think you wouldn't fit in?" he asked, taking both of my hands in his. "I don't get that. I guess I don't really know a lot about your background, or what it was like for you growing up — besides the fact that your mom had a lot of husbands," he chuckled.

"You really want to know?" I asked with a sigh. "It was a long time ago. It doesn't really matter anymore."

"Yeah, of course I do," he replied, caressing my cheek. "Why shouldn't I want to know more about the woman I love? It helped shape you into the woman you are today."

"Edward…"

"I'll make it worth your while…"

"Are you trying to bribe me with sex?"

"Whatever works," he replied with a smirk and a shrug.

"Um, all right… do you want to sit down?" I asked, nodding toward a bench.

"Sure," he agreed, taking a seat beside me.

"Right, so… you already know I grew up in Phoenix, but we moved around a lot. Besides the two husbands while I was still in school, Mom moved in briefly with a couple boyfriends. I was always changing schools. Just when I'd maybe start to fit in and make some good friends at one school, we'd move again. It didn't help that I was pretty shy back then, either."

"You're not shy now," he responded, looking at me adoringly.

"No, like I said, I finally got over that in college."

"What were your step-fathers like? Did you have siblings that you were close to?"

"Hmm… my mom got remarried the first time when I was nine, but the marriage lasted less than a year. He had no kids. Or job. That's why Mom dumped him. I barely remember Sam.

"She got married for the third time when I was 16, though we'd already lived with him for a year. Harry was all right — a widower with two kids. Seth was my age, and we got along great. I feel bad that we kind of lost touch after their marriage went south — beginning of my sophomore year in college. Seth had a sister Leah who was three years younger than me — and a huge brat. She was a total daddy's girl, always getting _me_ grounded for something she had done."

Edward wrinkled his nose. "Maybe I'm glad I grew up as an only child."

"Didn't you spend any time with Jasper at all?" I asked.

"Not really," he replied, shaking his head. "He used to come stay with us for a couple weeks every summer, or every other year for Christmas. But he was a teenager — he had no use for his toddler brother. I think he only visited a couple more times once he started college — until your wedding, anyway."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, kissing him briefly.

"It's fine, Bella. Really. We can't change the past."

"My life really wasn't that exciting, but anything else you want to know?"

"Ummm… can I ask _anything_?"

"I may regret this, but sure, I want to be honest with you."

"How—how many men have you been with besides Jasper?" he asked, squeezing his eyes tightly closed.

"How many do you think, Edward?"

"I—I don't know," he replied meekly.

"I met Jasper at the beginning of my sophomore year. _Now_ how many do you think?"

"Bella… there is no right answer to that question!" he exclaimed, his eyes snapping open.

I laughed. "Is there a right answer to the question you asked me?"

"It's just… you know how many girls I've been with. I've never even kissed another girl."

Oh fuck — I'd been afraid of that one.

"I can't help it," he began, "I get crazy jealous at the thought of any other man touching you. I mean, I know you were with Jasper for a long time, but I can't even think about that. I know it's silly, you're 11 years older than me, so of course you have more experience, but…"

"Edward," I said, holding my hand over his mouth to stop his rambling, "I've only been with two other guys besides Jasper and you, ok?"

He kissed my palm before peeling it off of his lips. "Only two?" he whispered.

"Only two. Not so bad, yeah?"

He nodded slowly. "Will you tell me about them?"

I sighed. "You really want to hear this?"

He nodded again, staring into my eyes. Damn it, I could never deny those eyes anything.

"Fine," I sighed. "The first was a kid named Jacob Black. He was good friends with Seth, my step-brother — actually, we were all kind of good friends once I joined the family. Anyway, Jacob asked me to prom since neither of us was dating anyone at the time. We were just going as friends. But then everyone started talking about having sex after the prom, and it just seemed like we should do it and get it over with — not start college as virgins. So we did," I shrugged.

"And…?"

"And I wondered what the heck the big deal about sex was. Truly, what happened with us was no big deal, just a means to an end. Jacob went to college at Arizona State, knocked up some girl and got married. I have no idea what happened to him after that."

"The second guy?" he asked timidly.

"Freshman year, frat party, and too much to drink. Enough said. Happy now?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "I am happy that you don't have any great loves from your past that can come take you away from me."

"Ha, hardly."

"How did you meet Jasper? You said it was sophomore year?"

I nodded. "Jasper and I had Biology together, and the professor randomly assigned us to be lab partners. I was thrilled because… well, he was a good-looking guy, very outgoing and popular. Not the type of guy who ever paid any attention to me.

"We were working late on a lab one night and Jasper asked me to dinner afterward. We got to talking… I told him about my mom going through her third divorce and Jasper told me about his 'Mommy Issues' with Esme moving to the other side of the country, so that became our common ground. We were friends for a while before we started dating.

"And I know you don't want to hear anymore about Jasper and me," I said, standing up.

I couldn't help laughing at the look on his face. "Definitely not."

"You were never in competition with him, you know. Not really. I don't ever want you to think that you can't live up to your brother. That's not why I hesitated for so long."

"It was my age."

"Yes, exactly. I'm sorry," I said softly.

Edward hugged me to him, holding me tightly. "You don't need to apologize, Bella. I can see that it's really hard for you to be with me. I know I was asking a lot for you to accept this. You're the one who had to leave your home, your job and your friends to be with me and hang out with a bunch of college students. "

"You really have matured, haven't you? And not just this adorable scruff on your face," I giggled, running my fingers against his jaw.

Edward ducked his head shyly before kissing me. "Come on," I began, pulling away from him before we put on a show for any passing students. "Let's go find me a job."

* * *

**A/N: **So we've found out a little more about Bella now. Is she what you expected? I think some readers may have assumed she was a bit... easy, given how easily Edward seduced her in the Prologue.


	19. Nothing Is Impossible

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

You all make me so proud... I think you really get Bella. :) Now let's see how the job hunt goes!

* * *

_Chapter 18_

Once Edward and I got back to his apartment, he grabbed his laptop out of his room, setting it on the coffee table.

I really wasn't sure how to go about finding a job. I'd gotten my job in Chicago based on a recommendation from my grad school advisor.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I admitted quietly.

"Don't look at me," he chuckled. "Tyler got me my job last summer, remember."

"When in doubt, Google, right?"

Edward typed "st louis jobs" into the search box, clicking on the first link that seemed suitable. In the "what" box, I told him to type "English degree."

I glanced down the page at the 371 jobs that popped up, quickly noting that many of them weren't at all what I was looking for — I mean, waitress at Kelly English Steakhouse? Yeah, not quite.

There were several teaching jobs, both for high school and college level, but I had never really wanted to teach. Several jobs were looking for someone bilingual. Growing up in Phoenix, I knew a little bit of Spanish, but I'd never call myself bilingual.

"Try typing 'editing' in the box, Edward," I suggested.

Now we got 151 jobs. Scanning the list quickly, I noticed many of the jobs were more marketing oriented. Were there no publishing houses in St. Louis? Fuck, maybe I should've researched this more before I decided to move.

No, I couldn't think like that. I'd only just started on my search.

I started clicking on the links for the various jobs, reading the job descriptions and qualifications required. Several hours later, I had several dozen positions bookmarked. Many of the jobs had online applications that I'd need to fill in.

"Do you have a resume, Bella?" Edward asked, seemingly reading my mind.

"No," I replied, shaking my head.

He quickly opened up another window, showing me a resume-building website. Together, we went through their template, adding in my education, skills and previous job duties. When we were finished, I had a very professional looking resume.

Edward printed out a few copies for the small handful of jobs looking for a paper copy, then got up to retrieve the pages from his printer.

"The internet is awesome," I said with a grin.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "I figured I could order something since I'm up."

"Sure, yeah, order whatever you want," I replied, distracted as I tried to find the addresses of the companies wanting snail mail instead of e-mail. I'd tackle writing all of the cover letters and e-mails tomorrow.

About a half hour later, our pizza delivery arrived. "Behold, Bella," Edward said, opening the box. "St. Louis style pizza."

"That is not pizza," I replied, peering into the box.

"Yes, it is," he chuckled.

"It's a cracker with cheese on it." And weird-looking orange cheese at that.

He laughed. "Well, it's definitely thin crust, yeah. And the cheese is kind of weird. It's yummy on salads though — I got us one to split."

The salad and the house Italian dressing were good, I had to admit. But if I never ate St. Louis style pizza again, it would be too soon. There had better be deep dish in this town.

Riley still wasn't home when we finished dinner, so we curled up on the couch together watching a couple of Edward's DVDs. It took a little bit of compromise, but we managed to find a couple that both of us would enjoy. Of course, it used to take a lot of compromise when Jasper and I picked out a movie, too.

The end of the second movie led to a long make-out session on the couch. I ended up flat on my back with Edward hovering over me.

"This is what I wanted to do that night on the couch," he whispered before kissing me deeply. Pulling back, he asked, "Would you have let me?"

"Maybe," I replied with a shrug.

"Maybe?"

"Well, I'd come downstairs for a glass of water to take something for a headache — that's why I pretty much passed out on you. I probably wasn't thinking any more clearly that night than I was the night you _did_ kiss me."

"What do you mean?" he asked, sitting back on his haunches.

"Our group split three bottles of wine that night," I explained. "By the time you confronted me in the bedroom, I was really feeling kind of lightheaded."

"You'd been drinking?"

"Sure, didn't you taste the wine when you kissed me?"

"That's what it was? I thought it was fruity lip gloss or something."

"Fuck, Edward, I'm too old for something like that. I wasn't drunk, but I was most definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol."

"So I took advantage of you?"

I frowned. "No, I never thought of it that way. I probably reacted more to you than I would have otherwise, but… I made a conscious choice to let you touch me."

"Promise?" he asked quietly.

I sat up, winding my arms around him. "I promise, sweetheart," I said before taking his lips in mine.

"Ugh, my poor virgin eyes," Riley yelled as he came in the door just then to see us wrapped around each other. "You only have to deal with me for another 12 hours, then you can go at it on every flat surface," he laughed.

"Sorry," Edward replied, turning bright red as he stood up. "There's some leftover pizza in the fridge if you want some — Bella didn't like it."

"Goodnight, Riley." I smiled to cover my embarrassment, following Edward into the bedroom. What was it about Edward and me getting caught on the couch?

"Are you all right?" I asked, hugging him to me once we'd locked the bedroom door behind us.

"I just… feel really bad."

"Then let me make you feel really good," I whispered, pulling up on his t-shirt.

And for the next hour, I did just that.

* * *

I spent most of Monday applying for every job opportunity I could find. It turned out that there _was_ actually a publishing house in St. Louis — but they published Christian books. God would probably strike me down for applying there, after how I'd behaved when I was married.

Edward had signed up for two summer classes. With his AP credits from high school and another two classes next summer, he'd be able to graduate in only three years. Still, I pouted as I kissed him goodbye, sending him on his way to class on Tuesday. Both of his classes met Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we'd have three days a week together until I found a job, but still…

I couldn't sit around doing nothing while Edward was in class. Though I knew I wouldn't be able to buy a place until I had an income, I decided to contact a real estate agent to learn about the various neighborhoods around St. Louis. Then later in the week, Edward and I would be able to visit the areas that sounded interesting.

From the pictures the agent showed me, I fell in love with an area full of older homes near Washington University, but when she told me the average listing prices, my heart sank — way out of my price range. I had no idea exactly how much money Edward had inherited, but there was no way I was letting him spend that much. Besides, I still wasn't sure about this living together thing, so I had to choose somewhere I'd be able to afford on my own.

The more Edward took me out driving around St. Louis County, the more I actually did like it. It was smaller than both Chicago and Phoenix, but still large enough that it had pretty much anything you could want. And the traffic was so much better than back in Chicago. I missed the Chicago public transportation, though — the light rail was very limited in St. Louis, not stopping anywhere near Edward's school.

While Edward was in class on Thursday, I gave Angela a call around the time I knew she'd be taking her lunch break.

"Hey, Ang, are you busy?" I asked when she answered the phone.

"_Bella, where the hell have you been?_" she shouted.

"What?" I laughed. "I left Chicago six days ago. And I texted you when I arrived."

"_Yeah, but I'm dying to know what happened with your boytoy! You haven't come back, so it can't be that bad._"

"No, it's not bad," I smiled even though I knew she couldn't see me. "In fact, it's very, very good."

"_You guys are together?_" she asked anxiously.

"We are," I confirmed. "I fall asleep every night with him wrapped around me, and it's wonderful. Of course, we have to be cozy since it's a twin bed," I laughed.

"_You're living with him already?_" she asked, sounding shocked.

"It's not like that — Edward kept his campus apartment for the summer since he's taking a couple classes, and I'm able to stay with him for the time being. Until I get a job."

"_But you're happy._"

"I'm happy," I whispered. "It was a little weird going out last weekend with a bunch of college students, but they were all very nice to me. Edward's best friend turned out to be a lesbian named Tanya who looks like a supermodel. She reminds me of you in how protective of him she is, but she's great. She went home for the summer though."

"_A supermodel lesbian? Wow, ok._"

"I'm not kidding," I chuckled. "Oh hang on, I think I have a photo on my phone. Edward and I played pool Saturday night with Tanya and a guy named Eric. Someone took a picture of the four of us for me."

I went into my saved photos, quickly e-mailing it to Angela's phone. "Ok, it's on its way."

"_Holy shit_," Angela said after a pause.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"_Well, yeah, but I was talking about Edward. Has he gotten even hotter since I saw him last year?_"

"I think he has, yeah," I giggled. "He's actually able to grow a beard a little bit now. I wasn't letting him shave since I got here, but he overruled me this morning as he had class today. He promised to make it up to me though."

"_I don't even want to know,_" Angela replied in mock disgust. "_Have you told him yet that you love him?_"

"I… no, I haven't. I'm not sure I know what love is any more, Ang. I mean, I get this funny feeling inside when I see Edward, or sometimes even when I just think about him. Is that love? I don't want to tell him and then realize I'm wrong. If and when I am sure, I will tell him. Now change the subject, please."

"_Oh, you are no fun. Ok, how goes the job hunt then? Do you need a reference?_"

"Well, I sent out about 50 resumes on Monday, but I'm still waiting to hear back. I did add your name as a reference whenever it was required, so I hope you can expect a few phone calls."

Angela and I chatted for a little longer before she had to go back to work. I was so glad for our friendship — despite her tendency to try to get me to face up to feelings before I was ready.

On Friday night, Edward and I went out to a trendy area called The Loop, which reminded me a lot of where I'd lived in Chicago. I'd begged Edward to go see a movie with me that was playing nearby at what he referred to as an "artsy-fartsy theater." He surprised me by taking me to dinner beforehand at a restaurant that served real pizza — deep dish style.

"This is awesome, Edward," I squealed as I looked over the menu.

He laughed. "I never saw someone get so excited about pizza before. You didn't grow up with deep dish, right?"

"No, I didn't, and I'd be happy with traditional New York style pizza, too. Just not that stuff you fed me on Sunday."

As we shared our South Side Classico, I felt like I had a little piece of my home back. If I had my way, we'd be eating here at least once a week.

"I wish this place was closer to your apartment," I lamented.

"There is one closer," he replied.

"There is?"

"Yeah, it's maybe four miles from school. But it's carryout only, so we'll have to order and bring it back."

Good enough for me.

* * *

A week after sending out the dozens of resumes, the responses started to come in — lots of rejections, a few places wanting to do phone interviews, two in-person interviews. Several more companies had yet to reply. I wondered if this was how job searches always went.

"Don't let yourself get discouraged, Bella," Edward said to me one evening. "I know you're going to wow them at your interview tomorrow."

"I don't know… I'm just not finding anything that's really similar to what I used to do. All of the jobs that involve editing need someone with specialty interests in science or medicine who can edit articles for journals. I was just an English major."

"Maybe it's time to do something different then," he shrugged. "Nothing says you have to do the same job you did back in Chicago."

"Aaarrgghhh… I'm just nervous about the interview. I was fine doing the phone interviews, but I'm afraid my nervous energy will just look unprofessional or something."

"Then you need to relax," he declared. "Come on, sit over here in front of me."

"Why?"

"Trust me," he grinned.

Taking a seat on the floor between Edward's spread legs, I quickly learned that trusting him was a very good idea. Those magic fingers were also awesome for massaging the tension out of my neck and shoulders. Who knew?

Several minutes later, I was totally relaxed when Edward put his arms around my waist and began kissing my neck. Suddenly, he yanked me back a few inches, so I could feel his hard cock behind me.

"Is that a hint?" I asked with a laugh.

"I can't help it," he replied, before sucking gently on my neck. "Touching your skin just makes me want you so bad. I'd bet an orgasm would relax you even more."

Getting up to my knees, I turned around, twining my arms around Edward's neck while I kissed him deeply. "How do you want me?"

"Just like that, on your knees," he responded, blushing a delicious shade of pink. I loved how shy he still got whenever we discussed sex. "Lay your chest on the couch."

_I love a man who knows what he wants._ I quickly unbuttoned my shorts and yanked them down, crawling on my knees over to the couch.

"I love you," Edward whispered in my ear before plunging inside. I sure was glad that Riley had left.

* * *

**A/N: **The Google search results on Bella's job hunt are my actual search results. There really is just a Christian/religious-themed publishing house in St. Louis. What job would _you_ suggest for Bella?

The "artsy-fartsy theater" is the Tivoli, where I saw both _Little Ashes_ and _Cosmopolis_. Unfortunately, _Bel Ami_ never played St. Louis.

So... St. Louis style pizza. It's an acquired taste, for those not born in St. Louis. The "cracker with cheese" comment is courtesy of a former co-worker who's originally from Canada.

What is _your_ favorite kind of pizza? Thin crust, New York style, or deep dish? Do you prefer chains, or are you like me and still have a soft spot for the hometown hole-in-the-wall pizzeria?


	20. Wide Open

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

You all are very opinionated when it comes to pizza. ;) Thanks again for the great response to this story — over 1,100 reviews!

* * *

_Chapter 19_

_Tuesday, June 4, 2013_

About four weeks after I arrived in St. Louis, I once again joined the ranks of the employed.

I was scared shitless of the change in direction that had come out of a discussion at one of my earlier interviews, but it was kind of exciting all the same. I accepted a job as a legal assistant at a small law firm, with plans to go to school to become a paralegal. The company would even pay for it, as long as I stayed with them for three years after receiving my certificate. I'd had thoughts of law school at one time when I was younger, but it was just too expensive; I couldn't imagine going into that much debt.

I couldn't wait to tell Edward when he got home. Just before his class was due to get out, I stripped naked, then quickly put on a robe, as the apartment was a little chilly thanks to the air conditioning. Since Riley had left, we'd had sex pretty much everywhere in the apartment, except for Riley's old room. Edward had a thing for the kitchen table, so I hopped up there to wait for him.

It's not that we necessarily _wanted_ to have sex all over the apartment — that twin bed in Edward's room made for slightly cramped quarters. I sure would be glad when I would be able to buy a place and get my larger bed out of storage. I did enjoy sleeping with Edward wrapped around me — even though it was pretty much by necessity — but we could have a lot more "fun" in bed with more room to maneuver.

Fuck… even in my own head, I was planning that Edward was going to be right there with me when I bought a place. He hadn't mentioned moving in together again, but I knew we were fast approaching the time when he'd have to give word on whether or not he would be renting the apartment for the Fall semester.

Did I _want_ to live with Edward? I didn't _not_ want to live with him. Besides the great sex, I really did enjoy just being around him. He was sweet, and funny. He'd matured a lot in the last year, and tried hard to control his spoiled brat tendencies.

It hadn't been quite like I'd expected, living with a teenage boy. I mean, Edward didn't spend hours a day playing video games or any of those things that I might've expected. He was serious about his studies, and when he wasn't reading for class, we did things together. It wasn't as difficult as I'd thought it would be to find things we both enjoyed — that didn't involve removing clothing.

Edward had told me last year he played several instruments, but until I saw it with my own eyes, I didn't realize just how talented he was. Some nights he would try to teach me to play guitar, but I much preferred just watching and listening to him play. Not only did he look sexy with a guitar around his neck, but I caught myself more than once staring at his long fingers as they plucked at the strings. I'd imagine what those fingers could do to me, and usually ended up jumping him before the evening was over.

But the idea of moving in with him, buying a home together… it freaked me the fuck out. My subconscious would tell me that if Edward was 29 instead of 19, there would be no question in my mind that we'd be living together. We had only been _officially_ together for four weeks, but our relationship was much longer if we counted the two and a half months from last summer. Moving in together was a logical next step.

Why did his age matter to me so much? We'd been out together plenty of times in the past month, and no one had ever commented on the age difference. My doomsday thoughts of strangers staring at us or making rude comments just hadn't happened.

Maybe Tanya really was right and no one could tell how many years were between us. As long as Edward went a few days without shaving, the light beard did make him look older. And I _didn't_ have wrinkles or gray hair yet — at least, none that I could see.

The sound of the front door opening brought me out of my thoughts. I quickly sat up straight, watching to see when Edward would look up and notice me. He dumped his books on the coffee table, still not looking, but then as he turned toward his bedroom doorway, his head snapped up once he spotted me.

"Bella…?"

"Did you have a good day?" I asked with a grin.

"Are you naked under that robe?"

I laughed — one-track mind, that boy. "And what if I am?"

"Then my day just got a whole lot better," he replied with a huge grin, stalking toward me. Pulling the top of the robe open a bit, he peered down inside. "Fuck, you are naked. What exactly have I done to deserve this?"

"You encouraged me to take a chance, Edward," I said, taking hold of his hands. "It paid off — I accepted a job offer today."

"Yeah? Which one?"

"Legal assistant, with the opportunity to take paralegal classes."

"You mean you could be a student, too?"

"Yep," I giggled.

"When do you start your job?"

"Week after next."

"So you're excited?"

"I'm excited," I nodded. "A new career to go with a new city and a new boyfriend."

Edward stood silently, green eyes staring into mine. I almost felt like he was expecting something of me, wanting me to say or do something.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked.

"Do you know what you said?" he whispered.

"Huh?"

"You've never referred to me as your boyfriend before. I mean, I've introduced you to everyone as my girlfriend and you never freaked out, but…"

Oh. Fuck. _Now_ I was trying not to freak out. Boyfriend was a long way from last summer's fuck buddy.

"Bella…?"

I swallowed hard before nodding. "I'm proud to call you my boyfriend, Edward."

I'd barely finished the sentence before his lips were on mine, hard and demanding. "God, that is hot," he panted. "Are you sitting here as some sort of offering?"

"I am," I replied with a grin. "Do with me what you will."

"Oh hell yes," he growled, opening my robe forcefully and taking a nipple into his mouth. I would never, ever tire of his mouth on any part of my body.

Gently, he laid me back until I was flat on the table, then went to work on my other breast. Lifting my head up, I watched him work, complete mesmerized by him.

I pouted when Edward stood up straight, his mouth leaving my chest. But then he grinned at me before sinking to his knees, pulling me until my legs were completely dangling off the table before spreading my thighs.

"Oh fuck," I yelled once I felt his tongue on me. Holding on to both of my legs, Edward continued to lick and suck my pussy until I thought I would lose my mind.

"Edward… oh God… " I was writhing around, and then… "Ow!"

"What's wrong?" he asked, stopping the delicious torture.

"I hit my head on the table," I panted. "I'm fine… please, don't stop."

"Yes, Ma'am," he grinned, flicking me with his tongue until I was screaming.

Smirking, he stood up, pulling his t-shirt over his head and unbuttoning his jeans. Within seconds, he was naked and inside me.

"This is going to be fast," he warned.

With the way Edward was holding onto my hips, I couldn't really do much except lie back and enjoy the ride. He set a furious pace, pounding into me over and over until the only thought in my head was, "Holy shit, I can't believe he's all mine!"

"So good, Bella… fuck… I love you…"

They were on the tip of my tongue, those words, but my approaching orgasm killed my last few remaining brain cells. "Fuck!" I screamed as I came, gasping and panting for air.

Edward groaned loudly as he followed me over the cliff, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He was so beautiful in his pleasure.

Slowly, he pulled out of me, helping me to sit up before pulling me forward until my feet touched the ground. We both sank to the floor, where I ended up in his lap, still partially dressed in my robe as we held each other tightly. I never wanted to get up, but I knew we eventually had to.

"I need to go clean up," I whispered.

"Mmm… later. I just want to hold you."

And I was perfectly ok with that.

Curled up in Edward's lap half-dressed, I'd never felt more at peace. I sat there for several minutes, just enjoying the feel of his fingers running through my hair. I loved the way he loved me — both physically and emotionally. I loved… him? Was I sure enough to tell him?

"Bella," he began nervously, breaking the spell I was under, "Did you notice the date?"

Fuck — I hadn't paid any attention to the calendar. I shook my head. "No, I'd totally forgotten," I replied quietly.

"Good — then I'm… re-purposing today. It's no longer your wedding anniversary. Today marks eight years since I met the woman I love. Will you let me take you out to celebrate tonight? I'll get you Ted Drewes after dinner," he added with a smirk.

"You don't have to bribe me — I'd love nothing more," I replied, kissing him gently.

* * *

"But this kitchen is so… ugly," Edward whined.

"It's dated, sure," I replied with a shrug. "When did you turn into such a snob?"

"Since my mom's hobby was interior decorating."

I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. "Forgetting the kitchen for a minute, you have to admit this place is perfect. The bathrooms have clearly been redone within the last ten years, after bronze fixtures became common. The walls are newly painted in neutral colors, and the flooring in the rest of the condo is fine."

"But we'd have to totally redo the kitchen. Those appliances are older than I am," he huffed.

I laughed — I couldn't help it. Besides, he was probably right. The condo had been built in 1980, and both the cabinets and appliances looked original.

My real estate agent, Jane Dakota, smiled at us. "I really hate to push you," she said, "But I don't think this place is going to last long at the listing price. You probably need to make a decision quickly and get back to me by tomorrow."

"Thanks, Jane," I smiled.

Since I had accepted the job offer ten days ago, Edward and I had been visiting both homes and condo developments all across the area. While I had really wanted to be done with my search before starting my job next week, we just hadn't seen anything that was suitable — until today.

The three-bedroom condo we saw this afternoon was in a perfect location, only two or three miles from Edward's school. There were about 50 condos mixed in with a larger development that had a number of apartments, and all of the apartment facilities like the pool and tennis courts were open to condo residents.

Not to mention, the price was definitely right — I would have no trouble paying for it all on my own.

That night after dinner, Edward and I were curled up together on the couch when I told him my decision: "I want to make an offer, Edward. I don't think I'll be able to beat that price and location."

"But the kitchen—"

"The price is low enough that I could afford to update the kitchen. That way I'll be able to pick out whatever I want."

"This is really the one you want?"

"It is," I nodded.

"And… have you thought any more about living with me?" he asked tentatively.

"Do you really think we're ready for that, Edward? If you choose to keep your apartment for another year, I'll only be a few miles away."

"Bella, I want to be with you — always. I want to fall asleep and wake up every day with you in my arms. I want your face to be the first and last thing I see every day.

"You agreed to wait and see how we did living together, and I think we've done great. Since you've been here, we haven't fought about anything more substantial than my leaving the toilet seat up."

"I know, it's just… I don't want you to feel tied down in an adult relationship you're not ready for. It freaks me out to know you've never kissed another girl. What if you only think you want to be with me because you've never experienced anything else?"

"Do you want me to kiss another girl? Because I'm pretty sure I could find a couple willing candidates in my classes," he replied — not boasting at all. "Would that make you happy?"

"It would make me want to rip the girl's tongue out," I answered truthfully.

"Do you want to be with me, Bella?" he asked quietly.

I closed my eyes, trying to be completely honest with myself.

"I do. God help me, I do. You've turned my life upside down — and not in a bad way anymore."

"Then I want to live with you. If that's the condo you want, then I want to buy it with you — I want it to be _our_ home."

"And we can gut the kitchen?"

"God, yes."

"Do you think it's too late to call Jane?" I asked, glancing at my watch.

"It's only 8 o'clock," he replied with a shrug.

After a quick call to Jane to tell her of our decision, Edward kissed me tenderly before declaring that the best way to celebrate was in bed.

"I will not miss this twin bed," I said as I started removing my clothes.

"We are so buying a king sized bed."

"I already have a bed though in queen size, remember?"

"Don't care — we can put it in one of the other bedrooms," Edward said.

"And a desk and stuff in the third one so you can study?"

"So _we_ can study."

"Right. God. Me, a student again when I already have a Bachelor's _and_ a Master's," I said, shaking my head.

Edward hugged me tightly, before pulling back and holding my face in his hands. "You're happy, aren't you, Bella?"

"I'm happy," I nodded.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks to Moosals for the chapter title. (For the previous one too, actually.) I love the dirty double entendre, heh.

Ted Drewes makes frozen custard "concretes" — like a Dairy Queen blizzard. Very famous around St. Louis. Reader **amberkey** suggested that one.

Bella came oh-so-close to admitting she's in love with Edward! And she's agreed to move in with him! Lots of progress this chapter; I'd love to know your thoughts.

If you're going to see _Breaking Dawn_ tonight, have a great time! My teenage excuse to go to the midnight premiere has two tests tomorrow, boo!


	21. Love Takes Two

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

I still haven't gotten out to see BD2 yet. Maybe this week?

Everyone seems pleased with the progress, but reviews have really dropped off in the last few chapters. I'd love to hear from all of you! I'm not working this week, so I have plenty of time to reply to reviews. :)

* * *

_Chapter 20_

_Monday, July 29, 2013_

"Need any help?" the large man with dark, curly hair and huge dimples asked.

"That would be great, thanks," I replied. Goddamn, it was hot outside — figured we'd be moving on the hottest day of the year.

Emmett McCarty, our new neighbor, grabbed one of the larger boxes out of my car, carrying it up the stairs. Edward was already inside, directing the movers on where to put all of the things that I'd left in storage in Chicago. The furniture delivery truck with our new king sized bedroom set, kitchen table and desk had come early this morning, so our condo was starting to look a lot like a home.

After our offer was accepted, Jane recommended a contractor who could update the kitchen for us at a reasonable price. The previous owners, a couple in their 50's, let us have a chance to come in briefly with the contractor to measure everything, so that we could order the new cabinets and flooring ahead of time, speeding up the process.

Once we took possession ten days ago, we ripped out the existing kitchen and got started putting it back together. It still wasn't completely finished — we were waiting on countertops — but it was at least in working order enough that we could move in.

It was while checking out the progress last week that we'd first run into the affable Emmett, who worked as a bartender nearby. His wife, Rose, a nurse up at St. Luke's, was working that day so we hadn't met her yet.

"Thanks so much, Emmett," I smiled as he set the box down on the coffee table.

"What have you got in here? Bricks?" he asked cheerfully.

"Close — books. I've got a lot of reading for my paralegal course," I replied as we headed back down to the car for more boxes.

Once we had everything from both cars inside the condo, Edward and I thanked Emmett profusely.

"Oh, no problem. Hey, is it ok if I bring my wife by to meet you guys when she gets home from work? She's been anxious to meet you since I told her about running into you last week. She's excited to have new neighbors closer to our age."

"Yeah, that sounds fine," Edward replied, and I nodded.

"Great. Her shift ends in about an hour," he answered. "Don't worry — we won't be in your hair too long. I need to get to work by 5:30."

Once Emmett left, Edward grabbed me in a huge hug, spinning me around.

"Stop it," I laughed.

"I can't help it," he smiled, putting my feet back on the ground. "It's just so unbelievable that we're here in our first home. "

Looking around, I frowned at all of the work ahead of us. "We can celebrate later — we have some things to put away first."

A little over an hour later, the doorbell rang while I was unpacking the boxes of books. Standing up, I wiped the sweat from my forehead and headed to the front door.

I opened the door to Emmett and a tall gorgeous woman with light blonde hair and icy blue eyes. She was truly stunning, making me feel even more unkempt with my messy bun and no make-up.

"Hi, Bella," Emmett said pleasantly. "I'd like you to meet my wife, Rosalie. Rose, this Bella Swan."

"It's nice to meet you, Rose," I said with a smile, holding my hand out to her. "Please, come on in, if you don't mind the mess. I think Edward is busy in the bedroom."

"Looks like you've made a lot of progress in the last hour," Emmett remarked as he looked around.

"Yeah, we have. I still need to start on the kitchen though. I can at least get the upper cabinets done before the countertops come in next week."

"Are you originally from St. Louis, Bella?" Rose asked as we got settled on the couch.

"No, I grew up in Phoenix. I went to college in Illinois and lived in Chicago until about three months ago," I explained.

"Will you two please excuse me for a moment? Edward is probably buried in a closet and doesn't realize you're here. Let me go get him."

I headed down the hallway to the bedrooms, finding Edward hanging my clothes in the walk-in closet.

"Hey," I called, throwing my arms around his waist from behind. "You know you don't have to do that."

"I wanted to," he replied, turning his head to kiss me.

"Emmett brought his wife, Rose, over — come out and meet her."

When Edward and I reached the living room, I saw Rose look up at us. Her eyes raked Edward up and down as he lifted his t-shirt to wipe the sweat dripping off his face, showing off a piece of that toned stomach. Rose's eyes widened as she stared. Was she checking out my boyfriend? In front of her husband?

I cleared my throat. "Rose, this is Edward," I introduced him.

Edward smiled shyly before walking up to where Rose was sitting, shaking her hand briefly. "It's nice to meet you," he said quietly while she just continued to stare, not speaking.

"I'm sorry for my rudeness," she finally said, shaking her head. "I was just under the impression that you guys were a couple. Emmett didn't tell me you were living with your… brother?"

Edward laughed. "Bella's not my sister — she's my girlfriend," he replied, putting his arm around me and kissing me lightly.

Rose's eyes widened even further after Edward's display. Fuck, this was exactly the kind of thing I was afraid of.

"Girlfriend? How old are you, Edward?"

"Rose," Emmett warned.

"What?" she asked, turning to face her husband. "I'm just curious — he looks like he's barely out of college."

"I'm not," Edward replied. "I'm 19, and I'll be a sophomore this fall. Yeah, I'm younger than Bella, but so what?"

I felt my face flame under Rose's obvious disapproval. She clearly thought I was robbing the cradle.

"Rosie, what difference does it make?" Emmett asked. "You're older than I am."

"Yes, by _two_ years."

"And I'm 11 years older than Edward… but there are a lot of advantages to dating a younger man… wouldn't you agree, Rose?"

While Edward blushed a gorgeous shade of pink, Emmett guffawed, and Rose raised an eyebrow at me.

"You're all right, Bella Swan," she finally said. "I like you."

"Sorry, Edward," I told him quietly.

He was still blushing, but he grinned at me, winking. He was so fucking proud of his sexual prowess — typical man.

"How did you two meet?" Rose asked.

"Uhhhh…" Fuck, how did I answer that one?

"I stole her from my brother," Edward answered with a shit-eating grin. What the fuck?

Emmett laughed, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I get it — that's classified information. Listen, I really need to run, or I'll be late for work," he added, standing up.

Rose smiled at me as she followed her husband to the front door. "I hope I didn't offend you — I was just caught off guard. More power to you though," she said with a wink.

Once they were gone, I playfully beat on Edward's chest. "I can't believe you told them the truth!"

"They didn't believe me," he laughed. "I don't want to lie to people, Bella."

"Can't we just say we met through family? That's not a lie. I'm not… proud of what I did, regardless of the outcome."

"Ok," he agreed. "You know, I was afraid you were going to freak out when Rose reacted like that. It's the first time we've gotten any negative comments."

"No, it's not," I responded quietly, watching his brow furrow in confusion. "When you picked me up from work a couple weeks ago while my car was in the shop… the next day, Lauren, one of the other legal assistants, made a snide comment about how young you looked. I was so shocked that I didn't really say anything… and I've been wishing for a do-over ever since."

"So you're not upset? You're not gonna freak out?"

"Nope. I choose to be proud that a 19-year-old wants to sex me up on a regular basis," I replied, kissing him tenderly.

Edward giggled, picking me up fireman-style and carrying me down the hallway.

"Put me down," I yelled, laughing. "Where are you going?"

"We have a new bed to test out," he replied in a husky voice.

_Yes, please._

* * *

While Edward had class on Tuesday, I was able to take a second day of vacation. I'd hoped to be further along with the unpacking, but Edward had sufficiently distracted us from our less fun work with his plan to test out the new bed last night.

By the time he got home from class, I had our new home pretty much put together. I was taking a much-needed break on the couch when I heard the tell-tale sound of the garage door being opened.

"Hey," I called when Edward walked in. "How was class?"

"Fine," he answered quietly — too quietly.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he sat heavily beside me.

"I checked my phone after class and had a voice mail from Jasper."

My eyes widened. I really hadn't expected to hear from Jasper again. Though he'd told Edward he forgave him almost six months ago, neither of them had made any effort to try and repair their relationship.

"What did he want?" I asked after a long pause.

"He's in town working on a new ad campaign with one of their clients. He wanted to know if we can get together later this week."

"What — what did you say?"

"I haven't called him back yet," he replied with a shrug.

"What do you _want_ to say?"

"I don't know… He's my family, and a part of me wishes I had a family. But I'm scared."

"Scared of what, sweetheart?" I asked, taking his hand in mine.

"Scared of how he'll react to finding out we're together. I can't lie to him, Bella. If he and I are to have any relationship at all, he'll have to know about us and accept it."

"I agree," I replied. "But the last time I talked to him, he told me that I shouldn't _not_ be with you because I was afraid of what he'd think."

"He said that?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "He wasn't exactly encouraging me, but…"

"What did you say to him?"

"I… I told him I didn't want you. Please don't be upset — I was lying to myself back then."

"Do you still want Jasper?" he whispered.

"What?!"

"If Jasper wanted you back, would you go back to him?"

"That isn't going to happen."

"Hypothetically, then."

I sighed. "No, I wouldn't go back to him. Jasper turned out to not be the man I thought he was. I mean… I fucked up, I know I did, but he wouldn't even try to fix us. I offered to do whatever he wanted. I'm not perfect — no one is perfect — yet he gave up on us the first time I made a mistake."

"I'm a mistake?" Edward asked, barely audible.

"No, sweetheart," I replied, taking his face in my hands. "Sleeping with you while I was married to Jasper was a mistake. I did it for all the wrong reasons. But you and me, now, together — we're not a mistake."

"Do you promise?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"I promise." I crawled into his lap, bringing his lips to mine.

"I love you so much, Bella. I have everything I ever wanted, but I'm so afraid I'll lose you." His fingers were inching up underneath my tank top, making my skin tingle with anticipation.

"Why would you lose me?"

"Because… what if you decide you can't handle this? What if you never fall in love with me?"

"Oh sweetheart," I said, running my fingers through his soft hair. "It's impossible not to fall in love with you."

"I need to hear the words, Bella," he whispered.

Gazing into those gorgeous green eyes, I saw his love for me. I'd spent months being so unfair to him: using him for sex, denying my feelings. But his love never once wavered. I knew then that I could safely give Edward my heart and he'd never stomp on it.

"I love you, Edward. I—"

My words were cut off by his lips on mine. I kissed him back with everything I had. Fuck, I had messed up, waiting so long to tell him. "I'm sorry," I panted once Edward's lips moved to the top of my breast. "I should've told you sooner."

"Say it again," he demanded.

"I love you," I repeated, laughing as I felt his hardness grow beneath me. I reached down to palm him through his shorts. "Time to give the new bed another test?"

"But it's so far away," he whined.

"Well, we did have some good times on this couch at my apartment in Chicago, didn't we?" I began sucking on Edward's neck as I felt his fingers working the button on my shorts.

"Take them off," he whispered. I quickly obliged, standing up and yanking my shorts and panties down before resuming my place on his lap. I threw my arms around Edward's neck, taking those pouty lips in mine.

"Oh God," I yelped, as I felt Edward's fingers between my legs. "I love… your fingers," I panted as he began pumping two fingers in and out while his thumb worked my clit. With his other hand, Edward grasped the top of my tank top, pulling it and my bra down so that he could attach his lips to my nipple. "I love your tongue, too."

Suddenly, Edward lifted me up, laying me on my back across the couch. His fingers never once faltered and I was getting close… very close.

"Come on," he whispered, "I want to watch you come."

"Oh my God… I love you," I screamed as I came. When I opened my eyes, Edward was staring down at me, his fingers still moving slowly inside me.

"I love you, too," he whispered, kissing me gently. And then he finally removed his fingers, sucking them into his mouth while he stared into my eyes.

"Are you planning to fuck me now?" I asked with a grin.

"Oh yeah," he smirked, standing up and removing his shorts. He tugged on my right leg, spreading me open as he placed his right knee on the couch, his left leg still on the floor. My breathing sped up in anticipation when he rubbed his cock through my wetness.

"Are you gonna tell me you love my cock now?"

I laughed. So cocky, that boy. "I'm not sure. I might need a demonstration." And with that incentive, he plunged inside.

I pulled Edward's head down to me so I could kiss him while he fucked me, trying to show him how much I loved him.

"Yes, I love your cock," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair. "But not as much as I love you."

That was all it took to spur him on, quickly driving me to the brink again with his relentless thrusts. He knew exactly what to do to my body to make me insane. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, I came again. Edward followed just behind me with a long grunt, collapsing on top of me.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing me sweetly. "And don't even think I'm done with you yet."

* * *

**A/N: **Yay, she said those three little words! :)

Finally we met Emmett and Rose. And Bella has now had to deal with negative comments on the age difference, but she didn't freak out. Did that surprise anyone?

Plus, Jasper is back! How do you all think _that_ is going to go?

Next chapter on Wednesday, since I know the Americans will be busy eating turkey and watching football on Thursday!


	22. Where We Are

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Happy Day-Before-Thanksgiving to all the Americans! From my story stats, the US makes up 61% of the readers of this story, followed by the UK, Canada and Australia.

Seems like everyone is very pleased with Bella _finally_ saying those three little words in the last chapter!

* * *

_Chapter 21_

On Thursday evening, I met Edward after work at the Cheesecake Factory at the Galleria mall, where we were getting together with Jasper for dinner. Maybe it was wrong, but we decided not to tell him that Edward and I were a couple over the phone. I was scared shitless of his reaction, but he couldn't go too crazy in public — I hoped.

"It's going to be fine, Bella," Edward said, hugging me tightly while we waited for a table. "If Jasper is mean to you, we're getting up and leaving, ok?" I felt his lips on my forehead before he kissed me softly.

"It's not me I'm worried about. I'm a big girl," I replied before kissing him again, my arms around his neck. Edward's tongue slid between my lips as we blocked out the rest of the world. I usually frowned at excessive PDAs but I really needed him right then.

"Oh my God."

Startled, I jumped back from Edward but his arms held tight around me. I leaned my forehead into his strong chest, embarrassed — this was not the way I wanted Jasper to find out.

"Hello, Jasper," Edward said before kissing the top of my head.

"Cullen, party of three?" the perky blonde hostess called. "Right this way." I untangled myself from Edward, following behind her, clutching tightly to his hand.

"Your server will be right with you," the hostess said as we took our seats in the booth she'd led us to, Edward and I seated across from Jasper.

"I, uh, didn't expect to see you here, Bella," Jasper said, breaking the tense silence. "You told me you didn't want Edward."

"I was wrong," I answered quietly. "It was a lie — to myself, not just you."

"So you're… visiting him?"

"No," I answered, shaking my head, "I live here in St. Louis."

Jasper's eyes widened. "Since when?"

"Since about three months ago."

Our waiter interrupted before Jasper could respond, taking our drink orders. When he left, Jasper turned to Edward. "Why didn't you tell me this when you called me back?"

"It didn't seem like something I should tell you over the phone," Edward shrugged.

"Don't look so put out, Jasper," I said sharply. "You said you didn't care if I dated Edward."

"I'm sorry, Bella, it's just… weird. Do the two of you have anything in common?"

"Do you know enough about your brother to say we don't?" I snapped.

Jasper's mouth opened and closed like a fish. Good, I'd left him speechless. We sat in silence, ostensibly looking over our menus until our waiter returned with our drinks, took our meal orders and walked away.

"Look, Edward," Jasper began, "I… I wanted to apologize for being a shitty brother to you for 18 years. I was angry with Mom for marrying someone else and leaving Chicago."

"You could've gone with her," Edward interrupted. "Dad would've treated you like his own."

"I was just a kid," Jasper replied with a shrug. "I didn't want to leave my dad or my friends in Chicago. I took my anger at Mom out on you by ignoring you, and I know nothing I say now can make up for that. I also believe that if I had been a real brother to you, you wouldn't have betrayed me."

"I guess we'll never know," Edward replied.

Jasper smiled sadly. "I said I forgave you, and I do. But… I'd like for you to tell me _why_."

"Because I love her," he said simply, kissing my hand that he'd been grasping tightly.

"You barely knew her then."

"I knew everything I needed to know to realize what an amazing person she is. Not only was she a beautiful bride, but she took the time to dance with a little boy who was too shy to ask her. At Mom's birthday party, the other guests looked at me like I was just some weird little kid, but Bella talked to me. She sent me birthday cards and gifts for seven years, signing your name to them. She was the only one at my parents' funeral to care about how I was doing. And once I moved in, she took the time to ask me how I was settling in, to make me feel wanted. So don't tell me I couldn't love her."

I listened to Edward's speech full of pride that he stood his ground. But his words, they brought tears to my eyes. The way Edward saw me… I used to think he put me on a pedestal I didn't deserve, but I realized now that he was just reacting to the kindness I had shown him. And though I still didn't think it was anything special to treat my husband's kid brother as a person, I began to realize that the other adults in his life, outside of his parents, hadn't been so charitable.

Edward peeked over at me, blushing pink at what he had said. Needing to reassure him, I held my hand to the back of his neck and pulled him close. "I love you, Edward Cullen," I whispered in his ear.

Edward pulled back in surprise, staring at me, before dipping his head until his lips met mine in a sweet kiss. "Wait until I get you home," he whispered. Mindful of Jasper's presence, I kept our next kiss short.

Jasper cleared his throat. "This is all very sweet, but loving someone doesn't give you the right to make a move on another man's wife."

"You're right, it doesn't," Edward admitted, still holding tightly to my hand. "I was thinking with my heart… and my hormones," he added, blushing again.

"I didn't think of the consequences to any of us. The way you found out was the worst possible way, and I am so sorry for that. I've apologized to Bella a dozen times for how thoughtless I was. I know she spent a lot of months in pain because of me, but somehow she forgave me. I hope you can see that I never meant to hurt you either, Jasper."

"I used to think you were just getting back at me for being a shitty brother," Jasper replied.

"No — it wasn't about _you_ at all. Not for either one of us, I don't think."

Jasper took a long sip of his beer, staring down at the table. Finally he lifted his head and took a deep breath, as if he was steeling himself for something.

"Well, it wasn't the easiest path," Jasper said after the long pause, "But we all ended up happy in the end, didn't we? You guys seem happy, and I'm so in love with Alice, it's ridiculous. We're all where we're supposed to be."

"Are — are you and Alice married yet?" I asked tentatively.

"Not yet — she didn't want to be a pregnant bride, so we've set the date for sometime in October."

I nodded. "Has she… given birth yet?"

"She's due at the end of this month. Watching the nursery coming together, I'm starting to get terrified," he chuckled.

"I hope everything goes well for you," I said quietly.

Before Jasper could respond, the waiter brought our meals to the table and we all dug in. I'd pretty much just pointed at something on the huge menu earlier, but I was pleased with my choice.

"I'm sorry," Jasper began, "But this is still weird to me. Bella said you guys hadn't been in touch since you left for college. So how did you end up convincing her to move, Edward?"

Edward looked over at me and I knew he was letting me take the lead on this one. How much did I want to tell Jasper about last summer?

I cleared my throat. "Edward had actually asked me to come with him the day before he left Chicago, but I refused. Partially because I was clinging to the hope that you'd take me back, Jasper, but mostly because I wasn't ready to admit to having feelings for a teenager."

"I still don't understand," Jasper said, his brow furrowed. "Every time I had talked to you, you tried to convince me to try and save our marriage. There was no indication you had feelings for Edward."

"But when was the last time I tried to do that? Do you remember the last time I called you?"

"Ummm… on our anniversary, I guess?"

"Right," I nodded. "You totally blew me off. I went to a bar and got drunk, then Edward ended up taking me home, and I had sex with him."

I watched as Jasper nearly choked on the drink he'd just taken. I really hadn't intended to just blurt it out like that.

"We started seeing each other after that," I added quietly.

"You two dated all last summer?"

"I wouldn't call it _dating_," I shrugged. "We rarely left the apartment."

As Jasper's face turned red, Edward giggled at my honesty and I winked at him. I no longer cared what Jasper thought of me. Edward and I had a very satisfying sex life — so what? After the way Jasper had rubbed his love for Alice in my face when he came to see me, he deserved a little payback.

"Spare me the details, please," Jasper choked.

"If you can't handle the fact that I'm happy with Bella, then I don't think we have much chance at having a real brotherly relationship," Edward said flatly.

Jasper blew out a long breath. "I just need some time to process it, I think. Now tell me about school — what happened to Dartmouth?"

We ordered slices of cheesecake after finishing our meals, just chatting about our lives now. Jasper was shocked to learn about my career change. Finally, Jasper needed to head back to his hotel to get some work in before tomorrow.

Edward kept his arm around me as we walked out of the restaurant, not wanting to lose our connection. As we turned toward the parking lot, Jasper held his hand out to Edward. "I'd like to try to be your big brother," he said as Edward shook his hand. "I'm due back in town in a couple months — maybe we can get together then?"

Edward nodded before walking me to my car. "I wish we hadn't driven separately," he whispered, kissing me sweetly. "I'll see you at home."

I may have exceeded the speed limit on the 20-minute drive home. Pulling into the garage moments before Edward, I quickly exited the car and unlocked the door. I barely had time to toss my purse and keys onto the couch before Edward grabbed me from behind, his lips going straight to my neck.

"Have I told you how hot you look in your work clothes?" he growled.

"Not today," I giggled as his large hands began kneading my breasts.

"Tell me who can make you feel this way."

"Only you, Edward. I swear — it has never been like this for me before. The things you can do to my body should be illegal."

"Fuck," he grunted, spinning me around and lifting me off the ground. My arms and legs quickly went around Edward, anchoring me to him. As I sucked on his neck, I felt us moving.

Reaching the bedroom, Edward let me down, quickly untying my wrap dress until it fell open. His fingers dragged slowly over my breasts down past my waist as he stared into my eyes. "You're really mine?" he whispered.

I pulled his lips to my own, kissing him with everything I had, willing him to believe me. Lifting his shirt, I exposed those amazing abs, trailing my fingers over them as each new inch of skin was exposed.

Reluctantly leaving his lips, I pulled his shirt over his head before going to work on his jeans. Once they were open, I traced my thumb up and down the hard outline of his cock through his boxer briefs.

"You're teasing me," he whined.

Smiling, I kissed him lightly. "Go wait for me on the bed," I whispered.

I quickly ducked into the bathroom, removing my jewelry and hanging up my dress. I came back into the bedroom, licking my lips at the sight of Edward splayed out naked in the middle of our king sized bed. Slowly, I reached behind my back to unhook my bra. I watched Edward's eyes watching me as I gradually pulled the straps down my arms, exposing my breasts to him.

Leisurely, Edward took his hard cock in his hand, stroking it until it grew even bigger. I wanted him inside me — now. I tugged my thong panties down, stepping out of them while I kept an eye on Edward.

"I believe that's mine," I said as I kneeled on the bed, pushing his hand out of the way so I could take his cock in my mouth.

I bobbed up and down a few times, watching Edward's beautiful face. "Love you… Bella," he panted.

With a final kiss to the tip, I got up to my knees, straddling him before sinking down onto him. _God, yes._

I rode him slowly, wanting to prolong this, but Edward started getting impatient. When I leaned down to kiss him, he flipped me over, lifting my right leg to his shoulder and speeding up his thrusts.

"Mine," he grunted.

"Yes, I'm yours — I love you, Edward."

"I will never… ever tire of hearing that."

When he reached his finger down between us to circle my clit, I lost it, screaming out his name as I came. A few more erratic thrusts and he collapsed, rolling to his side, bringing me with him. I stared at my beautiful man, his eyes closed and chest heaving from the exertion.

I kissed him tenderly and he opened his eyes, smiling at me. "You're not down for the count, are you?" I teased. "You'll be 20 in a few months, after all."

"Mmm… give me five minutes," he drawled.

"I'm gonna hold you to that," I giggled. "It's gonna take a lot more than what we just did to work off the calories in that cheesecake."

* * *

**A/N: **This was the final regular chapter. There will be two Epilogues, one from each point of view. So before that, you all need to "meet" Edward, right? I wrote an EPOV outtake of the Prologue and Chapter 1 that I will post in a few days. :)

Let me know what you thought about the meeting with Jasper! Did he deserve the gory details from Bella? Edward wisely kept his explanation short, to avoid getting punched.

Any wishes for what you hope happens in the Epilogues?


	23. EPOV Outtake Pt 1

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the great response to the last chapter! Seems like nearly everyone wants to see the same thing in the Epilogue. That will be up in about a week.

First, we get to meet sweet Edward! This is an outtake I wrote a couple of months ago covering Edward's POV of both the Prologue and Chapter 1. It's about four times the size of one of my usual chapters, so I'm going to split it into two parts.

* * *

_EPOV Outtake Part 1_

It was around 7pm on a Tuesday night, and I was doing my homework in my room when the doorbell rang. With my parents, Esme and Carlisle Cullen, out attending a hospital benefit up in Port Angeles tonight, I just assumed they had forgotten their house key or something.

I opened the door to two police officers. From the looks of pity on their faces, I knew without them even speaking a word that something terrible had happened to my parents. Walking inside, they calmly told me that there had been an accident and I needed to come to the hospital with them immediately.

At the hospital, Dr. Gerandy, my father's best friend, explained that my parents had been killed in a head-on collision with a logging truck that had crossed the center line. It was required for the bodies to be identified by a family member.

I don't remember much of what happened after that. Dr. Gerandy's wife, Heidi, drove me home, insisting that I not spend the night alone.

"Is there anyone I can call for you, sweetie?" she asked. "Any family?"

"I have a brother," I answered hoarsely, lying on the couch in shock while she made the phone call.

The next morning, Heidi finally dragged me out of bed around 10am to eat something. I was sitting at the kitchen table picking at my scrambled eggs when the phone began to ring.

"Hello?" I answered, once Heidi handed me the phone.

"Ed, man, it's Jasper. I just wanted to let you know that Bella and I just landed at SeaTac. We'll be there as soon as we can, ok? Hang on."

Jasper was my older brother, well, half-brother — we had different dads. Jasper was 11 years old when I was born and had never had time for me while I was growing up and he was spending his court-ordered visitation with Mom. I'd only seen him twice in the last seven years, since he had married Bella.

Bella… I could still remember the exact moment I first saw her.

_My parents had dragged me to Chicago for my brother's wedding just after school let out for the summer. We had been seated in the first row of the church, and when the music started playing, everyone turned to watch the procession. Three bridesmaids in shiny pink dresses walked down the aisle, and then I saw Bella at the back of the church, on her father's arm._

_She was… pretty. No, she was beyond pretty — she was beautiful, the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. As she stepped closer to me, I'd stared at her angelic figure in a long white dress, holding a bouquet of white roses. I just couldn't stop staring as she reached Jasper at the altar, passing the bouquet to one of her bridesmaids._

_After the ceremony and dinner in a hotel ballroom, Mom had asked me if I was bored, did I want to go up to our room. But I shook my head — I wanted to be wherever Bella was. A couple hours after the dancing started, Mom had finally noticed me staring at my new sister-in-law._

_"Would you like to dance with the bride, Edward? I'm sure she would dance with you."_

_I nodded, unable to speak, as Mom asked Bella to dance with me._

_I'd had no idea how to dance, but it didn't matter, as Bella and I swayed slowly to the music. I was pretty short for 11 years old, and Bella was wearing high heels, placing my eyes right at the level of the low neckline on her strapless dress. I couldn't stop staring at the swell of her breasts and the valley between them. Girls were icky, I didn't like girls, but I wanted to know what those soft-looking mounds would feel like under my fingertips._

_Of course, I didn't touch her. But I knew then I'd never want anyone but her — my angel._

_By the time of my mom's 50th birthday party three years later, I definitely liked girls, though I was far too shy to approach any of them. Bella had arrived in Forks for the party with Jasper, and she was just as beautiful as I had remembered. Most of the adults at the party ignored me, but not Bella. She hugged me when she first saw me, then took the time to talk with me, asking me about school. I was too shy to give her more than monosyllabic answers, but it had meant so much to me that she tried. _

_It was an unseasonably warm summer day in Forks, perfect for a backyard barbecue and swim in the in-ground pool. When Bella removed her cover-up and I got my first look at her dark blue bikini, I couldn't have controlled my body's reaction to her for anything in the world. Holy shit. _

_I'm sure everyone at the party thought I was strange, darting inside as if my pants were on fire. But I'd had a… situation in my pants, and I would've been mortified if anyone had noticed my hard-on. Hiding in my room, I'd jerked off quickly, my mind picturing Bella in her bikini. I was so ashamed of myself for reacting like that to her — Bella was special, she deserved to be loved and cherished, not objectified by a 14-year-old boy's hormones. When I returned to the party, I couldn't even face her._

**~o~**

Heidi cleaned up the breakfast dishes and waited around for a couple of hours, still afraid to leave me alone. Finally I tired of her hovering, telling her that she could leave, I'd be fine, since my brother would be arriving soon. An hour or so later, the doorbell rang.

Answering the door, I registered that Jasper was there, but I only saw Bella. She was just as beautiful as in my memories. Her eyes seemed to rake me up and down for a moment before she stared into my eyes, her gorgeous brown eyes full of sympathy… and something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Slowly, I stepped aside, staring at the floor as they crossed the threshold. Jasper set his bag down and then grabbed me in an awkward hug, the first hug I could ever remember from him.

"Good to see you, man. I hardly recognized you. How're you holding up?"

"Ok," I answered quietly.

"Hey, come and sit down — Bella and I wanted to talk to you for a minute."

Once we all took our seats on the couch, I stared down at my shoes, afraid of getting caught looking at Bella… and the small bit of cleavage peeking out of her v-neck sweater.

"Listen, bro," Jasper began, "I want you to know that you're not alone. Bella and I want you to come live with us in Chicago to finish out your senior year. I know it's your last year, and you probably don't want to leave your friends, but I just don't feel right leaving you out here all by yourself in this big house. What do you think?"

I looked up at him in shock. As Jasper had never cared about being my brother before, this just couldn't have been his doing. It had to be her. Bella was the one who sent me birthday cards and gifts every year, signing his name to them. I looked over at Bella, trying to read her mind, to determine if she'd been the one who really wanted me to come and stay.

"Ok," I answered. "I'll go to Chicago." There was no way I could pass up the opportunity to spend the next seven months around Bella.

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. Jasper took care of all of the arrangements for the joint funeral and burial, while Bella contacted a real estate agent about selling the house. I tried to be strong as I packed up all of my things, along with anything of my parents that I wanted to keep.

I stood stoically in the light rain at the cemetery as my parents' caskets were lowered into the ground. I just couldn't believe this had happened. Once I'd lost all of my grandparents, I always felt that there were only three people in the world who cared about me — and now two of them were dead. I was shocked when Bella walked over to me, carefully taking me in her arms. Thankful that I still had her, I began sobbing as I clutched her small body to mine tightly. I wished I never had to let her go.

* * *

Once Jasper parked his car along the curb in front of their home, he helped carry my bags upstairs and showed me to one of the two guest rooms to get settled in. I was thankful that my room wasn't right next to Bella and Jasper's room. I couldn't stomach it if I had to listen to the two of them having sex.

Jasper had claimed that he couldn't afford any more time off work, so the plan was for Bella to get me registered at my new high school on Monday morning. Waking up with the usual morning wood, I quickly jerked off in the shower before getting dressed.

Leaving my room, I noticed the door to the master bedroom was open. I thought I'd poke my head in and let Bella know that I'd be ready to leave in just a few minutes.

When I reached the doorway, I was stunned to see Bella standing there, rummaging through a drawer… completely naked. Holy fuck, she was even hotter than I had been picturing her for the last three and a half years. I'd never seen a naked woman in person before, and I couldn't imagine anyone looking more beautiful than Bella. No matter that I had jerked off 15 minutes ago — I could never have controlled my reaction to her.

As Bella stepped into a pair of tiny black underwear, she looked up and nearly jumped a mile in the air when she saw me standing in the bedroom doorway. Breathing heavily, I still could do nothing but stare.

"Oh my God, you scared me half to death!" she exclaimed, crossing her arms to cover my view of her perky breasts.

Bella quickly darted into a closet or something, calling out to me, "I am so sorry I didn't close the bedroom door after Jasper left. We're just not used to someone else being in the house. I'll be more careful next time."

I slowly stepped back from the doorway, willing my body to calm down. Did I have time to jerk off again? No matter… there was no way I could go to school like that.

Fifteen minutes later, I was in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal when Bella came downstairs. I could see her blushing as she looked at me. She grabbed a granola bar and then we headed outside to Bella's car. The short trip to the school was silent, as both of us seemed to be too embarrassed over what had happened earlier to initiate conversation.

Things went well at the high school, and once I had my new class schedule, Bella wished me good luck before leaving me to go to work. Fuck, I hated the idea of being the new kid. I'd gone to the same schools in Forks for my entire life. Only the thought of coming home to Bella later that night kept me going through all of the awkward introductions.

* * *

The rest of the week passed in a blur as I got caught up in my classes. I tried to remain strong all week, but by Friday night, I was drowning, wondering how I had ended up in someone else's tragic life. Missing my parents terribly, I crept downstairs in just my pajama pants to make myself some hot chocolate, like Mom used to do for me when I was feeling sad.

Turning off the kitchen light, I let the moonlight guide me to the family room, where I sat on the couch drinking my hot chocolate and missing my mom and dad. As I stared into space, I thought I heard a noise, but I dismissed it. I knew as soon as my salty tears started falling that I was being a baby, but I couldn't help it.

"Edward?" Bella asked tentatively, startling me as she stepped into the room. She walked slowly toward the couch, sitting down next to me. _God, Bella._ She smelled amazing, and I couldn't control myself, throwing my arms around her and hugging her tightly. Forgetting all about trying to be a man, I buried my face in her neck as I sobbed.

"It's ok," she soothed, slowly stroking her soft hand down my bare back. Oh God, her touch on my skin felt so good. I whimpered, clinging to her, wanting the moment to never, ever end.

"I know it's terrible what happened to your parents," she said quietly. "But it's going to be ok, Edward. You'll always have a home here with Jasper and me."

As she continued to soothe me, I closed my eyes, reveling in her touch. It meant so much to me to know that Bella cared, that I wasn't alone. From the first time I'd met her, she'd treated me like I was worthy of her time. Eventually, she seemed to tire, lying back against the end of the couch, bringing me with her.

I woke up hours later as the sun began to stream through the windows, now stretched out on the couch, lying mostly on top of Bella. My head was cradled between her breasts, and I couldn't resist nuzzling my face into one of them. _Fuck, so soft._

My arms were around her waist, and I squeezed her tightly as I lightly rubbed my morning wood against her thigh. Fuck, I couldn't believe I'd spent the night with Bella in my arms. I wanted to kiss her so, so badly.

"Edward," she whispered, shaking my shoulders. "Edward — wake up!"

Noooo…

I slowly lifted my head, blinking several times as my eyes tried to focus. God, she was beautiful, and I couldn't resist smiling at her.

"Good morning, Bella," I said quietly, willing her to understand how much this meant to me, how much _she_ meant to me.

"We need to go back to bed," she said urgently, seeming to be freaking out about something. I nodded and sat up slowly, my body shivering as I moved away from her warmth. She followed, giving me a final one-armed hug before going upstairs.

* * *

Two weeks later, Jasper arrived home from work on Monday evening with some news — he had to go out of town on business, potentially for the rest of the week. The advertising agency Jasper worked for was planning to make a pitch to a prospective client in St. Louis.

Bella smiled and said she was fine with it, but she didn't look happy. The next day was Valentine's Day, and I knew they had reservations for dinner downtown. If Bella were mine, I'd never leave her alone on the holiday like that.

After work on Tuesday, Bella came home and cooked dinner for the two of us. As we sat down to eat, she started peppering me with questions.

"How are you doing in school, Edward?"

I shrugged; I always did well in school, it was easy for me.

"Have you made any friends?" she persisted.

"A guy named Tyler has been nice to me."

"That's great," she smiled. "Any girls catch your eye?"

"One," I whispered, staring up at her. _Please Bella, see how much I love you._

She cleared her throat before speaking. "So listen, I made lasagna tonight so you'll have some leftovers to heat up tomorrow. An author that I'm working with is in town and we'll be going out to dinner tomorrow night. I won't be home until late. Ok?"

"Ok," I replied quietly.

Since I'd moved in, Bella had always been the one to take the initiative, asking how I was doing, making me feel welcome in their home. Jasper never acted like he really cared, just seeming to get irritated because I wasn't as outgoing as he was. I had always been shy — even more so when I was a kid. God, how I wished that I wasn't so introverted. If I was more like Jasper, maybe then I'd have the balls to tell Bella that I was in love with her. And maybe she'd love me back.

* * *

It was late when Bella finally arrived home Wednesday night. As she walked into the house and hung up her coat in the hall closet, I saw that her dress was stained with several unknown substances.

"What happened?" I gasped from my place on the couch.

"I had a run-in with a tray of sweets," she replied. "I'm gonna go take a shower — I'm all sticky."

Soon after Bella headed upstairs, I heard the sound of the shower turning on. Fuck, she was up there naked. Of course, after the incident three weeks ago, it was no longer just my imagination helping me to picture her — I knew exactly what her nude body looked like.

Listening to the water running, I couldn't stop picturing Bella in the shower, water droplets running down her breasts, down her flat stomach. I wanted her so badly that I felt like I'd incinerate from the inside out. My dick was so fucking hard.

Jasper would be gone until Friday night — this was my one chance to try, to tell her how I felt about her. Without another thought, I got up from the couch, climbing the stairs urgently. Her bedroom door was closed, but I tried the knob, thrilled to see that it was unlocked.

Swallowing thickly, I crossed the room, coming to a stop a few feet outside the open door to the bathroom. Bella was still in the shower, but I couldn't quite make out the outline of her body through the frosted glass door.

When the water shut off, I held my breath as the shower door opened and Bella stepped out, grabbing a towel from on top of the toilet lid. She was absolute perfection as she rubbed it over her wet body. I wanted to be that towel. I wanted to step closer, make my move, but I was frozen in place watching her.

Suddenly, Bella looked up, staring at me with a look of horror on her face.

"Jesus, Edward!" she cried, as she held the large towel in front of her chest, blocking my view of her perfect tits. "Turn around, for God's sake!"

Snapping out of my stupor, I turned around, quickly noticing that I could see Bella's reflection in the mirror over the dresser. I continued to watch my angel as she hurriedly finished toweling off before grabbing a robe from behind the door and putting it on.

"Did you need something, Edward?" she asked when she exited the bathroom, suddenly blushing furiously.

Slowly, I turned to face her, making direct eye contact. I swallowed hard before I nodded. "I need you, Bella," I croaked. Fuck, that didn't come out in the husky voice that I was intending.

"What?" she squeaked.

"I want you. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you."

"Edward, you were 11 years old the first time you saw me," she responded.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. You were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and I wanted you even then."

"Edward, I'm married to your brother. Nothing can happen between us."

I stared at my feet for several long moments before looking up at her, fighting back the tears that I could feel threatening. "You don't want me?" I asked quietly.

"You're just a kid, Edward. You should be dating one of the girls in your new school — I'd imagine they're falling all over themselves to date a handsome young man like you."

"I don't want any of those _girls_. I want you, Bella."

"Well, you can't have me. I'm sorry, Edward. I don't want to hurt you, but…"

No, no! This was not the way it was supposed to go. I had to make her see, make her understand how I felt. I wasn't some dumb kid with a crush — I loved her.

Taking two steps so that I was directly in front of her, I whispered, "Please, Bella." I placed my hands gently on her face, enjoying the feel of her soft skin. "Please, I need you…"

And then I kissed her.

Her lips were soft, so fucking soft, making me grow even harder. Having never kissed a girl before, I moved my lips tentatively , praying that I was doing it right. As I continued kissing her, my kisses grew more confident, more urgent by the second. God, I wanted her.

Finally I pulled away from her lips to take a breath, kissing down her throat. "God," I whispered, "You taste so good. Your lips taste like fruit."

"Edward, we need to stop this," she protested softly, not sounding like she really meant it. Instead of stopping, I pushed the neck of her robe open just a little bit and began placing tiny kisses along her collarbone.

"Edward — stop!"

I pulled away, blinking. _That_ time she definitely meant it.

"We can't do this; I'm married."

"I don't care."

"But I do care. Edward, your brother and I have been married for almost seven years. I love him. I don't mean to upset you, but I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Oh God. I tried and I failed; she didn't want me.

Suddenly, Bella moved toward me, putting her arms around me. Fuck, her softness felt so good against me. She was fighting this because of Jasper, but she wanted me — I could feel it. Gently, I tipped her chin up and placed my lips on hers again.

Bella opened her mouth, and I carefully pushed my tongue into her mouth. Oh my God, the sensations almost knocked me over. I curled my arms around her then, holding her soft body close to mine, kissing her like a starving man. Bella tangled her tongue with mine in a passionate kiss, better than any of my dreams.

Finally pulling back to breathe, I laid my forehead against hers. "Let me touch you, Bella. Please let me touch you. I need to touch you," I said desperately.

She nodded slowly, and I began to undo the tie on her robe with shaking fingers. Once it was open, I pushed the robe off her shoulders until it fell to the floor in a heap.

"Oh my God," I gasped in awe, "You're so beautiful, Bella." I just couldn't stop staring at her — my angel there for the taking.

I took her hand as I began walking backwards, sitting heavily on the bed once it hit the back of my legs. I stared at her bare chest before finally reaching out my index finger and drawing it down from her collarbone into the valley between her breasts. I'd dreamed about touching her there since the time we'd danced together at her wedding, and the feel of her skin did not disappoint.

I lifted my finger again, starting in the same place, but this time veering off to the right, trailing over the soft mound of her breast. She felt so fucking perfect. On the next pass, I used two fingers, then three, until I was holding her breast in my hand, completely fascinated by its weight.

More, I needed more. My arms went around her then, pulling her closer until she stood fully between my thighs.

"Oh God," she cried out when my tongue darted out, tasting her nipple. I stared up at her for a moment, gauging her reaction, before taking her entire nipple in my mouth and suckling gently.

"Am I doing it right?" I asked quietly.

Bella nodded and I smiled at her before standing up, encouraging her to sit on the bed and then lie back. Slowly, I climbed on top of her, now giving her other breast the same attention.

When both nipples had become hard little buds, I lifted my head and came back to her mouth, growing still harder as she returned the kiss. I brought both hands up to her tits then, kneading them gently, before dragging my fingers down her flat stomach.

Scooting down toward the end of the bed a bit, I ran one finger down her hip, ending up on her pussy. Oh my fuck, now I knew what everyone meant about a woman being wet.

I stroked her gently a few times before finding her entrance and pushing in carefully. I quickly added another finger and began pumping them in and out. Oh my God, she felt tight with just two fingers in there. I couldn't imagine how tight she would feel around my dick.

Where was the magic place I was supposed to touch? I moved my thumb along her pussy, knowing I'd found the spot when she cried out. I'd never felt so powerful as I did then with Bella writhing beneath me. I had to make this good for her, but oh God, I was so hard, I needed friction. Slowly, I began thrusting my hard-on into the mattress, wishing I had thought to take my jeans off, but not wanting to stop touching her for even a moment.

Bella screaming out her orgasm pushed me over the edge, and I grunted as I felt myself coming in my pants like, well, like a teenage boy. I collapsed on top of her, pulling my fingers out and staring at the wetness there before sucking them into my mouth. Oh fuck, she tasted good. I was most definitely going to have to put my mouth on her soon.

Her head fell back on the pillow and she closed her eyes. "Bella?" I whispered, but she didn't seem to hear me.

I climbed off the bed, heading to my own room to undress. I brushed my teeth before heading back to my Bella, still fast asleep on top of the covers. I carefully maneuvered the blanket and sheet down under her prone body, before lying back next to Bella and covering us up. Bella made a soft noise before turning onto her side. I spooned behind her, holding her close to me, and fell asleep within minutes, wholly content.

I was awakened by light stroking on my arm. And then I heard Bella's voice: "Edward, it's almost time to get up." Still mostly asleep, I tightened my arm, pulling her into my body and burying my face in her neck. "Edward—"

"Mmmm… just wanna stay here."

"You need to get up, Edward. You have school."

Fuck, I never wanted to let her go, but I finally released her, rolling onto my back.

"I need a shower — I expect to find you gone when I get back, young man."

I laughed at her bossiness before watching her sit up. My eyes followed her as she crawled out of bed, turned off the alarm and walked naked to the bathroom. She looked just as good to me as she had the night before.

Reluctantly, I got out of bed, heading to my own room to take care of my morning wood. While I showered, I thought back on what we had done the night before. My dream girl had let me kiss her, let me touch her, make her come. Good God, I needed to touch her again. I couldn't wait for tonight.

* * *

**A/N: **Part 2 will be up in a couple days.

What do you all think of Edward so far? I know by midway through the story, everyone thought he was just adorable, but opinions of him weren't very high early on.


	24. EPOV Outtake Pt 2

**Author's Note: **Totally forgot my disclaimer last time, oops. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Also special thanks to janewithay's son for pre-reading and letting me know if I was way off base in writing a male POV.

* * *

_EPOV Outtake Part 2_

All day long, I spaced out in my classes, still thinking of last night with Bella. Everything was so much better than I had imagined. I was scared shitless about tonight and the possibility of having sex with her. It was 2012 — I'd seen internet porn, of course, so I knew roughly what to do. But knowing what to do and actually being able to please an experienced woman were two different things.

Oh fuck, I had to quickly end that line of thinking. I could not think about my Bella with Jasper, with any other man. I wanted to punch every other man who had ever laid a finger on her.

Having a big test coming up at school on Friday, I stayed up in my room studying until Bella finally got home from work, much later than usual. I rushed downstairs when I heard her call out that she'd brought dinner. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, I smiled as soon as I saw her. My God, she was beautiful.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey," she smiled back. Oh thank God, she must be ok with what had happened between us. "Sorry I didn't feel like cooking tonight. I brought take-out from the place down the street. Jasper and I eat there a lot."

I nodded and sat down, then began devouring the BBQ sandwich and fries that she'd brought me.

"Slow down," she laughed. "I'm not gonna take it away from you."

I smiled at her in between bites. "I'm just trying to hurry so we can go upstairs," I replied with a wink.

"Edward, listen — what happened last night… you know that can't happen again, right?"

Fuck, no — no, Bella, don't be scared.

"But I want you, Bella," I pleaded. "You're all I've ever wanted, and you're all I'll ever want. I know you want me, too — you can't deny it."

"My body responds to you, Edward, but it's not right. What about your brother?"

"Jasper is like a stranger to me — he's not my brother."

"Ok, then… you aren't being very fair to a stranger in pursuing his wife."

"But I want you," I said emphatically. "And you want me. If things with Jasper were so great, you wouldn't have let me touch you last night."

Bella remained silent after that, but I could see the wheels turning in her head. I was getting through to her, I just knew it.

She was busy loading the dishwasher when I decided to make my next move. I wound my arms around her from behind, then gently moved her hair to one side, placing a soft kiss on her neck.

"Come upstairs with me, Bella. Let me make love to you."

As I continued nuzzling her neck, I felt myself getting hard and began pressing my groin into her perfect, round ass. Suddenly, she spun around and roughly pulled my lips to hers. Fuck, yeah. I lifted Bella onto the counter and moved between her spread thighs, thrusting my hard-on against her heat.

I was lost in her kisses, but fuck, I didn't want to come in my pants again! Bella broke away from my lips, whispering, "Let's go before I change my mind." Oh hell yes. Wasting no time, I took her hand in mine and began pulling her toward the stairs, praying I didn't look like the eager virgin I so was.

Reaching the bedroom, I quickly began unbuttoning her blouse. Fuck, why did women's clothes have such tiny buttons? As I moved to her pants, she slipped her blouse off her shoulders and tossed it in the direction of the dresser. That was so fucking hot. I stood in a daze as she stepped out of her pants and then turned to me.

Once she had me stripped down to my underwear, we moved onto the still-unmade bed. I reached behind Bella, trying to unhook her bra, but I just couldn't figure out how it worked. Fuck, I was so embarrassed for her to see how inexperienced I was.

"Here… let me do it."

Once she got the damn thing unhooked, I carefully pulled the straps down her arms before laying her back and attacking her breasts with my tongue and hands. They weren't huge, but I couldn't imagine a more perfect set of tits.

After several minutes of worshipping her breasts, I sat back on my knees and began pulling her panties down, ever so slowly. I could only imagine the look on my face as each new inch of her was revealed. I'd seen Bella naked last night but my memory just didn't do her justice. And tonight — tonight I would claim her as mine.

Not able to wait any longer, I stood up and yanked my boxer briefs down, trying not to freak out at the thought that Bella was now seeing _me_ naked. I had gym class in school; I knew my dick was a bit above average in size, at least when flaccid, but I had no idea what she was used to — Jasper was still taller than me, so did that mean his dick was bigger?

I couldn't think about that now. Bella was with me; she wanted me. I quickly climbed on top of her, lying between her spread thighs while I kissed her insistently. _Man up, Edward, this is it._ I carefully maneuvered so my hard cock was pushing at her entrance, taking a deep breath before I made the final push.

"Whoa there… slow down, Tiger. Have you ever been with a woman before, Edward?" she asked gently.

"N—No."

"You're not going to last ten seconds if you move that fast. Lie back."

I quickly complied, lying back with my head on the pillow, looking up at her for my next instruction. I'd do anything in the world for her.

"Have you ever been touched by a woman, Edward? Has a woman ever put her mouth on you?"

Oh fuck yeah, she was gonna give me a blow job? I promptly shook my head to let her know that she would be the first.

"Why don't we start with that, ok?"

"Anything, Bella," I whispered. "Just touch me."

I watched as Bella slowly reached her hand down toward my cock, embarrassed when it twitched in anticipation. My eyes rolled back as she ran one finger up the underside of my cock. Gripping the base tightly, she slowly moved her hand up toward the tip, and I twitched again as she spread the pre-cum around. Fuck, her soft hand felt so much better than my own.

After a few more strokes, she slid herself down toward the end of the bed and followed the same path with her tongue as she had earlier with her finger. I cried out like a baby, staring at her, silently begging for more with my eyes.

"You like that?"

"More," I cried in a strangled voice.

Watching me carefully, she sucked just the tip between her lips, running her tongue around the head of my cock. She gripped the base tightly again and slowly sucked my entire length into her mouth.

Oh. My. God. I'd heard guys at school gossip about girls that gave good head, but now I knew exactly what they were talking about. I began panting as Bella sucked hard on just the tip again, then the entire length. She repeated her moves a few more times before I exploded in her mouth, crying out loudly. "Oh my God, oh my God…"

While I lay there dazed, trying to slow my frantic breathing, she quickly licked me clean and then scooted up the bed, placing a single kiss on my chest.

"Bella, that was… that was the most incredible thing I've ever felt. Thank you."

She smiled down at me with her beautiful smile. "Ready for more?"

"Yes, please," I replied, nodding furiously.

Bella knelt on either side of my hips and began trailing her fingers through my sparse chest hair, over my abs and happy trail, before tracing the same path a few more times.

"Close your eyes, Edward," she said quietly, as she took one of my nipples into her mouth, biting it gently as I moaned. I'd thought only women's nipples were sensitive.

With my eyes still closed, Bella captured my lips in a searing kiss, holding my arms up above my head. "Hold on to the headboard," she directed before kissing me deeply. _Anything you want, Bella._

I was hard again in no time, lost in the sensations as Bella began sliding back and forth over my cock while she kissed me. Her hard nipples were brushing against my chest, making me almost crazy with desire. I couldn't imagine anything could feel better than that, but then…

"Oh God," I yelped, panting heavily, as she lowered herself onto me. Warm, wet, tight… oh my God, I needed to feel this every day for the rest of my life. Multiple times per day. But for right now, I had to concentrate on not blowing my load immediately.

"Relax, Edward… relax and this will last longer. Recite the alphabet backwards for me."

"Do — what?" I was barely coherent enough to know the alphabet forward!

"The alphabet backwards… come on, I know you know it. I'm not moving until you start."

_Think, Edward, think… you want her to move, don't you?_ "Uh… um… Z. Um, Y… X?"

She pushed up until just the tip of my dick was still inside her, before plunging back down. Oh my lord, I think I love sex.

"Oh my God… um, W… V, U, S… no, um, T… S."

She rotated her hips slowly before rising up again and sinking down, hard.

"Bella…" I groaned. Did she _want_ me to be a two-pump chump?

"Keep going, Edward."

"Um… um, R? Q… P, O, N… um, M?"

She repeated her movements, and this time when she came back down, I thrust up into her, meeting her hips firmly. Oh holy fuck, it was even better when I participated!

"Not gonna last, Bella," I panted. "You feel too good."

"You're halfway there, Edward. You can make it," she insisted, rotating her hips and grinding down on me.

"Oh fuck… Where was I — oh, L? K… J, I… so good, so good…"

This time when she lifted up, she let me slip all the way out before slamming back down. Grunting loudly, I thrust up to meet her again, holding on to her hips.

"Gotta… touch you, Bella. Need you…"

"Almost there," she whispered, tracing my bottom lip with her tongue while she rocked slowly. "What letter comes next?"

"Ummmm… H, H is next. G… F, E, D… C, B, A… oh my God…" I cried as I came, spilling inside her in several long spurts. I'd never come so hard in my life.

"Good boy, you made it through," she said, kissing me quickly and then climbing off of me. Nooooo… bring your heat back!

My eyes were still tightly closed as I tried to catch my breath. Finally I opened one eye and peeked at her, realizing what had _not_ happened.

"You didn't finish," I said quietly. I felt awful that I had failed her.

"Well, no, but I didn't expect to." She shrugged, standing up to retreat to the bathroom before returning to me with a wet washcloth to clean us both up.

"Bella… "

"Hmmm?"

"Can we do that again?"

She laughed as she tossed the washcloth onto the nightstand. "I know you're only 18, but even you aren't ready for another round just yet."

"No, but after I make you come I will be," I said, grinning as I leaned over her and plunged my tongue into her mouth. As we kissed, my hands trailed down to her wet pussy, where I began stroking slowly. I needed to taste her now.

"Can I put my mouth on you? Will you show me what to do?"

"You really want to?" Why did she seem so surprised? Guys at school talked about eating pussy all the time.

"More than anything," I whispered, scooting down a little bit before staring between her legs for a long moment. I'd dreamed about this — visualized it in the shower plenty of times, but now I was scared shitless to make a move. What if I did it wrong?

"Spread the lips… I promise whatever you do next will feel good."

I nodded and carefully followed her instructions, licking up from her entrance. Looking up at her for confirmation, she nodded and I repeated the move, then began probing gently with my tongue. Fuck, she did taste good. I pushed two fingers inside, pumping them in and out while I flicked my tongue at that spot that had made her scream last night. When I sucked it into my mouth, I felt her shudders.

"Close, Edward… keep doing what you're doing."

_Oh hell yeah_, I thought, giving myself an internal fist pump. I quickened my pace, pushing a little harder with my tongue. I had to show her that I could do this — I could please her. I saw her fist the sheets tightly with both hands and then suddenly it felt like my fingers were in a vice grip.

"Oh… yes, yes… oh my God…oh fuck."

I stared up at her in awe. That was the hottest fucking thing ever, so much better than watching the fake orgasms in internet porn. "The way you clamped down on my fingers — I want to feel that, I want to feel it from inside you."

Determinedly, I climbed up her body, kissing everything in my path. Would she want me to kiss her lips after I'd just gone down on her? I kissed them lightly, just in case she didn't like it.

"Can I be on top this time?" I asked, praying she'd agree.

"Whatever you want, Edward."

Oh thank God. Carefully, I took hold of my erection and directed it to her entrance. As I pushed inside, my eyes rolled back in my head. So warm, so wet, so tight… so good. Bella wrapped her long legs around my waist, pushing me in a little further.

"Can—can I move?" I asked in a strained voice.

"You can move," she whispered, kissing me gently. Slowly at first, trying to make this good for her, I began to pull out before thrusting back in quickly. "Oh my God… I never knew it would be this good… Bella…"

Scratching her nails lightly up and down my back, Bella buried her face in my neck. I tried to hang on as she raised her hips to meet my thrusts. I needed to make her come this time. I had to prove to Bella that I was man enough for her.

"Ohhhhh…" I groaned as my pace began to quicken, the sound of our skin slapping filling the air.

"Gonna come, Bella… oh my God, it's so good, so so good…"

She grasped my ass, pulling me harder into her, and then suddenly I felt the clamping down on my cock that I'd felt earlier on my fingers.

"Oh fuck, oh God… it's so tight… I can't—"

I collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily as I came down from my high. Rolling off of her, I lay on my back totally exhausted. I barely felt it as Bella gently cleaned me with the wet washcloth, before snuggling into my side. I loved her so, so much. She was perfect. Life was perfect.

* * *

The shrill beeping of the alarm clock woke me from a very deep sleep. My arms held securely around Bella as she stretched to shut off the damn alarm.

"Can we go back to sleep?" I asked with a yawn.

"Unfortunately no, I have a big meeting at work. We need to get up," she said before laughing at something.

I kissed her tenderly before sitting up. "Bella, last night was… beyond my wildest dreams. I'll never forget it, not as long as I live."

She kissed me softly before climbing out of bed. "See you downstairs?"

I nodded, smiling at my love. Once Bella disappeared into the bathroom, I climbed out of bed, heading back to my own room to shower and get ready for the day. I had to jerk off twice in the shower as images from last night flooded my brain. I never could've imagined that being with Bella would be like _that_.

Downstairs, I made myself a bowl of cereal, but I kept spacing out instead of eating. Bella appeared in the kitchen after a few minutes, grabbed a banana, then waved to me before dashing out the door.

My big test was just after lunch, and I surely failed, as I just couldn't concentrate on anything except Bella. And not necessarily anything sexual — just _her_. No fewer than three teachers called me on my daydreaming.

I was home trying to watch television — but really thinking about having sex with Bella again — when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Ed, it's Jasper. I wasn't able to get a hold of Bella, so I wanted to tell you we got done earlier than expected and managed to get on an earlier flight. We're landing right at rush hour, but I should be home between 6 and 6:30."

"Ok," I answered. Fuck, that would mean less time alone with Bella tonight.

"Can you let Bella know when she gets home? I figured the three of us can go out for dinner, maybe get some Giordano's?"

A few hours later, Bella arrived home, looking just as beautiful as ever in her blouse and pleated skirt.

"Bella," I cried, jumping up from the couch and throwing my arms around her. Fuck, she felt so good in my arms.

"Um, let's go sit on the couch and talk, ok?"

"Ok," I replied, smiling. She probably wanted to talk about how this was going to work now that Jasper was coming home.

"Edward," she began once we sat down and I shut off the TV, "You're a sweet boy, and I don't want to hurt you… but what we did last night — that can never happen again."

I stared at my hands in my lap. I couldn't have heard her right. She couldn't really not want to do that again — I'd made her come twice!

"Did you hear me, Edward?"

"I heard you," I whispered. "I know what your words say, but your body says you want me."

"I love my husband, Edward. This isn't at all fair to him."

"But you're not being fair to yourself if you want me and try to deny it," I protested.

"Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep from hurting other people. Jasper is a wonderful man, and I love him — I won't hurt him."

"So you want to just forget that this ever happened?"

"Yes, that's exactly what we need to do, sweetheart," she said, squeezing my hand. "You're in a really vulnerable place, and I took advantage of that. I am so sorry."

"You didn't take advantage of me! I wanted this — I still want this. Please, Bella… "

"I'm sorry, Edward, but it's my final decision."

I felt tears pooling in my eyes as I processed what she was saying. This couldn't be real. We were too good together — she couldn't just pretend that the last two nights hadn't happened.

And then I remembered Jasper's phone call. It was after 6pm — he was due home at any minute. If he caught us together, then Bella would have no choice but to tell him about us. I knew she was just scared to tell him, but then she wouldn't have to. It was the perfect solution.

"Please, Bella," I cried, hot tears starting to fall. "Let me have you just one more time. Please?" I begged.

When Bella closed her eyes, I knew I was getting through to her.

"Please, Bella," I whispered again, before kissing her gently. She put up little fight as I laced my arms around her waist, lifting her to straddle my lap before kissing her deeply.

Bella hooked her arms around my neck, grinding herself down onto my hard-on. Oh fuck, that felt good. Whimpering, I opened a few buttons on her blouse, dragging my tongue along the edge of her bra. I loved her so much, and I needed her — now. Lifting up her skirt, I skimmed my fingers along her panties. Oh hell yes, I could feel her wetness soaking through the lace.

She reached down between us to undo my button fly, lifting herself up slightly onto her knees before yanking my jeans and underwear down. With little prelude, I pushed her panties to the side and thrust up into her.

"Oh God," I cried as I filled her. "You feel even better than I remembered."

She lifted herself up and crashed back down as my hips rose up to meet hers. Our pace was fast — much faster than last night — as we fought to reach the finish line. I had no idea how I could hold on long enough for Bella to come.

"Edward, touch me… " she panted, and I quickly obeyed, reaching down to where we were joined to circle the magic spot with my finger.

"Yes… yes… coming," she cried, as she began to shudder around me, her pussy clamping down on me so tightly that it triggered my own orgasm.

"Oh, oh… fuck, Bella…"

Her spasms continued on and on as I spilled inside her. When I came back to earth, my arms tightened around her as I kissed her chest tenderly, just above her heart.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered, as she held my head to her breast. Nothing could ever top this moment.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I heard Jasper's furious voice call.

_Oh fuck, here we go…_

"Bella, please tell me this is not what it looks like," Jasper begged. "Tell me you are not fucking my brother."

I moved my head from her chest, pulling her closer and hugging her tightly. How dare he talk to her that way? "Leave her alone, Jasper."

Bella pushed away from my embrace, climbing off my lap. I tucked my softening cock back into my jeans and buttoned them, embarrassed at the thought of Jasper seeing me naked.

"Jasper," she began, "Just calm down a minute and let me explain."

"Explain? There is no explanation that makes this all right."

"Jasper, come on…"

"Jesus, Bella, how am I supposed to take you seriously when my brother's jizz is running down your leg."

"Um, I'll just… " Bella stuttered before dashing into the powder room.

"What the fuck, Edward?" Jasper yelled, stalking toward where I sat on the couch. "How could you betray me like this?"

I stood up, ready to face whatever I had coming to me like a man. "It wasn't about you," I insisted. "I love her."

Jasper got all up in my face, grabbing the top of my t-shirt in his fists. "You do not love her," he growled.

"I do," I sniffled, feeling the tears running down my face. "I've always loved her."

Jasper angrily shoved me backwards, and I sat heavily on the couch as he turned to the woman we both loved. "Do you love him?" he asked Bella in a calm voice.

"I love _you_, Jasper," she pleaded. "Please, let's go upstairs and talk."

Jasper stared at her for several moments before he nodded, turning to follow Bella up the stairs. Hearing their bedroom door slam, I began crying harder. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen! Bella was supposed to stay with _me_, tell Jasper she wanted to be with _me_, not go running off with _him_.

I sat on the couch sobbing until I noticed that Jasper had come back downstairs. He shook his head in my direction before grabbing his keys and opening the front door. As soon as he was gone, I brushed away my tears, jumped off the couch and ran upstairs to Bella. Opening the door, I stepped into the bedroom.

"Bella," I whispered.

She spun around, glaring at me. "Did you talk to Jasper on the phone this afternoon? Did he tell you he was catching an earlier flight?"

I stared at my feet. Fuck, she sounded pissed.

"Answer me, damn it."

"Yes," I admitted, staring straight into her eyes. "Yes, I talked to Jasper and he told me he'd be home around 6:30."

"What the fuck were you _thinking_? You knew we could get caught?"

"I wanted to get caught," I shouted. "You wanted to pretend that nothing ever happened. But I didn't want us to be over. I don't… I still don't want us to be over. I love you, Bella."

"You don't love me! You may be infatuated with me, but you aren't mature enough to love anyone but yourself. I didn't want to tell Jasper, but you took that choice away from me."

"I do love you, and I didn't mean…" Glancing towards the bed for the first time, I saw Bella's suitcases lying there. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

"Jasper told me to leave before he gets back."

"What? He can't throw you out. It's your house, too. Where will you go?" I asked frantically.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I thought I'd try to stay with my friend Angela or something until Jasper calms down. Otherwise, I'll just get a hotel room."

"I'll come with you," I offered.

"Absolutely not, Edward. You've done more than enough. Now go, so I can pack in peace."

I stood rooted to my spot on the floor, gazing intently at her, willing her to see that this was all for the best — we could be together now.

"_Now_, Edward. Your puppy dog eyes don't work on me anymore."

She just needed time to calm down, I told myself. I had to let her be for now. Walking out of the bedroom, I slammed my own door across the hall before flopping face down on my bed, sobbing. This wasn't how the night was supposed to end. I had made a snap decision, without thinking any further about how things would go down if Jasper caught us together, but I never imagined that Bella would reject me.

When I had no tears left, I realized that I hadn't eaten dinner and I was starving. Heading downstairs in a daze, I passed Jasper sitting in his recliner, his head in his hands. I hadn't heard him come back.

"You deserve to be thrown out on your ass," Jasper growled, "But I know you have no money and nowhere to go. I can't do that to my own flesh and blood, no matter how much you deserve it."

I nodded, before getting a piece of Bella's lasagna from the fridge. After heating it up in the microwave, I carried my plate upstairs to my room to eat.

Grabbing my phone, I texted Bella to let her know what Jasper had said. Even though he was letting me stay, I knew it wasn't going to be comfortable. I'd much rather be wherever Bella was, and I told her so.

I had taken only a few bites when my phone beeped with an incoming text message.

**I'm glad Ur ok. No U cannot come stay with me. - B**

Fuck, it was going to be harder than I thought to make her forgive me, to make her see that I loved her and we belonged together.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you all enjoyed the peek into Edward's head. Any favorite parts or lines?

Just the Epilogue is up next! Probably on Wednesday.


	25. Epilogue 1 - BPOV

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Thanks for all the love for the EPOV outtake! His sweet, horny mind is fun to write.

* * *

_Epilogue 1 (BPOV)_

_Three and a half years later (Tuesday, February 14, 2017)_

Positive.

I stared at the three sticks lined up on the bathroom counter. Each one said the same thing: I was pregnant.

Silent tears running down my face, I quickly showered and got myself ready. I had some shopping to do.

I'd asked for the day off work weeks ago, wanting to plan a special Valentine's Day for Edward to top what he had done for me last year, when he surprised me with a weekend trip to some wineries out in Hermann, Missouri, and a stay at a bed and breakfast.

But now, there was a change of plans.

I went straight for the nearest Babies 'R Us store, where I purchased a cute pale yellow onesie with the words "I love my Daddy" displayed on the front. On my next stop, I bought a gift bag meant for the holiday instead of the baby-oriented ones from the first store, so Edward didn't expect a thing.

Returning home, I placed the pregnancy tests in a clear plastic bag — I'd peed on them, after all — and added them to the gift bag with the onesie. I brushed away a few happy tears as I stared at the gift.

Looking at my watch, I saw that it was only 11am, still over six hours until Edward got home from work. I was going to go stir crazy by then!

Thanks to all of his extra credits, Edward was able to graduate early, over a year and a half ago. He was now working as a music therapist, while going to school in the evenings part-time to get a Master of Music Therapy degree. I was so proud of him.

Meanwhile, I had completed my paralegal training and I loved my job. I loved my life with Edward. I loved Edward.

The only thing missing was a baby.

While we never did anything to prevent pregnancy, it still never happened. We had wanted to wait until Edward at least had his Bachelor's before looking into ways to make our dream happen. We didn't want to wait too long though — I would be 35 on my next birthday, which seemed to be the magic age for high-risk pregnancy.

Finally about six months ago, we began seeing a fertility specialist. After numerous tests, she determined that there was no reason I couldn't carry a baby once I became pregnant. But since that wasn't happening on its own, medical science needed to intervene.

In November, we had our first round of in vitro fertilization. Our hopes were dashed just a couple of weeks later when I got my period. We tried again last month, implanting two embryos this time in the hopes that one of them would take.

Edward had been so busy over the past few weeks that he didn't even notice that my period hadn't come. I was cautiously optimistic, buying three pregnancy tests and counting down the days before they were supposed to be effective.

Today was the day. Fitting, I suppose.

* * *

I knew Edward had planned to take me out to dinner tonight, but I wanted this day to be all about us. And so, just before he was due home, I made a quick trip to Whole Foods for some pre-cooked goodness. I knew Edward would have a cow if I lifted a finger to cook on Valentine's Day.

After setting dinner in the oven's warming drawer, I took a seat on the couch, my gift bag on the end table next to me. The room smelled amazing, thanks to my bouquet of a dozen white roses that had arrived earlier this afternoon. Every year, Edward sent me white roses for the holiday; it was kind of our thing.

When I heard the garage door opening, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn't let on that anything was going on if I didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"Mmm… something smells good," Edward said as he came into the room.

"Thank you for the roses," I said with a smile.

"Not the flowers — did you cook me dinner?"

"No," I replied sheepishly. "It's from Whole Foods."

"I thought we'd go out?"

"I know," I nodded, "But I just wanted to be alone with you tonight." I punctuated the sentiment by kissing his pouty lips — a promise for later.

After dinner, Edward led me by the hand to the living room, telling me to sit down and wait for him. He ran down the hallway to our bedroom, returning with a small, gift-wrapped box.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said, handing me the box.

I looked over at his beautiful smiling face before tearing into the paper. The box was clearly from Tiffany's, though it seemed kind of big, like it would fit a man's watch or something like that.

Opening the box, I was stunned to find not a piece of jewelry, but… a tiny pink plastic umbrella?

"Ummm… " I began, looking at him curiously.

"Sorry about the fake-out with the box," he laughed. "Emmett gave it to me. He gave me the umbrella too."

Still confused, I stared at the pink plastic in my hand, until Edward took it from me. Spinning it gently between his fingers, he explained, "This is meant to signify where I'm taking you on vacation next month during Spring Break."

"You're taking me to Forks?" I asked.

"What?" he asked, laughing.

"Forks, where it rains all the time. That's where I'd need an umbrella."

"Oh," he giggled. "No, it's not representing that you'd _need_ an umbrella, but rather that you could have one in your drinks. We're going to the Bahamas."

"We're going _where_?"

"Bella," he began, taking my hand, "We've never had an actual vacation together. I mean, we take short trips to the wineries, or the lake or Branson. We go back to Chicago, or we go see your parents. It's past time for a real vacation, just the two of us."

"That sounds great," I said, tears forming in my eyes. "But my job—"

"I already cleared it with your boss," Edward replied, grinning. "I'm so excited about this, just the chance to be alone with you. And, um, I've got a couple of fantasies that we might be able to fulfill on this trip…"

"And what might those be?"

"Oh, you know… making love to you in the ocean, or on the beach."

"Why do all of your fantasies involve sex?"

"Because I'm a guy! So would you like that, Bella?" he asked with a sexy grin, before kissing my neck erotically.

It would be very easy to get sidetracked and have sex right now, but Edward needed to open his gift first, so I reluctantly pushed him away.

"Later," I promised. "I got you something, too." I picked up the gift bag from the table, handing it to Edward.

Reaching inside, he first pulled out the adorable yellow onesie. Unfolding it and holding it up, I saw the exact moment his face registered the words on the front.

"Look inside again," I whispered.

Edward pulled out the plastic bag, turning it around in his hands as he looked at the three test sticks.

"You're pregnant?" he croaked. "It worked this time?"

"It worked," I confirmed. "We're gonna have a baby."

Before I could blink, I was lying on my back with Edward on top of me. "We're gonna have a baby," he whispered, before lifting my sweater so that he could place a soft kiss on my stomach.

Oh yeah, I was definitely getting lucky tonight.

* * *

Two months later, Edward and I were in the obstetrician's office, fidgeting while we waited for the tech to do my very first ultrasound. We were going to get to see our baby.

"Ah, good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Swan," the tech said as she came into the room.

"It—it's Mr. Cullen," Edward corrected. "We're not married."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she replied, blushing. "I really should know better than to assume these days."

As she lifted my oh-so-attractive gown, squirting cool gel onto my stomach, I looked over at Edward. I knew that if he had his way, we'd have been married a long time ago. He'd never formally proposed with a ring and a kneeling question, but he'd made his opinions on the subject well-known. But with my mom now on her fifth marriage, I was terrified of turning into her. Edward and I were perfect as we were; we didn't need a marriage license and a ring.

"The implantation procedure was done in late January?" the technician asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, that's right," I answered.

"And this is your first pregnancy?"

I nodded. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"Oh no, I'm sure nothing's wrong, it's just that your stomach seems rather large for 12 weeks, especially for a first pregnancy."

"I told you I was getting fat," I said to Edward, who rolled his eyes at me.

As the tech slid a wand across my stomach, an image appeared on the screen. It looked nothing like a baby, but I knew that's what it was. "What is that flickering?" I asked.

"That's the baby's heartbeat," she answered absently.

She moved the wand around before gasping. "And that's your other baby's heartbeat."

"What?" I squeaked.

"Congratulations, Bella — you're having twins!"

After my doctor came in to talk with us about the more frequent monitoring I was going to have to undergo now that we knew I was having twins, Edward and I were finally left alone.

"What do you think?" I whispered. "I know twins will be a lot of work."

He shook his head. "I think it's awesome, Bella. You and I had both talked about wanting more than one child, and now we don't have to worry about trying to make that happen again. We get two for one!"

I laughed. "You say that because you're not the one who's going to get big as a house over the next six months."

"You'll still be the most beautiful woman in the world to me," he replied, before kissing me sweetly.

* * *

A couple of months later, we were back at my obstetrician's office for another ultrasound, this time to find out the sex of the babies. The issue had been a source of conflict between Edward and me over the past several weeks. I wanted to find out the sex, whereas he did not. I told him that I could have the doctor just tell _me_ while he remained in the dark, but he didn't like that idea either.

I won the argument, of course. Men are such suckers for blow jobs.

"Everything looks like it's progressing very well, Bella," my doctor said with a smile.

"It should be," I grumbled. "I'm already huge."

Laughing, she asked, "Did you want to know the sex?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes," I repeated with a glare in Edward's direction.

"Well, I can tell you that you're definitely having one girl," the doctor replied, pointing at the monitor. "Let me see if I can coax the other baby into moving so we can take a look there, too."

For over five minutes she tried, but the second baby remained too hidden behind the first to make any determination. I guess Edward and I ended up with a compromise in the end.

That night, we lay sweaty and tangled together in the sheets, Edward's hand splayed lovingly over my growing stomach as he spooned behind me.

"Are you mad that we couldn't find out the sex of both babies?" he asked quietly.

"Not _mad_, but it would've helped a lot with figuring out how to decorate the nursery."

"Hmmm."

"What does 'hmmm' mean?" I asked curiously.

"I've been thinking… maybe we should try to buy a house before the babies are born," he replied.

"A house? Are you ready for all the responsibility of a house? You still have another year to get your Master's degree."

"I know, but… the third bedroom really isn't big enough for everything we'll need for two babies. And I'll lose the room for my desk. Besides, I want our children to have a big backyard to run around and play in, like I had growing up."

"I can call Jane tomorrow and see if she knows of anything available nearby."

"Yeah? So you want to?"

"We can look," I agreed. "But just know that you're doing _all_ of the packing."

"Of course," he answered quickly. "I wouldn't want my pregnant girlfriend doing manual labor. Now is a good time to look, too, with my classes over for the summer."

We were quiet after that, but just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard Edward's voice again.

"Bella? Do you ever worry that we won't be good parents?"

"Sure, I do," I replied with a yawn. "I think every prospective parent worries about that. And it's not like I had great role models."

"I did," he answered quietly. "I wish my dad was here, so I could talk to him about being a father."

"Oh sweetheart…" I rolled over, taking his face in my hands. "I know this must be hard on you."

He nodded. "I wish my mom could hold her grandchildren. She would've been the best grandma."

I wiped the tears from his eyes, kissing him gently. "I know she would've been."

Edward returned my kiss in kind, but as often happened with us, it grew quickly out of control until I felt his erection against my hip.

"Please, Bella," he whispered, rolling me onto my back.

"You know we're not going to be able to do it in this position much longer," I replied, already aching for him.

"Then I'd better make it count."

* * *

"I am never having sex with you again, Edward Cullen," I growled as I panted through yet another contraction. I'd been in labor for eight hours and was still only dilated to five centimeters.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, brushing my sweaty hair off of my face gently.

"I'm not letting you knock me up again unless _you_ figure out a way to go through this hell."

"I'd be more than happy to do this for you, if it were possible. But in case you've forgotten, I didn't knock you up from having sex in the first place. We both know there's little chance that I ever could."

It was true. Edward and I had a very, er, active sex life. If I hadn't gotten pregnant over years of having that much sex, I never would.

"Fine," I admitted, calmer now that the pain was temporarily over. "We can have sex again, but not for six weeks, you know."

"Oh fuck, I forgot about that! If I'd known you were going to go into labor last night, I really would've made it count the night before."

I just shook my head at him, thinking about sex while I was being ripped apart from the inside out. As my stomach grew larger and larger, we'd had to get a little more creative with positions, but we still had sex on a very regular basis. Edward thought it was great that the monthly four-day sex embargo had been lifted and he could have me any time he wanted — which was pretty much all the time, no matter how fat and unattractive I got. Luckily for him, I spent my entire second trimester wanting to jump him.

Hours later, I was floating on the effects of an epidural when my doctor finally gave me the go-ahead to start pushing. I nearly kissed her. Edward held on to me while I pushed, encouraging me and never once complaining when I almost broke his fingers.

"It's a boy!" the doctor yelled, moments before I heard a soft cry. And just a few minutes later, his baby sister came into the world.

Once the babies were checked out — they were small, but healthy — and I had been cleaned up, Edward and I sat alone together in my room, holding our children.

"I want to name him after you," I said softly, looking down at my son in my arms. "Edward Anthony Cullen, Jr. We can call him EJ."

"I thought we said no juniors?" he pouted.

"That was before he came out looking exactly like you," I noted. The baby even had a light dusting of reddish-brown hair, just like Edward's. "We are in such trouble if he grows up into a charming little shit like you."

Edward laughed before nodding his agreement. "Ok, but I get to choose our daughter's name then."

"It would be nice to name her after family," I said.

"Um, I hate to break it to you, Bella, but our moms are named Renee and Esme — what kind of name do you think you can make out of that? Renesmee?"

I laughed. "Yeah, that would be pretty bad."

"Could we name her after both of my parents? How about Carlie?"

"Carlie… I like that."

Edward smiled, brushing his finger over her soft chubby cheek.

"Carlie Ann," I added. "For Angela."

"How do you like your name, Carlie Ann?" he whispered, kissing her forehead tenderly. "You know, your mom is outside waiting to meet her grandchildren."

"Later," I sighed. "I just want this time alone with you. Mom will have plenty of time to see them over the next few weeks while she's staying with us."

"I know the help will be awesome, but having your mom around is really going to put a crimp in our sex life."

"There is no sex life for six weeks," I reminded him.

"Bella," he whined. "I'm gonna go insane if I can't touch you for that long."

"Well," I relented, "We can't have intercourse, but once I'm feeling up to it, we can do everything but."

"Everything but, huh?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Oh no, you're still not going there!"

Edward giggled. "Couldn't hurt to try," he replied with a wink as he stood up, sitting next to me on the small hospital bed. Holding the tiny bundle in one arm, he touched my chin, kissing me tenderly.

"Marry me, Bella."

"Yes," I whispered, before kissing him sweetly. "I would be honored to be your wife."

* * *

**A/N: **Reader **mstre11** coined the term "charming little shit" for Edward in an early review, and I had wanted to somehow incorporate it ever since!

I think most of you got your wishes for the Epilogue! Please let me know what you think!

Originally I planned to end it here, but then I realized there were a lot of other loose ends I'd wanted to tie up, but they didn't seem to fit with the baby theme. The second Epilogue will be from Edward's POV.

Also, if you have a chance, check out the _Season of Our Discontent_ contest, which I entered. Voting starts today and runs through December 12.

.net (slash) u (slash) 3142288


	26. Epilogue 2 - EPOV

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Wow, what a great response to the BPOV Epilogue! Here is the last part. Sniff.

* * *

_Epilogue 2 (EPOV)_

_Thanksgiving 2017_

"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Bella?" Angela asked.

"Ang, I love you for worrying about me, but I'm sure."

After hugging Angela goodbye — well, as closely as you can hug a woman who's seven-months pregnant — Bella followed me to the front door.

Angela and her longtime boyfriend, Ben, had finally married last year after she gave birth to their son, and moved into a nice house in the Chicago suburbs. With four bedrooms, their home was plenty big enough for Bella and me to stay when we returned to Chicago. And since Angela was expecting again, she even had the nursery already finished, so we didn't need to bring even _more_ baby crap with us for EJ and Carlie.

I couldn't get over just how much _stuff_ babies needed. And in a few months, there'd be even more once they were big enough to sit at the table in their high chairs.

As we pulled up to the house, I looked over at Bella, silently giving her one last chance to back out. Instead, she bravely opened the passenger door, then slid the back door to the minivan open and began getting Carlie out of her car seat. Standing up, I quickly unhooked EJ's seat and followed Bella to the door.

The door to her former house.

Over the years, Jasper and I had slowly formed more of a brotherly bond, though we'd never be close like some brothers were. He'd call me for dinner whenever he was in St. Louis for business. And whenever Bella and I visited Chicago, I'd meet up with Jasper, and sometimes Alice too, while Bella did… girlie things with Angela.

For the past two years, Jasper had invited Bella and me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. But as Alice gave birth to their second child two years ago, while Bella and I remained childless, Bella wasn't ready to spend time with Jasper's blossoming family, and we'd turned him down. Now that we had the twins, Bella swore that she was ready to make the effort, and we accepted Jasper's offer.

"Hey," Jasper greeted as he opened the door. "Come on in."

A pair of curious eyes followed us as we set the babies down on the coffee table in the family room. "So tiny," Alison, their older daughter, said in awe as she walked up to EJ in his carrier.

"Careful," Bella warned, "He's sleeping."

Yeah, we'd already learned not to ever wake a sleeping baby.

Carlie, however, was already awake. Lifting her out of her carrier, I motioned Alison toward the couch. "If you sit down, you can hold her."

Long blonde curls bouncing behind her, Alison crawled up onto the couch, holding out her hands.

"Getting some practice in for your baby brother?" Alice's voice called from behind me as I placed Carlie in her arms.

"Hi, Alice," I called over my shoulder, noticing her baby bump for the first time. "You're pregnant again?"

"Yep," she laughed. "Jasper talked me into trying again for a boy. We're due at the end of March, and thank God it is a boy this time and I don't have to go through this for a fourth time."

"Congratulations," I smiled. "Um, you and Bella have met before, right?"

"We have," she nodded. "Though it's been over six years, I think. Bella, you look great! I'd never guess you had twins less than two months ago."

"Hi, Alice," Bella said shyly as Jasper walked into the room carrying their younger daughter.

"I see you've already met Alison," he said, nodding toward the couch, where she sat tracing her fingers over Carlie's small wisps of dark hair. "I don't think that kid has ever met a stranger. This is Makayla." He set her down and she immediately cowered behind Jasper's leg. "As you can see, she's a little more shy than her big sister," he laughed.

The doorbell rang, startling all of us — including Carlie, who began to cry. "I guess I'd better get that," Alice laughed, looking at Jasper, who seemed to have grown a new appendage.

Taking Carlie from Alison before her cries could wake EJ, Bella stood there nervously, waiting for Alice to come back. When Jasper had told me that he was inviting his father and step-mother to Thanksgiving dinner as well, Bella almost backed out. But Jasper assured me that he'd had a long talk with his dad, and he would be on his best behavior today.

"Where's my granddaughter?" Jasper's dad shouted as he came into the family room, grabbing a squealing Makayla from her spot behind Jasper's leg.

"Bill, it's good to see you again," Bella said quietly. "Maria," she greeted, nodding at Jasper's step-mom. I'd never met Maria before, as she and Jasper's dad had only been married for about 10 years.

"You're Edward?" Bill asked in shock, turning to me.

I nodded nervously.

"Wow, I can hardly believe you're that little boy I remember from the wedding."

I smiled a little. "That's me, all grown up."

"Dinner should be about ready, if you want to start heading to the dining room," Alice directed. "Bella, did you want to put the babies to sleep in a crib for now? We got our old one out of the basement for you, since Makayla has moved on to a toddler bed. And I'll turn on the baby monitor."

"That would be great," Bella nodded, following Alice upstairs.

Finally having a chance to look around the house, I was stunned by how it was decorated. What was once a fairly traditional home was painted in bold, bright colors. It had to be Alice's doing.

Despite some awkward moments, dinner was… surprisingly ok. When one of the twins started crying, I did feel a little bit like I'd left Bella in a lions' den as I went upstairs to change my son's diaper. But she didn't seem any worse for wear when I came back down.

After dinner, the women stayed in the kitchen to clean up while the men retired to the family room to watch football with the little ones. It was a time-honored tradition, after all.

Bella was breastfeeding as much as she could, but we had to supplement with bottled formula in order to keep both babies well-fed and happy. I carefully showed Alison how to give EJ his bottle while I fed Carlie.

"She just loves baby dolls," Jasper said quietly. "Even when Makayla was born and she was barely two, she wanted to help take care of her. If she had a better concept of time, I think she'd be counting down the days until her baby brother is born."

I smiled. "It's nice to have an extra pair of hands."

"Yeah, I can't imagine handling two babies at once," Jasper chuckled. "Better you than me."

The family room got awfully crowded as the women returned. Alison was still holding a sleeping EJ, so I carefully placed Carlie in her carrier and invited Bella to sit on my lap. Only after she sat down did I realize the others in the room may not want to see that. I couldn't resist kissing her anyway.

"So we were talking," Alice began. "We need to hit up the Black Friday sales together tomorrow."

I raised an eyebrow at Bella.

"Angela and I were already talking about going to some baby stores tomorrow. And Alice needs to start preparing for a boy," she shrugged.

And that is how I ended up spending Friday with my brother and four children.

Alison insisted on watching something on the Disney channel — was this my future? — as we settled into the family room. I carefully placed Carlie in her outstretched arms.

"How's fatherhood?" Jasper asked.

"It's great," I answered. "They're just starting to show little bits of personality, doing more than just eating, sleeping and pooping. I love them so much."

"Your son looks exactly like you did as a baby."

"He does," I replied with a nod. "Has since the day he was born. That's why Bella insisted on naming him after me."

Jasper chuckled. "Alice and I made a pact — she could name any boys and I'd name the girls."

Clearing his throat, he continued, "So you guys are engaged? I noticed Bella's ring yesterday."

"We are," I confirmed. "We'll probably get married next May, after I graduate with my Master's."

"Probably? You haven't set a date yet?"

"No, not really. It's not going to be a big church wedding. Bella said she didn't need to do that again, but she left it up to me if I wanted to. I just want to make her my wife," I shrugged. "See her walk down the aisle to me in a long white dress.

"She's been talking about some kind of destination wedding with just our closest friends, or maybe Vegas. Not sure I can see myself getting married by Elvis though," I laughed.

"You know, I have to say, you guys did seem happy the last time I saw you together, but I had my doubts about your relationship lasting."

"I didn't," I insisted. "Once Bella was able to admit to her feelings for me, I knew we'd be ok. I love her with all my heart, Jasper. I always have. It just took Bella awhile to catch up."

It was mid-afternoon when the women returned. If Bella and Angela had as many bags as Alice, they must've had the minivan full. Angela came in briefly to say hello to Jasper while Bella and I gathered up our children.

After dropping Angela and her many, many bags off at her home, I carried our suitcases and armloads of baby gear out to the car.

"How did it go?" Bella asked as we began the long drive back to St. Louis.

"It went fine," I replied. "I invited Jasper and Alice to our wedding. I know their son will be pretty young then, so I don't know if they'll be able to make it. I guess it depends on where we end up holding it.

"How was an afternoon with Alice?"

"That woman is a bit of a tornado," Bella laughed. "But she's very friendly. I think we probably could've been good friends if things were different."

* * *

Once we got the twins settled in at home, I undressed, pausing before deciding to put on a pair of pajama pants.

Today marked seven weeks since the twins were born and I was still under a sex embargo. After her last OB/GYN appointment, Bella said something about stitches and still needing to heal and… well, I kinda tuned her out. I just didn't need to know those kinds of details about her… you know. Since Bella's mom left a month ago, I'd gotten a few blow jobs, but Bella wouldn't let me anywhere near the promised land, not even with my tongue, which she usually loved.

Hearing Bella's scream from the bathroom, I darted out of bed, throwing open the door.

"What's wrong?" I called breathlessly, seeing my fiancée standing in front of the sink wearing nothing but her bra and jeans. She didn't appear to have any visible injuries; maybe she just saw a spider.

"Look at this," Bella cried, pointing to something on top of her head.

"I don't see anything… did you bump yourself?"

"No — look!"

"What?!"

"A gray hair, Edward!"

"Is that all?" Oh fuck… I wanted to take that back as soon as I said it.

"What do you mean — _is that all_? It's a gray hair. I am officially getting old."

Rolling my eyes, I reached into the drawer, pulling out a pair of tweezers. "Stand still," I ordered, before carefully plucking out the offending hair.

"Ow!" she yelled. "I can't believe you did that! Don't you know that if you pluck out a gray hair, seven more will grow in its place?"

"I think that's just a myth, Bella," I laughed. But oh fuck, she really wasn't in a laughing mood. "Bella, relax," I said soothingly, taking her in my arms. "You are not old. You're still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. And you always will be."

"I'm not, Edward. I've got a poochy stomach, and God, stretch marks that will probably never go away, no matter how much lightening cream I put on them."

"Didn't you hear Alice yesterday? You look great for giving birth — to twins, no less — less than two months ago. So what if your stomach is still a little… bigger than usual? It doesn't bother me. You'll always be my Bella," I added, kissing her gently.

"If I didn't know you were like this all the time, I'd think you were trying to get laid tonight."

I laughed. "How do you know I'm _not_ like that all the time because I'm trying to get laid _every_ night?"

"Ow," I exclaimed, laughing, as Bella slapped my chest. "Um, I'll just… go wait for you in bed."

Ten minutes later, Bella finally emerged from the bathroom, wearing… oh my God in heaven, what was she wearing?

"Holy shit… where did you get that?"

"Do you like it?" she asked quietly. "We, um, stopped at Victoria's Secret on our shopping trip today."

"Like it? I love it. You look amazing." That had to be the sexiest… negligee… I'd ever seen Bella wear. It's not like she needed to dress up to get me interested.

I stared open-mouthed as she walked closer to the bed, turning off the bedside lamp before crawling on top of me.

"Does this mean the sex embargo is lifted?" I asked hopefully.

Bella leaned down, taking my bottom lip between hers. I wanted to crush her to me, but I was trying to wait for her answer.

"Yes," she whispered. "But can you… go slow?"

"I can do slow," I grinned, running my fingers along her sides. "As beautiful as this is, it's gotta go."

"But—"

"No buts, Bella," I said, placing two fingers over her mouth. "I need to touch your skin."

Bella sat up, carefully pulling the lace over her head. She'd turned the light out, but I could still see her skin glowing in the moonlight. Slowly, I moved my hands to her breasts, which were still much larger than they had been before she became pregnant.

"Careful," Bella warned. "They're pretty sensitive. And if you suck too hard, you'll end up with a mouthful of breast milk."

That thought was… partially hot, partially horrifying.

Very gently, I continued massaging her breasts, running my index fingers in circles around her nipples. Wanting my mouth on them, I encouraged Bella to lean down until I could reach, then began slowly running my tongue around the of edge her nipples while I held their weight in my hands. Fuck, I'd missed her breasts.

"I'd stop now if I were you."

"But I'm not done with them yet," I complained.

"I'm sorry you have to share them with your children for now," Bella laughed as I reluctantly pulled away, flipping her over so that she was underneath me. Very carefully, I pulled her tiny panties down and began kissing my way down from her breasts.

"Edward, don't… I'm still so fat."

"You're beautiful. And I plan to kiss every inch of you tonight."

And I did. When I finally reached the promised land, I had Bella screaming out my name in no time. God, I still loved that, jokes about the male ego be damned.

Wasting no more time, I yanked my PJ pants and underwear down, tossing them to the floor. "I love you, Bella," I whispered before inching my way inside her. Fuck, after seven weeks without sex, I really had to concentrate to not lose it immediately.

I made love to her slowly, just as she'd asked, kissing any part of her skin that I could reach. Maybe her stomach was no longer flat and toned under mine, but she was still perfect. "I love you so much," I whispered. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she groaned, scratching her fingers lightly down my back. I had to kiss her then, had to feel her lips under mine, had to let her know just how much I loved her. I was thankful every day that we had gotten past the rather unconventional way our relationship had begun to get to this place.

When we both reached our climaxes, I rolled to my side, bringing Bella with me. "I love you," I whispered, kissing her gently.

"Are you… crying?" she asked, stroking my cheek.

God, I was such a pussy. "I just have everything I want right now," I replied quietly. "I want to remember this moment forever."

* * *

_May 2018_

"Relax, Edward," Tanya said to me as she straightened my tie. "Everything is going to go just fine."

If I thought I had it bad with Tanya making sure I looked ok, I could only imagine what Bella was going through, between her mom and Angela. Renee was a bit… much for my taste sometimes, but I was glad for Bella that she and her mom had become so much closer.

"I'm being irrational?"

"You're being irrational," she agreed.

"It's just… sometimes I feel so incredibly guilty for the way this all started. I mean, I literally _stole_ her from my brother. But if I hadn't, then we wouldn't be here today."

"I'm not so sure about that," Tanya replied. "From talking to both of you, I get the impression that it was just a matter of time before Bella and Jasper split up. If you had waited in the wings long enough, I think you two would've eventually gotten together. Anyone can see that you're made for each other. You're soul mates."

"Thanks, Tanya," I said, hugging her tightly.

"Now get on out there and take your place at the end of the aisle."

"Yes, Ma'am," I grinned.

Sue me, I had a woman as my "best man."

Bella and I had finally chosen a resort in Marco Island, Florida, just south of Naples, for our wedding and subsequent honeymoon. With most of the wedding guests sticking around to vacation for the next week or so, we'd have plenty of willing babysitters.

As I walked up the short aisle, I watched Tanya blow a kiss to her girlfriend, Kate. Angela's husband Ben was holding their four-month-old daughter, Bethany, while their two-year-old son, Adam, looked incredibly bored next to him. Emmett gave me a thumbs up as I passed by him and Rose, who were in charge of EJ and Carlie until Renee returned from helping Bella get dressed. Everyone laughed as I stopped to kiss my babies.

Jasper and Alice had brought along all three of their children, and I smiled as I saw Alison cuddling her new baby brother, Jackson. Jasper had better look out for that one when she hit her teens, if she was still that baby crazy.

Though they still weren't close, Bella's dad had come all the way from California with his new wife, Sue. They were seated across the aisle from Renee's current husband, Garrett. Bella had insisted that at 35 years old, she didn't need to be "given away" to anyone, and planned to walk down the aisle by herself this time.

I had to fight back tears knowing that my parents weren't there to see me get married. I would've given almost anything for them to be there, yet I knew that if it hadn't been for their tragic deaths, I very likely wouldn't be standing here today with Bella, no matter what Tanya thought.

I stood nervously with Tanya by my side, trying to keep me calm. I couldn't wait to see my Bella. All I knew about her dress was that it wasn't white, as she said that at her age and with two children, it would be ridiculous to wear a white dress. I was kind of disappointed, but I knew better than to argue with her. Besides, I needed to keep _this_ image in my mind forever, not my first image of Bella in a white dress, marrying another man.

I certainly wouldn't recommend the route we took, but we were here now, today, and in just a few short minutes, Bella was going to be my wife.

When I saw Renee take the twins from Rose and Emmett, I knew it wouldn't be much longer. And when the music started, I turned around to look, holding my breath as first Angela came out and then… my Bella.

Her dress was long, with a full skirt and straps that fit just on the edges of her shoulders. It looked white from a distance, but as she got closer, I realized it wasn't quite white. The top was full of tiny beads and made her new figure look absolutely breathtaking.

Tanya thumped me on the back, reminding me to breathe, and I turned to her quickly with a sheepish grin before turning back to Bella. I repeated the words the reverend said, still unable to take my eyes off of her. I was _not_ going to be a pussy and cry in front of everyone.

When the reverend said, "You may kiss the bride," I pulled Bella to me, kissing her passionately, until I heard Emmett's whoops and shouts. It may have been a slightly inappropriate kiss. Bella just laughed, kissing me again more chastely before pulling away.

Hand in hand, we turned to face our guests, smiling as everyone stood up to hug us. Alice's hobby was photography, and she must've taken hundreds of photos of us — by ourselves, with the children, with Bella's parents, with Tanya and Angela… every possible combination. She even talked the reverend into snapping a photo of the entire gang.

After dinner and the usual wedding festivities, I stood dancing with my new bride, still unable to take my eyes off of her. I tried really hard to keep my eyes on her face and not the plunging neckline of her dress. While we danced, I could see the occasional flashes from Alice's camera.

"Not that I'm not loving dancing with you, but when do I get to take you to the honeymoon suite for our wedding night?" I asked, grinning at my beautiful wife. Bella had put me on a sex embargo for the last week, so that tonight would be "special."

"Anxious much?" she laughed.

"Just a tiny bit."

"You know, women reach their sexual peak at age 35, while you're already going downhill. Are you man enough to handle me, Mr. Cullen?"

"All I've ever wanted is to be man enough for you, Mrs. Cullen," I replied, trying not to choke up.

"Oh Edward, you _are_, sweetheart," she said, taking my face in her hands. "I don't think any other man would've been as patient with me as you have been. No matter how horribly unfair to you I was, you never gave up on me."

"I couldn't, Bella. No one's ever loved anyone as much as I love you," I promised, before kissing her deeply.

"All right, hot stuff, let's try to break your record tonight," Bella said with a smile, dragging me to the edge of the dance floor.

"My record?" I asked, confused.

"Sure, for the most orgasms you can give me in one night."

_Oh hell yes._

* * *

Exactly three weeks after returning from our honeymoon, Bella left me alone with our babies early one Sunday morning, claiming she was having a Starbucks attack. I was a little confused when she returned with a plastic bag that she seemed to be trying to hide from me — and no coffee.

Hearing her scream from the bathroom five minutes later, I rolled my eyes, expecting she'd found another gray hair. Dutifully, I left the twins in their playpen and made my way to the bathroom.

I found my wife white as a sheet, holding something in her hand. She began shaking it at me as soon as she saw me.

"What is it, Bella?" I asked. But then I saw the box lying open on the counter — the box for a pregnancy test.

"I am never having sex with you again, Edward Cullen," she yelled.

_Oh fuck._

* * *

**A/N: **There was at least one of you that tempted me to spoil the ending for you, but I held out! Blame Moosals for planting the idea in my head. No — I was seriously considering it and then she suggested it independently, so I ran with it.

I'm gonna try my best to get around FF's rules and get a link in here to Bella's wedding dress. I like the top more than the long train, but I wasn't going to spend hours searching for a dress for a fictional character!

davidsbridal (d o t) c o m (slash) Product_Ball-Gown-with-Illusion-Straps-and-Button-Back-PWG3442

Thanks to everyone who came along on this journey with me, especially all of you who followed the original one-shot over from the _Taste of the Forbidden_ contest and those who tirelessly reviewed every chapter!

Also special thanks to Moosals for pre-reading! Desperate for some feedback, I recruited my best reviewer from "Walk Away" to come along for the ride!

I'm marking this Complete, but I could keep on writing these two characters until you get sick of me. A couple of readers have already mentioned ideas for outtakes or future takes they'd like to see. If there's something you'd really like to see, let me know and I'll see what I can do!

**Even if you never reviewed before, I'd love to hear what you're thinking!**


	27. EPOV Outtake of Ch 6

**Author's Note: **Welcome back! This is the first of the requested outtakes or futuretakes. I'll try to get one up next week as well.

Reader **samiam77** wanted to see EPOV of the night Edward picked up Bella from the bar, which was Chapter 6 (To Be Loved), or 7 in FF counting.

Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading, especially on such short notice. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

***** Important note at the bottom! *****

* * *

_Tuesday, June 4, 2012_

After my shift at work ended, Tyler and I grabbed a couple of Chicago style hot dogs before heading back home. He lived with his parents only a couple of blocks from my apartment.

"Hey, did you wanna come over tonight?" he asked.

"No, that's ok. I don't want your family to get sick of me," I laughed.

Climbing the stairs to my apartment, I sighed as I opened the door. God, I missed Bella. If I thought I'd missed her before, it became so much worse after seeing her again at my graduation, just over a week ago. Today was her and Jasper's anniversary, and I knew she must be hurting.

But I was sure the very last thing she wanted today was to hear from me.

I almost turned my phone off to keep myself from calling or texting her as I sat sprawled on the couch watching TV, but something made me leave it on. I was watching David Letterman and thinking about going to bed when my phone started to ring.

"Hello?" I answered.

"_Oh, hi,"_ a female voice said, "_I am so sorry I bothered you. I didn't notice the area code until I hit the Call button._"

"Sorry?" I asked, beyond confused.

"_Your area code isn't Chicago."_

"No, it's Washington. But I'm in Chicago, if that counts."

"_Oh, you are! Great — um, do you know a Bella?"_

"Yeah. Is something wrong with Bella?" I asked anxiously.

"_Not wrong, exactly. My name's Bree. I'm a bartender at Eclipse Bar and Restaurant downtown, and Bella's been sitting at my bar for a few hours now. She's pretty drunk and I'd just feel a lot better if a friend got her home safely."_

"I'm on my way," I told her, already reaching for my shoes. "Where is your bar?"

"_We're on Illinois St., not far from Navy Pier."_

"I'll be there in about 15 minutes."

Hanging up the phone, I grabbed my keys and ran out the door to my apartment. There were a couple restaurants in the next block over and I could usually get a cab from there pretty easily.

Once a taxi pulled over for me, I quickly slipped into the backseat. "Eclipse on Illinois St., please."

I threw some cash at him when he stopped in front of the building and quickly ran inside.

"Can I help you?" the young hostess asked, blinking furiously. Did she have something in her eye?

"Where's the bar?" I asked.

"Over there," she replied, pointing to her right. My eyes followed the direction she was pointing until I saw _her_. Bella was sitting on a bar stool, her back to me, but I recognized her from her long brown hair.

I tossed a quick, "Thanks," over my shoulder as I made my way to her. "Bella," I called once I got close enough. She leaned her head onto her hands, not even looking up at me.

"Oh my God, are you ok?" I asked, touching her shoulder. She looked up at me then, all teary bloodshot eyes, but she was still beautiful.

"Ed—Edward? What are you doing here? You're not even old enough to be in here."

"It's a restaurant, Bella. Bree called me," I said, nodding towards the bartender.

"Oh hey, you made it," Bree said, walking over to us. "Thanks for coming. I just couldn't leave her to take the 'L' home in her condition. And she didn't think she had enough money for cab fare."

"I'll make sure she gets home safely," I replied with a small smile. I'd never let anything happen to Bella.

"Come on, Bella," I whispered, holding her hand to help her off the stool. She stumbled a little and I caught her, my arm around her waist the only thing holding her up.

Arm in arm, we walked out of the restaurant into the humid night air. I led us toward the street and raised my arm to hail another cab.

It wasn't long before a cab pulled up along the curb and I helped Bella into the backseat, giving the driver her address. Bella leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I knew it was wrong, but I pulled her closer, enjoying the feel of Bella in my arms again.

About 15 minutes later, the cab pulled up in front of Bella's building and I began stroking her arm to wake her up. "We're here, Bella," I said quietly, before handing some cash to the driver and helping her stand up.

"I can take it from here," she told me as we stood together on the sidewalk once the cab drove away.

I shook my head — she could barely walk "You're not home safely until you're inside." I put my arm around her again and led her into the building, punching the button for the elevator.

Once we reached her floor, she again tried to get me to leave her alone, but I insisted on seeing her all the way to her door. There was no doorman — who knew what kind of people roamed the halls here.

Bella rummaged around in her purse for something, eventually pulling out a key. She struggled to fit the key in the lock before I finally took it from her and opened the door, following her inside.

"I'm home. You can leave now, Edward," she said tiredly.

"Sit," I ordered, leading her to the couch. Once I was sure she had listened to me, I headed to the kitchen, pulling a bottle of water from the fridge. I'd never really been drunk, but everyone always said it was important to keep hydrated. When I reached Bella, her head was leaning back and her eyes were closed.

I held the ice cold bottle of water to the side of her face to wake her up. "Drink this," I said softly as I sat beside her. "You'll feel better in the morning." She twisted the cap off and took a long swig, finishing half the bottle.

"Why did you do this to yourself, Bella?" I asked, smoothing her hair. It felt so good on my fingers. "Bella," I persisted when she didn't reply.

"Don't you know what day it is?" she snapped.

I sighed. "Yes, I know it's your anniversary."

"Do you think I'd forget the day I met you?" I added quietly.

"Isn't my anniversary enough reason to get drunk? I called Jasper earlier and he wouldn't even give me the time of day."

Ouch, it was like a stake through my heart to hear that. I hung my head, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. "I'm so sorry that you're still hurting so much because of what we did."

"You should be!" she yelled. "It's all your fault that I'm alone and miserable. And horny — alcohol makes me fucking horny."

"Uhhhh…" Cue the hard-on just from hearing her say the word "horny."

She finished drinking the rest of the water and tossed the empty bottle to the side, then scrubbed her hands over her face. "I want him back," she said quietly into her hands. "I want my husband back."

Hesitantly putting my arm around her, I held onto Bella while she cried on my shoulder. "I wish I could make it up to you somehow," I said softly.

"Make Jasper love me again."

I snorted a humorless laugh. "I don't have that kind of power, Bella."

I held onto her as she calmed, unable to shake the feeling that it would be the last time I'd have the opportunity. The stake had twisted as I listened to her pleas. Bella didn't return my feelings; she was still in love with my brother, even after he had rejected her and filed for divorce.

"Are you gonna be all right?" I asked a few minutes later. I had to get out of there before _I_ started crying. Bella nodded slowly in response.

"Ok, then I think I'm gonna head home. Get some sleep, ok?" I said, kissing her forehead lovingly before standing. My heart was screaming at me to tell her that I loved her, but I didn't want to mess things up again.

I walked to the front door, forcing myself to turn the handle and leave her.

"Edward, wait!" she called suddenly. I turned around, looking at her curiously as she stumbled to the door.

"Don't go," she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to bring her lips closer to mine. I turned my head at the last second, knowing I'd be done for if I kissed her.

"What was that for?" she asked in a hurt voice. "Don't you want me anymore?"

What a stupid question — I would never stop wanting her. "Of course I still want you, but you're drunk, Bella."

"I'm not so drunk that I don't know what I want," she insisted.

Though it was one of the hardest things I'd ever do, I shook my head. "I'm not going to take advantage of you."

Slowly, Bella reached out her hand and touched my chest, just above where my heart was pounding. As I stared at her soft lips, she drew her hand down toward my jeans. I felt my muscles tense as her hand passed over my abs. God, I wanted her. She continued past the waistband of my jeans, until she was palming my cock, which hardened quickly from her attention.

"Bella," I groaned. Why was she doing this if she was still in love with Jasper?

"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Edward," she said quietly, while she continued to rub my needy cock through my jeans. If she kept this up, I was going to come just from her hand, I knew it. As my breaths sped up, she stood up on her tiptoes again, running her tongue along my jaw.

"Are you gonna give me what I want now?" she asked, before biting my ear. I was so, so close to losing control.

"What—what is it you want? You have to tell me. Say it… out loud."

"I want _you_, Edward," she stated.

With her free hand, Bella shoved the still-open door until it closed with a click, then dropped down to her knees. Before I could even register what she was doing, she opened the button fly on my jeans, reaching inside to pull my cock out of my underwear. Holy fuck, the touch of her hand felt good.

Staring up at me, Bella leaned forward and took my cock into my mouth until it hit the back of her throat, leaving little doubt about what she wanted.

"Unnnngghhh…" I moaned, as she drew back slowly, swirling her tongue around me. Wrapping her hand around the base, she took my length back into her mouth, sucking hard until my knees buckled.

I was going to come embarrassingly fast if she kept that up. Instead, I pushed her back until she let me go, then pulled her up to her feet by her arms, spinning her around so her back was to the door and plunging my tongue into her mouth. The way Bella tugged at my hair as we kissed was driving me insane.

"God, I've missed you," I whimpered when I finally came up for air, moving from her lips and sucking just under her left ear.

"Bed, now," she whispered. Oh God, this was so not the way I expected things to go tonight. I pulled back from her neck and bent over until I could reach under her thighs, picking her up to carry her.

Once we reached the bed, I lowered Bella to her feet, grasping the hem of her top and lifting it up over her head. I went to work on her pants as she quickly got rid of my t-shirt. Again I struggled a bit with her bra, but I managed to unhook it without Bella's help this time. I watched in awe as she pulled her panties down, flopping back on the bed.

Once I shoved my jeans and boxer briefs down, I climbed on top of Bella, lying between her spread legs, with my weight on my elbows.

"Are you really sure, Bella?" I asked in a strained voice. There's was no way I could do this if she didn't want it as much as I did.

In response, she circled her arms around my neck and pulled my lips to hers. We kissed for what felt like hours — I didn't think I could ever get enough of her lips and tongue. My hands were everywhere, caressing her soft skin. I didn't want to freak her out by telling Bella that I loved her, but I could show her.

Her back arched off the bed when I finally touched her, amazed to feel her wet for me, though I probably shouldn't have been. After stroking her gently a few times, I took my cock in my hand and pushed inside inch by inch. I groaned loudly at the amazing feeling, trying to hold back.

"It's been too long, and you feel so good," I panted before kissing her sweetly. "I don't think I'll last."

"Then we'll keep practicing until you can," she said with a smile, lifting her hips. Best. Fucking. Idea. Ever.

As I pulled back slowly and thrust in again, Bella brought her legs up to encircle my waist. We were so close together that it felt like we were one person — even our hearts seemed to beat in sync. I leaned down, taking her nipple in my mouth, and she arched off the bed again, pushing herself even closer to me. I alternated between her perfect breasts while I pumped in and out, trying to make this last as long as possible.

"Hold my leg, Edward," she directed, lifting it up toward my shoulder. I quickly grabbed hold of her leg, just as she asked.

"Oh my God, I can go deeper," I cried, awestruck at how different the change in angle felt.

"Yes, now fuck me harder, damn it. Show me what you're made of."

Oh God. With permission granted, I stopped holding back, speeding up my thrusts while Bella moaned and whimpered beneath me. In no time at all, we were screaming out in ecstasy together before I collapsed on top of her, totally spent. She wrapped herself around me, not letting me move, as if I would ever want to.

I buried my face in her neck, inhaling deeply before I leaned up to capture her lips. We kissed lazily for a few minutes, still connected intimately, before I felt myself harden again. Crap, what if Bella wasn't ready for another round?

"Again?" she asked, giggling.

"Is—is that ok?" I asked anxiously.

"Am I complaining?"

"You're amazing, Bella," I whispered, before kissing her deeply as I began to move again. I couldn't hold back from telling her anymore. "I love you so much."

Suddenly, Bella pushed hard on my shoulder. Eventually I got the hint and flipped over onto my back, pulling her with me so that she was now on top. She quickly took me inside her again and began to move, staring into my eyes. While I liked being on top, I really, really loved to watch her as she rode me. She was like a goddess or something.

But I needed to touch her. I reached up, holding her breasts in my hands as I played with her nipples. Bella threw her head back and closed her eyes, while I met her downward thrusts again and again. I just couldn't imagine ever having sex with anyone else. There was no possible way that another woman's body could be meant for me the way Bella's was.

Needing more of her, I sat up, holding her close and kissing her gently while we continued to move together. My hands grasped her hips, directing her movements, as I knew I was moments from coming again.

After my fingers reached down to where we were joined, Bella screamed out her orgasm, her pussy clenching repeatedly around my cock, quickly triggering my own orgasm.

"Oh fuck," I cried, before squeezing my eyes shut as I came.

Bella leaned her forehead into my neck and threw her arms around me, then began rubbing up and down my back.

I ran my fingers through her silky hair over and over, before I tugged a little until she lifted her head to look me in the eye. I kissed her softly, dragging my tongue along her bottom lip as I pulled away.

"I love you," I told her, with every ounce of feeling in my heart. "Tell me you love me, too."

"Tell me," I repeated desperately when she just stared, open-mouthed.

"I love your cock, Edward," she finally replied, climbing off of me and stumbling to the bathroom.

And the stake twisted one more time. Bella didn't love me, of course she didn't. She was still in love with my brother. I pushed her too far by asking her to return my feelings, and I was the one to pay the price. Fuck, fuck, fuck… how stupid was I?

I heard the sound of the shower turning on while I sat on the bed, berating myself for my stupidity. Tonight had been amazing, but it was obvious now that Bella only wanted sex, not me. I was so overcome by lust that I couldn't see that. I needed to go apologize to her.

In the bathroom, I stepped into the tub behind Bella, watching as she squirted soap onto the shower pouf. Reaching around her, I ripped it out of her hand. She spun around to face me, and I clearly saw the pain etched on her face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

I nodded. "I'm sorry, too — I shouldn't have pushed you. Let me take care of you, Bella."

She stood there gazing into my eyes as I lovingly washed her, kissing and caressing each new clean patch of skin. When I finished, I squeezed her shampoo into my hand and washed her hair, trying to show her with my actions how much I loved her. When the last bit of shampoo was out, she pulled my lips to hers in a steamy kiss.

I saw her reach for my cock, but I grasped her wrist before she could touch me. "You're exhausted, Bella," I said, shaking my head. "Round three can wait until morning." I wouldn't take advantage of her drunken state again.

I shut off the water, then helped her step out of the tub, grabbing a fluffy towel and drying her carefully. When we were both dry, I took her hand and led her back to the bed, climbing under the covers and wrapping myself around her.

I was almost afraid to fall asleep. If this was the last time I ever held Bella in my arms, I wanted to remember it forever.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed the first outtake! Moosals wanted to hug poor Edward after Bella left him alone on the bed.

**Big news!** "Oh Brother" is currently nominated as one of the top fics completed in November 2012 over on twifanfictionrecs. If you enjoyed the story, I'd love it if you could vote for me! Voting ends January 1, and you can vote once every 24 hours. I know I can't win, but Top 10 would be awesome.

Special note to **Emma**, who reviewed as a Guest on November 30: Finally, finally, finally someone got the chapter titles and commented on it! I love them too, and have been to the UK or Ireland (from the US) to see them on eight different tours. :)


	28. EPOV Outtake: Edward At School

**Author's Note: **Hello again! This is the second of the requested outtakes or future takes.

Somebody wanted to see EPOV of what he was up to during his year at college without Bella. Sorry I can't find the review now to figure out who it was.

Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

**Reminder!** "Oh Brother" is currently nominated as one of the top fics completed in November 2012 over on twifanfictionrecs (on page 3). If you enjoyed the story, I'd love it if you could vote for me! Voting ends January 1, and you can vote once every 24 hours. I know I can't win, but Top 10 would be awesome.

* * *

_August_

As I made my way through the tiny Port Angeles airport to the baggage claim area, I breathed in deeply, once again enjoying the pine smell of the Olympic Peninsula. In some ways, it felt like I'd just left, while in so many other ways, it had been a lifetime since I'd been home to Forks.

"Edward," a woman's voice called to me as I came around the corner. I turned in her direction, taking a deep breath.

"Hello, Mrs. Gerandy," I said with a small smile.

"Oh please, that's my mother-in-law — call me Heidi," she replied. "My husband said to tell you he was sorry he couldn't be here to pick you up. Hospital emergency — you know how it goes."

Once we retrieved my bag — I'd shipped most of my stuff ahead of me to St. Louis — Heidi led me out to the small parking garage.

"You look different, Edward," she said as we made the hour-long drive to Forks. "You seem… older."

"Well, I am older — it's been seven months."

"It's not so much physically," she explained, "But more that you seem a little world-weary. It's been a tough seven months, hasn't it?"

"It has," I agreed. "I guess… I guess I had a lot of growing up to do in a lot of respects. I had some hard lessons to learn."

"Edward Cullen, did you fall in love and get your heart broken?" she gasped.

I thought back to this morning and my goodbye with Bella. My heart wasn't quite broken — after all, she hadn't said there was no chance for us ever — but it was on life support for the next four years.

"It's just going to be hard being away from her while I'm at school," I finally replied. I just didn't want to get into it with Heidi.

Dr. Gerandy was home when we arrived. He gave me a quick slap on the back and told me I looked good. I almost laughed, wondering if he was just being polite. I knew I was a mess today.

"Your Volvo is in the garage, just where you left it," he said as we sat down to dinner later. "I tried to start it up and drive it at least once a week."

"Thanks."

"And all your stuff is in the storage shed out by the pool. I assume you went through it already?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did, before the funeral."

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, Edward. I've really missed your dad this year, but I can't even imagine what you've been going through."

"It was tough," I said quietly. "Not having my parents at my high school graduation really sucked."

"At least you had _some_ family there, right? Your brother and his wife?"

"Yeah," I lied. I definitely didn't want to get into what had happened to ruin my relationship with my brother.

"I was surprised to hear you changed your mind about Dartmouth."

"I didn't so much change my mind as do what I had always wanted — not what my dad wanted," I explained. "I really think music therapy was what I was meant to do. I'm looking forward to school."

Just not looking forward to being 250 miles away from Bella.

* * *

_September_

Bella's birthday came and went. I'd been arguing with myself for a week about whether or not to send her a card or a gift. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. In the end, I decided that acknowledging her birthday would only remind her of our age difference, which was probably not in my best interest. I still felt horrible about it though.

"Hey, Edward," a short redheaded girl said to me as I walked into my American History class, the Friday after Bella's birthday.

"Um, hi, Kelsey."

"You remembered me," she giggled, reaching out to touch my arm. I tried not to cringe. "Listen, a group of us are going out to Hotshots tonight for happy hour. Do you want to come?"

"Oh, I—I can't. I'm not 21."

"Well, neither are any of the rest of us. Surely you have a fake ID?"

"Um, no… excuse me, I think class will start soon." As I walked quickly to my seat, the blonde in the next row over gave me a small smile. It almost looked like sympathy, but I wasn't going to take the chance and smile back.

Once class was over, I hurried out of the classroom. "Edward, wait," a female voice called as I headed toward the stairs. I stopped and turned around, finding myself face to face with the blonde, who was nearly as tall as me.

"Would you like to grab some lunch?" she asked. "I promise you I'm different."

"Different?" She was pretty, I supposed, but I wasn't interested in her.

"I'll explain at lunch. My treat."

She seemed sincere, so I agreed.

"I'm Tanya," she introduced herself as we stood in the line to pay for our food. "In case you didn't remember."

"I can see I need to set your mind at ease," she continued once we sat down. "You look like you're about to face the firing squad."

"Sorry," I said, feeling my face heat up.

"So I told you I'm different. I see the attention you get from girls on campus, and I can tell you're uncomfortable with it."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Well, I'm not trying to get in your pants. I have no interest in what's in there — I'm a lesbian."

My eyes widened as I stared at Tanya. A lesbian? I thought… I thought…

"You expected me to have short hair and a flannel shirt, right?"

"Ummm…"

She laughed. "Don't lie, I know you did. I get that a lot. And since I don't look like the stereotypical lesbian, I get a lot of unwanted attention from men. Not just on campus, but everywhere I go."

"You're not… out?" Was that the right word?

"I am back home, but not in St. Louis, no. I came here to get an education, and I don't want anything detracting from that."

I nodded; I could understand that.

"So what about you? You're not gay, are you?"

I nearly choked on my burger. "No. No, I'm definitely not gay. Do I… act gay?"

"No, you don't," she laughed. "You don't give off the vibe at all. I've got pretty good gaydar," she said with a wink.

"Good to know… that's all I need — women _and_ men hitting on me."

Tanya laughed again. "You're cute. I can see why all the girls want you. The question is, why don't you want them?"

"I…"

"Do you have a girlfriend back home?"

"Not… exactly. But there is a woman that I'm in love with. We're not together right now, but I have every intention of going back for her when I graduate."

"She didn't want to do the long-distance thing?"

"Yeah…"

"Where is home for you, Edward? I'm from Springfield, Missouri, by the way."

"Um, I'm originally from a small town called Forks, in Washington. But, um, I moved to Chicago in January, and that's where she's at."

"You moved just a few months before your high school graduation?" I nodded. "Wow, that must have been tough."

"It was," I replied quietly. "I, um, moved in with my half-brother and his wife after my parents were killed."

"Jesus. How do you even function?"

"I had her," I said simply.

* * *

_October_

"You are coming with us to Fright Night, Cullen," Tanya demanded as we sat on the floor of my apartment eating pizza. "Just because your _Bella_ isn't here doesn't mean you can't have fun and enjoy college."

"I miss her, Tanya," I whined. "I haven't seen her in two months."

Tanya shook her head. "Are you ever planning to tell me how the two of you met? All I ever hear about is how beautiful she is, or how great your summer was."

"She _is_ beautiful."

"And you have yet to show me a picture of her to prove that," she noted, her eyes narrowed.

Sighing, I pulled out my phone to show Tanya the photo of Bella that I'd taken the last morning I woke up with her in my arms. She was still asleep and just looked so, so beautiful.

"Edward," Tanya began, an edge to her voice, "Just how old is this Bella?"

"What? Why do you ask?"

"Because she doesn't look 18."

"She—she's not."

"She doesn't look like she's even still in college."

"Bella is 30," I whispered.

"She's what?!"

"She turned 30 last month," I replied.

"Start explaining, Cullen."

Fuck, I was trapped. "Bella is… was… is, I guess… my sister-in-law."

Tanya just stared at me. I was starting to get uncomfortable before she finally spoke. "You spent the summer fucking your brother's wife?"

"They were separated by then!" I argued. "In the process of getting a divorce."

"Uh-huh — keep going, from the beginning this time."

"I fell in love with Bella the first time I saw her, at her wedding to my brother," I explained. "I only saw her once more, when I was 14, before my parents were killed and I went to live with them."

I picked at a string on the hem of my shirt, almost embarrassed to say the next part. Tanya was so going to judge me.

"Jasper was away on a business trip a few weeks after I moved in. I, um, snuck in her bedroom while Bella was taking a shower, and when she came out, I told her how I felt about her."

"Please tell me she threw you out on your ass."

"No, but she tried to talk me out of it, told me to date girls my own age," I remembered.

"Go on," Tanya prompted.

"I, um, I kissed her… and then I asked if I could touch her… and she said yes."

Suddenly, Tanya reached over, grabbing at the crotch of my jeans. "What are you doing?" I yelped, batting her hand away.

"You got balls, Cullen — I wanted to see how big they are." And then she started laughing. "The look on your face is priceless," she managed to get out through her laughter.

"Tanya!"

"Did she pop your cherry, Edward?" she giggled.

"Not that night… the next night." Oh God, I was probably as red as tomato.

"Oh my God, seriously? You were a virgin and went after an older woman?"

"I loved her!" I yelled. _This_ is why I hadn't told Tanya in the month that we'd been friends.

I could see Tanya making an effort to calm herself. "All right," she finally said, "Continue."

"Um, so, my brother came home early on the third night and caught us together."

Tanya's eyes widened. "Fuck, how bad was it? You still _have_ your balls, I noticed."

"He shoved me a little, but he didn't punch me. He threw Bella out and filed for divorce a few weeks later."

"So you two started seeing each other properly after that?" she asked.

"Not… exactly."

Tanya raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to explain.

"I, um, knew my brother was coming home early. I got us caught on purpose because Bella told me it was over."

"And _she_ left your balls intact?"

"Why are you so interested in my balls?" I asked in a huff. "I thought you didn't want anything in my pants?"

"I don't," she laughed. "Bella must've been pissed, huh?"

"Yeah, she was really pissed. She would barely talk to me. I didn't see her for over two months, before she came to my graduation. But even then she still wouldn't agree to be friends."

"So how did you get back in _her_ pants?" she asked curiously.

I took a deep breath before replying. "On her wedding anniversary, she went out and got drunk, and the bartender called me to come pick her up."

"Tell me you did not take advantage of a drunk woman."

"I didn't," I protested. "She told me she wanted me, that she knew what she was doing. Bella seduced _me_, Tanya."

"I'm sure _that_ was difficult," she snorted.

I gave Tanya the stink eye before continuing, "Bella didn't really want me. She was still in love with my brother, but she was… horny, I guess, and I was there. She just wanted sex.

"After the first night, I knew that. But I let her use me for sex, hoping she'd eventually love me the same way I loved her."

"But it didn't work, did it," Tanya said softly.

"Not exactly the way I'd hoped. I think she did develop some kind of feelings for me, but when I asked her to move to St. Louis with me, she freaked."

"That was your first offer?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Did you ask her about a long-distance thing?"

"When she rejected the idea of moving, yeah."

"You should've started with something a little more palatable to her than picking up and moving."

"I pushed her too far again?"

"Again? Yes, Edward, I think you need to be a lot less aggressive with her. Let her figure things out on her own."

"But it's too late," I whined.

"It's _not_ too late — you just need to regroup.

"I may be a lesbian, but I'm still a woman. You make no moves without running them by me, got it?" she said sternly.

"I got it. I'll do anything to get her back."

* * *

_November_

My roommate, Riley, was a jock. If there was a party on campus, he was invited. For the first few weeks he would invite me to come along too, but after so many refusals he'd stopped asking. So once again I had the apartment to myself on a Friday night.

I made sure I was caught up on all of my homework, even wrote half of the term paper I had due in two more weeks. But then I was bored. And when I was bored, I thought about Bella.

I already had my laptop out doing research for the term paper, which made it just so easy to type in the address for my favorite porn site. A quick search of the site found a new video by _her_… Tiffani.

Maybe it made me a little perverted, but Tiffani reminded me of Bella. They had roughly the same build, though Tiffani had much bigger tits — obviously fake. But it was her long brown hair that really reminded me of Bella. In video after video, men would hold onto Tiffani's hair while she gave them a blowjob, or while they fucked her from behind. I had never had the guts to try something like that with Bella. Tiffani seemed to like it — did that mean Bella would? Tiffani couldn't be _that_ good of an actress if she was doing porn.

Tiffani was also very, very… flexible. I watched the new video in awe of the positions she could get into. She was twisted like a pretzel, her legs bent all the way up and thrown over the male actor's shoulders. _That_ I really, really wanted to try with Bella.

If I ever got the chance.

Before I was even halfway through the video, my jeans became uncomfortably tight. I finally succumbed to temptation and opened the button fly of my jeans, pulling them about halfway down my thighs. I pulled my underwear down, reaching for the bottle of strawberry-scented lotion I kept in my nightstand. It was the same kind of lotion Bella used. I had to take a picture of the bottle with my phone when I saw it on her bathroom counter, so I'd know what to buy later.

I squirted a little lotion into my hand, then took hold of my hard cock, squeezing my eyes closed at the sensation. I didn't know why Bella's hand felt so much better than my own, but it still felt pretty damn good as I worked myself over, pulling and tugging. I massaged my thumb over the tip just like Bella would and couldn't help crying out. Good thing Riley wasn't home.

I pictured the video in my head again, imagining Bella was underneath me while I pounded into her, watching where we were joined. I loved to make her scream. Tiffani never sounded like Bella, couldn't replicate the amazing noises she would make.

I was getting close. I started moving my hand faster and faster, twisting a little when I reached the tip. Almost there… I quickly reached for a Kleenex with my left hand, so I didn't make a mess all over myself. Maybe I was a little OCD about that. I never had any problems making a mess on Bella.

"God, Bella, I miss you," I whimpered as I came in long spurts. Afterward, I flopped back on my bed, wishing it had been real. I wouldn't give up hope though.

* * *

_December_

One Saturday in December, the day after classes ended, Tanya dragged me to the mall to go Christmas shopping with her. It's not like I had anything to buy, but she wanted me to carry her bags. She told me it was my duty as a male.

"Tanya?" I asked hesitatingly as we walked through the crowded mall. "Should I buy Bella a Christmas gift?"

She stopped walking and turned to me. "What were you thinking of getting her?"

"I don't know… perfume? That's what I always got my mom."

"Do you know what kind of perfume she likes?"

"Um… no. But I know what it smells like."

Tanya shook her head. "Edward, there are literally thousands of different kinds of perfume. You'll never find the right one."

"Can I get her jewelry?" I suggested. "That's what my dad always got Mom."

"Absolutely not. Way too forward for your current relationship."

I frowned. "I don't know then… clothes? Women like clothes."

"Do you know her size?" Tanya asked.

"I know she's pretty small."

"Forget it… unless you pick the exact right size, you can't win with clothes," she advised.

"Why not? Isn't it the thought that counts?"

"Let me tell you something about women, Edward. If you buy something too big, she's going to assume you think she's fat. If you get something too small, she'll also assume you think she's fat."

"That doesn't make any sense," I scoffed.

"Sure it does," she said patiently. "If you buy something too big, she'll think that you think she really needs that larger size. If you buy something too small, she'll think you're hinting that she needs to lose weight and that's the size you'd _like_ her to wear."

"Bella is perfect though! I don't want her to change," I insisted.

"Still, unless you are incredibly adept at guessing women's sizes, it's best to stay away from clothes."

"But there's nothing left! Is a Christmas card ok?"

Tanya thought about it for a moment before agreeing, "I think a card would be great. Let her know you're thinking of her."

"I'm always thinking of her," I commented.

Tanya showed me where the Hallmark store was, then stood back to see if I could choose an appropriate card on my own. I was pleased that she liked my first choice of a card with angels on the front.

The next day, I showed Tanya what I had written inside Bella's card.

**Dear Bella,**

**This card reminded me of you — my angel. I miss you so much. I can hardly believe it's been four months since I saw you last. On one hand, I can still remember the salty taste of your skin; but on the other hand, it feels like an eternity has passed since I've touched you.**

**I'm doing well in school. I love my classes, and I aced my finals. I've made one good friend, while there are a few students in my major that I'm friendly with, but wouldn't exactly call friends.**

**It's unbelievable, I swear there's a 7-to-1 ratio of female to male students here. Several of the girls would be considered "pretty," but not one of them compares to you.**

**I hope you're doing well. I'll be back for you, just as I promised. I love you.**

**Edward**

"Wow, who knew you were such the romantic?" Tanya mused as she read the card.

"Do you like it?" I asked nervously.

"Why did you tell her about all the female students here?"

"Because I wanted her to know that I still think she's more beautiful than any coed on campus," I explained.

"You really don't know anything about women, do you? That line is guaranteed to make Bella jealous of all the females around you."

"I'm not trying to make her jealous! Is that bad? Should I change it?" I asked frantically.

"No, no — keep it exactly as is," Tanya advised. "I think you _want_ her to be jealous. You want her to think that you have other options, so she gets her head out of her ass and realizes what a catch she has in you."

* * *

Tanya couldn't stand the thought of me spending Christmas alone, so she invited me to Springfield to spend the holidays with her family. Tanya's parents were both first-generation Americans, their parents having emigrated from Russia shortly before they were born. Her mother's mother, Irina Petrova, lived with the family and was quite the outspoken granny.

And then there was her older brother, Demetri, who constantly looked at me with suspicion.

One morning as I was coming down to breakfast, I stopped short as I heard Tanya and her grandmother discussing me in the kitchen. "So tell me about you and this Edward."

"There's nothing to tell, Granny," Tanya replied. I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"He's hot… isn't that the word you kids use?"

I had to hold my hand over my mouth to hold in my laughter.

"I'm glad you've given up on this nonsense of dating girls and found yourself a nice boy," Tanya's grandmother remarked.

"Granny! Edward is my friend — just a friend. I still only date girls but I promise to give you great-grandchildren someday.

"Besides, Edward is totally in love with another woman."

"Oh? Then why isn't he spending his Christmas with her?"

"It's… complicated," Tanya replied. Well, there was an understatement.

* * *

_January_

"Ungh, Bella, you feel so good," I moaned. Bella continued to gyrate her hips, staring down at me as she rode me. Her perfects tits were swaying tantalizingly just out of my reach. I tried to reach out for her, but she held my arms up above my head so I couldn't touch.

"I hear you have been a very, very good boy this year, Edward," she purred.

"Yes! Yes, I've been good. Please, please can I touch you?" I begged.

"Not yet, my little pet. I want to see what you can do with just that amazing cock."

Ooh, I liked the sound of that. I began thrusting my hips off the bed slowly, pushing me deeper and deeper inside her.

Bella whimpered and let go of my hands. I knew that was my cue to touch her. Wasting no time, I reached up for her perfect breasts, squeezing them in my hands.

"Make me come, Edward," she whispered.

I reached one hand down to just above where we were joined and began moving my fingers in tight circles, listening closely to the sounds she was making.

"Oh, Edward, I love you," she cried, moments before her walls began to tighten around my cock.

I'd longed to hear those words for so long. I thrust hard three more times and then … "Fuck, fuck, I love you too, Bella," I screamed as I came.

I closed my eyes, totally spent. But when I opened them again, Bella was gone.

"B—Bella?" I called, looking around the room. There was no sign of Bella, just rumpled sheets and a tent in my underwear.

Bella wasn't here at all. It was just a dream. I crawled out of bed, trying to hold back my tears as I made my way to the bathroom.

I turned on the shower, waiting a couple minutes for it to heat up before stepping inside. I was still hard, so after I soaped up my hand, I took hold of my cock, squeezing gently before I began moving my hand up and down my shaft. After the disappointment of waking up alone in my bed, my heart wasn't really in it though. Even jerking off was no fun anymore.

* * *

_February_

"I'm getting Bella a gift for Valentine's Day whether you like it or not," I said to Tanya as I set my tray down on the table in the school cafeteria.

"Hello to you to, Cullen," she replied with a smirk.

"Tell me it's not a bad idea," I pleaded.

"It's only a bad idea if you try to buy her one of the gifts you were thinking of for Christmas."

"No, I want to get her flowers. Is that ok?"

"Perfect. Do you know what kind?"

"White roses."

"Hmmm… I think white roses are supposed to mean purity and innocence — that doesn't exactly apply to the two of you. Hang on," she added, pulling out her iPhone.

"Well, this could work. White roses also mean reverence and humility. Oh, and if they're thornless, they mean 'love at first sight'."

"Perfect, I'll get her thornless white roses then. I'll order them as soon as I find her address."

"Hold up, you weren't planning to have them sent to her apartment, were you?"

"Um, yeah?"

"No, no, no. Do you know where Bella works?" I nodded. "Great — send them there."

"To her office? Why?"

"Because receiving flowers for Valentine's Day is like a status symbol. Bella will feel special because she'll have something that not every woman is going to receive."

"I want her to feel special," I agreed.

"Not too big now — you want her to be able to carry the bouquet. Bigger isn't always better."

"That's what she said," I laughed. And then ducked when Tanya threw a roll at me.

* * *

"Tanya, I need you, it's an emergency."

I waited impatiently for Tanya to come over from her apartment in the next building before I made the final click to purchase Bella's bouquet of roses. When she knocked on the door, I was there within seconds to answer it.

"This better be good, Cullen," she growled. "I was just about to step into the shower."

"I need you to read what I'm going to have written on the card with Bella's roses and tell me it's ok," I begged.

"Fine," she sighed. "Show me."

Tanya followed me to where I had my laptop on the coffee table and I turned it so she could see.

**Bella — For years I held that very first image of you in my mind, walking down the aisle carrying your bouquet of white roses. You were beautiful then, and you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I love you — Edward**

"_That's_ why you wanted white roses? Because she carried them in her wedding _to your brother_?" Tanya asked, sounding aghast.

"Um, yes? It won't be exactly like her wedding bouquet. I know there were other flowers in there besides roses, but I don't recognize them in any of the photos on the website."

"I don't know… do you really want to remind her of marrying your brother?" she asked skeptically.

"I want to remind her that I fell in love with her that day," I replied quietly. "And that I still love her."

"Well, it's sweet that you actually remember her bouquet from when you were 11…"

"So it's ok?"

Tanya nodded. "I hope she responds this time, Edward. I know how much you miss her."

* * *

I was eating lunch at a local pizza place with Tanya when my phone dinged with an incoming text message. I gasped when I opened it and saw a photo of Bella. She was holding my gift and smiling for the camera. I wanted to reach out my finger to trace her face, but Tanya was watching me and I didn't want her to think I was weird.

"What is that cheesy grin?"

"Bella," I whispered, showing Tanya the screen. "She looks so beautiful."

"She looks sad," Tanya observed.

"What do you mean? She's smiling."

"Yeah, but it doesn't quite touch her eyes. Your Bella is having a rough time of it, I think."

"Do you think it's because of Jasper? Or do you think she misses me?"

"Both, maybe? I do think she cares about you. I mean, how could she not?"

I started typing out a reply to Bella. I didn't need Tanya's help for this one.

**You made my day, Beautiful. Thx, love U.**

"I'm happy for you, Edward," Tanya smiled, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. "She reached out to you. That's got to mean something."

* * *

_March_

It was spring break, and I felt like I was practically alone on campus. Tanya had offered to let me come home with her again, but I had already imposed so much over Christmas that I couldn't do that again.

And then there was Bella. What if she came to visit over spring break and I wasn't here?

Rationally I knew that Bella probably had no idea what our academic calendar was, although it was pretty easy to look up online. But she had to _want_ to visit me.

I really wanted to take the week to go visit Bella. Tanya just raised an eyebrow when I brought up the idea at lunch one day.

I protested, but I knew she was right. Every single time I had fucked things up with Bella, it had been from pushing her too far, too fast.

Right from the beginning, I pushed her into doing something sexual with me while she was still married to my brother. Getting us caught on purpose was probably the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I mistakenly thought Bella was ready to give up on her marriage and be with me. I tried to force her to do what I wanted and it backfired — big time.

Even when we got back together — sort of — on her anniversary, I pushed her too far, trying to get her to admit that she loved me back. I wasn't sure my heart would ever fully recover from the beating it took that day.

And then when I left Chicago, I made the mistake of asking for the world first, instead of starting with something simpler, like a long-distance relationship. Tanya finally got me to see exactly what I had been asking of Bella — to give up her job, her friends (the ones she had left, anyway) and her life, to come start over in a new city with a college freshman. I didn't think I'd move for me, either.

Registration for summer classes began just over a week ago. I still wasn't sure what I planned to do. I had a lot of Advanced Placement credits from high school, so if I went to school through the next two summers, I could graduate with my Bachelor's in only three years. I could go back to Chicago — and to Bella — in just two more years. Or, I could try to go back this summer and win her heart.

Unless Bella had moved on with someone else, I was pretty sure I could easily get her back in my bed if I returned to Chicago this summer. It wasn't cockiness, just a fact: Bella just couldn't resist me sexually. Most of me thought that was the best idea ever, especially Little Edward, who was getting mighty tired of my hand.

But a teeny tiny part of me was maturing and wasn't sure I should let Bella use me for sex again, the way she did last summer. I knew what I was doing when I had agreed to her "fuck buddies" arrangement last summer, but I just wasn't sure I could let myself be used again. I wanted a real relationship with her, not just sex. I wanted to hear her tell me that she loved me, too.

* * *

_April_

"Ugh, why do we have to take this class?" I complained to Tanya as we sat in my apartment one night working on our joint project for "Cultures & Values." Tanya lived in one of the four-bedroom apartments, and as Riley was always out, the two of us almost always studied at my place.

"Because we go to a liberal arts school," she replied.

"I just want to be done with all my required classes and get to studying music therapy full time."

"Soon, Edward," Tanya smiled. "I feel the same way about my own classes."

"I can't believe you're taking summer school," she added a few minutes later.

"I told you why — so I can graduate faster."

I'd finally made the decision to take two classes this summer so that I could graduate — and get back to Bella — in only two more years. But with Tanya going home for the summer, who was going to stop me from driving back to Chicago every weekend to try to woo her?

"Let me see your laptop," Tanya said. "I need to look something up." Without a thought, I passed my laptop over to her.

"Oh. My. God."

I looked up at Tanya, confused. "What?"

"Really, Cullen? You've got a porn site up on the other tab?"

"Uhhh… I thought that was closed."

"You thought wrong," she deadpanned. "Let's see what you're into."

Immediately I tried to take the laptop from Tanya, but she held it out of my reach.

"Well, well… she looks like Bella… with bigger boobs."

"Ok, Tanya!"

"I bet you turn the sound off and watch this in class," she mused.

"I do not!"

Tanya laughed. "Chill out, Cullen. You're a normal 19-year-old guy. I'd be worried if you _didn't_ have porn on your PC."

"You don't think I'm a pervert?" I asked nervously.

"I didn't say _that_. But no more than any other teenage guy. I'm still traumatized by what I accidentally saw in my brother's bedroom one day." I laughed as Tanya shuddered.

"I miss her, Tanya," I said quietly.

"I know you do," she replied with a sad smile. "You know that expression, 'if you love something, set it free'?" I nodded. "That's what you have to keep doing. If you and Bella are meant to be, she needs to figure it out on her own."

"I know. I do really believe that now. It's just… I really miss her. I love her so much, Tanya."

"You know, I didn't really believe that when you first told me about falling for your new sister-in-law at the age of 11, but I do trust it now. If Bella is what you want, you deserve to have her. But you can't force her to love you back."

"I know, and so I just wait… impatiently."

"And watch porn," Tanya added, grabbing my right arm, squeezing my bicep.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking for the arm muscles you must've built up jacking off for the last eight months," she giggled, before jumping up and running across the room.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed the second outtake! I was going to forget the porn until moosals reminded me!

Sorry to the Tanya haters — you know who you are!


	29. EPOV Outtake of Ch 13

**Author's Note: **Hello again! This is the third of the requested outtakes or future takes.

This is for **hapakids** and **Hannah2204**, who wanted to see Edward's reaction when Bella comes to see him in St. Louis.

Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

**Reminder!** "Oh Brother" is currently nominated as one of the top fics completed in November 2012 over on twifanfictionrecs (click on the big VOTE button). If you enjoyed the story, I'd love it if you could vote for me! Voting ends January 1, so not much longer now! You can vote once every 24 hours. I know I can't win, but Top 10 would be awesome.

* * *

_Friday, May 3, 2013_

"How do you think you did?" I asked Tanya as our Cultures & Values professor dismissed class.

"Ok," she shrugged. "I'm glad for all those hours we put in studying yesterday. I suppose it's pointless to ask how _you_ did," she added as we made our way out of the building for the very last time this semester.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're a genius, Cullen," she replied, bumping me with her shoulder.

"I… I feel ok about the test, I guess," I said quietly, feeling my face heat up. I knew I was smart, but I was still embarrassed when other people brought it up.

"So, Duffy's at six, right?" Tanya said as we reached the campus apartments just a couple of minutes later.

"I don't know… I was thinking of just staying in tonight."

"Edward, it's the end of finals celebration! You can't miss it. Be there or be square!"

"Really, Tanya? What decade are we in again?"

Tanya laughed loudly, shaking her head. "You _will_ show up at the restaurant and not sit in your room watching porn and dreaming of Bella, do you hear me?"

"Ok, ok, I surrender. I'll see you there." Tanya hugged me goodbye before continuing down the path to the next building, where her apartment was located. With my head down, I was walking up the sidewalk toward my building, when suddenly I had this weird feeling that I was being watched.

I stopped and glanced up, looking straight at a woman sitting on the bench outside the door. My eyes had to be playing tricks on me. With her long brown hair, she looked very much like…

"Bella," I whispered.

She stood up quickly, making her way over to me. My God, it was really her, even more beautiful than I had remembered. I almost couldn't breathe.

With tears streaming down her face, she choked out a "hello." Something was wrong — those didn't seem like happy tears.

"Bella, why are you crying?" I asked, confused.

"You've moved on," she whispered. "You found someone else your own age."

"What?" What on earth was she talking about?

"That girl you were hugging. She's beautiful, Edward."

Oh crap, she thought something was going on between Tanya and me? "Yeah, I know she's beautiful, but we're not together," I told her quickly, hoping to set her mind at ease.

"You—you're not?"

I shook my head. "She'd much rather be with you than me."

"Huh?"

"She's a lesbian, Bella," I explained. "Tanya is my best friend."

"You — and her — you're not?"

"God no," I replied, taking a tentative step toward her. "You're the only one I want."

She rushed into my arms, hugging me tightly. Oh my God, she was really here — and she felt so, so good. Tanya hugged me sometimes, but it never felt like _this_. I wanted to hold on to her forever, but instead I pulled back, kissing her forehead lovingly.

"Should we go inside?" I asked, tipping my head toward the door. Bella nodded, and I led her into the building and up the stairs. Opening the door to my apartment, I motioned for her to go inside.

"Do — do you have a roommate?" she asked as she looked around my apartment.

"Yeah, for the next few days anyway. Riley's going home soon since the semester is over, but I'm staying on for the summer. I signed up for a couple classes, hoping to graduate early. Sit," I said, pointing toward the couch.

I fetched a couple bottles of water from the kitchen area and passed one to Bella as I took a seat on the couch beside her. I took a deep breath before asking my most pressing question.

"So… what are you doing here, Bella?"

"I quit my job."

I stared at her, wishing for probably the millionth time that I could read her mind. So she quit her job — what did that mean for me? For us? "You did?" I finally asked.

"Yeah, um, I received a huge blow about three months ago and it caused me to re-evaluate a lot of things. I wasn't really happy working at such a large company. And then my mom told me that she was getting divorced — again — and moving back to Phoenix, and I began to think about trying to repair our relationship. It just started to feel like it was time to move on," she finished with a shrug.

Hold on — Bella quit her job to move to Phoenix? What the hell was she doing here then? Just making a detour for sex? "So you thought you'd stop by for a booty call on your way to Phoenix?" I asked angrily. I couldn't let Bella use me for sex again, no matter how much my body craved hers. My heart couldn't take that anymore.

"What? No, no — that isn't what I meant."

"So what _did_ you mean?" I asked, trying to get myself to calm down and hear her out.

"Please don't get upset, but… I tried dating someone, back in March." And my heart twisted painfully in my chest. How could I _not_ be upset?

"Mike was a nice guy," she continued, oblivious to my pain. "We had a lot in common, but… when I tried to kiss him, there was just no chemistry at all, no spark. He didn't make me feel even one tenth — one one-hundredth of what you do."

Wait, what?

Bella stared into my eyes for a moment. "I'm still scared," she went on. "I worry about the backlash we're going to get from people who think you're too young for me, but I miss you, Edward. Not just the sex — _you_. I know I treated you like shit, and I probably don't deserve you — but I'm ready to give us a real chance… unless you've changed your mind."

I was moving before Bella even finished speaking. She wasn't telling me she was in love with me, but she was saying every other thing that I'd longed to hear. When I claimed her lips for the first time in almost eight months, every second without her evaporated. Bella was here, she wanted to be with me, and I would never, ever let her go.

Still kissing her, I carefully pushed Bella onto her back, climbing on top of her. When I needed air, I moved to kissing along her jaw.

"Wait," she panted. "Wait a minute. There's something you need to know. Can you sit up?"

The tiny part of my brain not consumed by lust heard Bella's plea and sat us both up, where I gently took her face in my hands. "What is it, Bella?"

"The news I got three months ago… Jasper came by to see me."

Fuck, fuck, fuck… of course it would be Jasper that had something to do with her coming here.

"Oh," I replied sourly. "Yeah, I know he's getting married again. He sent me a letter telling me that he forgave me for going after you."

"Did he tell you _why_ he was proposing?"

"I assume because he loves her," I replied with a shrug.

"He didn't tell you," she whispered.

"Tell me what?"

"His girlfriend is pregnant."

I stared at her for a moment, attempting to understand what Bella was trying to tell me. And then it clicked. "So — so that means…?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it means our fertility problems were all my fault — officially. Do you — do you still want me if we can't ever have kids?" she asked.

She looked terrified of my answer. How could she possibly think that anything could make me stop wanting her? Especially something fixable like that.

"Bella, medicine can do amazing things. Maybe you won't be able to get pregnant naturally, but there are other ways we could explore when the time is right."

"But those other ways are so expensive…"

"I have money, Bella. Between my dad's life insurance and my parents' estate, I have plenty of money. Spending some of it so that you can be happy holding a baby — our baby — in your arms would make me very, very happy."

"Now," I began, standing up and reaching for her hand, "I want to show you my room."

As I winked at Bella, she placed her hand in mine, rising to her feet and letting me lead her to my bedroom.

"I want you naked, now," I growled, pulling up on her top as we made our way to the bed. "God, I've missed you." Once she was lying on her back, I unzipped her jeans, yanking them and her panties down her legs. I couldn't wait another second to taste her again.

"Oh God," she screamed, as my tongue went to work between her legs. She tasted so, so good, just like I remembered. She was squirming and writhing so I placed my forearms on her hips to hold her still.

"Don't stop… don't stop…" she begged while I continued to work her over with my tongue.

"God… Edward…" she moaned as she came. Yep, I still loved it when Bella said my name as she reached her orgasm. I released her hips, lifting my head and grinning at her as she lay there panting.

"What the hell are you doing still fully dressed?" she asked after a couple of minutes.

I shrugged. "I'm supposed to meet Tanya and a bunch of other people for dinner to celebrate."

"Celebrate?"

"Yeah, it was the last day of classes."

"So you don't want to…"

Silly, silly girl.

"Oh, I do, but I plan to spend hours worshipping your body. We don't have time right now for me to have you the way I want. I just needed an appetizer," I finished with a grin.

* * *

I thought Bella looked fine once she got re-dressed, but she still spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom fixing her hair. Once she came out, I just couldn't resist kissing her again and fondling her tits. I'd been so eager to get to the promised land that I'd neglected her perfect breasts — and I had to remedy that.

"I just got myself presentable," she laughed, removing my hands from her chest. But I would not be deterred from my mission. Instead of giving up, I held her hands up above her head and continued kissing her incredible lips.

"Edward," she sighed, once I moved on to her neck, "I'm going to throw you on the bed and have my way with you if you don't stop."

That plan sounded pretty good actually, but I forced myself to pull away. "We'll eat fast, yeah?" I couldn't stop the probable cheesy grin from taking over my face.

"I don't even know why we have to go," she pouted adorably.

"Because Tanya will give me so much shit if she finds out why I'm not there. And I need some food so I have more energy for tonight," I added with a wink. Oh fuck, maybe Bella didn't want to go out with a bunch of college kids. "You — you want to go, right? I mean, I'd like you to meet my friends, but if you aren't comfortable…"

"I want to meet your friends," she agreed, kissing me again, far too chastely.

I led Bella out the door and to my Volvo, eager to get this part of our night over with.

"So where are we going?" she asked.

"A sports bar, it's not too far."

When we arrived at the restaurant five minutes later, I parked the car and led her inside, my hand on the small of her back. I didn't want to stop touching her for even a minute. We made our way through the tightly packed tables to the back room, which had been reserved for our group. We both easily spotted Tanya sitting across the room, with one seat open next to her.

"I'll find another chair for you," I whispered in her ear.

As we sat down together next to Tanya, most of the conversations around the table stopped. Nearly all of my classmates were staring at Bella, but no one would break the tense silence.

Finally, Tanya spoke. "Who's this, Edward?" she asked, nodding at Bella.

I knew that Tanya knew exactly who she was, of course, but I took the opportunity to introduce Bella to everyone. "This is my girlfriend, Bella," I replied proudly, laying my arm across her shoulders.

"Your girlfriend?" Eric asked. "I thought you and Tanya were together."

"Oh please, like I'd date him," Tanya responded with a wink.

"Um, can I get whatever you have on tap," Bella ordered, when a waitress came to our table. She looked nervously over at me for my reaction as the waitress nodded, moving on to the next person without asking to see Bella's ID.

"It's ok if you drink even though I can't," I told her quietly, rubbing my thumb reassuringly on her shoulder. I never wanted Bella to feel like she was being held back by my age. She nodded… and blushed a delicious shade of pink. Fuck, I had to work way too hard to control my reaction to that blush.

"So how long are you in town for, Bella?" Tanya asked.

"Um…"

"She's here for as long as I am," I replied. Just saying those words made me happier than I had been in months, and I had to work really hard to keep the shit-eating grin off my face.

"You're moving here?" Tanya asked.

"Yeah, I quit my job in Chicago."

Tanya's eyebrows rose nearly all the way to her hairline, and I knew she was going to be after me to tell her everything as soon as I got the opportunity.

I introduced the other students at the table to Bella, hoping she'd be more comfortable interacting with them if she knew their names.

"Hey, where's Jared?" one of the girls asked.

"Hotshots, playing pool with some of the upperclassmen who are 21 or have fake IDs," Tanya answered.

Once our meals were delivered, I dug in to my bacon cheeseburger. I was pretty much hanging on by a thread. I needed to be inside Bella within the next hour or I felt like I'd go mad. I really hoped that going down on her earlier was enough foreplay for her.

As we ate, I barely paid attention to the chatter around the table of finals and three months of goofing off. I planned to spend my summer making Bella fall in love with me.

As soon as we reasonably could, Bella and I stood up to leave. Tanya stood as well, putting her arm around my shoulder.

"Go get 'em, Tiger," she whispered in my ear. "You look like you're about to explode," she added with a smirk, patting me on the back. I rolled my eyes as I told her goodbye.

As soon as we were out the door, I pulled Bella close to me, my hands grasping and squeezing her ass as I kissed her. That counted as foreplay, right?

"Don't get us arrested now," she cautioned as I grinned. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd be ripping her clothes off right there in the parking lot — but it wasn't exactly private.

We held hands across the console for the five-minute ride back to the apartments. I had to repeatedly tell Little Edward to stand down and be patient.

"Where's all your stuff, Bella?" I asked once I'd parked my car.

"There are some suitcases in my car, but the rest is in storage in Chicago. Angela is going to send it to me when I find a place."

Bella and I grabbed as many bags and boxes as we could, carrying them inside. Once I opened the door, I was shocked to see that my roommate, Riley, was home — sprawled across the couch watching television. Fuck, _really_? Riley was hardly ever home! Why wasn't he at a party or something? Surely one of the jocks was having a party tonight. I almost felt like the universe was conspiring against me.

"Hey, man," he called, his eyes darting between Bella and me.

"Riley, this is my girlfriend, Bella," I introduced her. "She just moved to town. Is it ok if we store her suitcases and stuff in here so she doesn't have to leave them in the car?"

"Yeah, sure — I'll be out of here on Monday anyway," he shrugged.

After one more trip, we had all of Bella's things inside. But now I needed to figure out a solution to our not-so-little roommate problem.

I pulled Bella into my bedroom, closing the door. "Do you want to get a hotel?" I asked quietly. "I plan to make you scream my name more than a few times and I doubt you want Riley to overhear."

She laughed. "Promise?"

I grinned in response. Oh yeah, it was a promise, all right.

"Sure," she agreed. "Let me just grab the stuff I'll need for overnight?"

After I packed an overnight bag as well, we emerged from the bedroom. Riley looked up at us, grinning at the bags in our hands.

"Uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Ri," I said. I'm sure I was blushing, knowing that Riley knew exactly why we wanted privacy. He was pretty fond of teasing me that I'd never get laid if I didn't go to any parties.

"Sure, man," Riley replied, snickering.

"Are you going to have another roommate for the summer?" Bella asked as we made our way to the parking lot.

"Nah… the apartments aren't full in the summer. They're mostly rented to students from other schools who are doing internships in St. Louis.

"Is it ok if I drive again?" I asked. "There's a Marriott real close, but it's kinda confusing to get to, so it's probably easier for me to do it."

Just a few minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot for the hotel. I took Bella's hand after we got out of the car, not wanting to be disconnected from her ever again.

"We'd like a room for the night," I said once we made it to the front desk.

"Do you have ID?"

I pulled my driver's license out of my wallet, handing it to the man behind the desk.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but we can't rent a room to someone under 21. It's against our policy."

Fuck, fuck, fuck… why didn't I think of that before I suggested a hotel? I knew how much trouble I'd had finding a room each night on the drive to St. Louis from Forks last summer. _Brilliant planning, Cullen._

I looked on mortified as Bella pulled her wallet out of her purse, handing her license to the man. I could see her blush as he looked over the license. Why did this have to happen _now_? I just didn't need any reason for Bella to doubt that the two of us were meant to be.

"That'll work," he finally said, punching several keys on the computer. "Credit card?"

"I don't have a credit card," I whispered in her ear, again feeling totally embarrassed at my failure at being an adult. Bella was already reaching into her wallet, so she must've expected that I wouldn't have a credit card yet. I needed to get right on that — surely I had enough money to qualify.

After the front desk clerk handed her an envelope with two room keys, he pointed out the elevators. Bella thanked him as we hurried across the lobby. Once inside, she pressed the button for the fifth floor and I attacked her — I couldn't wait any longer to get our night started.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed the last outtake! Next up are future takes. I'll be on vacation with no laptop January 3-11 so it'll be a few weeks.


	30. Outtake: Bahamas Trip

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

First, thank you to everyone who voted for "Oh Brother" on TwiFanfictionRecs! It came in sixth place for Best Fics Completed in November.

This semi-future take covers Bella and Edward's trip to the Bahamas over Spring Break, Edward's Valentine's Day gift to her in the BPOV Epilogue. I got inspired by my recent vacation. :)

* * *

_March 2017_

_Sunday_

"Oh my God, it's beautiful," I cried as I stepped into our deluxe ocean suite at the Cove Atlantis resort. Edward had obviously spared no expense with his choice of accommodations for our Spring Break trip to the Bahamas. I looked around the room in awe of the huge space, with a step up to the bedroom level anchored by a massive king-sized bed.

I opened the door to the balcony and stepped outside, admiring the ocean view. This place was a true paradise.

"Do you like it?" Edward whispered, his arms encircling me from behind as his lips dropped sweet kisses along my shoulder.

"I love it," I answered honestly.

"What do you want to do first?" he asked.

"Take a nap."

"You're kidding, right? Bella, we're in paradise!"

I turned around in his arms, placing a soft kiss on his pouty lips. "But we got up at 3 o'clock in the morning for our flight… not to mention the fact that I'm pregnant."

Edward rolled his eyes, but took my hand anyway, leading me back into our suite and up the step to the bed. Since we'd found out about my pregnancy less than three weeks ago, I'd quickly learned that I could use my condition to get whatever I wanted from Edward. He was a doting dad already. I really was exhausted though.

After a good long nap, Edward woke me up, claiming that he was starving. He'd called ahead last week and made us reservations at Mesa Grill, the Southwestern-style restaurant from celebrity chef Bobby Flay.

The food was just amazing, and when I was sufficiently stuffed on honey-glazed salmon, Edward and I went for a long walk along the beach, my hand held tightly in his.

"Thank you for bringing me here," I said quietly. "It's beautiful, and you're right — we did need a real vacation all to ourselves. By this time next year, we'll be _parents_. We won't have alone time again until our baby is all grown up and we're old and gray."

"I might not be gray in 18 years," Edward replied with a cheeky grin. I promptly pulled my hand out of his and slapped his very nice ass.

"Hey!" he yelped. "I wasn't saying that you're old — just that you'll still be older than me when our baby goes off to college."

"Uh-huh."

"I'll still love you, you know," he whispered, stopping to kiss me while one hand played with the ends of my hair. "Now, about those fantasies of mine…"

"I am not having sex with you on a public beach."

"Bella," he pouted.

"Do you see all the people walking around?"

"So you'd do it if there weren't any other people around?" he asked with a grin and a wink.

I smiled but shook my head, continuing to walk down the beach. After watching a gorgeous sunset, we went to the Atlantis Theater to watch a movie before retiring to our room for the night.

* * *

"What the hell is that?" I moaned as the obnoxious beeping woke me from a deep sleep.

"The alarm on my phone," Edward mumbled as he blessedly stopped the piercing noise.

"Why in the hell did you turn that on tonight? It's three in morning, for God's sake. We don't have a flight to catch."

"No, but we do have plans," he replied, climbing out of bed. "Come on, get up! Throw your swimsuit cover-up thingie on."

"Are you insane?"

"Nope," he replied, kissing me quickly before pulling on my legs until my feet hit the floor. With a sigh, I crawled out of bed, grabbing the cover-up that I'd hung in the closet last night. I noticed Edward pull on just his shorts, holding a pair of beach towels, as I dug around for my bikini.

"Uh-uh, you don't need that," he said in a low voice.

"You woke me up at 3am to go skinny dipping?" I asked in shock.

"No," he replied, rolling his eyes. "We're not going in the water at all. Come on!"

Edward dragged me out of the suite and into the elevator. When we reached the ground floor, he took my hand and lead me outside and down the pathway to the gorgeous white sandy beach that we'd walked along earlier. Stopping in a dark area, he spread out the two beach towels next to each other and sat down, patting the spot next to him.

"Are we out here to look at the stars?" I whispered.

"Silly Bella… we're here to have sex. Lie down," he commanded.

"What?!"

"There's no one else around at three in the morning," he explained, looking up at me with a huge grin on his face.

"But there's sand! I don't care if you spread out a towel, I'll still get sand in places it's not supposed to be."

"Fine then," he smirked, pulling his shorts off until he sat naked as a statue. His body almost sparkled in the moonlight; he was beautiful. Just looking at him, I felt the first flutterings of desire.

Edward tugged on my hand until I sat on the beach towel between his spread legs, my back to his chest. Lifting my hair out of the way, he began placing small kisses all along my neck and shoulder. I felt Edward's fingers along the bottom of my cover-up as he began tugging on it until I was no longer sitting on the material. His hands made their way underneath and up to my breasts, which he began massaging slowly.

"They're getting bigger already," he said in a low voice as he began tweaking my nipples. "I'm really going to like you being pregnant."

I wound my hand up and around the back of Edward's neck, pulling his lips to mine for a searing kiss.

"Just wait until the second trimester," I told him.

"Why's that?"

"Angela told me that all she wanted to do in her second trimester was have sex."

Even in the darkness, I could see Edward's eyes light up. He was going to be one happy boy in a few more weeks if I was anything like Angela. As we kissed again, I felt his right hand moving down from my breasts until he was stroking between my legs, spreading my wetness around. His hard cock was pressing into my back.

"Your fingers are so fucking talented," I moaned.

"That's not all that's talented," he replied before lifting me up to sit on his lap and impaling me on his cock.

"Oh God!"

"Shhh… you don't want anyone to hear us, do you?" he said. He was surely smirking. Somehow, Edward managed to continue stroking me with his fingers as we moved together. Both of us were breathing heavily, the danger of getting caught making everything more intense.

Suddenly, Edward's hands went around my hips and I felt the absence of his stomach against my back as he lay back on the towels. He began lifting me up and down as he thrust up into me.

"God, Edward!" I panted. I had never tried harder to keep myself from moaning like a porn star as I did then, desperate to not get caught and thrown out of the resort on our first night. Without warning, I felt my climax overtake me. Screaming and panting, I felt back against Edward's chest, his thrusts never even breaking rhythm.

"Love you… Bella," he choked out as he thrust hard a couple more times before I felt him coming inside me. As he stilled, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest. "I love you so much."

I slowly sat up and climbed off of his softening cock, smiling down as the blissed out expression on his face. "I love you too, my crazy boy."

With a mighty sigh, Edward heaved himself up off the beach towels, kissing me passionately. "Thank you for indulging me and making my fantasy come true."

"It was my pleasure," I giggled. Total understatement.

* * *

_Monday_

With our late-night rendezvous, morning came far too soon. We went down for breakfast in one of the casual dining restaurants, but as soon as we got back to our room, I felt nauseated and had to throw up. I'd just gotten a few hints of morning sickness in the past week, but suddenly it hit me full force.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked tentatively after I brushed my teeth and came out of the bathroom.

"For now," I nodded. I put on my swimsuit and smiled at Edward. "I'm fine," I reassured him. He watched me carefully as we made our way to Cain on the Cove, and an adults-only pool.

Edward carefully spread sunscreen all over my back while I sat on one of the beach chairs. Once I had returned the favor, he went for a dip in the pool while I watched him. I couldn't help but notice all of the other young women — and some not-so-young — eyeing my beautiful boyfriend as he swam. To his credit, he never once seemed to acknowledge them.

Coming out of the pool dripping wet, Edward placed a hot kiss on my lips before smiling at me. "Yes, I know they're watching," he said, "But you're the only one I want. And now they know that, too."

By noon, I was feeling well enough to eat a light lunch from the poolside cafe. Edward went for another swim after lunch, but by 2pm, we had to get ready for our first adventure — snorkeling in the ruins of the lost city of Atlantis.

Having never been snorkeling before, Edward watched attentively as our guide explained what to do. While I had done it before, it had been on a Spring Break trip to Cancun during college, so I was definitely out of practice.

Once we were in the seven-acre Paradise Lagoon, Edward was a natural. I shouldn't have been surprised, as he was amazing at everything he attempted. I was more interested in watching him than I was the brilliantly colored tropical fish.

After snorkeling, we headed to the beach, splashing around in the waves like children. It was a wonderful afternoon with my love by my side.

We showered in our room then ate dinner at a fine French restaurant before deciding to check out the casinos. Edward wanted to play the slots, but those always just seemed like throwing money away to me. Blackjack and quarter video poker were more my speed. Edward just rolled his eyes, joining me at the blackjack tables. I was pleased when we ended the night up $80 — almost enough to pay for our delicious dinner.

Back in our room, Edward made love to me slowly, whispering his love over and over. I fell asleep in his arms, listening to the soothing sounds of a waterfall through the open door to our balcony.

* * *

_Tuesday_

Ugh, morning sickness sucked. I lost my breakfast again, but then felt much better, well enough for our planned trip to the various marine exhibits.

After a buffet lunch of Caribbean fare, we headed down to the port to board a 45-foot catamaran for a two-and-half-hour snorkel excursion to a coral reef.

"Aren't you two just adorable?" a middle-aged woman remarked as Edward and I settled onto the boat. "Are you on your honeymoon?"

"No," I answered, feeling my face heat up. "We aren't married."

"Yet," Edward added, a gleam in his eye.

I smiled, but the familiar fear was still there — the fear of turning into my much-married mother. I knew Edward wanted to marry me, but why mess up a good thing?

Almost as soon as we started moving, Edward began to turn green. "Are you ok?" I whispered.

"The boat keeps moving up and down," he answered through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, but it's not bad. The ocean is pretty calm today," I replied. Was he really sick? I was fine.

"I don't… feel good."

"Oh my God, you men are such babies! Why don't you go sit outside and get some air? And stare at the horizon — I hear that's supposed to help."

Edward slowly stood up, holding on to the top of the boat to steady himself as he made his way to the back deck. He sat down in an open spot, closing his eyes.

"Stare at the horizon," I yelled toward him. With a nod, he obeyed me.

When our boat slowed and finally stopped, I saw Edward let out a huge breath. Poor baby. All of the guests quickly put on our flippers and grabbed our masks, ready to jump off the boat as soon as the guide released us.

The water felt incredibly warm, almost like bathwater. As I stuck my face beneath the surface, I was nearly overwhelmed by the brightly colored coral. I swam around amazed by what lay just beneath the surface of the water.

All too soon our time was up and we all climbed back onto the catamaran for the trip back to the island. Edward convinced me to come sit with him on the back deck so he wasn't lonely. He laid his head on my shoulder as I stroked my fingers through his hair, trying to help him through the seasickness.

"I am never doing that again," Edward growled as we made our way onto dry land. I just shook my head at him. If he couldn't handle an hour on a boat, he'd never be able to deal with my morning sickness.

Once we reached the resort, we visited one of the many other pools where there was a mix of '80s and '90s music playing. Edward was feeling much better, getting a cocktail once I assured him that I didn't care if he drank when I couldn't. After all, just three years ago, the situation had been reversed.

We had a late dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant before visiting a comedy club for a our few hours. And when we got back to our room, Edward threw me on the bed and made me forget my own name — a perfect way to end the day.

* * *

_Wednesday_

I woke up the next morning beyond excited. Today we were planning to swim with dolphins, sting rays and sea lions.

I lost my breakfast again, but I was becoming used to that. Edward was starting to get worried but I assured him that this was completely normal early in pregnancy.

We had a perfect day with the various animals before heading to the beach for the rest of the afternoon. As we showered before dinner, I took inventory of my body, realizing that we'd been in the Bahamas for over three days now and I still wasn't sunburned. Edward deserved a blowjob or something for the great work he'd done spreading sunscreen on my very pale skin. He was equally as pale, but he tanned — of course.

We had Japanese for dinner, which was quite an experience. After dinner, Edward convinced me to change back into my swimsuit and return to the beach.

"The stars are amazing out here," I commented as we walked hand in hand along the beach. "So much more than we can see back home."

"I could see just as many stars in Forks," Edward replied. "At least on the rare cloudless days."

"Do you miss Forks?" I asked curiously.

"No, not really. I just want to be wherever you are."

I smiled up at my remarkable man, so glad that he loved me.

"Here we are," he said suddenly, stopping near the end of the beach.

"Here we are, what? There's nothing out here."

"Exactly… time for my second fantasy," he smiled.

"Should I know what that is?"

"Don't you remember? I told you that I wanted to make love to you on the beach and in the ocean. So come on," he ordered, tugging on my hand.

"What is it with you and fantasies where we risk getting caught?"

"We won't get caught; that's why we're out here at night at the end of the beach," he replied, pulling me into the ocean.

Once we were in deep enough that the water came up to around my waist, Edward winked at me before pulling the bottoms of my bikini down and off.

"How do you plan to not lose those?" I asked curiously.

Smirking, he stuffed them into the front pocket of his board shorts. "Mine aren't coming all the way off," he told me.

"Edward, I really don't know about—"

His lips cut me off, soft yet demanding. "I want you, Bella," he whispered. I wound my arms around his neck as we continued to kiss. If anyone saw us, we'd look like a normal couple making out in the ocean.

Edward nudged one triangle of my bikini top out of the way and began sucking on my nipple as I moaned my approval. "You taste like salt water," he whispered. His hands went around my waist, pulling me with him into deeper water.

"Not too far," I warned.

"It's fine; the water is calm tonight."

Edward let me go momentarily, just long enough to pull down his shorts once he too was waist-deep in the warm salty water. It was too dark to see much, but I could just imagine his erection springing free. I twined my arms around his neck again, jumping up when I felt his hands under my ass, lifting me up. He carefully placed his cock at my entrance and lowered me onto it.

I moaned, throwing my head back, before reality hit me. "Are you sure, Edward? I'm too heavy for you to hold like this for long."

"Why do you think I work out at the gym with Emmett? And you weigh practically nothing," he replied before kissing me deeply.

We continued to kiss as he started moving me up and down his hard shaft. I almost felt like I was floating in the water. Over the past five years, we'd had sex in a lot of places and a lot of positions, but this was fast becoming my favorite.

"Fuck, Bella, you are so incredibly sexy," he murmured, sucking on my neck.

"You don't have to butter me up," I joked. "I'm already a sure thing."

"I just don't want you to ever forget it," he replied, pulling me down harder onto him.

"You mean when I get fat and unattractive?"

"You'll never be unattractive. Seeing your stomach swollen with my child will be the _most_ attractive you'll ever be," he growled.

Edward's words pushed me over the edge and I came hard, screaming out in pleasure moments before he did. As we came down from our high, he held onto me tightly, whispering words of love in my ear.

"Time to put me down," I whispered.

"In a minute. I don't ever want to forget a second of this."

I kissed him deep and slow. "I love you," I told him, in case he ever forgot.

* * *

_Thursday_

Another day, another bout of nausea after breakfast. This was getting old really fast.

We spent the morning at the pool, where again I had a ring-side seat to all of the young female guests trying to flirt with my handsome boyfriend. He continued to ignore them.

After a light lunch, Edward demanded that we visit the resort's 141-acre water park.

"Look at that one," he said excitedly, pointing toward a water slide with a nearly vertical 60-foot drop.

"I don't know, Edward," I said nervously.

He turned to me, looking at me sharply. "You aren't going down any of them, no way. You're keeping my child safe in there — no chance."

After much discussion, Edward agreed that I could float on the lazy river, but I wasn't allowed on any of the water slides, or The Current, a more intense river with rolling waves and extreme rapids. I wanted to roll my eyes at his overprotective nature, but I loved him for it.

By evening, Edward was exhausted from acting like a big kid all afternoon. He had a quick nap before we headed for dinner at a very nice steakhouse and then back to the casino for a few hours. I had fun with quarter video poker, winning $125 on four kings. That may have counterbalanced what Edward lost in Texas Hold'em.

* * *

_Friday_

"Not again," I growled, rushing to the bathroom almost as soon as we got back to our suite from breakfast.

"Maybe you should talk to your doctor next week?" Edward suggested.

"Yeah, I will, but I'm sure she'll tell me I just have to grin and bear it. What is that for?" I asked, nodding toward the silk scarf in Edward's hand.

"To blindfold you."

"_Blindfold_ me? You aren't seriously trying to initiate some kind of kinky sex when I just threw up, are you?" I asked incredulously.

"No," he laughed. "I've got a surprise for you, and I don't want you to see where you're going."

I looked at him skeptically, but relented and let him place the scarf over my eyes. Once I was blindfolded, Edward led me out of the suite onto the elevator. When the doors opened, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, leading me forward. Unable to see, my other senses were heightened. It was quiet wherever we stopped, and something smelled amazing, like eucalyptus.

"Are you ready?" he whispered, his hot breath fanning over my ear.

Edward removed the blindfold and I looked around at my surroundings. We were in some kind of spa.

"I signed us up for a couples retreat," he said, turning red. "I hope you like it."

I didn't just like it — I loved it. In our own private villa, we had side by side massages before relaxing together in our own soaking tub. I could've fallen asleep in there, but Edward took advantage of the privacy to feel me up.

"I'm not having sex in here with you."

"Ok," he replied with a smirk. Oh yeah, he had something planned for later.

After lunch, we shopped at the various stores around the resort before changing into our swimsuits. Edward then led me to one of 20 private cabanas between the ocean and the main pool, which he had rented for the rest of the afternoon. The cabana could be opened on three sides, providing views of the pool and ocean.

I lay there relaxing, just enjoying the view, when suddenly Edward stood up, closing the teak-wood louvered doors.

"What are you doing?" I asked suspiciously.

"Making our private cabana more private."

"Uh-huh… I'm not having sex with you in here."

"Yes, you will," he replied confidently.

"Edward," I protested, but it was no use. Edward helped me to lie back on the plush couch, climbing on top of me. Holding my arms up above my head, he began kissing me — first my mouth, then moving down my neck. I laughed as he tried to move the top of my bikini using just his teeth.

"Are you gonna behave if I let you go?" he asked. At my nod, he released my arms, quickly removing my top before attacking my breasts. I was a needy mess by the time he moved on, placing a soft kiss on my still-flat stomach before yanking my bottoms down. I shrieked at the first lap of his talented tongue.

"You wanna get caught?" he asked with a wink before diving in again. Goddamn, as many times as Edward had gone down on me, I still marveled at how skilled he was with oral sex — especially since I'd never really given him much instruction. My man was a natural.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted as I came, almost embarrassed at how fast it was. My shudders hadn't even stopped before Edward had his board shorts down and was inside me, buried to the hilt.

After that beginning, I expected our coupling to be hard and fast, but it wasn't. Instead, Edward made love to me slowly, as if he was savoring every moment.

"I love you," he whispered. "I love that you're pregnant with my baby."

"I'm glad you're the father of my baby," I replied, scratching my nails down his back as I wrapped my legs around his waist. "This is the way it was meant to be."

"You really believe that?"

"I do," I nodded. "No one else has ever made me feel the way you do. No one else has ever loved me the way you can."

"And I always will," he vowed, his mouth claiming mine. And when we both came together, he rolled off of me, pulling me into his chest and holding me tightly.

I had no idea how much time had passed before I began to feel the uncomfortable stickiness from his release. "Edward," I whispered, nudging him awake. "I'm gonna go for a dip in the ocean to clean up."

As I sat up, looking around for my discarded bathing suit, Edward retrieved his shorts from the floor and put them on. I opened the doors to let the air flow again and walked out to the ocean to wash up. Not ideal, but I wasn't going back to our room until sunset.

Edward joined me in the ocean for a while before we headed back to our cabana, relaxing in each other's arms. After a quick shower in our suite, we had a late dinner at an Italian restaurant before enjoying another long walk along the beach.

"I wish we could stay longer," I complained. Our flight back to St. Louis left in the morning.

"I know, but we need Sunday to recover before going back to work on Monday."

"We'll come back again, right?"

"Sure we will," he promised. "With our child, when he or she is old enough. There are a lot of kids' activities here."

"We won't be able to fulfill all of your fantasies with a child in the way."

"They're already fulfilled, Bella. But now I need to find some new ones," he replied with a wink.

"Preferably not fantasies where there's a chance of getting caught, all right?"

"I'll see what I can do," he giggled before kissing me senseless.

* * *

**A/N: **I did go to a tropical location last week, but not the Bahamas. Everything in here I got on the internet — atlantis website.

Just a reminder — they don't know it's twins yet, as Bella isn't at 12 weeks until April.


	31. Future Take: Christmas

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Back again, with the first of the future takes! This one takes place about six and a half months after the second Epilogue. The twins are 14 months old and Bella is hugely pregnant with their surprise baby.

* * *

_Christmas 2018_

"Bella," I called for the tenth time. "The house looks fine. You're going to wear yourself out."

I shook my head as Bella continued straightening every knickknack on the bookshelves. Finally, I got up and wrapped my arms around her from behind. "I love you, Bella, but you're making me crazy," I said, kissing the side of her neck.

Bella twisted around in my arms, giving me an exasperated look. "I know I'm probably going overboard. It's just… Jasper and Alice have never seen our house. I just want them to see it at its best. And I don't want Alice to think badly of my housekeeping skills."

"You're seven months pregnant with 14-month-old twins running around creating messes. They know exactly what that's like. I think you'd be forgiven for anything," I replied. I pulled Bella closer, turning her slightly to the side so her enormous — though I'd never be stupid enough to tell her that — belly was out of the way.

I kissed the top of her head before letting her go.

Moments later, I heard the garage door opening — Renee was home from the grocery store. Bella's mom had arrived yesterday, without husband number five, who was unable to get off work for the week. She'd insisted on helping out by doing the shopping for tomorrow's Christmas dinner.

Bella, the twins and I had spent Thanksgiving with her dad in California this year — a first for us. Jasper and Alice had invited us for Christmas, but with Bella due to give birth on February 19, her doctor had forbid her from traveling, so instead it was decided that they'd to come to us. Jasper called when they left Chicago around noon today. They should be here by six o'clock, unless their three children necessitated a lot of bathroom stops.

Bella and Renee put away all of the groceries before joining me in the living room, where I was trying to keep two rambunctious toddlers from getting into anything and everything. The moment they'd started crawling, we'd begun baby-proofing the house, but it was a whole new ballgame once they started walking and could reach things higher up. EJ was especially fond of hiding the remote control.

The doorbell rang around 6:30 and I got up to answer it, shaking my brother's hand as he stepped into our home.

"Where are the babies?" Alison asked, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"They're in the living room," I said, nodding in that direction. "They're a lot bigger than the last time you saw them!"

I shook my head as Alison went running off. Makayla hid shyly behind her mom, who was carrying baby Jackson. "Let me help you," I said, taking the two bags Jasper had brought in while he went back out to their minivan to get the rest of their things. Together we got all of the bags upstairs and into the guest room with the king-sized bed.

Renee was already set up to sleep in our soon-to-be nursery, where we'd added a small daybed for extra overnight guests. We only had the two cribs, so EJ and Carlie would be bunking together for two nights, leaving one for nine-month-old Jackson. It would be a tight squeeze, but we could do it. Just before the new baby was due, we planned to move one of the cribs to the new nursery and get toddler beds for the twins. Those were two of their Christmas gifts, though I doubted they'd care.

Once everything was settled, we took off for dinner in the two minivans. With five children, a nice restaurant was out of the question, so we settled on Dewey's Pizza. It was a nice, laidback evening, full of excellent pizza. While it wasn't Bella's beloved deep dish, it wasn't St. Louis style either. I felt sorry for the workers who would have to clean up the table and floor after our party left.

Stuffed on pizza, the kids all fell asleep fairly quickly once we got home and put them to bed, leaving the grown-ups time to chat. Though she couldn't drink, Bella poured the rest of us glasses of the wine that Renee had bought.

Finally around 10pm, Alice snuck upstairs to get the few bags of gifts they'd brought with them, setting them all under our tree. They had told the girls that Santa Claus wouldn't know where to find them in St. Louis, and their gifts from Santa would be waiting at home in Chicago. Jasper's dad was going to set them out under their Christmas tree while they were gone, as a surprise for the girls when they arrive home Wednesday night.

I couldn't wait until EJ and Carlie were old enough for all of the Christmas traditions. If their behavior at their first birthday party in October was any indication, they would enjoy ripping the paper off more than the gifts themselves tomorrow morning.

* * *

At 6am, Bella and I were rudely awakened by shrieks from the bedroom down the hall. I'd forgotten what it was like to be an excited child on Christmas morning. Not long after the girls began shrieking, the baby monitor crackled with the sound of cries. Well, I guess we were all getting up.

Putting our robes on, Bella and I quickly took care of business in the bathroom before getting the twins out of the crib, joining Jasper's family downstairs. I made my very pregnant wife sit on the couch while I played Santa Claus, kneeling on the floor to retrieve and pass out gifts.

Just as I'd thought, both EJ and Carlie had a blast ripping the paper off of each package, then tossing the box aside for another one. By the time everything was unwrapped, the breakfast casserole that Bella had prepared yesterday was heated, so we all went to the kitchen to eat.

Bella and I had agreed not to get each other gifts this year, but I couldn't resist buying her something anyway. After we finished breakfast, I nodded at Renee to watch the twins and shuffled Bella upstairs so we could be alone.

"What's going on, Edward?" she asked as I closed the door behind us. I'm sure it was the silly grin on my face that tipped her off.

"I wanted to give you your gift."

"I thought we agreed no gifts," she replied, eyes narrowed.

"I know we did. But I think you'll like this," I grinned. Digging around in the drawer of my nightstand, I pulled out a small, store-wrapped box.

Bella eyed me with suspicion as she took the box from me, tearing off the paper. She rolled her eyes when she saw the jewelry store logo on the tiny box. I watched her face as she opened it, her hand immediately going to cover her mouth.

"Edward, it's beautiful," she said, pulling out the mother's ring. Two opals for our twins flanked a round amethyst in the center of the ring. The whole thing was set off by a dozen tiny diamonds.

"They, um, said I could bring it back if, you know, our daughter doesn't cooperate and shows up in January," I replied sheepishly.

Bella laughed as I took the ring from her, putting it on the ring finger of her right hand. "It's a good thing you only mentioned January — because there is no way in hell I'm letting this kid just hang out in my stomach until March." Bella smiled at me, then wrapped her arms around me and kissed me just long enough for me to get excited before pulling back.

"We, um, should probably get ready to go out," she said, sounding as reluctant as I felt.

Once everyone was showered and dressed, we drove out toward Six Flags to drive through Santa's Magical Kingdom and see all of the Christmas lights. Of course, a lot of other families had the same idea, and the line to get in was incredibly long. The delight on the children's faces made it worth it though.

* * *

Jasper and I sat with our beers watching football that afternoon while the women were working on Christmas dinner and all five children were napping, exhausted from waking up so early. "So how is Bella doing with the idea of having another child?" he asked me suddenly. "Alice mentioned that when they went shopping last year, Bella's response to us having a third kid was, 'Better you than me'."

"She's excited now, but when we first found out, I think she wanted to kill me." And never have sex with me again.

Jasper laughed. "I can imagine."

"It wasn't so much about the third child as it was another pregnancy so soon though. Carrying twins for nine months took a lot out of her.

"Bella had spent so many years trying to have a baby, and nothing ever happened until we tried IVF. We just really didn't think it ever could even happen without a little help from medical science," I explained.

"I imagine once your daughter arrives, Bella will want to make sure there are no more surprises," Jasper observed.

"Yeah… but I'm trying not to think about that. When Bella first found out she was pregnant, she said she was never having sex with me again," I chuckled, trying not to shudder. She'd held out for two very long weeks, too.

Jasper started laughing, nearly choking on his beer. "Alice said pretty much the same thing to me before Jackson was born, you know? She swore we weren't having sex unless I 'removed myself from the gene pool'," he said, complete with air quotes.

"What does that even mean?" I asked, confused.

"You know… snipped," he whispered, making the universal sign for slitting his throat.

My eyes bugged out of my head. "You mean… you got a vasectomy?"

"Yep, I had it done a few weeks before Jackson was born, so I'd be ready to go when Alice was."

"I just don't know if I could do that," I replied, shaking my head. Just the thought of cutting anywhere near my… nope, nope, nope.

Our conversation ended at that point when the football game returned from halftime. But my mind wouldn't stop. A vasectomy? Was that something I could really do?

"Hey, Jasper."

"Yeah?"

"What… um, what type of birth control did Bella use when you guys were married?" I asked, feeling very uncomfortable. I didn't even like to think about the time Bella and Jasper were married.

"She used to get the shot," he replied, "Until the last two years when we were, you know…"

"The shot?"

"It's hormones like birth control pills, except you only need to get it every three months or something, instead of remembering to take a pill every day," he explained.

"Well, that seems easy enough. She could just go back on the shot, right?" I reasoned, breathing a huge sigh of relief — there were other viable options than getting snipped.

"Yeah, she could. As far as I remember, she didn't have any problems with it at the time. Or, if she wants something permanent, women can get their tubes tied."

"Why didn't Alice do that?" I asked curiously.

"A couple reasons," Jasper began. "First, it costs up to three times as much for a tubal ligation. And the procedure is a bit worse on women than a vasectomy, which takes like 30 minutes. Alice had read something saying women were 20 times more likely than men to have serious problems. I guess one of her friends had had some complications, so she said it was my turn to suffer since she'd given birth to three children already."

"Oh… I don't think I'd want that for Bella then." I'd never ask Bella to do anything that could jeopardize her health.

A few minutes later, Renee popped into the living room to let us know that dinner would be ready in about five minutes. Jasper and I went upstairs to wake our children, wash their hands and then bring them down to the dining room table.

The women had gone out all, cooking a honey-baked ham and several side dishes. Makayla only wanted the macaroni and cheese, though Alison agreed to a small slice of ham. I cut up the ham into tiny bits for EJ and Carlie to eat with their fingers. They were getting better at eating with utensils, but I still think most of the macaroni that they tried to scoop up with their tiny plastic spoons ended up on the floor.

After our early dinner, we were able to watch the last rerun of _A Christmas Story_ before breaking out my old collection of Christmas DVDs. EJ seemed to be fascinated by Rudolph, while Carlie preferred Frosty the Snowman. Alison and Makayla were both big fans of Charlie Brown. I had to admit — Charlie has been my favorite as a child.

I lay in bed that night still wide awake after midnight, unable to shut my mind off. Renee would be here until the weekend, but then I really needed to talk to Bella about what we would do for birth control once our daughter arrived — assuming she didn't want to take any more chances at getting pregnant for a third time. I was hoping to convince her to go back on the shot, as that seemed like the best option. I couldn't imagine asking Bella to have potentially dangerous surgery, but on the other hand, the thought of getting a vasectomy… I shuddered just thinking about it.

* * *

It was the last night before my surgery. I sat on the bed naked, waiting for Bella to finish up in the bathroom. There was no way I was letting some random nurse shave me in preparation for the surgery. No other woman had ever touched me there, and I wasn't about to let that happen now. I'd… you know, manscaped a bit, but never actually shaved any of my pubic hair, so Bella had agreed to help me out. She didn't want a random nurse touching me either.

Bella came out of the bathroom wearing a short red pajama set, her legs bare. She was carrying her pink plastic razor and a can of shaving cream. I gulped loudly, lying back on the bed. As she got closer, I noticed three tiny, round bandages on Bella's legs — had those been there this morning?

"What are those?" I asked, nodding toward her legs.

"Oh, it's nothing," she replied nonchalantly. "I just cut myself shaving."

In a flash I was up off the bed and across the room, holding my hands in front of my cock. "You're not coming near me with that razor," I yelled. My brow furrowed as Bella started laughing — hard. "What so funny?" I asked petulantly.

"You," she managed to squeak out in between her laughs. "You fell for it!"

"What? You mean… you didn't cut yourself?"

Shaking her head, Bella began peeling the bandages off, one by one, revealing her perfect creamy skin below — no cuts at all.

"You tricked me?"

"Yep," she replied with a nod. "Damn, you're easy. I promise to make it up to you though."

"How?" I asked. I had to admit, I was liking the sound of that.

"When I'm finished, you can have a blowjob." She raised an eyebrow, waiting for my reply. Damn it, Bella totally knew my weakness for blowjobs.

I nodded, returning to the bed and taking a deep breath. I jumped when the cool shaving cream hit my groin. I was torn between closing my eyes so I didn't have to witness this indignity and keeping an eye on Bella to make sure she didn't cut anything vital. In the end, closing my eyes won out.

And once Bella washed the shaving cream off with warm water, she took me in her mouth.

"God, Bella, that's so good," I moaned as her tongue circled the head of my cock. The only thing better than Bella's mouth wrapped around me was Bella's pussy wrapped around me.

I tried to hold back and prolong it, but her mouth and tongue were driving me wild. "Oh God," I screamed as I came. When I opened my eyes, Bella was lying on her side next to me, with a shit-eating grin on her face. And she was wearing a light blue nightshirt over her bulging stomach. Huh?

"Merry Christmas, Edward," she said softly, stroking my thigh.

I sat up slowly, looking around the room, the early morning sun just beginning to come through the windows. I was wearing an old gray t-shirt, my underwear pulled down to my knees. I looked down at my softening cock and saw… hair?

"It was just a dream," I mumbled.

"What was, sweetheart?"

"I…" I was suddenly far too embarrassed to tell her what I'd been dreaming about. She didn't even know I'd been thinking about birth control options.

"Nothing… never mind. I can't remember it." I was sure my cheeks were tinged with pink.

Bella looked at me curiously before sitting up, kissing me quickly and dashing off to the bathroom.

I joined Bella for a quick shower, then went to get the twins up while she got dressed. Both of them were awake in their crib when I reached them. One at a time, I changed their diapers, dressing them in some of the new clothes they'd received for Christmas yesterday.

While both EJ and Carlie had started walking shortly before Bella's birthday in September, I was still nervous to let them tackle the stairs by themselves. Carrying one in each arm, I headed downstairs to where Alice was already mixing up the batter for a large batch of waffles.

"Good morning," I greeted everyone. "Bella will be down in a minute." Renee took EJ from me, settling him in his high chair while I did the same with Carlie. It really did take two sets of arms to handle the two of them. I got some juice out of the fridge, pouring it into their sippy cups so they had something to entertain themselves with before breakfast was ready.

When the first waffle was done, Alice carefully cut it into quarters, placing a piece on a plastic plate for each of the four children. At five years old, Alison could handle cutting it up for herself. Jasper cut three-year-old Makayla's waffle into small chunks while I did the same for the twins. He then cut up a banana for the two girls before attempting to feed Jackson his jar of pureed baby food. Alison whined that she wanted more waffle, but her dad insisted she had to finish all of the fruit first.

Alice gave the next waffle to Renee shortly before Bella joined us, kissing me chastely. "Do you need any help, Alice?" Bella asked.

"Nope, I got it, thanks," she smiled.

Once we all had some food, I nearly teared up as I looked around the table at my family. A few years ago, I never would've imagined spending time like this with my brother and his family. It was really, really nice though, and I was incredibly grateful to Jasper for leaving the past in the past and starting over. I knew they were still young, but in a few years, it would mean a lot for all five kids — soon to be all six — to spend time with their cousins.

After breakfast, I helped Jasper and Alice carry everything to the car, waving to them as they set out on the six-hour drive back to Chicago. And so we were down to five.

* * *

Renee left on Saturday and the house was quiet again — well, quieter. I got the feeling that things wouldn't be completely quiet for the next 18 years.

It took me the entire day to get up the nerve to broach the subject of birth control with Bella. I finally did it once we were getting ready for bed that evening.

"Um, Bella?" I started nervously.

"What is it?" Shit, she looked concerned.

"It's nothing bad," I assured her. "It's just… I've been thinking about what happens once our daughter is born. You're not planning to stick to your threat of no sex, are you?"

"How long do you seriously think I could resist you, Edward Cullen?" Bella replied with a grin.

"Well, you held out for two weeks when you found out you were pregnant," I replied, cringing at the idea of reminding her of that.

Bella only laughed though. "I do mean it about no more unprotected sex though, Edward."

"Um, yeah, so, about that… Did you have any ideas?"

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart — I don't want to use condoms any more than you do."

I think my eyebrows rose all the way to my hairline. "C—condoms?" I gulped. The idea of _that_ had never even occurred to me. I couldn't imagine not being able to feel _all_ of Bella when we made love.

"It's ok, Edward," she chuckled. "I said I don't want to use them either."

"So what were you thinking about then?" _Thank God, Thank God, Thank God._

"Well, I know you weren't able to make it to my last appointment. I talked to my OB/GYN about getting my tubes tied right after I give birth."

"But isn't that dangerous?" I asked, trying not to freak out. I pulled Bella to sit on the bed next to me.

"No, Edward," she replied, rolling her eyes. "The chances of complications are really pretty low."

"But… what about birth control pills? Or the shot?"

Bella shook her head. "I did the shot before, but I don't think I want to do that again. I'd really rather not put hormones into my body now that I'm over 35. And besides, one of the long-term risks of the shot is possible bone loss. My mom was diagnosed last year with an early stage of osteoporosis, so I really don't want to do anything that could contribute to bone loss if it's already in my genes."

I swallowed three times before attempting to speak. "I could… I could get a vasectomy."

"Out of the question," Bella replied immediately.

"What? Why?" I asked, surprised.

"Because you just turned 25 — you're too young for something permanent."

I wrinkled my nose. "What difference does it make, if we're done having children?"

"_I_ am done having children," Bella replied gently.

"And I'm married to you, so that means I am too." I totally didn't understand her logic.

"But what if one day you're not?" she asked quietly.

"Bella, I will never, ever love another woman. I'm not going to have some kind of midlife crisis and trade you in for a younger woman when I hit 40." I rolled my eyes — _now_ who was being ridiculous?

"Wait," I added suddenly, "You aren't… you aren't planning to leave me one day, are you?" I held my breath waiting for Bella to respond.

"No, sweetheart," she replied, stroking my face, "Of course I'm not planning on that. But I know that things do happen… people grow apart. I'm not expecting it, of course, but it could happen."

"And," she continued after taking a deep breath, "I'm 11 years older than you. Yes, women live longer than men on average, but… I could die first."

"Sure, when I'm 80," I replied emphatically. "I don't plan on you going anywhere for a long, long time. And if the worst does happen… I'm certainly not going to marry a woman young enough to still be having children."

"This is so backwards," Bella laughed. "It's so weird for the woman to be talking the man _out_ of having a vasectomy."

"Look, Bella, the one thing we agree on is I don't want you to do anything to jeopardize your health. Of course I'm terrified of the idea of a… vasectomy—" I could hardly say the word — "But I'd rather have a simple outpatient procedure than allow you to have some kind of major surgery."

"It's really not that major, Edward. And it's very common for women to choose a tubal ligation right after giving birth."

"Won't it leave a scar?" I asked. "Did you forget how much you freak out over your stretch marks?"

"It's a small scar, much smaller than from a C-section or something. Edward, I'll be fine, I promise. If I do it right away after giving birth, I won't leave the hospital any later than I would without having the procedure. Yes, I'll have to take it easy for a few days, but Mom is planning to visit again. And as soon as I'm cleared to have sex again, I'll be ready to go with no worries about another surprise pregnancy."

"Isn't there anything I can do to change your mind?" I asked with a hopeful grin.

"Edward Cullen, are you trying to bribe me with sexual favors?"

"Maaaaaybe."

"That only works with you," she replied, laughing as I pouted.

"What if I threaten to stop going down on you or something?"

"You wouldn't."

Damn it, she had me there. I loved making Bella scream.

"I'll be fine, Edward," she insisted, stroking my face softly. "In less than two months, our family will be complete, with no chance of any more surprises. It's not that I don't already love our daughter, but I'm not getting any younger. It's going to be challenging enough with three children under the age of two. Adding another child to the mix would be so unfair to everyone, and I'm afraid that our relationship might suffer. Not to mention the fact that the probability of problems increases the older I get. I don't want to roll the dice one more time and face a potentially difficult decision."

"So your mind is made up."

"My mind is made up," she nodded.

"It's just… I love you so much…"

"I know, sweetheart. I love you, too. I wouldn't ask you to do anything dangerous either, but this is a common procedure. Don't worry so much or you'll be gray before you're 26."

"On second thought," she added, "Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

I so wanted to pounce on my wife and tackle her to the bed, but I had to settle for kissing her senseless, before lying down and letting her straddle me. Not that I didn't like Bella on top… I pretty much liked Bella every which way. But I was counting down the days until I could be closer to her again.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed the first future take! There will be more, when I get more ideas.

Let me know your thoughts on Bella's decision. Do you think it's the right one?

Edward's dream is a true story that happened to a friend of mine. :)

In case you don't have me on Author Alert, my newest multi-chapter story entitled "Reason For Living," started posting on February 4. Updates will be every Monday morning while the chapters are longer, then moving to twice a week when they get shorter.


End file.
